Watched bilbo baggins birthday yesterday but was under the impression that we just had an election! Why didn’t these hobbits vote?

We are going to have an unbelievable, perhaps record-setting turnout for the inauguration, and there will be plenty of movie and entertainment hobbit celebrities. All the dress shops are sold out in Hobbiton. It’s hard to find a great dress for this inauguration.

Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. Love!”

An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that Legolas birth certificate is a fraud.

Bilbo Beutlin should not take back Aragorn. He cheated on him like a dog & will do it again – just watch. He can do much better!

Sauron is unattractive, both inside and out. I fully understand why his former Ring left him for a Hobbit – he made a good decision.

I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our mordor border, and I will make Sauron pay for that wall. Mark my words.

When Saruman sends his orks, he is not sending the best. He is not sending you, He is sending orks that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with them. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bring crime. They’re rapists… And some, I assume, are good orks.

If I were running ‘Lord of the rings’, I’d fire Boromir. I mean, I’d look at him right in that fat, ugly face of him, I’d say ‘Bro, you’re fired.

All of the rap3d women on mount doom flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.