Hey there, I'm back to offer some more feedback since last time.
This update is SO MUCH BETTER! You guys did a much better job with the pacing of the story and it definitely flowed a lot more naturally. There's a much clearer sense of what you guys are trying to go for with the story of this game, and I'm happy that you were able to find this and fix it, so congrats on that! I was able to finish it properly this time around and I enjoyed it all the way through.
There are a few small things here and there that could use a fix to help aid the story, but of course, it isn't gonna be perfect, especially since you just rewrote it. Rather, I'd like to point out - maybe even suggest a few things that jumped out to me after my first playthrough that I hope can help a bit.
The first thing I noticed is that when we are reading the main character's thoughts, it's probably better not to have his name in the nametag so that you don't confuse it as him speaking out loud, even when the text box turns brown. I think having it turn brown is fine, but rather the nametag probably shouldn't be there when he isn't speaking is all.
For the CGs, I don't think there's a need for a notification about artwork being unlocked every single time it shows up, but instead, I think a single notification after the first CG that tells you that each image can be accessed through the gallery would be much more fitting.
The artist did a much better job with the sprites, and I think the redesign fits much better! If I remember correctly last time, Bowers' sprite definitely doesn't take up as much space on the screen anymore haha. They fit in much better with the design, all while keeping the same shocking size of their hefty guts on full display (which I'm all for LOL). I also found that Hawke was a much better secondary character to introduce to us for the intro, rather than that other character who just felt rude (I forgot his name). It seems it helped a lot with making the reader ease into what's going on with the situation of the main character.
Speaking of which, I also wanna point out that the music here is very enjoyable, and really sets the atmosphere while reading. Plus those sound effects are used much more appropriately and are there to add another unique thing about the style of this game.
The character journal is a little curious as it seems to explain a little more of what happened to the main character in the intro rather than the actual intro explaining anything? I am not sure if it was meant to be like that, cause after what I saw in Feenyx's description, it feels like his description would fit better on the front page of the game here on itchio if anything lol. It doesn't seem to describe his character but instead just describes what the game is about.
Looking back now it seems the character descriptions of both Feenyx and Hawke are a lot more revealing than what might be intended for? (At least I'm guessing). Especially Hawke, since it mentions a few things about him that were never brought up during the conversations of this update.
Other than that I love the idea of the journal, including those little silly graphics.
Anyway, that's all I wish to say for now and again, I hope this helps a bit. Seriously though, Congrats on the major improvement! I'm looking forward to what's coming next! :D