Brave man who once fought off a spider with only two fingers. Inventor of cool handshakes. Professional sandcastle builder and part time magician. Greatest accomplishments include cooking minute made rice under a minute. Permanently employed by the sperm bank for being the perfect specimen.

"There's nothing more American than my 4th of July party last year. After cracking a new tin of Copenhagen straight, A poof a smoke appeared from the glistening dip. It was none other than George Washington himself, and the nod he gave me with a stern look on his face told me exactly what I had to do. I packed a hammer and immediately sprouted bald eagle wings. I flew over Iraq and pooped tomahawk missiles on Isis positions. I flew back home, transformed into a 1967 GTO and drove straight to ♥♥♥♥♥town. 'Mericuh." 

PSN: PoonMan10
P.S. Im always high.