my pep talks with someone i am only now just meeting: casual fun, but ultimately pretty gentle and careful in terms of execution
my pep talks with an ongoing, close friend: if you don't believe in yourself i'm going to cover everything you love in a fine layer of sand you fucking goofus
See, that would help me. That threat is low stakes, funny, actionable, made in good faith and humor
fantastic
meta i know roughly the area in which you live. if you don't feel pride towards your efforts today i'm going to go up there and leave a Bionicle posed on every street corner in the radius and drive you to madness.
goddamn ominous
i finished a game today? and went to sleep on time yesterday?
ate food and drank water 👍
you have escaped your fate
for now.
so like between like years of youth mentorship and years of therapy, i am actually pretty good at pep talks most of the time! it’s definitely a skill that takes time and effort to develop.
it helps if you have an awareness of emotional cues from other people, but since a lot of body language responses are like pretty provably arbitrary bullshit i would say it’s mainly phrasing more than anything else. if it’s useful, here are some tips i work off of a lot!
- when speaking from direct experience maybe keep the specifics vague and brief (this is usually a good move for people you aren’t close with yet). like the management story had a very good point, but it could’ve been expressed into something like “i struggled a lot when i first started working. it’s a totally normal experience and it does get easier when you adjust. what do you think would help you adjust?”
- working off the first note, keep the focus mainly on them. ask the person questions. even if think you clearly see the issue, it might not always be great to just read them for filth. like if you’re right you might freak them out, if you’re wrong you look like an ass. (i have had both of those reactions oops)
- making direct observations of things you like/admire/notice in a positive light works really well. people don’t often realize what they do that others notice. to be loved is to be seen or whatever.
- don’t try and sound like a Wise Mentor if that type of thing doesn’t come naturally to you. that creates an insane vibe that immediately makes otherwise cool and kind words sound like pod person shit. i am well aware that 90% of the time i am not like Obi Wan Kanobi or something so i lean into my natural cadence - which, for me, is maybe eccentricly sketchy older brother? i can’t tell.
- pep talks are like mostly listening. like more often than people think. if you can cultivate the ability to like actually hear and validate people that is like two thirds of the work involved to help them feel better. sometimes it’s all of it. sometimes people just gotta say words and process and not feel like doing that will end up badly for them.
