What was that not enough, you had to come check here too to make sure I was absolutely serious? Let me make it 100%, without a doubt, clear. I love Steve Harrington. Every day I wake up thankful I can exist in a universe that contains Steve Harrington. I spend my days looking forward to getting off work so I can load up this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game so I can stare at a group of pixels that resembles Steve Harrington. I occasionally dodge lobbies on killer to find Steves solely with the intent of giving them hatch. This is my entire personality and I plan to make it everyone else’s problem.
I could go on forever about every single facet of what makes Steve the most perfect thing to have ever been conceived. Starting from the top, quite literally, is his hair. It's probably not as soft as it looks, sadly. The amount of hairspray needed to achieve such a look would probably single handedly destroy the environment, but that's fine. What's more important, global warming or Steve? Of course since Steve isn't real that means I can imagine his hair to be as soft as a cloud and orgasmic to run my fingers through. I don’t care if it's a game play disadvantage since you can see it over the tops of some loops. Beauty is pain.
And of course the perfect set of hair lies on top of the perfect face. Big, brown eyes that you could just get lost in. His body, just absolutely perfect. The moles dotting his body like constellations in the night sky. The entire shape of his face is just absolutely perfect. It's a shame dbd doesn’t quite capture its magic. If i’m to be brutally honest the dbd model misses the mark on most of his facial features. But it's a flaw I’m willing to look past for the sake of my beloved.
Now the best cosmetic Steve has is obviously the scoops ahoy outfit. Minus the hat though. That thing is a beacon in game and might as well read “tunnel me” across it. The prestige head is the correct and proper choice. But those shorts, that leg hair, the socks? A little too much to bear at times. This game is very difficult to play with one hand :(. Second best cosmetic is his default green sweater, entirely because it makes noticeable the wideness of his chest. If you look closely you can vaguely see the outline of his nipples as well, a very welcomed bonus. Third and close contender to be tied for second in all honesty, is the gray jacket with the red bandanna. It gives off massive golden retriever boyfriend energy and is just all around very cute. Not at all fond of the goggles though. They look like they're squeezing his poor little head :(.
The season 1 ensemble is very good as well. It gives off a very daddy’s money energy and I like that vibe. Like he would spit in my mouth and call me a slur and I would thank him. Cute hair style too. The gray jacket with the backpack is my least favorite due to the chunkiness of it and the lack of stealth potential. Still, it is a Steve cosmetic so it is still one of the best cosmetics in the entire game no discussion. The sunglasses of course are a classic. I wish the prestige blood feature was a toggle, since I think it would be over for everyone if I could combine the look of the prestige head and the hair style of the sunglasses cosmetic. The Christmas sweater is a must during the holidays.. Also PS if anyone knows where I can find one of the real Eddie Bauer sweaters in that design please let me know, since they don’t make that specific one anymore. A special shout out to the Jonathan Byers legendary cosmetic, Jonathan is also a cutie.
Of course looks aren't everything, and Steve's personality is one of the defining features in my desire to simp for him. Something I value greatly is when someone desires to stand up for others, to protect them. Now I’ve never actually seen Stranger Things, but I think I've gotten the gist from various videos and tik toks and gifs across the internet that he's a good person. Now if Netflix could just do me a favor and tell us when his birthday is so I can celebrate it like a national holiday that would be great thanks.
Seeing a Steve in my lobby on killer is a celebrated occurrence. Of course it's also a nerve wracking experience, since the only killer I really play is Spirit and survivors tend to just dc or kill themselves on hook (Completely understandable). If a Steve dc’s I’ll carry on like normal but if he kills himself on hook, I truly have no other choice but to dc before he dies. I’ve never seen a dead Steve by my own hands and I never will. I will throw entire games to make sure the Steve lives. The worst I’ll do is borrow one for a pain res (this statement may become outdated soon), but I’ll never kill one. I don’t care if he t-bags me at every pallet. Good for him honestly. I’ll eat every flashlight save and head-on for him. I don’t care if it's a 4-man out, watching a Steve leave unharmed through the exit gate is a win in my book.
Now for you other killers out there reading this, could you really hurt a Steve? Could you look into those eyes of his and want to see them filled with tears. Could you really sit there and listen to his sobs when he's on the ground? It breaks my heart knowing that there's people out there that load up this game and could harm a Steve. If you have even a fraction of a soul I beg you to join my vow of never harming a Steve. Or maybe you’re going to tunnel me out of the game for this, whatever I have off the record anyway,
I think about Steve for probably 60% of my day. Is that considered a mental illness? Probably, but I don’t care. I get up, I go to my boring job, I pay my taxes, I deal with the soul crushing reality of being alive. I’m allowed to spend my evening going on the internet and being horny for my favorite little sailor boy. Am I cringe? Yes, but I am free. It could be worse, I could also be a furry (I am).
This fictional man drives me wild. Looking at him, I want to cut the crusts of his sandwiches, I want to fold his laundry, I want to have dinner ready for him when he comes home. I want to bend him over a table and hear him whimper. At one point in time my steam name was IWantToCumInSteve, and that sentiment hasn’t changed. If he wants six little nuggets I will give them to him myself. I want to see him live a happy and fulfilling life.
I would immolate myself on the steps of Netflix hq if it meant Steve makes it out of the end of Stranger Things alive (PLEASE DO NOT BECOME OUTDATED). Every day I pray for the return of the Stranger Things chapter, for the possibility of more Steve cosmetics. The desolation I feel that I may never get a shirtless Steve cosmetic hangs over my head constantly.