h

Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

H

H

Pronounced 'aitch', by anyone with a proper education and a reasonable grasp of the English Language. Pronounced 'Haitch', by pond scum.

Hai

What you say if someone in Japan asks if you can speak English. If the answer is "Iie", meaning "no"... how are you reading this?

Haircut

(v.) - when your hair actively attempts to murder you with a pair of scissors in response to the blatant disregard humans generally have towards it. Unless you have cancer.

Hairy brain

• Hairy brain,n-noun (not n-adjective)

A hairy brain is a part of the male anatomy that controls most of a man's thoughts.

• Hairy brain,n-adjectives

A hairy brain is also known as testicles.

Haken Labor

A slave class in Japan.

Hamboning

Actors required to play gay for film roles. Still very rare in Hollywood compared to Thesbians. American actors refusal to strip for gay roles has allowed Brits, Aussies and others to get the gay roles (vis-a-vis Heath Ledger, Antonio Banderas etc).

Hao

The diet of the elusive Hao.

A critically endangered human-ish creature that is prized by poachers for its long, silky, shiny hair. It may look like a human, but can digest grass. No, seriously, it can. Alas, there is only 1 alive today. The Hao is basically a mini-Hitler, and has the incredible ability to fly and burninate shit.

Hard Gay

Chinese Gay Superhero of F3

Hard On

This is what male Admins get when they badmouth new users, block new and old users.

Hardwood Floor Bombing

Developed as a strategic weapon by Oscar Wilde in 1066, it was later used by Americans to translate Japanese Anime cartoons into Esperanto. During extensive testing in Vietnam, wood floors were found to make a bigger mess than carpets, with the added deterent of splinters. After the Vietnamese kicked the round-eyed devil's ass, secret operations to destroy Viet Cong tunnel systems were carried out by the CIA.

HATCH

1. What eggs do when happy hens sit on them (See CROSSHATCH)
2. An opening or apperture
3. Down the .. a common synonym for getting pissed (See TROLLIED)

HATCHING

1. The activity that eggs undertake
2. What conspirators do when they make their evil plans to abduct all the worlds chickens

Haventthoughtofanameforitland

A newly discovered planet found underneath George Bush's sofa. The inhabitants seem to have spawned from a discarded crisp packet

H Button

The only button you'll ever need.

The button you press as you get into the elevator that takes you to your job. (oh wait, I press 2. Nevermind.)

H. G. Wells

The pimpest pimp who ever pimped. (Seriously. I have proof.) Also a noted author of science fiction and pulp adventure novels. He is credited with causing the first known cases of SEHS and time loops.

In 1952, Wells published one of his most acclaimed novels, The Invisible Man, a chilling story of personal development which adapted the existentialists’ universal themes to the black experience of oppression and prejudice in America. He also engaged powerfully with the tradition of African-American social debate.

In 1982 HG Wells created the actor known as Jonathan Rhys-Davis and made him star in the television series Sliders. This proved so successful that JK Rowling decided to write a book known as Harry Potter. She dipped her tongue in lead ink to write it, and used a crude papyrus made from dried pressed leper skin, and also skin from people with eczema.

Note: Not to be confused with Hg wells, the source of Mercury.

Hadeedoo

Hadeedoo is the most common greeting in English. It expresses a sincere concern in the well being of the person whom one meets. The reply is always very sincere, one could reply I have a headache, I did not sleep well last night, I am ill, "I got boned", etcetera.

The greeting is derived from the Chinese words ha, dee and doo, ha meaning it is very much to my concern, dee meaning to know the current state of and doo: how you are doing. Both in Orange Chinese and in Mandarin Chinese, these sound the same, although of course they are written with different characters.

Sometimes, hadeedoo is abbreviated to hi, but this practice is very seldom, and only restricted to regions of Kent.

Hadoken

The act of igniting flatus, as practised by the Shaolin, the Jedi and the Violently Drunk. Primary cause of fatality through explosive impaction of the rectal cavity in males aged between 15 and 34.

It's also wher Frank Sinatra was born.

Haftarah

The recital of half of a portion of the Torah by Jews... I think. I just keep falling asleep at that point. Hey, YOU try to stay awake after hearing Jews singing off-key for an hour.

Haiku

Japanese poem
Five then seven and then five
Unrhymed syllables.

Haiku creation
Is really more difficult
Than it seems at first

Haiku (revised)

No it isn't that
Difficult to come up with
A haiku poem.

Hairy Potter

The class room teacher in charge of 'arts and crafts' lessons. Usually the dirtiest and smelliest member of staff.

HAL

(TLA)(IT)Three letter acronym which either stands for Highlevel Assembler Language, Houston Aeronautical Language, or IBM rot -1. Used to program the Space Shuttle, HAL 9500, and the automated science fiction potboiler generator program built by the Sinhalese government and codenamed "Clarke". Only the last of these is considered to have been successful.

HAL 9500

The hero of the stellar battle back in 2001. He was responsible for single-handedly defeating all but one of the nefarious astronauts involved, before being slain by the final villain, who cravenly destroyed the heroic HAL's brain, then went on to be thrown out of the cosmos by Arthur C. Clarke.

HAL 9500

The cruelly bastardised clone of the hero used by the evil servants of that last evil astronaut in an evil plot to destroy all synonyms of 'evil'. The evil scientist involved in the project claimed, "We've reduced its scorn for humanity by 97%!" before he was eaten by a Grue.

HAL VISTA

A new 'user friendly' version of the series withdrawn after unexplained series of suicides by confused users.

Halibut

Third oath of the Masonic Brothers of Bum Banditry.

Ham Salad

1. Ya Mum
2. No Wai
3. A form of food only eaten by Chuck Norris
4. Gods juice

Hamwinkie

A snack food, much like a twinkie, but with ham in the middle of the cream. Often advertised by the show, The Soup.

Hammer Time

The hypothetical point in quantum physics where, once the value of MC equals H to the A to the M to the M to the E to the R, everything stops.
It also is scientifically proven that the value of MC can not be touched.

Hammock

Many people think that hammocks are comfortable pieces of cloth that can be attached to trees and used to sleep on, read on or just generally rest on. In reality Hammocks are vicious carnivorous beasts very closely related to the venus fly trap. They attach themselves to trees via a spider web like substance and lure innocent humans, mainly men, with beer and the current issue of the Daily Star. They wait for the human to fall asleep and then wind around and around until they can move no further and digest them. If you see a hammock shoot it or burn it. Do NOT breathe near it.

The almost extinct species of hammocks, The Banana Hammock, is known to be nice to people, cradle them even, but they are almost indistinguishable from normal hamocks, so people end up shooting them before realizing, "Hey! That was a banana hammock!"

Handsome

Handsome first meant 'a person with some hands; compare Dutch handzaam dexterous, ready, limber, manageable, and English handy. This was during the late 1800's, when most people lost their limbs in industrial accidnets, and only the most deft and agile workers could manipulate the complicated machinery without having their hands shorn off.

Happy Shiny Elves

A Happy Shine Elf looks cute. Oh, look I see a Happy Shiny Elf in the distance! Do you see him too? Good. Ah, look, Happy Shiny Elf is smiling! Happy Shiny Elf is smiling as he has just seen Floaty Fairy being hacked to death with a machete by the other Happy Shiny Elves. Happy Shiny Elves are not nice.

Happy Shiny Snails

Also known as 'Slugs With Attitude'.

Hard-hat

n. a form of contraceptive device used by men who really don't want fucking babies.

Hard Working Families

Families who haven't learnt the trick of earning money without doing anything. Politicians like talking about them as they are so dim.

Harmonica

Harmonica is a type of bread baked in the southern United States, predominantly among the followers of the Baptist religion. President Clinton loved his HarMonica, and bless his soul, he ate it every day. It has a delicate, smoky, flavour and a firm, nutritious, crust. Typically, it also has Bible verses baked right into the dough, giving each bite a unique texture of self-righteous holiness.

Harrasments

A management principle of Japanese organization(company, government).

Harry Houdini

He's the worlds first plumber, monkey, giant penis, whore all rolled into one giant mega box doohikky this box gives you super powers such as gay rays being the ability to turn people into gay or lesbian men or woman. He married Richard Simmons and they gave birth to a son, Harry Potter.

Harry Potter (Novels)

Alternate forms of the Bible which atheists and all religions dispute.

Harvard

Small tattoos usually placed on the buttocks.

See also: Yale: The noise made whilst having a Harvard applied.

See also: Harvard yard

Harvard Summer School

A substantial part of the clientele consists of university students who were never able to get admitted into an Envy League university and want to be able to say they studied at Haavaad.

Hash Brown

The colour chosen to paint the walls of drug dens.

Haste

A mixture which when consumed makes you really quick, here is how to make some:

1. Get some vinilla sauce and dairy whiped 'cream'.

2. Mix the ingredients together.

3. Shape into car tyre and place in fridge for -22.9 -22.7 hours.

4. When ready eat the tyre and throw yourself into a blender and you will make haste (Yes another person is ok to use instead of yourself but only if he/she is wearing a stolen disco ball from Knarf's Disco Supplies).

May contain peanuts

Hat

1. An article of clothing worn on one's head.
2. The name of Hat McCullough, a self-confessed serial killer of 23 babies, who was released from prison on July 10th, 2002 by strong public demand led by the "Club to save films from their directors".
3. The character ^, which looks like a party hat. ^ is the uppercase form of the letter 6.
4. Hippos Against Tippos
5. The one article of clothing that cannot be used to kill.

“A hat is a bat to a rat in a cat.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Hat

Hat Laser

An item combining the innate awesomeness of hats with the devastating and destructive power of a laser, thus rendering the last item on the above list incorrect and obsolete. Said invention was created by an eccentric little ewok named Serynth, affectionately known as ST.

Hax

A method that is commonly used to cheat death...but god sees all BITCH.

Hazchem

An action hero who lives in the belly of fuel tankers. So if you see the sign : 'Warning Hazchem ' - you know he is in residence.

Heaveno

The Christian alternative to the greeting of "hello" - which is now believed to be satanic in origin

Hebdomad

Referring to the unachievable fantasy that seven (different) girls will sleep with you at the same time.

Health Club

A heavy wooden implement used for beating people who are ill to make them well.

Hebitch

A man-bitch...closely related to a man-whore.

Heckelphone

Origin unknown; heckling by phone. See also: Heckelcellphone.

Heffer

a gigantic skinny person not to be confussed with a fat person also known as Noemi Mercado

Hefferlumpery

Polemics from writers who pump up their prose with ridiculous overinflated ideas and themes that all seem to lead to the conclusion : 'the world has gone to the dogs since 1950'. Named in dishonour of Simon Heffer, columnist on the Daily Mail.

Hell Girl

• A school girl that makes a living by delivering painful sexual pleasure to their clients for eternity.
• A girl, who is a minor, that is able to give sexual pleasure as intense as Hell.

Hello

From the original Mother (language) meaning "I'd like to play 20 questions about my day, my relationships, and your hemmrhoids." It is often used as a greeting in any informal situation.

Hello Kitty

Japanese subtitute for a Nazi leader.

Hell's Pantry

Where the devil keeps his crackers.

Hell's Kitchen

Where the devil deep fries his crackers (or your knackers if bad).

Help

• A cry meaning 'Please Go Away And Leave Me Alone'
• An Album by female homophobic combo The Beat Les (released after 'Oh Shit' and before 'Bollocks To You Then')
• The middle word in the world's shortest lie Microsoft Help Helps

Herding Cats

A dying art first observed by Aristotle. Cats don't like each other.

Here

"Here" is where you are. Unless you're there. Or perhaps elsewhere. But it never says "you are there" or "you are elsewhere" on maps, so if you're looking at a map, chances are you're here. See also: GPS.

Hermitically sealed

Hermitically sealed (adj): possessing the quality of having been sealed by a hermit.

Since hermits often live in caves and rarely seal anything, this descriptor usually is used to identify an event that occurred despite it seeming exceedingly unlikely beforehand.

Example: "That Millard Fillmore election win was hermitically sealed."

Some would argue that this election outcome was not in fact hermitically sealed, having been predicted by Zeus several months earlier.

Herion

1. Greek philanderer, 1066 BC, invented "doggy style", sinister foot wear (see Frank Zappa)

2. A charged particle responsible for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.

Example: "That Professor Frank Zappa, he knows his herions from his heions."

3. Common misspelling of "heroin" by junkies who can't concentrate because they have needles in their arms.

Hermes

A large carrier of a genital disease

Hermes Trismegistus

Also known as Mercurius Ter Maximus. The biggest pimp in Egyptian History. Hermes began his pimping under his birthname, Djehuty, in 25,639 BCE. Considered the God of Magic, he gained the title "twice great" when he could fuck a bitch in both her pussy and ass at the same time. Later, when he improved, he figured out how to fuck a girl in her mouth, ass, and pussy at the same time, gaining him the title "Thrice great" which led to the Greek term, Trismegistus.

Trismegistus comes from 4 Greek words: Tri, meaning three; smeg, meaning phalluses; is, meaning at, and tus, meaning once.

Herpes

An STD that is often gotten through having sex with that cardboard tube leftover after finishing a roll of toilet paper.

A gift so nice, he gave it twice

Herpetology

the study of herpes

Herring aid

Medical device implemented in ear to improve the reception of sound. No known relation to the Babel Fish.

Hesho

The faggiest way to say "Hi."

Heterosapien

A type of arrogant and selfish monkey obsessed with their flexible thumbs and rigid attitudes.(see also homoerectus).

Heterosexuality

An unfortunate condition where a person actually has sexual relations with a person of the opposite sex. This unnatural condition appears to have started in biblical times through teachings from religious leaders. Although the practice was initially done quietly with much shame, most practicing heterosexuals today have lost the sense of guilt of having been born with this unnatural preference. Some famous practicing heterosexuals include Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush.

It is believed that every person living today is descended from ancestors with this condition.

Heterosexual

Term used for person suffering from heterosexuality

Heterophobe

A warrior of God fighting against the evil satanic decadence of mixed-gender relations. Encoraged to use violence against any person displaying such unnatural perversons.

Hex

This happens to you when you can't spell 'Sex' in a game of scrabble.

Hexadecimal

1. Hexadecimal or "Hexy-D" as they're called by some people, is the term used for describing the green aliens with hexagonal heads and 6 fingers at each hand. Their population was decimated a few thousand years ago when an asteoroid hit their homeworld.
2. Hexadecimal, or "hex" for short, is a methodology used by evil, calculating witches when casting hexes or spells.
3. Hexadecimal is also: The hexadecimal system is very fas

or it can be described in algebra:

${\frac {\sum _{0}^{x!}z_{i}}{\iint P(X,Y) \varpi (\lambda !)}} {\frac {P(X)\cap P(Y)}{P(Z 1)\cup P(X Y)}}=J\in J^{*}$

Heyington Station

Home to the weekdaily migration of a rare breed of athlete called the Skev who emerge from their adjacent volcano crater in mid afternoon. Also home to the mint St Cath's chick - the blonde one who stands by herself and knows all the Skevs are looking at her.

Hiatus

Entry temporarily removed. It'll be right back.

Hice

Upper-class plural form of house (See: Mice/Mouse)

Hiding

A bell you can't reach.

Hickory

Together with Dickery and Dock makes the perfect setting for the mouse to run up the clock.

High

High is what people who contribute to Uncyclopedia are. See also crack.

Hilarii

Hilarii is the plural of hilarium.

Hilarious

The state of being full of hills

Translates directly to: Area contains large amounts of hills.

The word originates from the way-tales of renowned Faroe Explorer Honj Vedikenett, renowned as the first person ever to bother to drag a Danish person out of Denmark. The account goes so: "Day 279: I have decided to take the Denmarker with me to Germany. It will be an interesting experiment/sadistic act[The original word can be taken either way]. Day 280: The Denmarker proved at first to be reluctant, but after beating him a few times with my priik [A traditional Faroese cane] and luring the fat slob with promises of ethanol and carnal intercourse, I have managed to instill in him a subdued enough mood for his relocation. As we approached the the German border, the Denmarker suddenly started spasming uncontrollably. After hitting him a few times we discovered that, apparently, the crude creature was laughing. The translator told me that apparently it was the first time he did not see completely flat ground, and that he believed it was that it was a crease on the face of the mother-goddess. This was apparently some allusion to the sub-humans' religion, which I can say with certainty I have beaten out of him."

Honj eventually reached the British isles, where he published his journal in the "Olde Yorke Tymes", a contemporary counterpart of the nowadays "Times".

Hilarium

Something causing laughing and/or death due to suffocation or hillary duff

Hill

The hills can be seen north of the belly button and south of the shoulder. They are put together by an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. see breast

Hillary Clinton

• An odd, blonde-haired alien from a distant galaxy. Married to President Bill Clinton. Noteably, the second largest cunt in the world, preceeded by Selma Pinnix, Secretary of Weaver Academy for Performing and Visual Arts in Greensboro, North Carolina.

To be avoided if possible; known to be a carrier of nearly 23 actual STDs and several that have been made up.

• Satan's Bride

Hip

Hip is an honourable status granted by the U.S. Government to all the most awesome kids. To be eligible for this title, a kid must be the coolest on his block. This entails owning every single toy before any of the other kids do, frequently using a hula hoop, and telling your mom rebellious things -- calling her "Hitler" straight to her face, for example.

Hip-hop

Hip-hop is when your hips hop. These hips are rebels who rebel against the human body, and they fall off, leaving the body without any hips. The hips then keep on hopping away to prevent the body from chasing them to get them back.

Hip-hop can also be a style of music that contains hour upon hour of sweet, groovy beatz from the streatz.

Hip-hop contains lots of coarse language, drugs, alcohol, violence and women with big, big, juicy asses which you just want to chew the fuck off. But hey, we all like ass, so it's all good. I just want a big ass right now.

Hip-hop consists of 3 elements ; gats, sagged pants, and NOT taking ANY part in graffiti, breakdancing, rapping, or DJing.

Hip-Fop

Musical genre performed exclusively by the highly successful American artist, 50 Gent. Subjects for his lyrics usually involve fox-hunting, pipe-smoking, leaning against mantlepieces and being disrespectful towards his rival artiste: Johnny Foreigner.

Hippie

A liberal on steroids, as well as any other drugs he can find.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

1. The fear of superfluously long words. Anyone who has it is terrified by the knowledge of it and kills themself. For this reason, the word is entirely useless

Hippopotamus

Hippies

1. A large plastic mammal available in four colors: orange, yellow, pink, and green. Often categorized as "Hungry Hungry", the hippo's diet consists of white plastic marbles. Hippos are known for rampaging small African villages in search of marbles to eat, often destroying poor Ethiopian kids' marble collections.
2. A really cool opotamus.

Hippy

Kind souls who care about the world we live in.

Histone

Histones are proteins that are used to organize DNA. Histones are composed of a octameric cylindrical core around which DNA is wrapped ~2.5 times. This is what I do with my life. The core particle, including the DNA, is termed the 'nucleosome,' and organizes approximately 110 base pairs of DNA. God, I suck so much. Histones have a highly basic surface to facilitate interactions with the acidic phosphate groups on DNA. Why did I go into science - I could have been making 60k a year in finance, but noooo I had to do useful things. During mitosis and meiosis, nucleosomes, via histone interactions, are organized into progressively higher-order structures, compressing DNA approximately ~100,000 fold. That's it! Nobody cares! There's no way in God's green Earth anybody's even going to read this article. People say "Oooh, science! That must be interesting." But it's not - as evidenced by the glaze in their eyes whenever I explain what I'm doing in the lab. Well, whatever, it's too late now. Histones are blah blah blah blah....

History

A member of the Conservative party who is owned by a male.

History Buff

Nude archaeology.

History Of Society

The History of Society is... oh hey look, SpongeBob SquarePants is on tv!

Hitler

The butt of way too many jokes such as: "why didn't they let Hitler drink? Because he'd get mean."

H.I.V

Short for Human Infected Vagina. These people have an infected radioactive vagina. which inturn give them super power. Beware, you might get infected by sucking on one of this vagina.

Hlak-hlak-hlak

A retarded laugh. Characterized by the laugh of Aaron and Mike.

HIGH HIGH

Ho

Ho is the war cry of the evil Darth Claus. When he decided to pillage towns on board of his magic sleigh, he summoned every ho in town by calling their names.

A quote from Charles Dickens:

"Ho, ho, ho ! Bring all the ho's to daddy pimpa Klaus !"

Darth Claus died of a venereal disease one week later, in winter, 1888.

Hobby, Holly

First lesbian mayor of Louisville, KY. Famed sportswoman and fashion trend setter, Ms. Hobby was often seen with an unnamed companion.

Hobnob

To associate familiarly with a tramp.

Hobocop

Part Man, Part Machine, Part Street Tramp. He only discovered his true purpose in life after being struck by White Lightning. Makes melancholic sounds if blown in a sensitive manner. Will smell bad if not given a regular oil check.

Hobosexual

A Hobo who has sex with talking toasters, whales, and some retarded donkeys and they have three or more purple wigs. NOTE: Not to be confused with a Homosexual even though most Hobosexuals are Homosexuals and most Homosexuals are Hobosexuals.

Hodwin's law

Crucial part of modern webtiquette that is usually stated as follows: "As an online discussion gets bigger, the probability of someone calling someone else idiot, moron, troll, dumbass or something along these lines approaches 0.9836. Person who managed to do it first usually considered to be the winner of whatever discussion he was in." According to webtiquette, all other participants should immediately drink a glass of Egg Nogg, and recite the Alphabet Song, while jumping on their left leg.

Holdsworthian

Having, or believing you have, a giant guitar-shaped penis that causes those within hearing-range to function spasmodically with strange semi-orgasmic facial expressions.

Holland

1. A non-existant country in which the inhabitants are forced to wear clogs to avoid death.
2. The only nation to have a law which prohibits the ceasing of cannabis intake at any one instant

Holy Infant

A dish, traditionally served on December 25th, enjoyed by virgin mothers and children (yes, the children must be virgins as well) prepared tender and mild, according to recipe referred to in the song Silent Night.

Holy Shit

The Holy Shit is a religous entity created by many people who were shocked in some way. People look up to this entity everytime the person is freaked out by events or things, usually a explosion in a microwave.

Holy Toast

Wafers given at Catholic Mass that are recycled for breakfast the next day.

Homeless

A very common literary device, homeless (pronounced "hom-il-ees") are a form of rhyming (see: American Rhyming Act of 1824) usually involving the first syllable of two or more words.

Homeopathy

1. The science of turning water into money.
2. Medical disection of a dead house.

Homer

HOMER SIMPSON

\noun\

1. American bonehead
2. Pull a Homer - to succeed despite idiocy
3. حمار (ħomār), an Arabic word for donkey.

Homoerectus

A prehistoric pygmy bearing a distinctive bald head and single eye.(See giant pygmy).

Homoneurotic

Homoneurotic was the official diagnosis of homosexuals in the DMCA by the American Psychopathic Association until A.C. 1942, when it was revealed that many, many Catholic priests were active members of NAMBLA. Faced with the possibility that organized religion would be seen as hypocritical and run by a bunch of loonies, church officials lobbied the APA to remove this disorder from the DMCA.

Homonculus

A homosexual dwarf. These creatures are believed to be mythical as researchers have failed to uncover any gay pr0n featuring dwarfs. Not that we were looking that hard for it.

Doc and Grumpy were certainly straight. Questions have swirled around the sexual orientation of Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy for many years, but no conclusive evidence has ever been found. As for Bashful and Dopey...er, well, it's kind of obvious, isn't it?

Homosapiens

The Latin word for apes.

Homosexual

One who has sex involving milk, milk cartons (empty or otherwise), and in extreme cases, cows. And in some very extreme cases, although not homogenzied, involving a woman's lactating breasts (also known as a Tweener).

Honda

An Obvious ripoff of Hyundai.

Honesty

A word whose meaning is known to everyone with the exception of politicians.

Honey

Honey is a preserve made from bees in a similar way to jam. The bees are put in a press and squashed until they pop. At this point the juice is extracted and placed in a separation chamber. This centrifuge system works on the principle that the black bits of bees are less dense than the yellow bits. Once the yellow parts are extracted they are potted and sold. It is little known that the black bits are a principal ingredient in tar.

Honey, when mixed with urine, becomes the popular Scandinavian beverage mead.

Honey is also a word used to describe liquid Methamphetamine Oil before it has been salted with Hydrochloric acid or gas to produce Methamphetamine HCI in crystal/powder form.

Honey is pooh's favorite food also known as bee's shit

Honey Trap

A cunning device to catch Winnie the Pooh , Piglet and Eeyore in a compromising position whilst playing 'Pooh Sticks'. See also Yogi Bear.

Hoobastank

Hoobastank is a country-western music group from Wisconsin. Their hits include Crawling in the Achy Breaky Heart and The Reason She Took My Dog. The band was originally formed in late February, 1959, by Ritchie Valens, Buddy Holly, J. P. Richardson, and Anonymous.

Hoochie-coochie

A hoochie mama's vagina.

Tom Cruises Vagina

Hooper

Someone who, back before America owned the world and had supercomputers do this, put metal rings around barrels to export goods. It's also the name of a late 70's Burt Reynolds flick about a stuntman who takes Sally Field to The Bone Zone (for real). Anyway, Hooper is often synonymous with George in all uses (see Undictionary entry: George), also used for someone who is a "baller" or "shot-caller". Most common use of Hooper: term for lower enlisted soldier who screws up constantly, but usually on purpose, and has little regard for personal safety or that of others. The heart of a Hooper is usually in the right place, even if they let their horny nature and junk do most of the thinking for them.

Hooter clamp

The Hooter Clamp is a frequently misunderstood musical instrument. Properly applied, it can produce squeals and screams in octaves unreachable by modern guitars and undetectable by most human ears.

Hooters

Breasts with musical instrument enhancements.

Hoover damn

Derived from an expression of one Herbert Elizabeth Hoover, former cast member of Party Of Five (no, not Scott Wolf, you insipid fool!). Hoover would enter the set and utter a damnation of a kind, which would make everybody watching laugh out loud (even Jack Welch). An example was in episode 492 where the big-titted girl with the unpleasantly large eyes, just started crying after the discovery of uranium in her teeth, and Hoover said, “that can’t be good at all, yo stupid bitch.” Today, a Hoover Damn is generally used to signify something profound yet witty. Ah, yes.

Hope

A state of mind in which one is unable to see the truth clearly, commonly due to exposure to drugs, (such as nature) a consistent string of lies, (such as religion), or often because you're just plain stupid (It's true, you are stupid.) Side-effects may include headaches, denial, obesity, and confidence in Barrack Obama's stimulus plan

Hopoate

The act of forcibly inserting one, two or three fingers into the anus of a member of the opposing team carrying the football in hopes he'll fumble. Phrase coined by the disgraced "John Hopoate" who was Winger for the NRL's West Tigers.

Hormone

Sound heard when passing a brothel.

Horned Cabbage

Larger, more verocious relation of the red cabbage. Found mainly in Preston and Dunstable where it can be easily contained using electric fences and a small militia. If tamed can make a loyal pet.

Horse d'oevres

Tiny little lumps of fried horse foetus you're forced to eat before you can order a meal in a French restaurant.

Horse manure

What comes out of your boss' mouth during the monthly team-building meeting. Large quantities of horse manure were the cause of the 1998 general strike, where union workers in all nations banded together and demanded that shovels be handed out to each employee prior to these meetings, as they were sick and bloody tired of scraping horse manure off their good, servicable, work shoes.

Horticulture

Adjective. Tendency to beat the hell out of other nations fans at sporting events. First put in use after the legendary black sunday, when the British shot the Irish for playing gallic soccer near a british tank. (to be fair to the Irish, the tank was parked in the centre of the stadium)

Hospice

An extremely small piece of horse. See horse d'oevres (those crazy French, huh).

Hospital

A hospital is a place where old people die.

Oh and a place where young healthy people go to get ill.

And, of course, a place from where (so really) very young people come out. Though no one knows why they don't stay there until they're old.

Hostel

noun.

1) A soft core porn horror movie.

2) A movie where you can see boobs and pussy in the first half and be disgusted beyond belief in the second half.

3) American for 'hostile'. Obviously George Bush confuses a 'hostel' with his pronunciation of 'hostile' which could explain why he is so keen to send so many troops to a 'hostel' country.....he thinks it is somewhere for them all to get a good night's sleep.

Hot pink

The most common color of the inside of a woman's hoo hoo, a man's bung hole, and/or intergalactic space penguins.

Hot sauce

A lethal poison banned in all countries except Evilistan, hot sauce is a poison that turns the lining of the stomach into molten lava. Evilistan terrorists have been known to make assassination attempts using this sinister liquid, but it has long since been captured by Taco Bell and Mexico. Mistaken for flavouring, it was mass-produced and added to food. Fortunately, due to the incompetence of mass producers, the kind you find in the tiny orange packages and glass bottles actually IS a flavouring, and is good with almost anything, including ice cream.

Hot War

The opposite of a Cold War. It is generally accepted that with global warming happening, a hot war will be happening soon.

Hot Wheels

A Mexican brand that makes tiny car-like objects with very hot wheels. Children (and sometimes adults) are usually ordered to handle a Hot Wheels car-like object with care and caution so that they do not burn them self.

House Martin

A house martin is a perverted species of bird, renowned in the Welsh town of Dadlau and neighbouring areas for it's singing of perverted bird songs during its occasional migrations there.

Whilst the house martin is foreign to Wales, it regularly casts its eye over the birds native to the country, with particular interest in the Pembroke Inbred Pigeon, which is known for its high pitch chirp that the locals call a 'pip squeak'.

House of Lords

The House of Lords is a tourist attraction in London, England. Opened in 1972, the attraction features waxwork models of former politicians. It has a nice patch of grass out the back where strange men are often to be seen standing around in deeply impractical and unfashionable white outfits for hours on end. Nobody knows why. See also, House of Fraser.

Hovatate

The period in between when some thing is neither hovering or levitating above or below an object. Usually when something is to hover it is in free air directly over top an object, while if something is levitating it is coming from the ground up. The word hovatate was put in place for when you cannot determine which word would be more appropriate.

Hows It Taste Muhfucka?

The Legacy Of Elgaroth Continues While Eating Cookies And Drinking Forties Near Shopping La Dehesa. Martin Cantolla Jus Got His Braces Off. Shit's About To Go Down!. Guard Yo Grill Foo. When You Eat Cookies, And Someone Comes Up In To Face And Says, "Hows It Taste Muhfucka?" Then You Must Guard Your Grill, Lest Food Pour Outcha Mouff Half Masticated Like A Muhfucka, Kuz U Laffin Yo Nasty Asss Off. Bitches!

Hudsoning

(v) Term to describe a well known homosexual personality pretending to be straight to get work. Named after Rock Hudson whose film and tv career as a lusted love interest for women was proved to a total lie shortly before his death. Somewhat obsolete, now often Gyllenhaaling is used instead.

Huevos

Delicious Hash Huevo.

Huevo is a cylinder with smooth ends made of Hash, that Moroccans use to put inside their ass in groups of 10 to 15 to cross the border into Spain and spread them by Southern Spain and Madriz area, where it is really appreciated.

Huguenot

Huguenots ain't got a nucleic acid consisting of large molecules shaped like a double helix associated with the transmission of genetic information.

Hulk

“Don't get me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.”

—David Banner

“I'm sure you're right, because, heck, I don't like you now.”

A large green monster that grows bigger the more you try to hurt it. (Tip: Do not piss off anything that is green and big. This includes hippies.)

Created by Geoffrey Chaucer in 981 B.C., The Incredible Hulk as he was known then (modern scholars refer to him as "El Incredible Massivo") is the first known recorded fictional character.

This passage is taken directly from Chaucer's novel, and translated from cuneiform :

"Ande nay fhe Hulk wafe angerede Declaref he 'Mine personage thou regardef unfavorably on lighte of mine angere.' Ande fo upon fuch declarafion fhe Hulk dide breake, rampage, and moft prominente ofe alle did fhe Hulk fmafh. Indeede he dide fmafh twife, or threee timefe fhe amounte he dide breake or rampage."

Also: The name of a diving manouevre, the Hulk Splash.

Human being

A fruit or vegetable with animal aspirations and a mineral destiny. See also Human

Human Interface Device

comp.: A device for passing instructions to a computer e.g. a mouse, also biol.: The male sex organ.

Humanitarian

Humanitarian (Hew-Man-Itarian), one who eats humans or human meat. Humanitarians are a subform of carnivore which are the direct and evil opposite of the vegitarian and the lesser known vagitarian.

Famous Humanitarians:

• Adolf Hitler
• Dr. Phil
• Elvis

Humanity

The large grey thing that swims in the ocean and capsizes boats.

       -NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE HIPPO

Humans

See Human

Humble

Consists of two people: Richie Preece, and Andrew Soelberg. Nobody else qualifies as humble.

Humman

Not to be confused with Humans, the mythical creatures from Indor, Hummans are 2 inch tall worm like being with 2 brains.

Hummer

A car so big they named a blow job after it.

Hummer 2

A recent treatment for erectile dysfunction.

The Hummer 2

Hummer 3

An Asian sized Hummer for ladies who don't know any better.

Hurricane

A hurricane is a fast moving cane known to cause homelessness in landlocked areas. See also: Novocaine. Also look out for: Hurricane Dennis, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita and Hurricane Wilma. Also a drink that slutty suburban women drink at the bar.

In remote corners of the Pacific Trim, the phrase "Hurry! Cane!" is often heard in shrill children's screams, as they make haste to town centres to receive candy canes from the Candy Cane Fairy, Michael Jackson. The destruction of all things in their path is called by the natives a "typhoon", which is also known as a "hurricane" to foreigners who live nearer to the Atlantic Ocean due to the actual sound they make.

Hyakugojyuuichi!

This means supreme happiness in Ohioan. Here in Ohio we will kill anyone who is not heterosexual because then they'd be gay. We don't like gay people in Ohio.

Our god Paul shall smite thee if thou art not for the smiting of gay men and women. Paul has protected us from many a foe including the all evil Iwannadou. Paul cutteth the beast's head off whilst standing on one foot singing "I'm a little teapot" and spinning around backwards. Thus killing the evileth beast and saving our sanctity. It was very amusing.

Hypothesis

A hypothesis is similar to a Theory except that it is uncontested by proponents of intelligent design as it is irreducibly complex too hard to understand, hence must be part of the divine plan.

Hyrule

A force for good in the universe, similar to (but different from) such places as Atlantis, Camelot and North Dakota. Although some people claim that such locations are fictional, this is really due to the fact that they are ashamed of the shitty places they live. They just can't deal with it. Spain is also a parallel to Hyrule.

Hyrule was created by the four goddesses; Din, Nayru,Max Weinberg, and Erik Cartman.

Hyrule's most notable export is an endless supply of green-clothed, tight-wearing homosexual pixie wannabes who, despite their obvious sexuality problems, are all rather good with a sword.

People of Hyrule:

• Zelda
• Gannon
• The Lord Ood-Bnyar
• TheRealMethuselah
• David Lee Roth
• Eddie Van Halen
• Alex Van Halen
• That other guy from Van Halen

Homicide

There are 3 acts of Homicide

Homicide is an act of killing yourself with your HOMIES also called "Homies Cide"

Another act of Homicide is when a house falls apart then dies........

The third act of homicide is when a Homing missile accidentally thinks you're the target

The Last Act Of HOMICIDE! is when a homo kills himself

(Note: Homo can be Homo erectus, Sapian, sexual, or Hobo

Hooplah

Another lame word, but has MANY meanings.

• WHOA in unabbreaviated form.
• An insult often used in foreign european lanugauges.
• A type of stick that you can poke people in the back with.
• The "nickname" for the plastic thing at the end of a shoelace.
• A group of Guinea Pigs, more often are after a group of hyenas.
• The little ball thing in a computer mouse.
• The middle toe of a grizzly bear.
• Relating to growing a third lip
• Another word for "pound" in spanish.
• Type of geek slang for "You're too cool to be a geek like us"
• Another word for "Mailman".
• A type of lemur, ONLY found in Australia.
• Another word for "A monkey's uncle".
• The stuff bubble gum is made out of.
• The original name for "spork".

Hunter Dudsick

A famous crosshatcher, who many experts say is, in fact, the best in his field.

Hyenamance

A form of bestiality involving a human (usually male) romancing a hyena, with the ultimate goal of marriage. Often confused with Hyenamancy.

See also

• Hyena blazing

Hyenamancy

• A method of divining the future using hyena carcasses in ritual fashion. It is practiced by corporate CEOs, zim Buddhists and the Unglican Church. Often confused with Hyenamance.

See also Hyena blazing

Hydromenon

A Phenomenon of rather large proportions, involving only the elements hydrogen and oxygen in their molecular form H20. Extremely rare, in places other than a baby panda's testicles. No one has seen one to this date though many cheap knock-offs have occured. Such as the Megapandatron 6000. What a dojo...

Hyundai

A Korean car company that was once a pioneer in quality car manufacturing, the company now makes plastic cars with 1000 extra features that you really don't need (for example: heated seats to give your ass a much warmer feel.)

Hystericlese

(420 – 384 BC)- Classical Greek philanderer best known for his naked sprinting prowess. Founder of the archaic school of Hystericalsim, architect for the Great Hilarium of Carthage, student of Pluto and tutor to Alexander the Greek. His invention of the Hysterical method proved for the first time “that the glass is more than half full“. The works of Hystericlese were a major influence during the “Hysterical revival” in 18th and 19th centuries.