be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: Anon didn't quit porn

Gay: Anon admits that he's gay

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his ♥♥♥ out of my wife's ♥♥♥♥♥ if he finds my comment funny enough

I wanna get KennyG pregnant. I wanna see that cute little femboy belly swell, all round and full, knowing it's because of me. I want him walking around, feeling that weight, the weight of what we made together. Oh, imagine those slim hips struggling with that soft, growing bump, knowing he's carrying my baby. Every time he rubs that belly, he’ll be thinking of me.

I need him craving more, needing to be filled over and over, until he's just glowing, looking like the perfect little boymom. And when he waddles around in those tight little outfits, trying to hide the roundness but can't? Oof, that’s when I know I've done it right. I’ll keep him close, hand on that belly, whispering, "You’re gonna make such a pretty boymom, aren’t you?"

I won’t stop until he’s the most beautiful boypreg you've ever seen. We’re not done until every inch of him screams "pregnant for me," and then, maybe, just maybe, I'll finally be satisfied... but we both know I’ll want another.

Ever since I was seventeen years old, I’ve had a raging fetish for breast milk. Of course, I’ve had no way of getting it at the time, so i just had to imagine drinking the sweet, vitamin packed nectar from a woman’s breast. Around my 20s, I had become so obsessed with it that I had to rob the local breast milk storage bank (yes they have those in my town). I was able to pick the lock to the room and get into it. I looked around and found about 120 gallons of that ♥♥♥♥. I’d broken into the bank at around 3:23 am, and I got found at around 6:30 am. When I was found and arrested, I had drinken 110 gallons in those three hours. I got charged for all the lost milk and 2 years in prison for the robbery. Anyways here I am now in prison typing this on a phone that was snuck in through someone’s ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Prisons nice except for being raped twice a day. My message to whoever reads this is: Beg a woman for breast milk instead of robbing your local milk bank.

I was wondering. I find gamer chicks to be super hot. Would u be interested in having me come by whenever you want, you sit back and play your videos games and i service you. I wil be rubbing and kissing your feet. I will also be eating your vagina for as long as youd like me too. It would be all about you, you wouldnt have to do anything to me... Unless you wanted too. I would spend hours just giving you orgasms while you play your games. I hope you take this seriously and are interested.

forgive english, i am Russia.

i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also.

We sex together. As i ♥♥♥♥ this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. It too late for stopping so I am ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM ♥♥♥ FROM SEX". She say what? I say "I AM ♥♥♥ FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM ♥♥♥ FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I ♥♥♥ IN ASS" and my mother very angry me.

I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.

I was wondering. I find gamer chicks to be super sexy. Would u be interested in having me come by whenever you want, you sit back and play your videos games and i service you. I wil be rubbing and kissing your feet. I will also be eating your vagina for as long as youd like me too. It would be all about you, you wouldnt have to do anything to me... Unless you wanted too. I would spend hours just giving you orgasms while you play your games. I hope you take this seriously and are interested.