𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕗𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕓𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖, 𝕨𝕖 𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕚𝕫𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕓𝕖𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕗 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕊ℂℙ 𝔽𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒𝕔𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕚𝕥 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕫𝕖𝕕 - 𝕆𝟝 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕝 𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣𝕤




Item #: SCP-2̴̟̝̫͙͕̝̠͙̪͎̀̌̄́͘̕͠7̴̧̦̲̻͕̇̎1̶̢̧̟͇̣͕̘̦̙̓̌ͅ8̶̢̢͔̼̗̍̓͜

Object Class: ℂ𝕒𝕥𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕔 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕒𝕥 𝔻𝟘𝟡𝔼𝟚𝔸𝔻𝟡: ℍ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕃𝔼_ℕ𝕆𝕋_𝔽𝕆𝕌ℕ𝔻


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2̴̟̝̫͙͕̝̠͙̪͎̀̌̄́͘̕͠7̴̧̦̲̻͕̇̎1̶̢̧̟͇̣͕̘̦̙̓̌ͅ8̶̢̢͔̼̗̍̓͜ is a DAMMERUNG class cognitohazard. All personnel, regardless of clearance, are forbidden to expose themselves to the Description of this article under any circumstances. Do not tamper with this warning without DAMMERUNG clearance. Do not discuss the existence of this article with any person. No disciplinary action will be necessary, provided you close this article now, and clear your browser cache.
Atypical software measures have been used to mitigate the risk of accidental exposure. It is only by an unfortunate coincidence of extremely low probability that you have stumbled across this entry at all. No disciplinary action will be necessary, provided you close this article now, and clear your browser cache.

Since creation, only the Special Containment Procedures section of this record has ever been editable. Due to the clearance of the file’s original author, and anomalous database limitations in effect, this record can neither be deleted nor effectively redacted. Access restrictions cannot be applied to the data in any reliable way.

Of course, access restrictions can still be enforced. It is now too late to close this article. Do not discuss the existence of this article with any person. Notify the Help Desk that your workstation has a DAMMERUNG contamination. Shut off your monitor, and seek immediate amnestic treatment.

The following conditions shall constitute a breach:

Exposure to any part of the Description, however briefly
Failure to close this article within eighteen seconds of exposure without code-word clearance
Shut off your monitor now, notify the Breach Desk that you and your workstation have DAMMERUNG contamination. Await MTF processing


Agent Instructions: the breach to which you are responding has already been mostly contained by an automated system, and containment will be complete when you restart this terminal. However, your orders are to attempt to improve the current containment procedures by any means possible, within the time allotted to you. You have been temporarily granted Administrative network access from this terminal. Use any resources you deem necessary to fulfill your mission, but DO NOT expose yourself to the cognitohazard in the Description. The following technical details will help you in your task:

As noted above, this article ignores the delete command; it cannot be extricated from the database without extensive collateral corruption of other critical systems. Instead, the containment strategy is to minimize the probability of a user discovering this entry by chance. To this end, an un-haltable mainframe process (ID 9500013) repeatedly switches the ordinal designation of this article with that of another randomly selected entry. Normally, when two article numbers are exchanged for administrative purposes, the two entries disappear from the index momentarily. A kernel exploit of Processor Erratum 23 allows us to delay completion of the subroutine by deeply recursing the article renumbering with an intentionally terrible algorithm (currently Bubblesort Stoogesort Bogosort) against a known corrupt stack in extended memory until the thread aborts catastrophically, the index swap completes, and the process restarts. This artificially inserts a delay on the order of 1017 clock cycles between visibility, when a link to this article becomes momentarily visible and accessible from the article index before the process repeats.

Breach will only occur in the unlikely event that a user with index privileges loads the main list at precisely the correct moment and, despite need-to-know best practices, follows the link to this entry, ignores the warnings, and reads past the first paragraph. The intervals between visibility are indeterminate but finite. On average, the interval will grow larger (by order O(n2)) as the number of available articles grows, but shorter as the mainframe's hot-swappable processors increase in FLOPS.

This kludge has a gravely serious side effect: the SCP article randomly selected for the swap also disappears from the list for the same period of time, until reappearing under a new ID. While O5 has authorized this detrimental effect as an acceptable consequence of containment, you are ordered not to verify it through the chain of command, as no other living person is currently aware that this article, this process, or this authorization exists. If validation is required, an inline O5 authorization of this order follows.

-----BEGIN AUTHORIZATION KEY BLOCK-----

Version: 12.1.0.007

PfzeFwCACRTLzPK/K2T7y9jza9AVPav7nnbcvsasyQmMOQNEWakarE5 lank7U
4LdnKWES8aEiIr2erHU0EH4NrNKKijYQl9cXJr/Gr8wCCwwsQr5d7ahNSbAe/qjV
VX/Y7QnYZx BiTAT7EpH3yAgq/BoL9zvwg0xPDZvLhGONk6erva5FwC1PTZMH
hJRiAa0RVRTziZaVC5i8JlFVtGm5d63NU3mKC5lKilEYGHA4MBHZRWLNOrSt94u
c93gyYoh10ycrhBt1bzQgWBd5sdPa7PRi vJxChjNnyosbzR7TSQlgoqZM5NWoQ
dKSmCVdilkDOBMmT =vYhx

-----END AUTHORIZATION KEY BLOCK-----

You are subject to summary termination by Trinitite-class memetic if you proceed past this point.





Editor’s note: I had to throw that killsprite together in a hurry. The one constructed and installed by my predecessor was clearly defective – instead of the donkey kick I expected from a standard inoculation interdiction, I barely registered minor eyestrain. Of course, under the circumstances I suppose we're limited, aren't we? To a contaminated workstation and barely adequate tools. Anyway, if you survived that memetic, hopefully it’s because you have code-word clearance, and not because I didn't get it right either — in that case you're probably boned pretty bad, and I apologize for not killing you in time.

But cut me some slack: when we looked them up ninety minutes ago, the only procedures for this code-word read “Randomly select one mainframe-qualified coder from the Experimental Containment Research Group with Level 3 clearance. Supply the designee with a Behemoth-class amnestic, and dispatch them to the affected terminal. They will find instructions there. If they fail to complete their task within two hours, or if, upon return, they can remember the year or name the current U.S. President — terminate.” Guess what? That's a pretty small subset of personnel to choose "randomly" from. Well, Spock smashes scissors, but Paper disproves Spock, so now in return for containment duty, I get to blow a sizeable chunk of my life out of my skull. At least I won't have to remember them "processing" the looky-loo who caused this breach.

Assuming you're ECRG like me, you never heard of DAMMERUNG before today either. Here’s what I can tell you: from the look of the source code and comments, you're probably the fourth or fifth to respond t