Focus on the Family
“Focus on your own stupid family!”
“We don't need Focus on the Family for our relationship. SHINJI, GET OVER HERE AND START ME UP, you dumkoff! Do you want me to get the Eva out again?”
“My what? Oh, my family! I forgot all about them! I hate 'em!”
Focus on the Family (FOTF, or FotF) is an American evangelical Christian paramilitary organization opposed to families worldwide. They harbor a burning resentment of family values, put all of their energies into vicious and brutal assaults on anything family-related and openly advocate savage homicidal domestic violence on family members (including their own). Their motto from the organization's inception has been "Keep children in line, keep parents out of line."
History[edit]
Focus on the Family was founded by the puppy-raping warlord James Dobson in 1942 after Dobson's unsuccessful bid for the presidency of Uruguay. Initially comprised of Peruvian peasants and some revolutionaries from Bermuda, it developed into a highly-disciplined fighting force with significant financial backing.
Dobson's hatred for families goes back to 1890, when he was a humble apprentice under the two balding Kodak brothers, George Kodak and Eastman Kodak of Rochester NY. He was forced to watch helplessly as otherwise-normal adults, upon the production of their first li'l "accident", suddenly lapsed from producing beautiful images of art, history, landscape and architecture downward to producing decades worth of over-exposed, blurred, poorly-composed out-of-focus "family photos".
Just because Heather has two Mommies, that doesn't mean Mr. Dobson wants a hundred photos of them, of which 99 are out-of-focus.
The first attempt at damage control involved the construction of a series of re-education camps, known to the Holy See as "retreats" and "focus groups", at which the offending parents could be involuntarily removed from their hellion offspring and forcibly re-educated in the art of camera-handling.
When these early "Focus on the Family" re-education camps failed to teach the li'l runts how to aim and focus a camera, Dobson frantically attempted to convince the owners of local chemist's shops (who were all too familiar with the looming photographic disaster) to remove their soda fountains (as the sticky sweets were attracting the li'l brats) and start selling condoms in order to prevent any more "li'l accidents."
Naturally, virtually every pharmacist complied (the one exception: Howard Johnson in sheer frustration instead closed his drugstore and became a hotel, eventually eloping with Paris Hilton).
The effort was nonetheless a failure. The quality of amateur snapshot photography had sunk to its lowest level since Louis XVI sent in the hundreds of family photos with his wife's head missing - and at least he had an excuse, that of not being able to see the composed image after having lost his own head to «madame Guillotine».
Every attempt at a peaceful solution having ended in utter and abject failure, Dobson in sheer and utter desperation turned to the military option. Then when he gets the shits, he finds out the message on the roll when empty asked, "Where is your God now?"
Mission[edit]
Focus on the Family aims to destroy families in the most direct manner possible: direct thermo-nuclear strikes.
At this time, they lack sufficient funding to do this, so they resort to less-direct methods.
Currently, the most cost effective method is moving the giant magnifying glass normally located over Arizona and focusing on the family. Especially the aunts.
Most strikes are conducted by leaflet-bombing small communities that are too isolated to mount a significant resistance. This is usually followed by teams of missionaries who go door-to-door, shooting small, poisoned darts at unsuspecting housewives and children. Any puppies that come across their path are normally kicked. They would be outraged by one of their own Paula Deen with her vulgar treatment of an eclair. Some of them had been funding Hobby Lobby's poster child, "Mary Jane Rotten Crotch" as in they were finger fucking her with their same five finger discount from Iraq.
Other Projects[edit]
NSAMA[edit]
This faction is dedicated to destroying the reproduction rate of the furry community. Originally started by furries in The Great Fur War better known as World War -53, their efforts are based around destroying furry families in specific. after their failure in the Great fur war Focus on the family picked up some of the remaining members and swiftly integrated them into focus on the family where NSAMA continues to flourish. Most members of the NSAMA hunt down reproducing yiff-furries and attempt to Kill them before they can hump again.