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Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

I

I

"I" refers to the reflections of light waves in the mirror following the principals of quantum physics.

I-

A prefix for all items spawned by Apple. Includes I-pods, I-macs, I-rons, I-rans and carrots.

Iconoclast

• 1. Someone who smashes up their television when American Idol is shown.
• 2. A linux snob who wipes away your desktop and replaces it with a command line screen.

Icthyopathy

Icthyopathy is the power to communicate (via some psychic or magical means) with Icthyologists, and or the fish that they study. Interestingly, this also frequently includes the power to speak the language of the Mythical Pixies of Shining Glen, provided you have taken enough LSD to see them.

Icecremicise

To think about or dream about 1) New flavours of ice-cream or 2) Eating ice-cream.

Iceland

Tropical peninsula of Maine known for its large Ben and Jerry's factory. Originally home to the Village people - later featured in the blogbuster hit Planet of the Apes. People from Iceland wear hats with large horns, grunt a lot and should not be taken very seriously.

Chain of shops in the UK marketed at people scrounging off the state to buy MRM based food products to assist them in achieving their obesity goal, advertised by iconic celebrities (usually famed for procreating and being arrested for drug related incidents) marketed at previous said demographic who frequent 'daytime TV' for the bodily challenged viewer.

Iconoclast

A fossilized computer analyst who prefers the beauty of code lines rather than crappy little pictures that are supposed to represent something. HA !

Id

• 1.A member of an unfunny comedy trio - Id, Ego and Super-Ego. Part of Sigmund Freud's Freaky Touring Circus .
• 2. A city in New York State twinned with Oz.

Identical

1. Pertaining to teeth

Identity

Teeth marks on a breast.

Ideology

Ideology is a difficult word.

The word was allegedly invented by a French leftist professor in the 18th century, and it was taken over later on by Karl Marx. It means " a set of beliefs and values you adhere to" (mostly because of your socio-economic position).

The only goal when using the term is to mystify English Labour voters. Because one day, politicians and academics believe, Labour voters will agree to the fact that they are not intelligent enough to understand why the hell they want to buy a TV.

Idiosyncrasy

Motive for murder; something annoying or queer that someone does which makes you want to kill them.

Idiology

The study of idiots.

I-diot

Morons who do not know how to use email properly. Forwarding spam, opening strange attachments in Outlook, and in general doing everything that is completely stupid that anyone with any net savvy would avoid doing.

anybody reading this right now, actually, for anyone who frequents this website

Idiot

Any person who has ever said "It's peanut butter jelly time".

Anybody reading this right now, actually, for anyone who frequents this website

Idiotphile

A lover of idiots and their ways. Not to be confused with an Idiotphobe who will want them dead.

Idolize

To obsess over the questionable singing talent of amateur performers for six months out of the year. (See American Idol)

I don't give a flying fuck!

A declarative statement that conveys the speaker's inability or unwillingness to partake in sexual intercourse on an aircraft

i-Eye

An Apple product that is made to stream music directly into your eyeball.

If

A simple word used exclusively by sports fans, in relation to their team's fortunes, and what might have been. Usually used after a defeat. Also can be used with the extended whine 'If Only We Hadn't Bought....' etc etc.

Ig

An Eskimo's dwelling without a rest room.

"I gotta take a dump"

At Koshkonong High school.December 7, 2007. Bradd Brotherton got onto the school intercom and announced "I GOTTA TAKE A DUMP". The whole school (including the elementry) heard this announcment. He was charged with three days of full ISS(In school suspension)

IKEA

An ancient medieval system of torture containing five parts.

1. A maze where whatever you need is always hidden behind large, slow-moving groups of families
2. You have to name household objects in a tongue unknown to man
3. A line in the USA or a queue in Britain that lengthens as you get closer to the end
4. You are then given a random set of pieces of wood that fail to fit together in a recognisable pattern
5. A help line that is charged at high rate where you are put on hold with the message "Your call is important to us"

Most victims of this torture never see their loved-ones again.

Illegal

adj "I'lee gal`"

AVG says: Your God is illegal.

1. The quality of an activity or action that makes it exceedingly entertaining to oneself and others;

1. A condition that exists for a given activity only when that activity is observed (for example, "Jonathan cannot see me having sexual relations with his children, therefore it is not illegal.")
2. A nickname for super cool fun.
3. A sick bird.
4. A Latino.

Illuminati

1. A secret society of sick bright sadists.
2. Italian light bulb

Illusion

“Dazed and confused, I'm living a life of illusion, confusion.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Life and the Cosmos

         (__)                     
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    ^^    ^^

Now you see a cow..

Now you don't. MOO-HA-HA!

IMHO

IMHo' is cyberweb shorthand for "In My Ho", used in online conversations. It is sometimes used to explain a short absence from the computer, as in: "Please excuse me, I am with a prostitute presently". This is not to be confused with IMO.

In Situ

Latin for You're in the shit sunbeam.

Indenture

To cause someone to need false teeth.

Infidel

Another word for non-Muslim.

A pre-pubescent Dell laptop.

In Flagrante Delicto

Latin for 'You Lazy shit. I told you to lock the door first.'

INRI

• acronym found on the crucifix of Jesus Christ, which stands for I'm Nailed Right In.

Insane

1. Your current mental state.
2. A river running through Paris, named after INRIFrance's main culture.
3. It's crazy out there guys, stay insane!

Insomnia

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... huh? The one where you sleep badly...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Institutional teal

Technicolor teal (L) and institutional teal (R)

This color was once chosen as an accent color by interior designers of mental hospitals, psychiatric wards, and some prisons in the United States in the middle of the 20th century for what was thought to be its soothing effects on the minds of distraught insane and criminal folk about to be locked up there behind a big red door (often colored a less soothing and more correctional if not festive institutional red). Institutional teal concealed dirt well, and nobody seemed to object to its mind-sapping blandness. Eventually this color went the way of electroconvulsive therapy and Nurse Ratched as more modern interior designers realized that this shade of teal was more evocative of despair than it was soothing.

Immoral

Enjoyable, as in "Everything pleasant is either illegal, immoral or fattening."

Impeach Algorithm

The Impeach algorithm ensures the fair allocation of imps to members of a group. In the trivial case, n imps are to be distributed amongst n people; thus, they get an imp each.

Inbox

A little place where spam lives, stuck in the cracks between the boss's letters, and your random Internet news letters. An 'inbox' is a breeding ground for the species of spam called 'pr0n'. pr0n is any kind of Viagra and supplement spam that is made by a geeky kid in high school.

Inbox is also a term for a cardboard box that is currently in fashion. It is much more popular than the 'so last summer' box. Many people have got into trouble over the years for putting things into their in-box that really shouldn't be there, like over-sized cucumbers, watermelons and office swivel chairs.

Incantation

Fungus or mould that grows on the inside of a tin

Incapable

see discapable or uncapable

Incapacity benefit

The special power or powers resulting from lack of presence or function of the limbs. The portions of the brain usually used to control the limbs are instead redeployed as tools of mind control, extra-sensory perception and telekinesis.

Incest

1. Best. Sex. Ever.
2. ^This persons from Nannup
3. ^This persons from Tasmania.
4. A game the whole family can play.

What a French prostitute says to an English client for confirmation of commencement.

Inconsistent

1. Displaying a lack of consistency

• Not capable of being made consistent or harmonious

3. Not in agreement or otherwise discrepant

Incontinent

1. Somewhere to go for your holidays
2. Long range missile

Indecisive

Despite many long international, bipartisan, and bisexual conferences, the meaning of this term has yet to be decided upon.

Indentical

Computing term, often used for comparisons of different sections of code. Two sections of code are considered to be indentical if they have exactly the same indentation. What the code actually does is not important.

Inebriate

A state of happy being. Ebriate is fantasy world for drunks where everyone else laughs at the sober sods.

Ineveriate

The act of expunging the nonsense out of an abbreviation, by completely abstracting it to what it would say if you were very awake and trying to say it very slowly, and expanding as many of the l33tsp3@k sounds as possible.

Examples:

1. Very Much Very Right. -> VMVR

is 'vee mover', which is much like a remover, and also much like saying 'we are the movers'.

2. Ultimately Looking Upwards With A Smile -> ULUWAS

is 'you lu was', which i'll leave as an excercise for the class.

Inert

Opposite of Ert

Infact

Infact is the dinner from two nights ago that was left untouched due to the Soul being kept from you and your putrid kind.

Infamy

Infamy is a small town near the coast in the state of Confusion. It is unknown for the most part by people who have not stumbled across it when attempting to find the closest Fred Meyers. Infamy is most well known for being a place to which bad things are banished. One such example is December Seventh, 1941. Due to the poor sales records of all the souvenir shops in Pearl Harbor that day, it was proclaimed to be a day that would live in Infamy, and thus forgotten, so that no one would have to write it down in their tax records.

Infant

Anything that is fun to abandon in a dumpster on the south side. Usually punted into said dumpster.

Inferior

Inferior was long believed to be the exact opposite to superior, until a nit-picking grammar-geek declared that inferior was the exact opposite to outferior. A worldwide contest was announced 2004 in order to decide what outferior means. Due to some problems with the Grammoborg who will act as judge the winner is however yet to be declared. Inferior's relationship with ferior is unknown.

Infinite Loop

See Unending Loop

Inflection

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Inform

Gleefully mislead, often used for workplace and governmental communication. e.g. The president informed the people of his intentions regarding the war on terror.

Informatics

Derived from the word automatic which of course means the act in which a vehicle loses control and flies off a cliff killing the driver and passenger instantly. Even before they hit the ground. This phenomenon was first discovered by Albert Einstein and Michael Jackson when they were vacationing in Ethiopia for business.

Information

An orderly arrangement.

Ingratiate

From the latin "Ingruver", or to pose, to ingratiate is to be a total wannabe and act all cool to be accepted. For example, a middle schooler might ingratiate himself into the cool kids by talking about Family Guy, but unfortunately this never works.

Ink

Stuff you put in a printer (unless it's a laser printer, dur). All ink is obtained from sqeezing freshly-peeled octopus and comes in red, green, blue or black, depending on the species. The ink from just one of these fascinating creatures will be enough to print four billion pages of text or nine photo-quality prints. Squid ink is inferior and only comes in black. Its main use is for printing tabloid newspapers and the menus in very cheap cafes.

Inlaid

A quick shag at the local inn.

Innocent

Innocent, derived from "in one cent", describes something really cheap. The objective of war is to kill as many innocent bystanders as possible. 12 extra points for women and children. 10 points for that man on a bicycle. For bonus points, multiply the base points by the number of yards they fly.

Innovation

Innovation - Verb. The state of being in Novation, a small country in southern modern day slovakia. As used in a sentence: "We were innovation for our Festivus break from school."

Insanitarianism

Insanitarianism- noun. A religion devoted to the Demon Prince of Madness, Sheogeroth. Rites include the "Trial of The Smiley and Frowney Faces," "The Feast of a Billion Orangutangs," and "the Festival of Madness." This church is devoted to driving the world insane.

Insatiated

The state of being completely, totally and usually sickly, in love with someone. Often used by teenagers in the same sentence as eternity. ie: I am insatiated with her and will be for eternity. See Eternity.

Inspector Gadget

A nickname for MacGyver from the time he was member of the police force.

Inspector String With Two Plastic Cups Attached

A mythical inspector in the British police force with an unusual line in solving crimes. He imprisons a lot of little old ladies with nothing to do but harrass him for not catching the Acid Test Tube Baby Mangler.

Inspemnible

Noun. Someone who is really a bit stupid and crap, and has a crap superhero name, e.g. "Dictionary Girl", or "Illiterate Boy". Not like Grammar Boy, now there's a fine figure of a fellow...

Instance

A fashionable method of standing.

Intellectual=

1. Any American who knows what an intellectual is.
2. One who deems hypertrophy of the mind just compensation for constipation of the soul.

Intercourse

(En-ter-Cors) n. Meaning to engage in polite dinner conversation with the opposite (or in Oscar Wilde's case, same) gender, with the intention of wasting enough time as to intoxicate them so they will be more willing to engage in sexual activity

Interesting

Undictionary

Intergalactic booze hall

Intergalactic booze halls are carefully placed locations around the Milky Way galaxy where any sort of traveller can quench his thirst with drinks such as human urine, ox testicles, antifreeze,The Pan-Galactic Garrgleblaster the effects of which a simialar to being hit in the head with a lemon wraped around a large gold brick, and (of course) the acquired taste of marklar.

The first such tavern was founded in the year 578 BC by Zaphod Beeblebrox. It was called Milliways, and is more commonly known as the "Restaurant at the End of the Universe".

More recently, it was in an intergalactic booze hall that the last survivor from planet Earth, King Biffo II, died in a tragic and stupid manner.

International Apathy Day

International Apathy Day was created... oh whatever, I don't care.

Internets

"Internets" were once free roaming creatures with the magical ability to conect electronic devices. One day a man named Billiam gates captured one of these "Internets" and foced it to connect millions of electronic machines called "Pee-Cees". Unfortunatly these "Internets" could only focus their power through telephone cable, and by doing so they would cut off the ability to use the phone. However one day Billiam, along with a few other people discovered that the "Internets" had been using only a small amount of their power and that they didn't have to use telophone cable. So after much torture, Anal Rape and floggings the "Internets" Complied and made DSL Available and allowed people to "surf" through them and onto "web pages".

Interstate Biddness Monkeysheens

Invented the BBS, the Selectric and Web-page frames. Founded by the Bunker-Selectric family.

International Pancake Day

"International Pancake Day" is a holiday to honour and worship pancakes and their holiness, as well as The Pancake Man. The holiday was created in 1997, and is celebrated yearly on September 24. On this day the pancakes also start their migration south for the winter. To celebrate, people usually eat pancakes, and rob banks in the honour of pancakes. Pancake Day is celebrated in 82 countries worldwide.

International miscreant

A cologne surreptitiously produced and distributed by Mennen and preferred by members of intercontinental crime syndicates and terrorist networks. It's scent has been described as "lurid" and "rapscallious", and is said to resemble the avuncular musk of U.S. Envoy to the U.N. nominee John Bolton. Recently, it has gained notoriety amongst entertainment industry "journalists" who have detected the unusual aroma at numerous parties hosted by the insular celebrity elite, whom they so envy and despise.

Internet

See rubbish bin or trashcan. The Internet is used by kind permission of Google.

Like a porn store, but without having to be seen entering or leaving it.

The museum of the present.

A TOOL USED BY POOR SAD INTROVERTS TO ABUSE ONE ANOTHER, BUNCH OF WANKERS!!!

Internot

The Communist version of the Internet.

Interred

Buried in excrement.

Interruption

When you are cut off in the middle of something that isn't in any way related to-

Interstate 80

The best thing to come out of Iowa.

Inuit

The INUIT, or the International Nameless Union of Intelligent Tuna, is a global coalition of sentient fish whose goals include world domination, and getting a Starbucks open at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. While generally peaceful, the largest school or "clan" of the INUIT, known as the Michael Moore Fan Club, has been known to kidnap dolphins to keep on a leash, hoping to inspire guilt and win their freedom when swept up into a seine net. They have no connection to the Innuit, an aboriginal tribe of Brett Favre Bean farmers in the Pacific Southeast.

Ion

Scientific term for an Iron, e.g. what you iron your shirt with. (Scientific language was invented to confuse regular people and make everybody think we need scientists). In science fiction the ion cannon is a deadly weapon which disables all ships this is because all the men on board thought they had left ironing behind when they entered space. This causes mass panic and a total break down in the chain of command. Plus irons really do hurt have you ever dropped one no your foot?

iPod

An expensive piece of jewelery worn primarily to show the the owner of said device is "down", "hip", or just wants to be mugged.

iPod, youPod, weallPod for iPod!

iPod Nando

A) A peri-peri spiced chicken flavoured iPod. Hmmm peri-peri. B) A musical box, property of Fernando. The name is Fer-Nando. Fernando Calrissian. Yes, he IS a Wookie.

iPod Shuffle

An inherently malevolent robot with an innate ability to search through an entire music library and play the exact song you really can't be arsed to listen to.

IRA

A branch of the IRS that were set up in Ireland to upset the English with explosive tax demands.

Irate

An adjective meaning to be angry or upset. Derived from the Spanish word group, Irater, irate, irata, meaning to be married.

Irish-Blackanadian

One of Irish, African, and Canadian descent. Irish-Blackanadians are deeply troubled folk, as their heritage offers them the conflicting traits of shortness, tallness, angriness, passiveness, and fake-Frenchitude. Irish-Blackanadians are devout Catholics, but as per their cultural traditions they are baptized in alcohol rather than holy water (the way they see it, one is synonymous with the other). Famous Irish-Blackanadians include Dr. Phil and Junichiro Koizumi.

Irish Premier League

A secret society made up entirely of former Irish kings, Prime Ministers and presidents. Its sole aim is to promote the myth that Guinness is a beer, and that it always tastes better in Dublin.

Irish Roulette

Predecessor of Russian Roulette dating back to 1630 in which participants used single shot flintlock pistols.

Irk

A verb used to describe how much the character Erkel annoys you.

Iron Chef

A mechanical chef made of iron from Japan. Manufactured by Useless Crap Inc. the Iron Chef was invented as a time saving device. It is programmed to make dishes you normally wouldn't pay 10 cents for. The Cult group Fark owns 45 Iron Chefs that are used to prepare the 12 pound hams that are consumed in one sitting by new members.

Irony

The strange taste of certain metals when placed on your tongue.

Ironicalise

The application of Irony to something.

To make something taste of metal.

Irrelevant

1This whole fucking website

2yes, completely agree. wtf is this? and who would waste their time on it? im amazed i came across it. irrevelant, and damned ridiculous

Irreligious

1. (adj.) Specifically and overtly anti-religious in manor. eg: Pope Benedict's opinion of Protestantism is irreligious in nature.

2. (adj.) Religious and irrelevant. eg: The Bible is irreligious

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

1. Condition describing the irritability of ones bowels. Can often be induced by prolonged ingestion of samurai swords. Prolonged exposure to Chuck Norris (See Chuck Norris) has also been known to spontaneously cause this condition.

Is

The meaning of "is" was removed from the dictionary following the landmark impeachment case of former moral leader and father of abstinence Bill Clinton (The 69th president of the United States of America and governor* of the 22nd state Canada). Bill Clinton brilliantly and successfully challenged the use of the word "is" in court of law and proved that it could never be used as evidence within the US judicial system without severe criminal penalties.

*Much like a governator, but accenting the steroids and foreign accent.

ISBIUA

A backcronyn that originally stood for nothing. However, it now means I'm Smart Because I Use Acronyms. The known GNISBIUSAAs that implement ISBIUAs are C , WYSIWYG, and TTHTMAFPCW. (If you didn't know already, GNISBIUAA is a recursive acronyn which stands for "GNISBIUAA is Not an 'I'm Smart Because I Use Acronyms' Acronym.")

Isengard

• 1. Where the hobbits are being taken.
• 2. Aftershave for Orcs.

Islington

A dangerous suburbian place in Australia. The world's most Prostitute populated area. You are likely to get mugged and assualted here.

IT

Look, it's cousin "IT"

IT stands for Ignorant Talk, formally known as Data Processing. It was found that many computer workers were ignorant and liked to talk a lot, so it was changed in 1989 to Ignorant Talk. IT jobs are usually given to people called IT workers, because nobody else wants to work those jobs.

UPDATE! Apple computers has just announced that there will be a new certification for Macintosh technicians call the "mac"matician certification. This will provide new jobs for the millions of IT workers that are currently unemployed. This certification will cost $48,354 for U.S. citizens and will be offered at no cost to those residing in India and Panama. Apple is proud of the new certification as it teaches people fundamental terminology to throw out there in order to confuse their enemies. "mac"maticians will be a potent foe to deal with. Not only will they be well versed in MacOs they will also be well aware of the latest fashion trends in San Fransico. These new IT workers will be a whole new breed of ButtJunkies.

Itchy Fanny

Early Japanese model of motorcycle

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-dot Bikini

Advances in scanning electron microscopy have allowed us to once and for all see inside the atom to the particles within. New Scientist Magazine reported this month that quarks have been found to be composed each of three Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Yellow Polka-dot Bikinis of varying colours. Each IBTWYPDB (pronounced 'ibby twip duh buh') can be coloured in up to two different shades of colour. Sadly, due to the small size of the transmitting particle, these colours are invisible to the human eye.