Diaper
“Maybe Brian could explain why I would spend actual money on tap-water that comes from Vichy....Vi-chy...Vi-chy...It does sound like my nyappies when the fat man forgets to remove them.”
Diapers are fluffy, soft, padded, absorbent, and comfortable undergarments. They are normally worn by babies, but "adult girls" have also been known to wear them on a regular basis instead of panties, as they claim that diapers are more comfortable and sexier. Many adults find diapers more convenient than using the toilet.
Types[edit]
Five types of diapers exist: cloth, disposable, wood, plastic, and metal diapers. Disposable ones tend to be the more comfortable because they are tighter, snugger, but not as padded. They also look considerably sexier than traditional cloth diapers and make a rather attractive crinkling noise. Wood diapers provide a stylish twist on the original, but tend to be very uncomfortable due to their square construction. However, the plastic ones are for those who desire that their diaper experience is a quiet one. Although they are best worn when it is hot because they will ensure that the wearer does not fall asleep. The new trend on the market is the metal diaper. They are specifically fun if you have a huge magnet, the type used at a junk yard. That is a great way to get exercise. However, they tend to leak and rust just a bit.
Dangers[edit]
Along with the positive points for girls who wear diapers come some rather unpleasant, negative ones. Girls must constantly be on guard against these situations and be ready for them, lest face some rather disagreeable consequences.
Job interviews[edit]
No matter how much a girl enjoys wearing a diaper and wetting herself, she should never do this at an interview for a position that she really wants, especially if the interviewer is one of those wizened little old stick-in-the-mud fudds whose mind is so ossified that it cannot accept any concept not already within his limited experience. You can be sure that he'll never get his pointy little head around the idea of a young lady preferring to use a diaper rather than the toilet. Wetting during the interview is bad enough. You'll kill the poor old bastard if you ask him to change you, though. You really won't get the job then. Most companies have a policy against hiring anyone who causes the interviewer to suffer a myocardial infarction, even if it's a lovely young lady who has just wet herself, and they tend to be rather averse to a candidate if she then asks a responding paramedic to change her, although he'll probably do it without much fuss unless the old josser isn't quite dead yet and he has to work on him.
Royal parties[edit]
Also to be avoided is wearing a diaper at the Royal Garden Party, even though all the royal and noble ladies do. Hypocritical though it may therefore be, this is considered opprobriously bad manners and will likely result in one's never winning a gong from the Queen. Also, if Prince Andrew is there and catches you wetting yourself, he'll have the footmen carry you to his room in the Palace, where he'll change you, and probably whomp you, too. So look out. They don't call him Randy Andy for nothing, you know. It is interesting to note that Fergie never wore diapers, and this kinda pissed Andy off, as it were. That's why they got divorced. If Prince Philip catches you at it, though, there's no need to worry. He'll just walk on by with his hands clasped behind his back repeatedly bowing at people. That's all he ever does.
Teaching[edit]
For several reasons, one should never wear a diaper while teaching. First of all, a young woman teacher wearing a frilly diaper up her skirt will attract unwanted attention from the principal. Principals' wives are uniformly cold, unresponsive, ugly cows, leaving the principal with a bad case of blue balls throughout his career, and you can be sure that everything that he has learnt about how male-female relations in the workplace are fraught with danger has been cast lock, stock and barrel out his office window. If such a teacher is summoned to the principal's office, it will likely not be for a dressing-down, but rather an undressing – either his or yours, possibly both – with its attendant consequences. And boy, will there ever be consequences if the secretary barges in and catches you two at it. Among other things, she'll demand to have her diaper changed, too. It just won't do to have a ménage à trois in the office. This really puts school superintendants' noses out of joint — because, of course, they weren't invited. Another reason is the staff room: you'll have all the male teachers, even that crinkled old codger who teaches calculus, waiting in silence and watching you, ready to jump up and offer to change you once you wet yourself. The whole group of them is likely to drag you to the sickroom, kick out any student who really is ill, tell the school nurse to scram (or if she's diapered, order her to get in line), and subject you to a "changing frenzy". Incontrovertibly, the greatest danger of all with regard to wearing diapers while teaching – especially in high school – is that classroom discipline can become absolutely impossible to establish, let alone maintain. Not even one of the male students will be able to concentrate on his lessons while looking at a diaper-clad teacher, wondering if she's wet herself, and daydreaming about changing her. They'll all have such hard-on – you know what teenage boys are like – that they'll think of nothing else. Well, there is that one boy near the back who likes to press flowers in his home economics textbook, flutters his eyelids a lot and continually ogles the football player who sits next to him, but I guarantee you he's the only exception. Not only will the teacher's male students learn nothing (except perhaps how to stroke off in class without anyone noticing), but if the department head appears at the door only to see 15 to 20 pairs of hands descend to crotches to hide the rather embarrassing bulges, questions may be raised about the teacher's competence.
Statistics[edit]
A 2002 survey showed that 80% of girls who wore diapers got more dates than those that only wore panties. Furthermore, 100% of the girls that wore diapers claimed that they felt a lot more comfortable and sexier than in panties. A similar survey showed that only 20% of guys who wore diapers got more dates, mostly because they were too busy playing console games for hours nonstop.