So, “Milagro” is next in the rewatch. Before I see it again, here’s the review I wrote up the night it originally aired. Since the episode is really metafiction about writers and characters, I did it as a panel discussion including me and several characters I’d created for various kind of fiction that I was writing. Ophidia is a self-conscious Mary Sue introduced in some veeeeeery old fanfic. Altaria is Ophidia’s partner. Theamh and Lythril are from an origianl fantasy series that I once believed I would publish one day. You will also see that I had but newly discovered a thing called “fanfiction.” Enjoy.
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MILAGRO
Since this episode is all about metanarratives, I’m gonna do a meta review.
PLAIDDER: Good evening, and welcome to “Women On.” Today we’re going to be discussing last night’s metafictional X-Files episode. Here to give us her insights on the fanfiction angle is Ophidia Varegia…
OPHIDIA: Good evening.
PLAIDDER: And here to articulate Mrs. Plaidder’s viewpoint is Ophidia’s partner Altaria…Tarey, thank you for coming.
ALTARIA: I’m delighted to be here.
PLAIDDER: And please welcome to the program our special guest Theamh ni hUlnach, all the way from Women on Fire…(OPHIDIA and ALTARIA clap encouragingly; THEAMH looks around at the cameras and crew with some suspicion) Theamh, thanks for coming.
THEAMH: Who are these people, and what am I doing here?
PLAIDDER: I figure since you practice a religion based on the power of language to change reality, you should weigh in on this…
THEAMH: All right, that’s half the answer, now–
PLAIDDER: Ladies, let’s start with the premise. Good idea? Big mistake?
OPHIDIA: What is this, a rhetorical question? We all know how you love this meta stuff, don’t we, ladies? (Nods and murmurs from the other panelists) And especially since they have recently done a pretty good job with episodes that play around with narrative and the distinction between reality and fiction–
ALTARIA: Like the one on the boat, and the Smoking Man’s memoirs episode, and “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space”–
OPHIDIA: –so I think the premise has big time potential, especially given the fact that these writers and producers *know* there are hundreds of viewers out there trying to do the exact same thing to Mulder and Scully that Paget was doing.
PLAIDDER: Well, not *exactly* the same thing.
OPHIDIA: No, but you can see the entire premise as a commentary on fanfiction. Here is this guy who’s trying to write a novel based on Scully and Mulder, and thinking that he can control both of them–especially, that he can manipulate Scully into having sex with who he wants her to have sex with, which in this case is the Stranger, a.k.a. Mary Sue. And on that level there are some nice touches. For instance, he invents a gruesome serial murderer, not because he’s really that interested in serial killing but because he wants to meet Scully–just as fanfiction writers invent these paranormal murder plots partly because they’re interested but mostly to get the chance to work with her. In fact, the apparent motivelessness of the murders aligns this plot with a lot of X-Files fanfiction, where the only point of the murder plot is to bring Scully and Mulder together.
THEAMH: Does she always talk this much?
OPHIDIA: Hey, I don’t want to hear it from you. I would kill to be a first-person narrator.
PLAIDDER: Returning to the topic–
OPHIDIA: And the other nice thing is the balance between the power of “real life” and the power of the story, as regards Scully’s character. He can’t write the end he wants because it involves what fanfiction writers call “character rape”–making Scully do things that she would never in a million years do.
ALTARIA: If I might get a word in–
OPHIDIA: Of course.
ALTARIA: This right there is my entire problem. I think the whole episode was about character rape from start to finish.
OPHIDIA: But you only watched the first ten minutes.
ALTARIA: That is because I cannot stand watching Scully get stalked, and that’s obviously all that this episode was about. The entire thing was nothing but an excuse to put her in danger and expose her to this sexualized and objectifying violence. That’s why it sucked.
OPHIDIA: Don’t you think “sucked” is going a little far? I mean, you gotta like the premise–
ALTARIA: Premise, schmemise. I’m sorry, but this isn’t a serious attempt to explore all those meta issues that Plaidder finds so interesting–it’s not about writing at all, it’s just about sexploitation.
PLAIDDER: Would you want to elaborate on that–
THEAMH: Well of course it’s not about writing.
PLAIDDER: Come again?
THEAMH: I can see why you expected me to like this episode, seeing as the thing is based on the central premise of shri–which is that if you can describe something in a way that tells the truth about it, you can make it happen. But you see in order to have this power you have to actually be a *good* writer, not just some creepy guy with no furniture. (Applause from the other side of the set)
OPHIDIA: You go, girl!
THEAMH: Thank you. I think that what–Altaria? (ALTARIA nods) is saying about it being sexploitation has to do with the quality of the writing. This man is not a dementedly intense genius–he’s a hack. “She brushed an errant strand of Titian hair behind her ear”?
OPHIDIA: (chiming in) Yeah, somewhere in L.A. there’s a drug store that’s all out of Harlequin romances.
PLAIDDER: Oh come on, Theamh, you brush your hair behind your ears all the time–
THEAMH: My hair gets in my face, what can I tell you. (As PLAIDDER is about to interrupt) Oh, I know it’s a convention to indicate that I’m pausing before answering or paying attention to something else–and frankly, if you could use it less often I don’t think anyone would complain–
OPHIDIA: But “Titian”?
THEAMH: What is that, some synonym for “dyed”?
OPHIDIA: No–Titian was an Italian painter who apparently liked paiting redheaded women.
THEAMH: So he’s seen too many of this guy’s paintings?
OPHIDIA: That or he’s read too many romance novels. “Titian” is one of those cliches–women in books like that have Titian hair like they have lithe, slim bodies or full, soft lips.
ALTARIA: It goes with all that bullshit about how Scully’s hard and cold on the outside but underneath she’s just a smoldering fire of passion and surrender waiting to be lit by the first guy who takes an interest. That’s what I mean about character rape. If a man comes up to you in a church and starts telling you he’s been obsessed with you for a way long time now, that’s *not* a turn-on. That does not say “at last, the man has come who can make me a complete woman,” it says, “I need to talk to someone about a temporary restraining order.”
PLAIDDER: OK, I’ll give you that–but wasn’t some of the point of this that this guy had limited power to alter reality? Not enough to get her to actually have sex with him, but enough to make her talk to him twice?
ALTARIA: It’s still character rape, and I still hate it.
OPHIDIA: And then Mulder–“a Hegelian act of self-justification”? Does this guy even know who Hegel is?
PLAIDDER: PRobably he’s remembering back to Philosophy 117–
OPHIDIA: “Expeditiously violating the fourth amendment”? This is one of those people who thinks that the way to be a good writer is to prove that your vocabulary is bigger than everyone else’s. He’s a self-important pain in the ass who thinks affectation is equivalent to talent.
THEAMH: Exactly.
PLAIDDER: What affectation?
OPHIDIA: Who composes on a typewriter any more?
PLAIDDER: Well, if he can’t afford furniture, probably he can’t afford a laptop.
OPHIDIA: That’s bullshit. If he’s that into writing he pays for that first–before he plunks down a deposit for that apartment, which has gotta be in one of the DC area’s pricier buildings. The typewriter is just there because it’s part of this lingering romantic idea of the Genius Writer Up in his Garret banging away on his portable typewriter and living on coffee and bourbon. He doesn’t think he can be a Real Writer unless he’s typing out a manuscript on real paper–it’s like Jack Kerouac and his friggin’ scrolls, or that asshole quoted in your “Writer’s Guide” about how he only uses rag paper and a fountain pen because he thinks it’s the only way–
PLAIDDER: It’s true, the episode perpetuates those myths about creativity, including the one that people who write have no real life, which frankly I get sick of seeing repeated–
ALTARIA: Especially that now instead of thinking of the Genius Writer Up in his Garret as merely self-destructive and suicidal, he’s outer-directed. We’ve now merged the whole Shelley/Keats/Poe/Hemingway myth of the brilliant, doomed writer with the “quiet loner” serial killer, and the result is this mess. A starving writer who’s homicidal as well as suicidal.
PLAIDDER: Yes, well, speaking of homicide, what about this Stranger guy?
OPHIDIA: Oh PLEASE.
PLAIDDER: You gotta admit, they did work on the symbolism with the whole ripping-out-the-heart thing, and bringing in all the Sacred Heart religious imagery–
LYTHRIL: Well, I’m not letting *that* go by.
THEAMH: Who let her in here?
PLAIDDER: Not me.
LYTHRIL: You call this gleachinai a villain? What is this moron *doing* with all of those hearts?
PLAIDDER: I don’t think that’s what the writers were really interested–
LYTHRIL: Motiveless malignancy is boring as hell. It gives us all a bad name. This guy rips out three young, strong, healthy hearts and just *throws them out?*
PLAIDDER: Well, see, I think the point is that this guy is more interested in the act of heart-ripping than in the actual hearts themselves–
LYTHRIL: See, this is why the Dark One won’t let men do magic. Murder is expensive. You don’t go around ripping people’s hearts out unless you plan to *do* something with them.
THEAMH: You don’t go around ripping people’s hearts out, period.
LYTHRIL: Says you.
PLAIDDER: But they do address that at the end, with that conversation between him and the Stranger–
LYTHRIL: Which is another sign that this man is nothing but a pathetic amateur.
PLAIDDER: The Stranger or Paget?
LYTHRIL: Both. He murders people without knowing why he does it? That’s weak. Power comes from knowing who you are and *choosing* what you do. Sure, I’m evil, but that’s because I know evil is going to get me what I want.
THEAMH: You’re evil because you were made that way, Lythril.
LYTHRIL: Tarbhfnaa. Characters choose their authors, isn’t that right?
PLAIDDER: No, that’s a crock of pseudo-Freudian bullshit.
LYTHRIL: Of course you’re going to say that. You wouldn’t like to think it’s me actually driving the story, would you?
OPHIDIA: (who has had her hand up for a long time) Hel-loooo…
PLAIDDER: All right, you’re next. Listen, Lythril, it’s true enough that there are elements of your character that go way back with me. And it’s also true that I probably don’t have a lot of control over that stuff or where it comes from. But it was my choice to make you, specifically, out of all that. Just like it was my choice to put you into a universe where there are a lot of women powerful enough to take you on.
THEAMH: Damn right.
OPHIDIA: Whereas this guy obviously is nothing *but* the Stranger. And that’s just creepy.
ALTARIA: It’s all just another male fantasy about taking a strong woman and turning her into a pile of mush, either by firing up her sexual boiler–
OPHIDIA: –figured oh so subtly by the basement incinerator, which as I remember made another appearance in the *other* episode where Scully is inexplicably attracted to a creepy stranger who’s clearly bad news–
ALTARIA:–or by reducing her to a murder victim. Which is what happens at the end of the episode. OK, Scully gets to not have sex with him, and to get off a few gunshots off at the Stranger. But she still ends up lying there bloody on the floor, and she still ends up crying hysterically into Mulder’s blazer at the end.
OPHIDIA: Yeah, I don’t like the message, really. Because what it says is, “OK, we need to get them together, but hte only way to do it is to make Scully realize that she really *is* vulnerable, and she really *is* womanly.” Bleeeeeeeeeeech.
THEAMH: But vulnerability *is* part of love.
LYTHRIL: Well, you would know about that, wouldn’t you.
THEAMH: Shut up, Lythril.
ALTARIA: I understand what you’re saying, Theamh, but you come out of a story written by a woman for women. This is a whole different deal.
PLAIDDER: Which brings me back to the character rape question. See, I think you may be being too hard on the writers here. Scully doesn’t often act like this, granted. But Scully isn’t like you guys. She’s a corporate character, created by a whole slew of writers, producers, and actors. You can’t expect her to be as coherent as you are.
ALTARIA: No, but I think we might reasonably expect that she would know a stalker when she sees one.
OPHIDIA: And not use him as an excuse to get to Mulder.
PLAIDDER: Well, folks, we’re out of time. Thanks to everyone for coming. Tune in next week, where our topic will be “David Duchovny, Writer/Director: Should He Keep The Day Job?”
[credits]
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I miss the WOF characters. It’s been so long. Don’t miss Ophidia so much; she was definitely very closely tied to my original discovery of fanfiction. Haven’t missed “Milagro” much either…but it’s always interesting to see what jumps out at you on rewatch. Either I will like it better…or I will hate it worse!