I seem to have forgotten many things, like my childhood playmates, my elementary school classmates, and my middle school classmates.
After watching My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU, I wanted to become someone like Hachiman Hikigaya. I also chose to forget my elementary and middle school days. But was that really my intention? Did I truly want to forget? Or did time simply erode those memories?
I still remember having a very good playmate when I was little, but sadly, I’ve forgotten his name, his face, and everything about him. It was only later, when I overheard my father say that he had passed away, that I was reminded of his existence.
They say death comes in three stages:
1.The first stage is when your heart stops beating—biologically, you’re dead.
2.The second stage is at your funeral, when those who knew you come to mourn you—your social presence is gone.
3.The third stage is when the last person who remembers you dies—then you truly cease to exist.
Unfortunately, I’ve already forgotten him. All I remember is that he once existed.
Regret—I often feel regret. But I also seem to be carefree. Regret doesn’t make my memories clearer because I’m just that kind of person.
Trading souls—I’ve thought about trading souls too. I really dislike taking photos because I don’t want to preserve memories. When I’m old, looking at those photos and recalling the past might make me suffer.
Am I afraid of death? Maybe I am. That’s why I dislike holding onto beautiful memories, as they might make dying more painful. But would it really be painful?
Perhaps I won’t know until I’m on the verge of death. I envy beautiful things and long for them. Yet, thinking about how even the most beautiful things will eventually fade makes me sad. On reflection, erasing all memories before death might not be so bad. Without memories, I wouldn’t think of anything or anyone. That kind of state might actually be blissful.
When will I die? Will anyone remember me after I’m gone? I hope no one does. I’d like to depart quietly, just as I arrived quietly, without leaving a trace behind.