Comment coachez-vous les clients non coopératifs?

The first step is to remove the label 'uncooperative' from our practice, as well as noncompliant and difficult. They imply the client is doing something wrong and create additional barriers. Select a more neutral perspective to keep the coach in a curious mindset to help the client explore more deeply. It has been my experience that challenging dynamics show up in a coaching relationship for three reasons: the client does not feel heard, valued, or safe It's an opportunity to explore what they need, redesign or refer.

An area that most coaches do not possess to help clients discover what is underneath their feeling resistant or "uncooperative" (*see below) to the process is a body of knowledge, expertise, or experience in generational trauma healing. Because oftentimes, the missed root cause does not originate with them. There is deep value in working with someone who has an Indigenous lens because it brings a nuanced option to the table that offers profound outcomes. *"uncooperative" as stated in the post but is problematic language that hinders progress, words matter.

These answers have to come from the client, owned by the client and not from you. Questioning skills are paramount and knowing when to talk and when to be quiet. Pealing the onion layer by layer to discover the core is a great analogy, helping the client to self-discover opportunities. Moving back and forth from direct questions for the client vs questions about what they observe in others can be very helpful. For the most reticent clients, you can ask them directly what is blocking their participation even including insights into what you need to share vs what you would not share. This is particularly true where the company engages the coach and expects regular performance reports or updates. I am always specific about what I will share.

If clients are uncooperative, it has nothing to do with us. They are struggling with something. Best piece of advice I have is to not take it personally. This will give you the focused needed to help your client solve what’s in their way.

Dealing with uncooperative clients in coaching can be managed through a variety of strategies. These include building trust through rapport, empathy, and competence; clarifying the goals and expectations of the coaching relationship; and listening without judgment. Techniques such as motivational interviewing, collaborative goal setting following the S.M.A.R.T framework and highlighting the client's strengths can facilitate progress. Regular feedback and respecting the client's pace are essential, as well as the willingness to reconsider the fit of the coaching relationship or refer the client to other supports if uncooperativeness persists. Remember the aim of coaching is to empower clients to drive their own change.

The only way to establish trust is to demonstrate value - that is value to the client in your services. Usually this includes value in both your insights but almost more importantly through confidentiality of information shared. I often say that as a senior HR leader all I really have is my integrity when I first meet a potential new client. I will often start by asking them about a contribution they are most proud of making. I explore why it stands out, why they feel so positive about it. I then parlay that experience into one where they wished they would have performed better and how it differs from the first. At an appropriate time I reinforce what is confidential vs what I would need to share. This approach also helps keep us on track

I trust that every client is whole and resourceful and has what they need inside to thrive. My role is to connect them to that essence in ways that are meaningful to them. It is also important for coaches to recognize that we are not a good fit for every client. If after a time do not succeed in moving a client forward, we may add the most value by recommending other coaches. That said, I trust that in every contact with my clients, I am planting seeds for their reflection and action. Our opportunity is to continuously build trust and rapport in small steps, deeply listening for what they are not saying, asking questions they haven’t considered, and trusting in them.

I'd like to share an insight that has often helped me transform the dynamic with a reluctant client. The secret? Abandon your well-practiced methods momentarily and open up the dialogue. Begin by asking your clients what's on their minds. Is there something weighing them down? By proactively seeking their thoughts, fears, or concerns, we give them the floor. This approach may seem counterintuitive to some, but it often leads to a deeper connection and understanding that our standard methods may not immediately achieve. And, we can gather information that will inform our coaching strategy moving forward.

This also helps you to build an abstract of the client’s support network and where some of the difficulties may exist. I had a client who failed to build a proper working relationship with the CIO because my client was new to the president role the CIO used to occupy. My client wanted to establish themself as the leader and instead of building a strong relationship with the CIO, they avoided a relationship with the former president. Even to the point of not consulting on issues where the CIO input would be valuable and build trust. The CIO had a strong relationship with the CEO and had more questions than answers when the CEO asked their opinion of changes the new president was making. A true missed opportunity by my client.

Adding to the wisdom of the other contributions, I invite clients to talk briefly about the negative emotions or energy they are experiencing and it’s impact on them. I respond with empathy, letting them know I am hearing them and affirming their feelings without judging them. Then I ask them to imagine what it might look like, sound like or feel like to have a better more positive experience in their situation. If they resist a bit, I give them some space and gently encourage them to consider a different possibility, even if it feels untenable at the moment. The process of shifting from a negative to a positive focus often pivots our brain chemistry just enough to open up the conversation for the client in new ways.

There are many potential directions this can take and it is important to keep it focused on the key topics (you are an executive coach not a therapist even though the skills have significant overlap). Have the client explain why they are here and what would be valuable to them. Even a resistant client who says something along the lines of, “what would be valuable is ended this” gives you something to work with. You can then pursue what success looks like that enables an end to the relationship and game plan from there. Another tip is to pursue why you are together. The client in their own often defensive words can be a goldmine of insights giving you an opportunity to explore root causes even asking why others see the situation differently.

I am reminded of the song, You Can Do Hard Things, by Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle. As coaches, we must be mindful of the tension we create in coaching by our inner critics or holding onto the agenda we think needs to unfold. During an hour coaching session I check in with clients in 10-15 minute increments, asking them how we are doing, are they getting what they need, are we ready to move on, or is their something else we need to explore. In this way, I know where they are, I am keeping them in the driver’s seat of their learning, and I am learning from them. I also might ask what’s on their mind they aren’t telling me to signal I genuinely want to know. If it’s a hard thing we’ll work on it together.

You also need to determine who the client’s support group is in the organization as they can often help bolster support or even provide clues as to opportunities for improvement. I had a client who aligned with another individual who had a poor track record and little organizational influence. Their meetings typically devolved into complaining about other leaders which caused my client to not respect those very leaders they needed for support. Often the way in is to focus them more on the value of the role the leader holds than the character of the individual and work on improving the relationship through that lens.

I believe in credentialing for anyone who is using the title of coach in their professional work. And I understand everyone may not agree. For me, the value of credentialing is not only the learning process to earn the credential, but also the requirements for continuing education to retain or grow the credential. The requirement is an incentive we all need and it invites us to tryout new perspectives and skills. I encourage and use a multi-dimensional approach myself. It includes formal and informal peer support groups, hiring a coach from time to time, building relationships with trusted peers you can always check in with, and participating in all types of continuing education. We help each other and our profession continuously improve.

An ethical part of professional practice is knowing when it is time to create a good ending and move forward. There is learning in it for everyone involved. When we feel it is in our best interests or the clients to move on, we have a professional obligation to let them know why and help them consider their options. I think I have had only three such conversations in my 15 years and over 3000 hours of professional coaching with and my approach has evolved. Today, I would ask the client what they think is going well, and where they think we are struggling and they are struggling. Next I would be transparent about my concerns. Then I would ask them what course of action they might take and I would build and expand from there.

You don't coach uncooperative Clients. The absolute must for a productive coaching is the readiness of the Client to grow and become a better version of themselves. A human who is not willing to cooperate for their own growth needs time to comprehend what a disservice they are doing to themselves. And this time they need to spend with themselves only, because the desire to grow shall come from within.

In my experience, ( I am a sales trainer for entrepreneurs) I have learned to position my coaching so I am attracting my ideal client. My content communicates the values I reflect in my business. Screening them to see if they are a good fit also reduces the chances of working with an uncooperative client. However, people do slip through the cracks. I might diagnose the root cause of their resistance and address it upfront. There were excellent ways suggested to do this. But these days I think it's better to let go of people if they are not ready to cooperate. Not everyone is your customer. That can be done professionally and with care. I want to work with clients whose energy fits mine!

Early-stage conversations hold the key to uncovering if/when potential clients could be uncooperative or resistant. Just like a business and their sales team spend time qualifying their potential clients, so should advisors or coaches do the same. Now for the root cause behind what is activating uncooperativeness, that is above.