Sexual harassment
Sexual harassment is harassment or unwelcome attention of a sexual nature. It includes a range of behavior from mild transgressions and annoyances to serious abuses which can even involve forced sexual activity -- but honestly, why don't we relax a little bit? Jiggle for me, baby. Yeah. Yeah, that's great.
Statistics
80 percent of men are drawn to your tits, but I'm an ass man, and honest to God, I think Michelangelo sculpted your rear end. 90 percent of me wants to lie down on that back porch right here, right now. Man, if these walls weren't glass, I'd have to chain myself to the desk. Oh, come on. Don't get so uptight, honey. My bark's a lot worse than my bite. But don't take my word for it. If you catch my drift.
Range of patterns and behaviors
So we were at Torchman's the other night -- me, Bill, Sean and Steve from sales. Well, lo and behold, some of those sluts from the fifth floor come in and unfold those loooong legs at the table next to ours. Betty and Janine both had fuck-me shirts on, and I figured it was time to start my oil-drilling in the state of Betty -- are you getting all this down, Kate? Good. I always tell this story to the skinterns. Anyway, I slap Bill on the shoulder, tell him he's my wingman, and we get up and walk over to Betty and Janine, whose clothes are basically off at this point. Long story short, Bill chats up Janine and I make up a bullshit story for Betty about how I've started to rethink my life, how I'm getting lonely etc., etc. Betty, being the dumb ho she is, eats it up, we go back to my place and dismount maybe six hours later. Goddamn, no wonder she's a supervisor -- not much up there, but she's money in the sack. That's a career tip, Kate.
Hostile environment
Look, we've got a loose, joking office. The humor gets a little ribald, but the chicks like it as much as the dicks. Samantha Canty is boning or wants to bone all the guys here, and we're all cool with it. She signs letters with the "No Panties Canty" nickname, so loosen two or three buttons and unwind. After I finish this shoulder-rub, I'll forward you a hilarious e-mail Sean sent me this morning: This Asian porn star sticks a -- well, I won't ruin it for you. But it's fucking great.
Here's what I look like naked
I can break walnuts with my abs right now. And I've been deadlifting about 350 pounds in the gym -- I can move in ways I couldn't when I was 20. I just figured it was time to get a body that matched my package. That's what you girls like, right? Oh, stop. You're ready to rip your shirt off whenever Alan walks through. Don't deny it. You'd leave the door open for him if you had the chance. It's how we all think; we're just sexual beings, you know? Nothing dirty about it.
This next photo shows me masturbating into a bottle of mouthwash.
Retaliation and backlash
Whoa, don't get all crazy! OK, you're new here, so maybe you misunderstood. No need to bring the lawyers into this. We're guys. We think with our penises -- it's just the way of nature, OK? And frankly, we've got a lot of attractive women here. I could treat you like Linda the Hutt at the reception desk, but you ladies like all the attention and flirting, what with your gossip and that short black number you're wearing. You misinterpreted what happened in the Xerox room. It's got a mind of its own. If it rises to attention, consider it a salute.
 Featured Article (read another featured article)
|
Featured version: 14 June 2011 |
| This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. | |