hmmm I miss him too. ok how about some tooth rotting fluff?
Salauddin wakes up in the middle of the night, an hour before Fajr prayer. He always wakes up at the same time at night. He doesnt look to the other side of the bed, but he sees your form lying there, sleeping.
You never wake up for Tahajudd like him.
Salauddin makes his ablution, performs the Tahajudd prayer, making dua for you before anything else. He prays that you’re always happy, prays for forgiveness from Allah on your behalf, prays to meet you in heaven. And then he makes a short prayer for himself, forgiveness for his past and future sins. He then prays Fajr, the morning prayer.
Salauddin then sits on the prayer mat, and he feels you sit beside him. He takes your hand in his, and starts tasbeeh on your fingers, counting them on your hands so that you get the reward too. He closes his eyes and he feels you lay your head on his lap. Usually, he would smile, but not today. He’s mad at you today, and you know that. But you wont ever apologise, and he wont ever make you. He just needs to let it pass.
With his eyes closed, he recites the Quran. He’s a hafidh, and he knows you’re one too. But he still recites better. However, he loses his concentration today due to his frustration with you, and he hears the amusement in your voice as you correct his pronounciation, correct his mistakes.
Still he does not react. He keeps his eyes closed, his voice monotonous, not showing any signs of fluster. You cant get away with it everytime, not so easily at least.
He’s mad at you. And you will know it.
After finishing recitation, he gets up and begins getting ready for the day. He hears you calling his name gently-
“Yusuf. Yusuf.”
Yusuf. Only you are allowed to call him by his real name. And you use it to your favour, you know how his heart flutters at hearing his name roll from your tongue.
“Yusuf.”
No. Not today.
He stands in front of the vanity, fixing his clothes. He wears his chaddar- the white chaddar you adore. Usually, he would wrap it around your shoulders, but not today.
Salauddin picks up the bottle of kohl, its the same one he bought you. He hears you whine his name as he places the kohl in his eyes. Usually, he would line your eyes with kohl before his, but not today.
Not after what you did last night.
He sits down in the balcony, the servant leaving a some dates and hot tea. He feels you sit opposite to him, trying to make him look at you, but he instead kept his eyes focused on the pyramids.
“Yusuf?”
Salauddin would usually feed you dates from his hands, after he took the seed out. He knows how it annoys you when your hands get sticky from the juices. But not today. Today, he only took the seeds out and put it in your plate and poured tea in your cup. You never had to use your own plate and cup, not when Salauddin fed you from his plate and shared his cup with you, blowing on the hot drink.
Not today.
He walks out of the room without eating, to attend to his duties. He didnt feel like having breakfast today, but he hopes you’re not starving yourself at his expense… wherever you are. You dont follow after him when he left, you’re a little short tempered like that. If he ignores you a few times, you give up trying to get his attention until he comes to you himself. You’re not like him, you dont have patience for your beloved like he does.
But not today. Maybe some time apart will make you think about what you did.
Salauddin is fine as noon comes and he offers Dhudhr prayer, still no sight of you. You’re probably taking a nap. He does get a little concerned after praying Asr, no sign of you all afternoon. Did you sleep through lunch?
Finally disturbed, he gives in and goes to look for you. He goes to the bedroom first, no sign of you. Then he makes his way to the dining hall, the library, before finally going to the stables.
He spots your figure there, standing in front of your favourite horse Rumi.
As always, he comes to you.
“Y/n.”
He watches you turn away from him, crossing your arms over your chest with a huff. You’re mad at him.
Salauddin’s lip twitches.
“Y/n.” He walks closer, coming up behind you.
“No.” You say sharply as he tries to turn you around, shrugging his hand off your shoulder.
“Y/n-”
“No. I’m mad at you.” You state.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He apologises, as always. You never apologise.
You turn around, frowning at him. “You ignored me all day.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You misbehaved with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You didnt feed me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You were mad at me.” Were? So you know he’s let go of his anger?
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“You didnt visit me all day.”
“I’m sorry. I was going to now.” He offered his hand. “Lets go?”
You smiled, finally letting go off the anger as you let him encase your hand.
Salauddin walked out of the stables, telling the servant to take care of the horses, especially Rumi.
A few minutes later, he reached the place he visited the most with you only.
The sun had set, the sky turning dark to indicate the time.
He looked at you. “Why dont you go in and wait for me? I just need to pray Maghrib.”
You walked inside while he offered the evening prayer. And like every prayer, he prayed for you first, then his subjects and then himself.
He finished his prayer, and stood outside the entrance. He noticed a small flower growing outside. A pink flower. He plucked it gently.
With a deep inhale, he walked inside. His steps were gradual, despite it being darker than earlier. He knows you’re not scared of the dark. Where you are, he hopes its not as dark.
He spots you sitting on the ground, waiting for him, looking sad. You perk up when you notice him.
“You came.” You smiled. “You took so long.”
“I’m sorry.” He joined you on the ground, sitting next to you. “Here.” He showed you the pink flower, watching your eyes lit up.
“Wow.” You were in awe. “Its so pretty. Come on, place it.”
With a smile, he nodded at your request. Salauddin took the flower and placed it on the grave.
The two of you sat in silence, and he felt you put your head on his shoulder.
“Only one flower? You should bring more.” You complained.
He nodded. “Next time.” He could never say no to you.
How could he explain to you that no matter how many flowers he dresses your grave with, you wont come back.
Salauddin stayed there for a bit longer, wiping his tears before returning home with you.
He offered the night prayer Isha, before lying in bed, where you were already waiting for him.
“Yusuf?” He opened his eyes. You were both lying on your sides, facing each other.
“Hm?”
“I’m sorry for not coming in your dreams last night.” You pouted, surprising him as you apologised for the first time.
“I promise I’ll visit tonight!”
Salauddin smiled. “Okay.”
He could never be mad at you for long. He forgave you when you left this world, he can forgive everything else too.
Ngl, I cried writing this.
