The Loud House (season 8)

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The Loud House (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

Episode 1

Homeward Bound [8.1a]

[The Louds are all setting up decorations around the house to welcome Lori back]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] It's a big day in the Loud House. Lori's taking a gap year from college and moving back home while she decides if golf is really her future. Which is awesome because Lori's always kinda been the glue that holds us together. Even Mr. Grouse is psyched.

Mr. Grouse: Hey, Louds! I found these old clubs while cleaning out my garage. Maybe Lori can help me practice my swing.

[Lincoln gathers his other sisters in his room for a meeting]

Lincoln: This is terrible!

Lynn: The worst!

Lana: It stinks!

Lincoln: We just got Lori back. We can't lose her again so fast. There has to be some way to get her to stay.

Lucy: We can lock her in a coffin in the basement.

Lisa: Or use the numbing properties of jellyfish venom to incapacitate her. [accidentally drops the venom on her left foot, causing her to collapse on the floor due to her leg getting numbed]

Lincoln: Wait, Lori said she was gonna find a realtor. But what if we find her a realtor who only shows her the worst possible places to live?

Lynn: How are we supposed to pull that off?

Lori: [weeping] Let's face it, this living situation is so not working out. But there are, like, zero apartments avail. Maybe taking a gap year was a mistake. [sniffles sadly, then sees all her siblings looking guilty and groan nervously; confused] Why is everyone exchanging guilty looks?

Lincoln: Lori, there's something we need to tell you. This is all our fault. Sunny Holmes isn't real. She's Luan.

[Luan puts on her Sunny Holmes wig and chuckles sheepishly]

Lori: [twitching and loses it; yelling strongly in fury] WH-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-T?! [angrily grabs Lincoln by the shirt collar and pulls him up close] Explain, now!

Lincoln: We were so excited when we thought you were moving back, and we didn't want to lose you again. So we sabotaged your apartment hunt. We're really sorry.

Lori: [sighs as she puts her brother down] Classic. I should have known.

Luan: Oh, don't blame yourself. I gave an extremely realistic performance. In fact, I just sold Cheryl and Meryl a lakefront vacation house.

Lincoln: I guess we didn't realize how hard it would be for you to live at home again. Please don't give up on Royal Woods. New plan: We'll find you a legit realtor. Right, guys?

Pressure Cooker [8.1b]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] It's the monthly potluck at Sunset Canyon, which I love, because they always serve my favorite meal: One of everything!

Scoots: How much longer?

Pop Pop: Ooh, it should be any second now!

Lincoln: [walking over] It's potluck night. Why don't you guys have plates full of food?

Pop Pop: We're not eating because we don't want to fill up before--

Nana Gayle: [off-screen] Dessert!

Lynn Sr.: Greetings, food truckers! I just replaced two stoves and a fridge at Lynn's Table, and I thought you could use the old ones. [comes out of the van] You know, as an entrepreneur myself, I can tell you that running your own business is very rewarding. But it requires a lot of hard work, patience, and compromise.

Gayle: Oh, I'm not worried. Clyde and I are always...

Clyde & Nana Gayle: In sync. [they react in surprise, then laugh and fist bump]

Episode 2

Steeling Thunder [8.2a]

Lincoln: Our school's having a film festival, so Clyde and I are submitting a movie. This movie.

Chandler: Pfft. Big whoop. I've jumped out of planes before.

Trent: You mean the one on the playground?

Chandler: Shut it, Trent!

Chef Pat: Loud, your movie changed my life! [dips some pizza sticks on Lincoln's tray] Have some extra pizza sticks.

Clyde: Lincoln, why did you lie to everyone? I have hives for you.

Lincoln: What? It wasn't completely lying. I did the bounce house stunt.

Clyde: You almost fell off the roof. Lynn jumped from a plane onto another plane. It's not the same!

Lincoln: [sighs] I know and I'm sorry. I just got caught up in the moment. No one has ever looked at me like that before. And look at all these pizza sticks. [munches on one] You remember when I was voted "most likely to trip over nothing?" Being cool like this is new for me. Maybe we could just go with it for a while?

Mr. Bolhofner: Okay, everyone, pop quiz time! [Lincoln and all the other students groan] Everyone except Loud. You already got an A for this semester! That was some movie. Let's go hang in the teacher's lounge and swap broken bone stories, huh?

Lincoln: Okay!

[Chandler angrily breaks his pencil; later in gym class…]

Coach Keck: Today, we're running sprints, a lot of 'em. [The students all groan] The puke cans in this corner, except Loud. He's practically a pro athlete. You can chill in my coach cave and enjoy the talents of my masseuse, Hans.

Lincoln: Thanks, but I'll just read comics.

Lincoln: Being a celebrity's awesome! So far, I see no downside.

Clyde: [reading] "Lincoln LAMEsauce is a LIAR. Hosted by Chandler. Come see the PROOF! Screening in the lunchroom!" Oh, no!

Lincoln: We have to make sure no one sees that clip! [gets on the computer, opens up Chandler's files, and trashes the two documents of his and Clyde's movie and the clip of Lynn as his stunt double; relieved] Okay, I deleted everything. [then finds something else on the computer] Whoa, Clyde, look what else I found. [he and Clyde look at each other and snicker sinisterly]

Be Careful What You Fish For [8.2b]

[Lincoln and his father show up at the dock]

Lynn Sr.: [inhales deeply and sighs] Smell that beautiful lake air, son?

Lincoln: [inhales deeply, then gags] Ugh. It smells really… [gets hit by a swinging fish and lands on the dock with his back before Lynn Sr. helps him get back up] Fishy.

Lance & Shiloh: [also showing up] Louds!

Lincoln & Lynn Sr.: Louds!

[Shiloh happily tackles his cousin and the two adult brothers fist bump]

Leonard: Louds! I'm so excited to catch some fish and family bonding on this trip! [hugs his adult sons and grandsons tightly]

Lynn Sr.: Us too! [kneels down to Lincoln and Shiloh] You know, boys, when Lance and I were kiddos, Gramps was always out at sea, earning a living. We never went on fishing trips.

Leonard: But now I get to make up for lost time. I'm just so… [starts to sob] Ding-dang, happy to have you all back in my life.

Episode 3

Only Mime Will Tell [8.3a]

Mrs. Bernardo: Now that you passed the physical test, it's time for the mental one. Your challenge is to remain silent for the rest of the day. Now, according to the rules of "The Official Mime Code Book…" [lifts up an imaginary codebook] Benny, a little help? [Benny walks up; places the "book" on his back] That means, no texting, writing, or communicating in any form other than mime.

Lola: Luan! I need to practice my hairstyling on someone for the Little Miss Safety Scissors Pageant. What do you say? [Luan reacts in horror and tries to mime in denial, rubbing her hair and clutching her ponytail as well; misunderstanding] You're saying your ponytail is outdated and you need a new hairdo? Couldn't agree more. Let's go!

Lynn: Hey-o! I need someone to help me with the deadlift set before my pre-workout wears off. Can one of you spot me?

Lola: Actually, you can spot me...leaving this conversation. [walks off]

Lynn: How 'bout it, Luan? [Luan shows her arm muscle drooping, trying to mime in denial; misunderstanding] You need to build up those noodle arms? Ah, couldn't agree more. Let's do this!

Lynn Sr.: [offscreen] Kids, anyone want to join me at the mall? Gotta make a few returns. [the other siblings dash down and exit the house and takes Lily] I'll take that as a yes. Lynn, please put Vanzilla down! [leaves the house, closing the front door, leaving Luan all alone] Oh.

[Luan gets out from under the dining table and watches Vanzilla driving away from out the window in relief; her father's phone rings and a series of texts from a fish lady appears]

Fish Lady Deb: Mr. Loud! Fish Lady Deb here! Listen, we've got a crustacean situation. I just found out the lobster I sold you this morning went bad sometime over the Long Island Sound. It's just so hard to tell, y'know? It all smells like fish! Anywhoose, make sure nobody eats that lobster, if you're catching my drift. Vomit face emoji.

Luan: [speaking out loud] MRS. B! DON'T EAT THAT LOBSTER! IT'S GONE BAD!

Lynn Sr.: [gasps] Huh? [smells the lobster and retches]

[Tyler, Scoots, and Kotaro look down at the lobster and react in disgust]

Mrs. Bernardo: [shocked] Luan, do you know what you've just done?!

Luan: [sighs in disappointment] Yes, I spoke. I broke the cardinal rule of miming, and now I'm breaking it again by telling you about it. I guess I'm not cut out for the Varsity Team. [starts sobbing]

Mrs. Bearnado: Dear sweet baby child, what are you talking about? Let me read you something from the mime codebook. [places the imaginary codebook on the table] Lucky for you, I never leave home without it. Alright, let's see... Ah, here it is: "Mimes are to remain silent at all times... Unless another person is put in harm's way"! Luan, you did follow the rules! You spoke to save me! You're a hero!

The Winning Spirit [8.3b]

Lucy: And thus the nightmare begins.

Coach Pacowski: [to Lucy] So, the bad news is you failed the test. The good news is, I'll let you try again tomorrow. The other bad news is, that's your last shot. If you blow it, you don't pass the fourth grade. But hey, look on the bright side… I could be your gym teacher for the rest of your life!

[Zoom in on Lucy's horrified face when Coach Pacowski's words echo in her head; She imagines the two of them as elders at Sunset Canyon with her struggling to weight lifts and Pacowski in a wheelchair]

Elderly Pacowski: 48, 49… [accidentally swallows his whistle]

Lucy: I'm mortified. How did all of you pass the exam and not me?

Bertrand: All I can say is thank goodness for those SS Fun Time samba classes.

Boris: And Boris is aerodynamic because of his hollow bones.

Haiku: There must be some way to help you pass, Lucy. What about your sister, Lynn? Isn't she…"sporty?"

Lucy: Too sporty, I'm afraid. She'd make me do torturous things, like… sit-ups. No, I need something fast and easy. And that means doing what the Morticians Club does best.

Morticians: Magic!

Morpheus: Complaining.

Lucy: Both answers are valid, but I meant magic.

[At the Loud House; the Morticians are gathered in Lucy and Lynn's room with a cauldron for potion ingredients]

Dante: [gazing at Persephone's spellbook; amazed] Ooh! I'm lovin' your new spellbook, Persephone. Nothing like real dragon leather.

Persephone: A birthday gift from my parents. It came in the Sassy Sorceress kit.

[Dante, Morpheus, and Haiku gaze at the sorceress kit in awe]

Persephone: This next plan should be foolproof. If I make you older, you won't be in fourth grade. Hence, you won't have to take the test. [twirls her wand, casting a magical energy ray onto Lucy; however, it instead turns her into an infant, to the Mortician's horror]

Baby Lucy: Waah.

Persephone: Whoops, wrong direction. [tries again, but this time, Lucy is changed into an old woman, from her earlier vision] Whoops, too far. [tries to change her again but she stops her]

Elderly Lucy: I have to pee before you change me back. [slowly walks out of her room to the bathroom] Can't hold it like I used to.

[After Lucy swaps Coach Pacowski's coffee with Persephone's potion while he wasn't looking, it ends up transforming into a lizard]

Haiku: [takes the bottle out of Persephone's hand and reads the label; noticing something] Um, Persephone, didn't you read this label? "May cause dizziness or lizardness."

[Lizard Pacowski walks off and the Morticians follow him]

Persephone: [stunned, then fed up] Next year, I'm asking for cash for my birthday. [kicks away the sorceress kit in annoyance and hurries off, catching up with her fellow members]

Lucy: [panting while catching up] Hear me out, what if we don't turn Coach back? No test for me, he suns himself on a rock all day. Win-win. Sigh. Worth a shot.

Episode 4

InTODDnito [8.4a]

Darcy: Hey, Lisa. I wanted to invite you to my birthday party on Saturday! You're my bestie, you have to come! [gives Lisa her birthday invitation]

Lisa: Of course, Darcy. That's what besties are for, at least according to the latest sociological studies.

Darcy: Yippee! Have you seen Petey? I want to invite him too.

Lisa: He's over there, recovering from his contribution to science.

Petey: [landed in a sandbox; groaning weakly as he sits up] I'm okay!

Darcy: [runs off] Thanks, bestie!

Lisa: [opens the invitation and gets her face covered in confetti] Mental note: Invent confetti defense shield.

Todd: [as Lisa digs around in her drawer in the closet] So, should I decline Darcy's invite and liquidate it?

Lisa: [sighs] No, I can't do that to my bestie. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hmm. Maybe I can clone myself so I can be in both places at once. [gasps] Or cryogenically freeze Darcy so she doesn't age, thus eliminating the need for her birthday party. Now, where did I put my freeze ray? [looks at Todd, wearing her glasses and wig; gasps] Todd, that's an even better idea! You can disguise yourself as me and go to the party while I go live it up with Dr. B.

Todd: There is just one problem. I am way taller than you.

Lisa: Eh, a minor setback. I'll take care of that. [takes out a drill and a pair of safety goggles]

Todd: Gulp.

[After working all night, Lisa has remodeled Todd down to her height and dresses him up as her]

Lisa: And we are finished! [gasps] It's like looking in a mirror.

Todd: Twinsies. [he and Lisa high-five but stumbles and the glasses almost fall off]

Lisa: You'd better not move around too much, we wouldn't want your disguise to fall off like that mid-party. [gasps and takes out her tablet] Ooh, I also cloned my voice. Let me upload it to you now so you can give it a try.

Todd: Ahem. [talks in a slightly tone of Lisa's voice] Hi, I'm Lisa. I have a high IQ. I think I'm so much smarter than everyone.

Lisa: Eh, a tad sassy, but accurate. Just to be safe, I'll be monitoring you with a camera and speakers. With this tablet, I can see what you're seeing. If you get into any figurative hot water, I can coach you via this earpiece. [puts it in her ear, under her hair] With these precautions in place, it's almost like I'll be there. I'll be the virtual life of the party.

[Tall Timber's Park; All the little kids are gathered for Darcy's birthday party as Todd (disguised as Lisa) arrives]

Todd: I have arrived at the destination.

Lisa: Excellent. Mission is a go.

Darcy: [approaching] Lisa, you're here!

Todd: [imitating Lisa's voice] Of course. I couldn't miss the celebration of the anniversary of your birth. [exclaims as Darcy grabs him by the hand and drags him over]

Lisa: Ha. I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, I need to figure out which one of my fecal matter study slides I want Dr. Brown to autograph.

Todd: [swings the bat and hits the piñata so hard with a sonic boom, and candy rains down; imitating Lisa's voice] Apologies. Perhaps I over-engaged my core.

[The little kids are all shocked at first, but then cheer]

Lisa: Phew, good thing they were too distracted by sweets to notice your super human strength. [firmly] Just do not let it happen again.

Lisa: Self-drive mode, to the medical center. Pronto!

Big Wheels: [mishearing] Did you say, Toronto? Taking you to Canada.

Lisa: No, no, no, no. No…!

Todd: I love a happy ending. Self-drive mode, take me back to my place.

Big Wheels: Taking you to space. Activating thrusters.

Todd: What?! No! [blasts off] Lisa!

Weather or Not [8.4b]

[As Lincoln and Clyde enter the store, a gust of wind blows in and Nacho takes a whiff, chittering in surprise when he senses something]

Lincoln: Hey, Flip. What's up?

Flip: The price of Flippee's in my cholesterol. See ya, chiefs. [Nacho immediately stops him, telling him to take an umbrella, knowing that it's going to rain; speechless] Take an umbrella? What, you got brain freeze? [walks outside] There's not a cloud in the sky. And Patchy Drizzle said it'll be nothing but sunshine today. [only to be proven wrong when the rain clouds come in and pour rain, then gets struck by lightning; weary] See? Nothing but sunshine. [falls flat on the ground]

[Nacho is taking a bath in the Flippee machine and splashes some blue Flippee on a customer]

Lincoln: Hey, Nacho. We're going on a field trip to the Royal Woods Tar Pits today. We wanted to know how to dress.

Clyde: Patchy Drizzle says sunshine again, but after yesterday, we want a second opinion.

[The customer opens the store door as he leaves and a gust of wind blows in towards Nacho as he takes a whiff of it and visualizes several weather types circling above his head; opens his eyes and chitters, raising and waving his arms in the air]

Flip: Hey, Nacho says, "Hold onto your keisters, it's gonna be windy."

Clyde: We'd better bring a light jacket.

Katherine: This is Katherine Mulligan. Traffic was backed up for miles on I-75 when an ice cream truck collided with a marshmallow truck. Talk about a rocky road! [chuckles] And now for the weather with our very own Patchy Drizzle.

Patchy: Thanks, Katherine. I'm seeing a cold front coming in from the east... [a hooked cane appears in front of him; confused] And a hook coming in from the west? [gets pulled away]

Katherine: [gets a cue from the producer; bewildered] I've just been handed some breaking news: Patchy Drizzle has been fired. Say hello to our new weather…man... Nacho? [Nacho now stands in front of the weather report wall, wearing a suit; chitters hello and pulls out a winter coat, then he tosses it over to her, who falls out of her chair; gets up with the coat wrapped around her] I believe he's saying it's going to be cold… [gets hit in the face by a snowball] and snowy today.

[Patchy is now working at Flip's Food and Fuel, much to his disappointment after he was fired from his last job as a weatherman two weeks earlier]

Flip: Hey, Drizzle Boy, I hired ya 'cause I felt sorry for ya. But I ain't payin' ya to stand around! [leaves]

Patchy: [sighs; stands up and salutes] Right, boss. [grabs a microphone and speaks into it] Attention, customers. We've got a storm front of Nacho-themed snacks coming in! There's Nacho Flippees, Nacho jerky, and of course, Nacho nachos! And don't forget the Nacho plushies.

[Lincoln and Clyde walk by the store and are taken by surprise when they hear Flip bawling over sending Nacho away and hurry inside]

Lincoln: Uh, Flip?

Clyde: Is everything okay?

Flip: [grabs Clyde by the shirt collar] I SENT MY BEST FRIEND AWAY FOR MONEY, AND NOW I MISS HIM! [shakes him roughly and lets him go as he continues sobbing]

Lincoln: [catching his dizzy friend] Why don't you call Nacho and tell him that? I bet he misses you, too.

Clyde: [shakes out his dizziness] Yeah, Dr. Lopez always says that expressing your feelings is the expressway to healing.

Europe Road Trip: A Knight to Remember [8.5]

[The Louds are in their rental double-decker bus, visiting London, England, and Rita is seemingly driving on wrong side of the road]

Lynn Sr.: Honey, you're on the wrong side of the road! [steers the bus on the left side]

Rita: I always forget they drive on the left side in England. Everyone okay back there?

[The Loud siblings are pressed against the window]

Lisa: Define "okay."

[Rita presses her foot on the breaks as the traffic light turns red and the bus screeches to a stop]

Luan: [to a British man who's preparing to board the bus while standing outside of a fish and chips shop] Sorry. This is our rental bus. We have a wheely big family. [laughs]

Lincoln: [popping up in front of the viewers] Welcome to London! So what are the Louds doing across the pond? Good question. Luna got an invite to attend Mick Swagger's knighting ceremony at the Royal Castle. And because she's such a huge fan, Mick flew out our whole family! That's right, we traveled all the way from Royal Woods, Michigan, to London, England. [a map shows their plane flying from Royal Woods, Michigan, USA, over the Atlantic Ocean, and lands in London, England, of the European country]

Luna: [reading Mick Swagger's autobiography when Lynn kicks her soccer ball, knocking it out of her hands] Chill out, Lynn! I'm trying to reread Mick's autobiography, even after the 10th time, I'm learning new dets about his life.

Lynn: And I'm trying to get into the English spirit. Brits love soccer.

Lori: They call it "football" here, Lynn. And the King's favorite team is the Chuffbottom Chips.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Lori spent the whole flight binging a reality series on British royals called Drama Kings, so she thinks she's an expert now.

Lynn Sr.: [in British accent] Oh, oh, there's the local chippy where me and me mates used to nosh on sonnies. [laughs]

Lincoln: [chuckles] Dad is trying to relieve the college semester he spent in England. And me? I'm just excited to be in the city where they shot my favorite David Steele movie; To London with Love. Whoa! I think David jumped from that rooftop!

[Their bus comes to a stop in front of the Royal Castle and the siblings are slammed against the window]

Lori: [gasps] Look! We made it to the Royal Castle!

Lori: [gasps] No way! You're the Duke of Buckleberry! I literally loved you in season three of Drama Kings! Do you and the Duchess ever get back together?! Wait, don't tell me! No spoilers! Can I get a selfie?

Lynn Sr.: [gasps when he, his family, and X hear Luna scream off-screen] I know that ding-dang scream anywhere! That's my Luna! [they head down to the Royal hall] Luna!

Luna: [frantically] It's Mick! He's…he's…he's been taken!

[Pan over to a table with the tea spilled and Mick's guitar and everyone gasps in horror]

Luan: But what does Mick Swagger have to do with the King's shredder and jams?

X: [gasps in realization] He is the King's shredder, he is the King's jams! The code words for a musician. The target all along was Mick!

[The Louds gasp in shock and look at Lincoln]

Lincoln: [shocked with horror, realizing he screwed up] Oh, my gosh! I totally beefed it!

[End of Act 1; Beginning Act 2; the Louds are walking out of the Royal Castle to their bus while Luna tries to comfort her brother]

Lincoln: [groans sadly] It's all my fault Mick's gone.

Luna: No, it's not, bro. You meant well.

Lincoln: If I hadn't given X the wrong targets, she would've moved her agents so Mick would still be here.

Luna: Yeah, you're totally right. I was just trying to make you feel better.

Lynn Sr.: [accidentally crashes the bus into a telephone booth as Rita glares at him] That came out of nowhere.

Mick: [in a cage] Hello, Louds. Brilliant, you figured out all me clues! [unimpressed] Less brilliant, you've been captured.

Earl of Nuttingham: Enough chit-chat, start playing! [presses the button on the remote, freeing Mick from the cage]

Luna: Wait, you did all this just so Mick could play a concert for you?

Earl of Nuttingham: Not just any concert, a never-ending concert!

Luna: But you've been to all of Mick's shows. Why can't you just keep doing that?

Earl of Nuttingham: Oh, I have been to all of his shows. In fact, I was Mick's most loyal fan, for decades. And after my 100th Swagger concert, I worked up the courage to ask Mick to play at my private birthday party. And what did he do? He played another gig!

[As everyone dances to the Swagger Stagger song, Lynn Sr. dances a bit too far, accidentally bumps his hip into the King out of the castle window, and falls into a puddle while he and the family look outside]

Lori: [horrified] Dad, that was the King!

Lynn Sr.: Okay, everyone on the bus. Our trip starts now. [leaves and the others follow]

Episode 6

Europe Road Trip: Nonna Your Business [8.6a]

[The Louds arrive in Naples, Italy while Lynn is carrying the whole family and sets them down]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Bonjourno from Naples, Italy. [the map of Europe shows their bus leaving England, driving through France, and arrive in Italy] We drove our double-decker bus all the way through England, and then through France to get here. And now, would you believe if I said we've been backpacking for miles to get pizza? Oh. You would. Well anyway, Gus from the Games and Grub, tipped us off to the secret location of the world's best pizza, but his directions, are just a little hard to follow. And not just because they're written in marinara sauce. [reads the postcard] "Once atop the tomato shaped hill, follow the smell of oregano for 700 pizza paddles?" Confusing, right?

Rita: [sniffing] Oh, I smell the oregano. It's coming from that way.

Lynn Sr.: [walking while counting as the family follows him] One pizza paddle, two pizza paddles, three pizza paddles, four pizza paddles, five pizza paddles, six…

Rita: [sniffing] It's coming from here. This must be it.

Luan: This is where the world's best pizza is made? Maybe we misread the marinara.

Nonna: [in Italian accent; off-screen] The sauce never lies. [the Louds gasp and turn to her, whose standing behind them; kindly] Benvenuti. I am Nonna Viola, and you must be the Louds.

Lynn Sr.: What? How did you know (who we are)? Are you some kind of mind reader?

Nonna: This pizza recipe has been in my family for centuries. It was even Julius Caesar's favorite. [sets the pizza down in the table and slices it into 13 slices] Dig in!

[After eating the world's best pizza, Leni starts speaking in Italian language, surprising her family]

Lisa: [stunned] Fascinating. It appears the taste experience was so stimulating, it re-wired Leni's brain, making her fluent in Italian.

Lincoln: [disturbed when Lucy takes out her scythe] Please tell me you knew we'd be harvesting wheat today.

Lucy: Uh, sure...

Lana: This is just like when we played the floor is lava, except the floor is actually lava!

Lynn: Oh, game on!

Europe Road Trip: Alpining Away [8.6b]

[The map of Europe shows the Louds' bus leaving Naples, Italy and arrives in the Swiss Alps of Switzerland; The family then gets sick from driving in the twisty mountain roads]

Lincoln: [dizzy] Who knew those Swiss Alps roads could be so twisty? [retches]

Lynn: I told you guys before, if you want an iron belly, you need to up that annual meatball sub at take. [the other siblings groan in disgust] Wow, I can't believe I'm actually here and gonna compete in the Snow Fury! I'm gonna kick butt in every one of those events.

Lori: [waving her hand in Lynn's face] Lynn? Hello? Are you okay?

Leni: What's going in with her?

Lori: Dazed look.

Lynn: [sighs dreamily while gazing] Henrik.

Lori: Smitten sigh. [gasps] Excitedly whispering a boy's name.

Leni: O-M-Gosh! I think Lynn has…

Lori & Leni: [squealing in excitement] A crush!

Lynn: [imitates buzzer] Lynn Loud crushes people! She doesn't crush on them! [looks at Henrik's bicep; sighs dreamily and giggles] Okay, maybe just a little one. [snaps out of it] But what do I do about it? I'm such a rookie when it comes to this kind of junk.

Henrik: You are amazing! I've never seen anyone eat an entire apple strudel in one bite! How do you do it?

Lynn: It's all about loosening your jaw. I could show you, like, you know, if you want to hang again tomorrow.

[Lynn and Henrik are sitting on a log drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows]

Henrik: I'm sorry ze Snow Fury took up ze whole day. I wanted us to hang out more before you leave tomorrow.

Lynn: Me too. It's been awesome getting to know you…and junk. Here's to our last date.

Lori & Leni: Best crush coaches ever!

Episode 7

Europe Road Trip: A Bite in Transylvania [8.7a]

[The Louds' bus drives through the spooky forest of Transylvania, Romania as the siblings get terrified, except Lucy, who's grinning with excitement]

Lucy: Can we please pull over? Look at all this great stuff we're missing.

Rita: Sweetie, we agreed to pass through Transylvania so you can see all your horrible, ghoulish sights, but there is no way we're getting off this bus. We don't want to traumatize Lily. [holds up Lily, wearing sunglasses to keep her from seeing the spooky sights and headphones while listening to some music]

Luan: Plus, we can't risk being on the road after dark. Everyone knows there are vampires in this neck of the woods. [laughs; playfully elbows Lucy] Get it? Neck? [terrified] But seriously though, I'm scared.

Lincoln: [shudders; to the viewers] That makes twelve of us. The Louds are still double-decking across Europe, and it was Lucy's turn to choose our next destination: Transylvania. [the map shows their bus leaving Switzerland, then drives through Austria, Hungary, and Serbia, and enters Romania]

Lucy: Everybody, relax. Sadly, there's nothing to fear. There haven't been any real vampires in Transylvania for centuries.

Lana: [inspecting the damage of the bus] Well, the tire's shredded. Yep, along with everything else. Without my tools, we'll definitely need a tow.

Lori: [groans] Good luck calling one. There's literally no service out here!

Lucy: I love the decor of your castle. It's very mid-century goth.

Ula: How lovely of you to notice. Please, come in.

Nos F.: [as the Louds enter the castle] Oh, forgive us, we have not introduced ourselves. I am Nos F. Ratu, and this is my wife, Ula.

Lynn Sr.: Nos F Ratu. Why does that name sound familiar? [trips on a coffin and screams]

Nos F.: [holding a candelabra] Apologies for the darkness. Our power goes out when it's vining. [a swarm of bats swoop down and startles the family] We also have a little bat problem.

Lynn Sr.: Little? [chuckles] You know, on second thought…

Ula: [closes the front door and barricades it] No one leaves this house… [the family gasps in horror] without getting a goodnight sleep.

Lynn Sr.: Okay, here's the plan. The Ratu's are clearly vampires!

Lisa: Irrefutably.

Lori: Literally.

Luan: 100 percent.

Lynn Sr.: So, no one leaves this room for any reason! We'll escape in the morning while they're asleep in their coffins.

Lincoln: Can everyone stop saying dinner?! I'm really hungry.

Luan: Hi, really hungry. I'm Luan. [laughs] But seriously, I'm starving.

Europe Road Trip: Greece Is the Word [8.7b]

Lincoln: [to the viewers, with the map of Europe in the background] The Louds' European road trip continues. Next stop, Athens, Greece!

[Their bus on the map leaves Transylvania, Romania, and drives all the way to Athens, Greece; Once they arrive, they take a tour of the Parthenon]

Tour Guide: Today, all that's left of the Parthenon are these beautiful ruins, but this place was once an open air market… [catches Lynn lifting up a pillar; annoyed] Ponytail, this is not your gym. [Lynn tosses the pillar off-screen and it shatters] As I was saying, this place was once an open air market, kind of Ancient Greece's version of a mall.

Leni: [gasps] I wonder if I can use my Reininger's discount here!

Lynn: [bumps into Lincoln after he's transported back to the future] Hey, where you been, Stinkoln?

Lincoln: [happily hugs her] Lynn!

Lynn: [groans and breaks out of the hug] Gross! What are you doing?

Lincoln: I'm just so happy to see you! [to the rest of the family] To see all of you!

Rita: Aw, that's sweet, honey, but you shouldn't have run off. We have been looking all over for you.

Leni: Oh. Were we supposed to be looking for Lincoln? I found a huge sale on vintage sandals!

Episode 8

Kara-less Whisper [8.8a]

Mr. Bolhofner: Action News Team! Thanks for the piece you heard about me. The teachers had no idea I once escaped a collapsing underwater cave, using my webbed feet. And believe me, they were impressed.

[The Action News Team enters the Royal Woods comic book store and begin setting up equipment for interviewing Kara]

Liam: Now, let's get you gussied up for the camera. [brushes her hair and finds a scar on the back of her neck] Ho-ho-ho! Cool scar.

Kara: Oh, thanks. Hockey puck. I was five, I think.

Lincoln: [places the David Steele Issue 13 comic book on the counter along with his friends] Hey, Kara. We don't care about Issue 13 anymore. We're just really sorry we hurt your feelings.

Stella: Yeah, and it's true that we tricked you. But after two minutes, we knew we wanted to be your friend.

[The boys nod in agreement with what she said]

Clyde: Can we have another chance? We all have so much in common. Please say yes!

[Kara looks at them as they look at her, and smiles, knowing that they're telling the truth and accepts their forgiveness; Next day at middle school…]

Lincoln: The Action News Team went behind the scenes with new girl, Kara, owner of the David Steele missing Issue 13… but turns out, that's not even close to the coolest thing about her. She's got a mean slap shot, and writes page-turning comics. And you definitely don't want to mess with her, because she's really good at booby traps.

Josh: [stuck in a net trap] Mom! Kara netted me again!

Lincoln: In the highlight of getting to know Kara is she's now our friend!

Dollars and Scents [8.8b]

Episode 9

Bulking and Sulking [8.9a]

Lynn: [dashes to the storage space with a mop and captures Nacho holding three cans of beans, but drops one] Nacho! Get your own beans! [Nacho runs out the door, dropping another can and having only one] YOU'LL FACE JUSTICE FOR YOUR CRIMES!

Lynn Sr.: [yelling while cooking] LINCOLN! CAN YOU TELL UNCLE LANCE TO TURN DOWN THE MUSIC?!

Lincoln: [yelling while covering his ears] CAN'T HEAR YOU! I'M GONNA GO ASK UNCLE LANCE TO TURN DOWN THE MUSIC!

[Lynn Sr. finds his brother at the football field, doing high-knees on the bleachers, after trying to sabotage his gym and hurting his feelings]

Lance: [annoyed] Oh, joy. You found me.

Lynn Sr.: Well, this is where you always came when you were mad as a kid. Wouldn't be that hard to find.

Lance: Pfft, well you can leave, okay, 'cause I don't want to talk.

Lynn Sr.: Lance, I'm sorry. [follows him] I-I should've told you the truth! But we were... [pants] getting along so well, I... I didn't... [wheezes] didn't want to mess that up... [exhausted] Oh, vision...going...blurry... [sits down to catch his breath]

Lance: I would've understood if you said it wasn't working out. Your lying and sneaking around is what hurt the most. It was like a charley horse, but in my heart!

Lynn Sr.: You're right. I acted like a ding-dang ding-dong. [holds his neck] Whoo, heh, pulse is not slowing down. [chuckles]

Lance: Well, from now on, just be honest with me. If I can bench press four hundred pounds, I can handle the truth.

Lynn Sr.: I will. [tears up] Promise.

Lance: [also tears up] Well, bring it in, then, big guy!

Wild Goss Chase [8.9b]

Episode 10

The Weakest Ink [8.10a]

Luna: What am I gonna do?! I can't go back on a pinkie swear! But you guys know I have a low pain threshold! I passed out when I got these earrings, and they're clip-ons! [cringes as she takes off one of her earrings]

Lori: Relax, Dad will never let you get a tattoo anyway. You can just blame it on him.

Sales Forced [8.10b]

Todd: Oh, no! You got fungus in my bacteria culture!

Lisa: [slumping on the sofa] Thanks, Todd, but even a re-enactment of the development of penicillin won't make me feel better today.

[Todd hops on the sofa to comfort her]

Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind [8.11-8.12]

Lincoln: [dressed as Commander Nick Fox] Attention, all crew. Get to an evacuation pod. As for me, I'm going down with the Andromeda. [salutes] It's crew before commander on this ship. BRACE FOR IMPACT!! [to the viewers] Don't worry, I'm not really dead. [stands up] Tonight is Halloween, and I'm just getting into character. I'm going as Commander Nick Fox. He's the star of an old sci-fi movie that me and my friends are obsessed with… Planet Protection Patrol…or as we call it, Triple-P. It's about a group of space soldiers who protect the earth from evil aliens. We're each going as a member from the crew. I picked the commander because we're a lot alike: Handsome, daring, ready for anything!

Lucy: [opens the door, dressed as a skeleton, accidentally knocking him over] Apologies, Lincoln, but we need you to test out the haunted house.

Clyde: [from outside] Hey, Lincoln! We're here!

Lincoln: Coming! Mom, Dad, can I trick-or-treat with my friends for a bit? I promise I'll be home by 8:00 to help with the haunted house.

Clyde: Of course.

Lincoln: You bet.

Stella: [gets in Chandler and Trent's faces; angrily] Oh, leave us alone and take your bad breath somewhere else!

Alien #1: Earthlings, please accept our apologies. We were passing through your galaxy and running low on fuel. That's when we received a transmission from one of your communicators.

Chandler: Ha! Your stupid omelet thing! I knew it! [the Planet Protection Patrol glares at him] You're not heroes! You guys brought the aliens here! It's all their fault! [One of the aliens, however, replays the transmission, revealing it was actually him who brought them; on recording] Earth to aliens: We've got some space geeks here who are dying to meet you. Why don't you come down so you can all have an intergalactic dork party? [realizes his folly]

Alien #2: Then the bad Earthling revealed you all disguise yourselves on your human holiday.

Chandler: [on recording] There are millions of people in costumes tonight, but somehow, yours are the dumbest!

[Chandler frowns in disbelief, realizing he's been found out]

Alien #2: That gave us the idea to infiltrate your species and use you as a power source. It's well-known throughout the galaxies that humans make great batteries.

Alien #3: Unfortunately, I'm always putting them in upside down. [laughs]

Lynn: [annoyed] Nice going, Chandler.

Lori: [also annoyed] You're literally the worst.

Chandler: [having no regret] I'm so over all this! [presses the keypad, opening the door] Chandler, out! [walks backwards, but suddenly falls and lands in the Louds' web] Ew, gross!

Episode 13

Trouble Brewing [8.13a]

[Nighttime at the Loud House; The Louds wake up when they hear clattering sounds from the kitchen, believing it's the midnight snack thief, and it's soon revealed to be Lori, as she's caught in Lincoln's net trap]

Lincoln: Lori?! You're the one who's been taking our stuff?

Lynn Sr.: Oh sweetie, if you need it all, you could have just asked.

Lori: [gets up on her feet] I didn't want to worry you guys. After paying Mr. Grouse's rent, I'm pretty much broke. [groans] I've had no luck getting a job!

Luan: Wait a minute! I've been working part-time at the Burnt Bean and I heard they're hiring a new bean-rista!

Lori: I blew my interview there when I first moved home, remember?

Luan: Well, lucky for you, I'm pretty tight with our manager, Beany Brewinski. If I put in a good word, you're golden.

Lori: So, I'd be making money, and we'd be working together, how fun would that be?

[The two sisters squeal in excitement; A few days later… Lori and Luan are driving on their way to the Burnt Bean]

Luan: Thanks for driving, co-worker. Sure beats my old unicycle commute.

Lori: It's literally the least I can do.

Beany: Good morning, coffee crew! Everyone have their seven cups of coffee? No? Just me! Alright! I'm thrilled to announce the newest addition to the Burnt Bean team, Lori Loud! Let's give her a caf-hey!

Luan and Paraag: Caf-hey!

Lori: [awkwardly] Caf… hey. [chuckles]

Beany: Next order of bean-ness, I'm off to a conference in Beantown, so I'll be promoting our top bean-rista to manager while I'm gone. Say hello to your new bean boss… Luan!

Luan: Wowee! I won't let you down, Beany!

Beany: I know you won't! I'm trusting you to keep the bean dream alive! [leaves] Toodles!

Paraag: You deserve this, Luan.

Luan: Aw, I couldn't have done it without you, Paraag. We make a good blend.

Lori: Yeah, congrats! I had no idea you were such a talented barista.

Luan: Aw, thanks. I hope you're okay with this. I know you didn't plan on working for your little sister.

Lori: Are you kidding? I'm totally okay. Just think of me as another employee. No playing favorites.

Luan: Can you those decafs, Lori? I'm swamped with managerial duties after one of my employees showed up late. Not naming names.

Lori: [annoyingly fills a tray of mugs with the decaf] Managerial duties? Ha! Looks more like stacking cups.

Luan: Hey, watch what you're doing! You're spilling coffee everywhere!

Lori: Ugh! Stop micromanaging me! You're in a power trip! Right, Paraag?

Paraag: Staying neutral.

Luan: Ha! She just can't stand taking orders from her little sister because she has an ego bigger than a Bean Kahuna!

Lori: That's the small one, remember?! Hm! Guess I am good at my job!

[Luan screams in annoyance and Lori also screams in frustration]

Lori: ♪ Sisters, working together ♪

Luan: ♪ Chasing those burnt bean dreams ♪

Lori: ♪ Brewing the coffee ♪

Lori & Luan: ♪ Sisters, working together! ♪

The Cling and I [8.13b]

Rita: [seeing Lily being close to Lana as they exit the bathroom] Aw, isn't that sweet? Looks like you're Lily's favorite.

Lana: [hiding in the kitchen cupboard with Hops while avoiding Lily; sighs] I love Lily, but being with her all the time is... a lot. [stands up] Sometimes I just need… [accidentally hits the top of the cupboard] Ow! [slumps down] Space. What do I do?