Recent reviews by Ludejano Elta

Air Dribbling, Flip Resets, Wave Dashing

These are the mechanics most players will tell you that you will need to play this game well.

But to really enjoy this game you only need one skill:

Choosing good quick chat commands to spam to sass your opponents and team-mates.

Anything else borders on onanism honestly and this is a Christian review section we'll have none of that The Lord Will Make You Go Blind.

Historically accurate simulator of Chinese history where all combat is settled by martial arts and transforming into giant frog demons and throwing fireballs and icicle spears.

(also you'll have to go through a lot of faff to get this game working as opposed to being able to just install and play but all kidding aside it's worth it this is PEAK Bioware)

Spend the first few minutes re-rolling until you get the start you want.
Think about what victory you want to go for early because if you don't know by like Turn 20 and aren't gunning entirely for it sigh and accept that you're probably just going to end up with a Diplomacy victory (since I have LEGITIMATELY won those by accident in the past when I was going for a Domination Victory.)
Lose turns accidentally sending the wrong unit in the wrong direction
Master the thousand yard stare from your scout spotting an almost finished version of the wonder you've 20 turns away from
Rinse and repeat until you end up with a run you're happy with


End up winning a Diplomacy victory anyway.

*sigh*

So in 2011 I had a friend who was OBSESSED with hearing me speak on Skype or on the phone because I have a west country accent and Wheatley has the same accent.

Our accent is automatically associated with friendly stupidity because people think of Bristolians as farmers, when actually it's better to describe us as pirates. Dorset, Wiltshire, Devon and the rest of Somerset are the farmers, Bristolians, the Cornish, and people from Plymouth at a PUSH are pirates.

Also Bristol's like the 9th largest city in the UK last I checked we ain't farmers honestly get fu-

Oh. Uh. Yeah. Portal 2. Really good game, replay it every few years or so but stopped for ages due to associating with a family event, sad I missed on a couple of replays of a fun as hell and funny game.

"Oh man, I really loved Asylum and City, but I think City went a little too far with how much Riddler stuff there is to collect I hope they learned and toned it down a little"

Rocksteady: "Look we just REALLY liked working with Wally Wingert and we needed to justify giving him more lines" (or something I don't know lol TLDR I'm 90% there's more than City and Asylum COMBINED in Riddler trophies and destructibles)

Also I can NOT hear John Noble as Scarecrow saying "Soon Batman, you will fall to the terror I've unleashed on the city" without wanting to follow it up with "Oh and Peter, while you're out, can you grab me a butterscotch sundae?"

Please watch Fringe.

There was a (terrible sinking feeling that this game was going to be an abject failure that completely missed the point of what made the original one of the greatest horror experiences of all time despite not actually being that fun of a game to play but propped up by sheer atmosphere, symbolism and incredible sound design) here.

It's gone now.


This game was better that I could have dared to hope, and without wanting to give it away, makes some choices which I think could in time have this game prove to be the best in the entire series. The fact that I am saying a game in the Silent Hill franchise could be the best in the series and it was released after 2003 is WILD. But here we are.

I can't even give this my usual weird "wait til I'm exhausted and write stream of consciousness" bit that I do with my other reviews because... This deserves better.

There was a video once putting footage of Adam punching civilians to Ludacris' Move and I think that's the single best piece of media around this game you could ever watch.

To top it all off, there was a Youtube comment "I use this video as a walkthrough"
Peak. Play it or don't I guess I'm not your dad. Unless we're about to have a very difficult conversation please don't I'm poor as it is I could do without backdated child support thank you.

There's a bullet that fires guns.
A million and nine gun puns.
Soundtrack slaps.
YOU CAN PET THE DOG.


A

This game is better than you remember.

Sure it doesn't have the WYK twist (it's 2024 good grief it's just like Aerith Dies if you don't know that by now what do you know? Have you been on gaming internet anytime in the last x amount of years? Actually, so much time has passed now that I guess that's left the zeitgeist long enough it could be a spoiler oh no I've done that thing again haven't I) and it doesn't have some of the beautiful visuals and story twists and turns of Infinite but honestly this game has so much quality of life stuff compared to 1 that I actually think it is a better gameplay experience.

(SERIOUSLY THOUGH HOW DOES ONE KNOW HOW LONG IS A SORT OF GRACE PERIOD TO STOP TALKING ABOUT MEDIA LONG ENOUGH FOR IT TO BE A SPOILER?)

In 2013 this game was something I saw as a scathing critique on avarice and on the ever growing rise of vapid nonsense content, especially in how Michael's kids are, and a lot of meaningless spend of in game currency is needed to get that 100% so you're forced to participate in it.

Fast forward to 2024 and this game is now a glaring model in corporate avarice in pumping out vapid nonsense content that people still shell out 100s of dollars for in game currency to be able to keep up in terms of good gear and all of the other BS it feels like you'll need to engage in the new modes if you haven't been no-lifing this game since they actually fixed the multiplayer.

But I enjoyed the singleplayer enough that I would always happily go back to it if I need to kill a week or so off work.