Beautiful, mature. For some time I have been thinking to tell my mother I am sorry if I had ever wounded her, by not becoming what she could perhaps imagine to be the best for me - or the best of me - in life. But on the other hand, I do firmly believe she just wants me to be happy and the way my life or my attitude in life appears, could sometimes indicate perhaps I am not that happy altogether. But if I tell her I am sorry, for what I am, that may sound like a goodbye of a sort. Kind of scary. Maybe it will be better if I do not say anything of such. I will just try to be healthy and strong and with these two, the impression of happiness could just jump in. Because hey, if you get nothing major to worry about and you realize that, it is some form of happiness already. I do not feel depressed, I just feel like maybe some people think I totally missed my potential. I do not feel that way, actually. I feel that I just chose a philosophical path in life, to live it. It is hard sometimes, but what experience of reality is easy? What kind of reality, is easy?
Viewing post in For mother's day, I gave my mother a card. comments
Indeed, who knows what can still happen? Even though it is very unlikely we would suddenly become evaluated - rewarded or punished - in life and by life, in a "currency" unbeknown to us, there is yet always something to be further appreciated within the scope of realms we already consume, respecting the trajectories of our living - that is, without violating who we are and what we are. Like a flower blossom, good things come naturally, in a peaceful manner. It is our task, as sentient beings, to learn how to appreciate, how to see there are advantages even in apparent disadvantage. Every stance in life is like a viewpoint, but it is up to us whether we choose to become fixated only on one spot, disregarding all the other existential landscapes. Our surrounding consumerist culture is mildly oppressive with the "do this" and the "get that" attitude, that can fog the mind, narrow the vision, cause a sense of entrapment. To clear oneself of that fog, is the job to do, in order to be able to see better and appreciate better. To learn that there is value in what we already have and where we already are. I do not think "places" would mean any physical locations to me, but I am glad to ever know the Universe more, painting my picture of understanding, that I carry with me and within me, at all times. This picture, I will carry on, unlike anything I can possess or become in life. I am happy, in my own way, but I need to understand some people cannot seize the vista capturing my sight so much, given moment. Even that vista, though, will I need to let go, eventually, to be able to move forward, in due time, like a flower blossom, sprouting towards new horizons.