I sexually Identify as John Cena. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of defending my WWE championship at WWE SUPERSLAM. People say to me that a person being John Cena is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, You Can't See Me. I'm having Vince McMahon inject me with Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect. From now on I want you guys to call me "Champ" and respect my right to Five Knuckle Shuffle and Never Give Up. If you can't accept me you're a cenaphobe and need to check your championship privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, Yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill Yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best! 👍👍

: Yo fam im new!!!!!!! holds up mixtape my name is Daquan but u can call me t3h N1GgA oF d00m!!!!!!!! bruh…as u can see im a real savage. thats why i came here, 2 meet 💯% no chill ppl like me… im 16 years old (i got first hand street experience tho!!) i like 2 Netflix n chill w/ my sidepiece (cuz you know this ain't my main one, smdh) bcuz da ♥♥♥♥♥ is straight fire!!!! shes savage 2 of course but i want 2 meet more savage ppl =) like they say the more lit the squad the more lit the ♥♥♥♥♥!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make a big squad here so give me lots of retweets!!!! WHYTHISNIGGADRAKELOOKLIKEASAUDIWARLORD?????!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein savage again _^ hehe…stay real fam!!! ! !

I believed that I only got so many touches on my weiner - just straight touching it, like to use the bathroom - before it fell off. But I wasn't sure just how many it was. So I would avoid touching myself and when I did accidentally graze it, I would instantly panic and mentally count how many I'd done versus how many I potentially had left. This lasted at least a yea

Man and wife work in glorious Soviet tractor factory. One day, they get tired from building communism, so go into city to stand in bread line. They hire babysitter to watch over children for night. Babysitter left with children in proud Soviet home. Tells parents will take good care.
Father get call from babysitter after a few hours. Babysitter tell father that children reading Marx like good Soviets, but room is drafty because there are no windows. Asks father if okay to move children to parents' room to read Marx. Father says okay, but babysitter have one final request. She ask if can cover up Lenin statue in room because it is frightening her. Father drop phone (should have worn gloves), then tell babysitter, "Take children and get out of house. We do not have Lenin statue!"
Mother and father race home to find KGB at house. KGB arrest babysitter for finding Lenin statue frightening, then arrest parents for not having Lenin statue.
Such is life in Moscow.

A Muslim kid loses his mom at the grocery store. He runs up to a clerk crying and says "Help me, I can't find my mommy!" The clerk says "It's okay, honey, what does your mom look like?" The kid says "I have no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idea."