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The Cannonball Run

From Wikiquote

The Cannonball Run is a 1981 comedy film about a wide variety of eccentric competitors who participate in a wild and illegal cross-country car race.

Directed by Hal Needham. Written by Brock Yates.
You'll root for them all...but you'll never guess who wins.

Organizer

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  • Of course you know certain skeptics note that perhaps 10,000 of the nations' most elite highway patrolmen are out there waiting for us after we start, but let's stay positively: Think of the fact that there's not one state in the 50 that has the death penalty for speeding... although I'm not so sure about Ohio.

Dialogue

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Fenderbaum: We've got a secret weapon. God is our co-pilot!
The Geek: You'll need him!
Jamie Blake: *God* is our co-pilot?
Fenderbaum: Uh huh...
Jamie Blake: Remember our car?
Fenderbaum: Uh huh...
Jamie Blake: Two seats?
Fenderbaum: Two seats...
Jamie Blake: Where's he gonna sit? [smack] Where's he gonna sit? [smack]

Fenderbaum: Why'd he call me Shorty?
Jamie Blake: 'Cause you're small. Small. S - M - all.

The Sheik: My driving is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens!
[thunder crashes]
Shiek's Sister: So you still intend to enter the race with the infidel Americans?
The Sheik: The Cannonball will fall to the forces of Islam! [thunder crashes] My dear sister! I swear it!

Mr. Foyt: Terrorists my dimpled ass! These people make terrorists look like the Sisters of Charity! These guys are Cannonballers!
Pamela Glover: What is that? A bowling team?

Mr. Foyt: Well, how do you all feel now you have raped the American highways?
J.J. McClure: Beautiful!

J.J. McClure: Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back.
Victor Prinsi: Well, it's not my fault that she didn't fit in the stretcher!
J.J. McClure: She doesn't fit in the AMBULANCE!

[finding the men's room locked, Van Helsing follows Pamela into the women's room]
Pamela Glover: Wait a minute, you can't come in here.
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: Madam, not to be indelicate but in my profession; if you've seen one, you've seen them all.
Pamela Glover: Oh, okay.

Fenderbaum: [Fenderbaum and Blake's Ferrari drives alongside J.J.'s ambulance] Pull over! We want to give you our blessing!
Victor Prinsi: J.J., there are two priest in that car. They want us to pull over.
J.J. McClure: Victor, that's two priests driving a Ferrari. When's the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?
Victor Prinsi: No, they're doing the work of the Lord. In a Ferrari, they can just do it faster.

Fenderbaum: [noticing Blake acting oddly at bar] What is it?
Jamie Blake: Look at the chicks! Boy, if they were Methodists, what a shot we could have had of getting laid right here.
[guy at bar overhearing spits his drink out]

Cast

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