Talk:University of Texas Medical Branch

Request edit Paragraphs 1, 2 and 3

Current text, paragraph 1

The University of Texas Medical Branch (UTMB) is a component of the University of Texas System located in Galveston, Texas, United States, about 50 miles (80 km) southeast of Downtown Houston. It is a health care complex spanning 85 acres (344,000 m2), with seven hospitals, 13,000 employees and an assortment of specialized clinics, centers and institutes, including a medical school. The medical school is the oldest one west of the Mississippi River.

Proposed text, paragraph 1

The University of Texas Medical Branch (UTMB) is a component of the University of Texas System located in Galveston, Texas, United States, about 50 miles (80 km) southeast of Downtown Houston. It is an academic health center with 11,000 employees and a medical school which is the oldest in Texas.

Reason for changes: number of hospitals and employees has decreased. Propose moving / combining institutional elements to paragraph 2. Our medical school is not the oldest west of the Mississippi River, but it is the oldest in Texas.

Please go ahead and correct the employee count and the incorrect geographical reference, but without the changes not mentioned in your "reason for changes" such as the word "comprehensive." It would be much better to point out the errors, rather than offer a re-written draft where we have to compare the two to identify the changes. CorporateM (Talk) 18:02, 6 April 2013 (UTC)

Current text, paragraph 2

It was established in 1891 with one building and fewer than 50 students. Today UTMB's campus has grown to more than 70 buildings and an enrollment of more than 2,500 students. The 84-acre (340,000 m2) campus includes four schools, three institutes for advanced study, a major medical library, seven on-site hospitals (including an affiliated Shriners Burns Hospital), a network of clinics that provide a full range of primary and specialized medical care, a comprehensive medical library and numerous research facilities.

Proposed text, paragraph 2

Established in 1891 as the University of Texas Medical Department, UTMB has grown from one building, 23 students and 13 faculty members to more than 70 buildings, more than 2,500 students and more than 1,000 faculty. It has four schools, three institutes for advanced study, a comprehensive medical library, three on-site hospitals (including an affiliated Shriners Hospital for Children (Galveston)), a network of clinics that provide primary and specialized medical care and numerous research facilities.

Reason for changes: tweak to intro wording, removing repeat of acreage mentioned in first paragraph, correcting to current number of on-site hospitals (John Sealy Hospital, Texas Department of Criminal Justice Hospital, Galveston and Shriners Hospital for Children, Galveston) and removing one of two references to medical library in same sentence / paragraph. Changing link for Shriners Hospitals for Children to Shriners Hospitals for Children (Galveston).

Same as above. Please remove any repeated words/phrases and obvious corrections, but I don't see how this is a meaningful improvement, other than the company having preferences for the wording of the article. CorporateM (Talk) 18:02, 6 April 2013 (UTC)

May I ask for reconsideration please? The slightly tweaked intro and combination of first two sentences provides better flow and additional data with a cited reference. ([[User:Myra McCollum|Myra McCollum]]&#124[[User talk:Myra McCollum|t]] )([[User:Myra McCollum|COI]]) (talk) 20:49, 1 May 2013 (UTC)

I'm asking for reconsideration of edits to paragraph 2 with editor CorporateM's blessing to ask another editor. Thank you! Myra McCollum (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

Current text, paragraph 3

Since its founding, UTMB has served indigent or poor populaces, such as prisoners, the homeless, and single mothers, including patients with ailments that are very expensive to treat (such as burns). It is one of only a handful of hospitals in southeastern Texas that does so. UTMB's Emergency Room at John Sealy Hospital is certified as a Level I Trauma Center and serves as the lead trauma facility for the nine-county region in southeast Texas. It is one of only three Level I Trauma centers in the Greater Houston area.[2]

Proposed text, paragraph 3

UTMB's primary missions are health sciences education, medical research (it is home to the Galveston National Laboratory) and health care services. Its Emergency Room at John Sealy Hospital is certified as a Level I Trauma Center and serves as the lead trauma facility for a nine-county region in Southeast Texas; it is one of only three Level I Trauma centers serving all ages in Southeast Texas.

In fiscal year 2012, UTMB received 20 percent of its $1.5 billion budget from the State of Texas to help support its teaching mission, hospital operation and Level 1 Trauma Center; UTMB generates the rest of its budget through its research endeavors, clinical services and philanthropy. It provides a significant amount of charity care (almost $96 million in 2012), and treats complex cases such as transplants and burns.

Reason for changes: clarifications re: mission and charity care. ([[User:Myra McCollum|Myra McCollum]]&#124[[User talk:Myra McCollum|t]] )([[User:Myra McCollum|COI]]) (talk) 22:51, 3 April 2013 (UTC)

Potentially an improvement in some areas, but not an improvement overall. The focus on its "mission" is promotional, rather than saying what it does and who funds it. We don't need stuff like "serving all ages" etc. The current content looks ok. CorporateM (Talk) 18:02, 6 April 2013 (UTC)

I'd like to ask for reconsideration here too, please. What UTMB does and how it's funded (additional paragraph w/ citation) is what I'm trying to convey. Currently, the first two sentences are not entirely factual nor cited. Intent of rewrite is to be factual, not promotional and a citation is provided. Would changing the word "missions" to "areas of focus" work or what would?

"Serving all ages" was included because three Level I Trauma Centers in the specified region serve all ages; two are Pediatric Level I Trauma Centers (five Level I Trauma Centers total in region). Intent was factual vs. promotional. Would removing the word "only" make change permissible? Original citation at end of paragraph pertains to Trauma Center info only. I'm providing a current Trauma Center citation to use in addition to or in place of current citation. ([[User:Myra McCollum|Myra McCollum]]&#124[[User talk:Myra McCollum|t]] )([[User:Myra McCollum|COI]]) (talk) 22:58, 8 May 2013 (UTC)

I'm asking for reconsideration of edits to paragraph 3 with editor CorporateM's blessing to ask another editor. Thank you! Myra McCollum (talk) 21:14, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

@Myra McCollum: These changes look reasonable to me. Feel free to go ahead and make the edits, although I notice that the article now seems to be quite different than it was at the time you proposed this. CorporateM can always edit the article after you have made your edits if they wish. — Mr. Stradivarius ^{♪ talk ♪} 11:54, 23 October 2013 (UTC)

Taking a fresh pair of eyes to this, a lot of these do look like improvements, in particular from a copyediting perspective. Technically, if they are purely copyedits, Myra should feel free to make them anyway. OTOH, it looks like I mentioned the word "comprehensive" somewhere, which is almost always a bad word to use. I may have had a jaded point-of-view at-the-time, due to some of the editing patterns I was dealing with elsewhere. CorporateM (Talk) 12:48, 23 October 2013 (UTC)

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