Hi. I"m Clint Webb, and I"m running for Senate. I have a short cropped haircut, a pretty enough yet accessible looking wife, and a newborn baby that I"ve dressed in a suit - to prove to you, that I mean business. For the last fifteen years, I"ve lived my life in such a bland, uncontroversial and repressed manner, that it"s almost unnatural. Why? Because I"ve been preparing to be your representative since I was a child. Most well adjusted, sane men would be hesitant to take a job where their decisions would so drastically affect the lives of so many. Not me. I possess a sort of... sociopathic narcissism, that makes me think that I should be in charge of everyone - but all of that needs to start here, at home. In this beautiful state that I"ve grown to love, since I moved here eighteen months ago. Together, we can piggyback some of our state"s legitimate needs onto my unquenchable lust for self-glorification. And that"s a promise.

Here"s an unflattering picture of my opponent. Here"s a quote of his taken out of context. Oh - one more thing. I have a dog. I enlisted in the military for the minimum amount of time, in a position that would never see combat. Why? Well... because it would help me be your senator. I don"t make friends, I make acquaintances. All of my motives are ulterior. I"m self-involved to the point of psychosis. My soul... is terrifying. And that"s leadership. So this November, let"s send Washington a message. And what is that message? "Hey, me."

how"d ur wife get pregnant?

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what if it was purple