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There are currently 37,289 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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December 13: Speak with a British Accent Day (UK)
- 10000 BCE - Ug Nug Fug Nug is born, the famous musician responsible for the creation of the violin and other various sexually orientated musical instruments (i.e., the sexualin).
- 211 - Roman Emperor Septimius Severus dies at York from eating spotted dick, unaware that it needed to be taken out of the can first.
- 1067 - William the Conqueror invades the previously uninvaded British Aisles.
- 1580 - A frustrated Francis Drake returns to England after traveling the world to find a compatible power point for his Waffle iron.
- 1776 - Britain and its American colonies schedule a war over the word 'aluminium' even though neither has ever seen it.
- 1808 - Count Henrich von Flammenweffer invents lava as a way of preventing skiers from taking over his favourite mountains in the winter.
- 1852 - Elisha Otis invents the elevator in America and orders pour in from the UK. As people with posh accents there cannot pronounce 'elevator', they call it a 'wift' instead.
- 1942 - No people are born on December the 13th, due to National No-Birthdays Day. Experts attribute this phenomenon as having to do with a worldwide feeling of 'I don't feel like getting any ass today' in mid March.
- 1992 - Bob like pie.
- 2002 - Fraidai the 13th, Satan renames Hell to "Bloody Hell".
- 2003 - SARS becomes the new iPod.
- 2005 - On the twelfth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me, A summons from the local JP...
- 2008 - Uncyclopedia is teleported into an alternate universe where this sentence did not exist. It will be returned to normal just now.
- 2012 - Dyslexic people celebrate that the world didn't end with the Mayan calendar yesterday. Everyone else is still nervous.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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