Hawk Tuah Bot
Theodore J Kaczynski   United States
 
 
I love the female form but good lord do I never want to go down on a woman again. I’d rather suck a ♥♥♥♥.

I am 37. Slept with 34 women. Amicably divorced. Kids. Never had a homosexual thought or any attraction to men. This post is NOT about me WANTING to give a guy head. This is about me NOT ever wanting to go down on a woman again, to the extent that I would rather suck a ♥♥♥♥.

I don’t want this to be a male vs female post. It’s not about shaming women. Please don’t turn the tables and say “are you sure you’re not gay?”. I am not. It is just my unpopular opinion. i absolutely love women and their bodies. I just think vaginas are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ disgusting. They feel great and look good from a certain angle but keep that ♥♥♥♥ away from my face.

I used to be fun and very giving in bed. Idk if I lucked out with the women I’ve been with in the past but the last few have ruined vagina-eating for me forever. Still love to ♥♥♥♥ and use my hands, but above my shoulders I am done. I have retired my mouth.

Why? Here’s a few reasons:

It’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mucus pocket that discharges non stop. Yay discharge. Let me go down on you while there is discharge caked against your lips. The amount of tiktok videos I have seen from women talking about the disgusting ♥♥♥♥ that comes out of their vagina has made me ill. The last two women I was with had crotches that smelled like a bucket of dead fish. I am not trying to be insensitive with this. They likely had BV or something. It was god awful. I can take regular ass smell or vagina smell but not ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dead fish man. I am scarred by this. I can’t even go to Target anymore without wondering if my cashier has a fish market between her legs. I hate that I even have to think this. I am considering legal action against my former partner(s) for ruining my Target trips. Women have to head to the bathroom to freshen up before sex. Excuse me? You have to wipe away crusted up (or perhaps gooey) discharge? You have to remove bits of toilet paper trapped in your ♥♥♥♥♥ lips? You have to wet wipe your crotch before feeding it to me? Bravo. Vaginas are so complex you can make ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ yogurt in them. This is about as unappealing as it gets for me. It looks like the Predators mouth when you’re down there. Fantastic, lemme get an autograph. I have a beard. I do not want your sloppy slime embedded in my facial hair all evening Even under the best circumstances ♥♥♥♥♥ tastes like battery acid. Yum. I have an unconfirmed suspicion that when a woman farts (depending on certain factors) that the fart can travel up and into her vagina hole.

Why I’d rather blow a dude (no ♥♥♥ swallow):

As a circumcised ♥♥♥♥ owner for nearly 4 decades my junk has only ever smelled like balls or possibly ass. A ♥♥♥♥ is an external appendage. You do not have to ‘get up in it’ to get the job done. It’s probably like sucking on a big hot dog I’ll bet. The amount of articles detailing how to care for your vagina is very disheartening. It is 2021 and women still haven’t figured out all the tricks. No one is writing articles about how to properly care for your ♥♥♥♥. The ♥♥♥♥ is as set-it-and-forget-it as you can get. It does not discharge It does not bleed You cannot make yogurt inside a ♥♥♥♥ it most likely can never smell like dead fish without it becoming necrotic first
Currently In-Game
Team Fortress 2
Lost my (22m) virginity to my friend (25f) who decided to surprise me the next day with a long list of mistakes I made in bed
She's a preschool teacher and she seems to really love her job. I appreciate that she enjoys teaching kids, but sometimes she forgets to deactivate her teacher mode when she's with me. Like she's always quick to give me the glasses on the tip of her nose stare down before correcting me on a random word I pronounced wrong or something. It never really bothered me that she was like that. Not until we decided to sleep together.

She knew I was a virgin. I knew she had a high sex drive. We both knew every person on the planet was a potential incubator for Covid, so I guess the idea of us having sex during a time of social separation was kind of inevitable. Two days ago we hooked up. I enjoyed the experience and I thought she did too. Little did I know she made a list of everything I did wrong. She didn't waste any time sending me that list the following morning. This is what I had to read a day after losing my virginity:

1. Thrusting is not just rapid in and out movements like you're impaling my vagina, but also swaying your hips like you're hula hooping in slow mo.
2. If you notice me plucking one of your pubes from my tongue or teeth during a blowjob, just allow it to happen without providing an awkward apology.
3. Follow up to #2: hands off my head when I'm blowing you.
4. No need to say "I'm in" when you put your penis inside another person.
5. There's a difference between moaning, which is hot, and humming, which is just weird (dude you're a hummer).
6. Repeatedly asking me if it feels good becomes distracting when it's actually feeling good.
7. Kissing and groping is still possible during penetration otherwise our upper bodies might as well just leave the room.
8. Talking dirty sounds unnatural coming from you, I dunno, it's like hearing your favourite Disney character use the word "♥♥♥♥".
9. I'm not naked for nothing so no need to close your eyes when I'm riding you.
10. Teasing me with your tongue as you made your way towards my vagina was good, until you kind of forgot about my vagina because you were too busy rimming my belly button.
11. Consistency is key during oral, so if I breathe heavier, moan harder or grind all over your face... don't change what you're doing down there otherwise you're never gonna make me ♥♥♥.
12. Consent is always good but you don't need my permission to switch positions.
13. You have a ♥♥♥ face, you must have, please invent one if you don't, because an expressionless orgasm is unattractive AF.

Based on how I described her personality I probably should've seen this coming. But damn. It was my first time, show some mercy. I'm so nervous to have sex again because I don't want that list to become even longer. Do you think she's nitpicking for the most part or am I just bad at sex?
Kazuma_ 18 Dec @ 11:42am 
heey, addded ;3
Kazuma_ 6 Dec @ 12:43pm 
heey, added ;3
TRUE-kari 18 Nov @ 12:41am 
Hawk Tuah! Spit on that thang! 💦
Cocaineslut 17 Nov @ 9:54pm 
those who know: :Tetro_Love:
ez$ 22 Sep @ 4:03pm 
-rep no head
~Alino4ka~ 4 Sep @ 2:22pm 
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