Un jandebo!

In the 4th grade, I was humped by a giant poodle and was never the same.
By the age of 14, I had my own business of Hula Hoop logistics. After 5 years of monopolizing the market, I sold it to buy a life time supply of Slim Jims and V-Neck-Turtleneck shirts.
I married at 22 to a successful tupperware salesman and divorced at 23 because he was too dedicated to his career.
Now I bathe in self-loathing and waste away on video games while begging for any source of physical abuse.

Wait what?:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RroVxJO-kng

Support the tits:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-2LryL6FKU