Chilling in the Triforce game-den with my
big-titted Asian gf. Of course we are gaming
all day and of course we are capturing it
all on podcast. Super Metroid, Rufio from
Hook, Nickelodeon Gak, and of course my
homeboy MC Chris. 80s and 90s nostalgia at
it's finest! Fire up the four-way controller
and have some friends over for some manon-
man action with Left 4 Dead (of course
I'm blasting everybody with the pulse rifle
or my personal favorite, the crowbar). $40-
$60 is a reasonable price to pay for a
game especially when you consider how
much good, constructive use you get out of
it. When you sit back and think about the
dimension and complexity that games add to
your life, especially anime fantasy stories
where you go on a three-hour-long quest to
unlock another two-hour-long quest to fight
the boss and get the ultimate materia--it
definitely makes sense to pay $60 for this
or spend a little more for the collector's
tin. Collecting things like Dunnys and
figurines and maintaining a large collection
of stuff is important because it harkens
back to our cave-man days and puts us in
touch with what makes us human. I don't know
about you but if my room wasn't packed to
the brim with comics and gay little figurines
and all this stupid ♥♥♥♥ I bought, I'd feel
pretty unaccomplished. Damn! Anyway…
Tomb Raider used to be cool. She used to be
this no-nonsense British chick with an all-
-business pony tail. You wouldn't want to
date her because she's a bit of a demanding
♥♥♥♥♥, but she's effective and gets stuff
done. Now I guess it's some mousy chick
that looks like a gamer's ultimate fantasy
girlfriend. The new Tomb Raider looks like
a girl who works at Hot Topic. I don't
know. Women are definitely able to do stuff
sometimes but the ones who are able to do
physical stuff don't look like this. They
look like G.I. Jane only even more so. Like
taut facial muscles, you know what I mean.
Lookup female powerlifter... This new Tomb
Raider I just don't buy it. She looks like
a girl I would sexually tease if I went
into Newberry Comics and she was working
there. I'd probably tug on her lanyard
and breath my stinky breath in her face
and make her feel how sexual I get, and I
wouldn't think twice about doing it because
she's really not one of these sinewy butch
chicks who might actually be able to beat
me up... IDK I just think it's unrealistic
especially dual-wielding Desert Eagles with
wrists that size.

Anyway, I was just watching Will Wheaton's
vlogcast where he invites other washed-up
clowns over to play card games and I got to
thinking on the nature of games--had to blog
it. I guess the only other thing I want to say
is that if you don't game you don't know what
you're missing. I've been on Zara Prime, I've
been on space frigates, I fought off Gannon
side-by-side with Link, I've stolen the Crown
Jewels with the Game of Throne's Assin Creed,
I've done it all… I've lived ten lifetimes and
you've only lived one. Look at my girlfriend's
cosplay and tell me you aren't jealous.

I love my waifu and her cosplaywa-des. There is
something so sexy about cosplay. Dumpy girls
who have no business leaving the house really,
they sit on their asses 8500 hours out of the
year, but when it comes time to play pretend
Japanese cartoons they get done up to the
nines and strut their stuff. It is hot as hell
and I'm not joking. Big dumpy legs, big milky
tits, lots of acne, all wrapped up tight like a
sausage. The last time I went to one of these
conventions, they had all these beanbag chairs
lined up outside some LARP panel, and I was
laying on one, and this fat 15-year-old Misty
from Pokemon bent over and put her ♥♥♥♥♥ right
in my face. The following week I masturbated so
much I think I bruised my urethra. So kawaii.

Of course for my own girlfriend I had to
choose the cutest and most diminutive of
all the Tifa princesses. She is as cute
as Asuka (NGE) but as wife-like as Aoi (Ai
Yori Aoshi). Something like 4'6 tall, with
incredibly sexy long gymnast/runner legs,
long white/blue hair, likes the coulour
green, has a fetish for hoodies, has an
obsession with dubstep, and is VERY young,
almost Japanese-looking. Her name is Aiko.

Aiko also has f-ing beautiful HUGE eyes
that shimmer, sometimes they are purple,
sometimes they are gold. Perky firm-ness
all around, with fair skin, OMFG bellydancer
hips, tattoos, and tomboy style with
underlying femininity. She is assertive too,
almost ♥♥♥♥♥♥ to other guys. Yes, I like
the real-world tsundere girls. In the end
I want a partner, not a pet. And what good
is a pet who is hooking up with other guys
because she's too meek to refuse them? What
good is a woman who neither thinks nor
speaks? If all you need is a hole, you can
rent those. Did I mention she is a trap?

I think now I'd like to talk about myself and
my training, and my aspirations. I am somewhat
of a hacker. I used to dabble with hacking in
middle school but one day I hacked into a bank
and got in trouble with federal agents. I am
fairly proficient with most types of blades,
including swords, knives, axes, etc. I've
trained with swords the most, concentrating on
curved, slashing blades and rapiers. I have
wielded medieval and European cross-hilted
swords before but I consider myself bad with
those overall. I also studied Shaolin kempo
for 8 years and used to be a dedicated emptyhand,
striking-oriented fighter. Sadly, I haven't
trained my empty-hand skills for the last four
years or so. I hope the effects of my bone
conditioning are still around. Sometimes I
can't fully open my hands because of how much
bone conditioning I used to do. I'm a hopeless
grappler (just can't get those moves down) but
I've trained myself to escape from most holds
pretty quickly while giving me a chance to
employ counterstrikes.
Anyway, that's it. I think I would excel as
shift manager of this Dunkin' Donuts and won't
let you down if I get the job.
Looking forward to working with you