Talk:Graham Beresford Parkinson/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hawkeye7 (talk · contribs) 23:58, 26 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

I have a list of comments (below)

Is it well written?
A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:

B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
Is it verifiable with no original research?
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:

C. It contains no original research:

D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
See comments below

B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
Is it neutral?
It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
Is it stable?
It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
Images are appropriately licensed, but consider adding PD-1996 tags

B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Comments

"His father, Henry Parkinson, was a school teacher." Why is his mother, Ethel Constance Young, not mentioned?

Have added. Zawed (talk) 09:07, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"the Royal Military College in Duntroon, Australia" No, that is not correct. There is no town or suburb in Australia called Duntroon (although, from memory, there is one in New Zealand). Duntroon is the old homestead (which is still there), on which the Royal Military College, Duntroon, now stands. Duntroon is not a suburb of Canberra! It is in the suburb of Campbell. Re-word to "the Royal Military College, Duntroon, in Australia".

Have revised as per suggestion. Zawed (talk) 09:07, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"which set aside a limited number of enrollments for New Zealanders". No, this is not correct. It sounds as if the number of New Zealanders was capped, but is was not. There were about eight a year. (Also: "enrolments" is mispelt.)

It is my understanding from McGibbon (2000) that it was capped at 10 per year, initially at least. After the first crop of ten in 1911, for a few years after it started, there were less than ten each year entering as not enough were passing the entrance exams. It may have changed since then though. I have left "limited" for now but am happy to change if you insist. Zawed (talk) 09:07, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]
No, I'll take your word for it. I know that New Zealanders are still attending to this day, but I'm not sure how many. I presume New Zealand established its own RMC long ago. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:51, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I didn't know there was BE spelling of enrolment! Have corrected. Zawed (talk) 09:07, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Perkinson was posted to Trentham Military Camp" You've misspelt his name.

Whoops, fixed. Zawed (talk) 09:19, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Did he hold the rank of major in the NZEF? (Did New Zealanders retain their NZEF rank as an honorary rank like Australians did?)
link "captain", "major", "lieutenant colonel", "adjutant", "brigade major", "Royal New Zealand Artillery",

Done. Zawed (talk) 09:19, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

How about adding his wedding date (30 August 1926), and the name of his wife (Barbara Waiohine Howe)?

Done. Zawed (talk) 09:19, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"In 1939, he was returned to his temporary rank of lieutenant colonel." Should add that he was promoted to the substantive rank in September 1939.

Done. Zawed (talk) 10:09, 28 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Following the outbreak of the Second World War, Parkinson was seconded to the Second New Zealand Expeditionary Force (2NZEF)." He didn't join the 2nd NZEF util January 1940.

Done. Zawed (talk) 10:09, 28 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The link to the London Gazette is bung. It should be "No. 35526". The London Gazette. 14 April 1942..

Have fixed. Zawed (talk) 09:36, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Did he earn a second mid for Greece? Usually that is a requirement for the DSO.

No, just the one for service in Libya. Zawed (talk) 10:09, 28 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Got a London Gazette reference for the bar to his DSO? ("No. 36764". The London Gazette (Supplement). 26 October 1944.) Or his OStJ ("No. 40378". The London Gazette (Supplement). 7 January 1955.), Officer of the Legion of Merit ("No. 37909". The London Gazette (Supplement). 20 March 1947.), Or his CBE? ("No. 37151". The London Gazette (Supplement). 28 June 1945.)

Have added these. Zawed (talk) 09:36, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"criticised for being overly cautious during the battle" Any idea by whom?

Cheers. Hawkeye7 (talk)

I think that is sufficient to meet GA standard. I encourage you to follow up the remaining points. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 27 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Hawkeye, much appreciated. I have fixed a few more things noted above. Zawed (talk) 10:09, 28 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]