MULCH MULCH MULCH

Mulch

Mulch

Mulch

AUN E

Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front. When it comes to sexuality, I'm about as hetero as they come. If a gay guy came on to me, I'd be like, No way, bro. I'm a straight-up party boy who's into chicks. Yup, one gay dude wouldn't stand a chance. It would take at least five guys strapping me down to make it inside me. Sorry, that's just how straight I am. And even then I wouldn't make it easy. I'd be like, "Hey look! And they'd all shriek "Where?!" at once, and I'd run for it, and they'd be like, "He's getting away! I want his butt!" And once they got me strapped down, I'd stop fighting it because that would be giving them what they want. So, I'd just relax into it and taunt them by telling them how ripped and sexy I find them and letting them know how much I'm enjoying myself. So, even though I'd have a bunch of ripped guys all taking turns on my butt, I'd still be enjoying it. But only because I forced myself to. There are too many of them. What am I, Chuck Norris?"