Lord of the Ping
☕ Kettle: Always on. Skill: Always off.
🎮 KD Ratio: 1:Tea
🇬🇧 Trash talk: Polite but devastating.
⚽ Controller: Covered in crisps crumbs.
🍺 Tactics: Blame lag, blame teammates, blame Brexit.
🐟 Favourite weapon: The fish and the chips.
🎤 Mic: Muted because Mum’s hoovering.
💀 Playstyle: Like the NHS, underfunded and in shambles.

Still here? Fancy a cuppa?