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Today's Featured Article Today's featured article – Woolly mammoth The Woolly mammoth (a species of the genus Mammuthus) was a large shaggy beast that is a bit woollier than the Not-so-woolly Mammoth, and much woollier than the less common, Bald Mammoth, otherwise known as African and Indian elephants. These large mammals were known, from stamp indentations on their passports, to have lived all over the northern most parts of the world, rarely leaving their home territory; however they were thought to migrate south, at least once a year, for Mardi Gras. Further evidence suggests that they preferred to travel in small caravans, two to each mid-sized sedan in order to expedite their migration via the carpool lane. (more...) Recently featured: Kalamazoo Kalamazoo, Michigan Kristi Noem Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Kalamazoo Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps. (more...) Did you know... ...Evolution is a lie ...abortion is murder ...That Wikipedia has a Liberal Bias ...non-Christians are going to spend an entrinty in hell? ...God will send gays to hell? ...There was a connection between 9/11 and Iraq	In the news I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote (pictured) Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Sunak soaked for General Election announcement Ferrell sues owner of look-alike dog Alfa Romeos to get even uglier Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace On this day... December 12: Unfunny Joke Day (US), Wooly Animal Molestation Day (Wales) 1863 - Pickle loaf first made with dill dough. 1806 - Napoleon keeps his armies up his sleevies – a French word for chocolates. 1862 - Three baby seals walk into a club. 1900 - A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, not learning the lesson of baby seals 38 years before. 1929 - As a year, is really long and hard. That's what she said. 1933 - Hitler ties his shoes with little Nazis. 1945 - Joshua Ben Cohen discovers that finding half a worm in an apple is actually preferable to being a prisoner in Auschwitz. 1957 - Farmer Frank Peters in Kentuckistan leaves his gate open long enough for one of his chickens to cross the road. 1964 - Researchers for the American Horror Book Readers Organization discover that many "ghost writers" are employed to write tales that involve ghosts. There is much laughter all round at the irony of this fact. 1965 - A boy takes a ruler with him to bed to see how long he slept. When he awakes, Leonid Breznev, the General secretary of the Soviet Communist Party, hits his stopwatch and informs him that he slept for 9 hours and 35 minutes. He also tells the boy that there are easier ways of finding out these facts and to please not call him again. 1966 - Not learning his lesson, the boy takes a saddle to bed, in case he has nightmares. He is sent to a gulag. 1986 - So this guy comes into a bar, AW CRAP, sorry I said that wrong, it was suppose to be a donkey. So this guy comes into a donkey... 1987 - 3 men walk into a bar, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole joke plays out with a tedious inevitability. 2003 - A man has the left side of his body amputated. He's all right now. 2005 - Uncyclopedia is created by marmosets on LSD.
Today's featured picture [vote] Sickophant.png Sickophant.png - 12 sickophants ( 12 / 0 ) A sickophant in its natural habitat. Image credit: Lyrithya
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Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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