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62 of 89 (70%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly"s Protege

Pissed in someone"s face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 8:41am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 9 Feb, 2016 @ 10:54pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 9:50am

Chapelle"s Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2020 @ 5:39pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 3:20pm

Michonne ain"t got nothin" on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 1 Apr, 2016 @ 3:45pm

Someone"s got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 5:28am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2016 @ 11:52am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 1 Apr, 2016 @ 5:20pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 24 May, 2016 @ 1:29pm

Workin" for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 19 Aug, 2016 @ 5:27pm

OMG, WE"RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 2 Mar, 2016 @ 2:45pm

Rebecca Black"s Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2016 @ 3:11pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 8 Apr, 2016 @ 1:03pm

Darth Maul"d!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 1 Apr, 2016 @ 4:05pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 8 Apr, 2016 @ 1:14pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2016 @ 5:14pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 21 Mar, 2016 @ 2:43pm

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 8 Apr, 2016 @ 12:47pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 6:03am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2016 @ 11:52am

Hutton Gibson Can"t Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 8 Mar, 2016 @ 9:03am

And THAT"S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2016 @ 12:33pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 3:26pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2016 @ 3:06pm

Can"t Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2016 @ 5:13pm

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 2 Apr, 2016 @ 1:00pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer"s uniform.
Unlocked 1 Apr, 2016 @ 6:12pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2016 @ 12:46pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2016 @ 12:33pm

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2016 @ 12:33pm

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2016 @ 12:33pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 3:27pm

It"s not cheating, because it"s YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 21 Sep, 2020 @ 6:06am

Where"s Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 2 Apr, 2016 @ 12:50pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 8:23am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2016 @ 4:58pm

Don"t taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer"s uniform.
Unlocked 8 Apr, 2016 @ 1:22pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 5:49am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 19 Aug, 2016 @ 4:13pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 9 Feb, 2016 @ 10:54pm

Officer McLovin"

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 5:32am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 5:36am

Well, aren"t YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 9 Feb, 2016 @ 10:50am

I don"t know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that"s on fire.
Unlocked 1 Mar, 2016 @ 5:31am

It"s sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 12 Feb, 2016 @ 9:16am

It"s OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 5:38am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 21 Mar, 2016 @ 2:28pm

I don"t need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 7 Mar, 2016 @ 6:00am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 19 Aug, 2016 @ 5:31pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody"s limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 22 Sep, 2020 @ 4:17pm

Chuck Norris"d!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 1 Apr, 2016 @ 4:37pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 16 Aug, 2020 @ 3:18pm

There"s always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 6 Mar, 2016 @ 1:07pm

Found "em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2020 @ 6:46pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2016 @ 6:40am

John Rambo"d!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 3 Sep, 2020 @ 3:53pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 13 Feb, 2016 @ 3:09pm

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 15 Aug, 2016 @ 12:33pm

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 19 Aug, 2016 @ 5:33pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 1 Mar, 2016 @ 4:39am

I"m not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 3 Sep, 2020 @ 4:21pm



Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
3 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
1 / 30

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu" Talkin" "Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

Gettin DP"d

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
26 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+9

9 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked