User talk:Under user/Archive 26

Radio

Killed the video star. Or was it the other way around? ~ 10:34, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Yep! I'm on this topic. Pup

Just the facts, ma'am. --UU - natter 10:50, Feb 2

It all happened so fast! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 20:02, Feb 2 2010

Forgive me for sounding like a knowitall, but did you know that "Video Killed the Radio Star" was the first music video played on MTV? Ended up being prophetic. Back in the day, looking good and dancing well were not more important than being able to sing. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:00, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

I am old enough to have first-hand knowledge of that fact, actually. --UU - natter 13:39, Feb 3

Just found it--the very beginning of MTV with "Video Killed the Radio Star." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:16, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

Also I think we should change Uncyclopedia's dating system to BMTV (Before MTV) and AMTV (Year of MTV). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:07, February 4, 0029 (AMTV)

What, exactly

...is a wibble? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 20:02, Feb 2 2010

It is very similar to piffle, blether and fol-de-rol. You may find further insight here, including this vital social experiment. --UU - natter 10:52, Feb 3

Kurdish Military Industries

Regarding taking {{WIP}} off this article: Fredy nominated his own article for VFD, was told he should have used QVFD despite its age. I jumped in to try to save it; he was shamed into promising to work on it; he blanked my changes and then vanished for the weekend, offering lame excuses involving toilet habits (the current excuse is final exams). He withdrew his VFD nomination and this was allowed. {{WIP}} is indeed superfluous, because no one's going to delete it except via VFD, where everyone remembers the recent history--and to perpetuate the claim that he's actually going to finish the job. Spıke ¬  13:34 3-Feb-10

Which was my point. --UU - natter 13:37, Feb 3

Actually, mr. UU, I've just finished my last exam 4 hours ago, and now I'm back. Also, mr. SPIKE, fuck you, the toilet thing was obviously a joke. I left a note on my own talkpage two weeks ago saying that I'd be leaving for a fortnight, returning on February 4th. Which is tomorrow. Anyway, I'm back and I'll start working on it shortly. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 15:12 • Wednesday, 3-02-2010

Moosh, I'd like to see your grades. If you didn't get A grades in at least 80% of your exams I'll be blocking you until you improve those grades. ~ 15:22, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

Last year was a C thanks to uncyclopedia :/ • FreddCan Shredd • • • 15:38 • Wednesday, 3-02-2010

Not good! UU - what do you say? ~ 15:44, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm, let me see. "C" is Cajek's initial. Therefore he needs banning. My logic is irrefutable. --UU - natter 15:52, Feb 3

If we gave out grades as well as honors, he could say it was course-work. It might even improve his grade-point average. Although I'm giving him an Incomplete. Spıke ¬  15:53 3-Feb-10

Separately, "README" agreed to take over Undead but more recently asked to be banned for three days because he needed relief from the temptation to edit rather than more pressing duties. Bottom line, my quest to find good homes for awful articles is failing miserably this month. Spıke ¬  15:55 3-Feb-10

I'll be giving you D for effort though. ~ 16:19, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

Wade Duck

Hi

I would like the page Wade Duck for this reason and this reason alone...if there's to be a U.S. Acres Page in the near future...I would like to add the Wade Duck page on it. The page is more for an article rather than a page itself.MrCleveland 18:11, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

OK, here it is. --UU - natter 09:51, Feb 4

Mass Effect

I finally managed to get into it. It's awesome, completed the planet with the crazy colonists and the plant thing. It's a really great game when you get past the looooooooooong introduction. Anyways just thought I'd say I'm playing it now. is the sequel perhaps better?    Orian57    Talk   23:36 3 February 2010

Ah, welcome to the party! I'd suggest you keep to the main story, as the side missions on the planets might bore you to tears! As to the sequel, you'll have to ask Mordillo for the definitive opinion, I get the feeling he's had more time to lavish on it than me! What I've seen is looking better and better though. --UU - natter 09:05, Feb 4

Cool cool, I can't believe I've had it for ten months and never seen how great it was. It's like living with a cheeta that you suddenly realise can talk as well as shit in yourr coffee.    Orian57    Talk   09:08 4 February 2010

16 hours into the Mass Effect 2 and counting. It is by far better. Good story, very good action, control system (when you get use to it) is good as well AND you get to meet many characters from the first game. Also, it seems to be much longer than the first one. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Mordillo (talk • contribs)

All of those sound like good things, Mister Unsigned. Anyway, work becons, see you later when I reveal my latest idea.    Orian57    Talk   09:40 4 February 2010

Attribute that to the fact that I stayed up till 2:30am playing that damn game. Managed to spill coffee on the misus in the morning. YOU DON'T DO THAT TO PREGNANT FEMALES. They tend to sulk. ~ 09:44, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

TBH, you can leave the word "pregnant" out of that last statement, it still works. How's Mordillia doing, minor scaldings notwithstanding? --UU - natter 09:48, Feb 4

Pregnancy diabetes, which is mildly crap, but we're handling with it. ~ 09:56, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, more uncyc spawn on the way? Good luck and I hope everything goes ok. I should maybe get in on this "Pregnancy" trend. If it helps I recently made a friend who has a kid. That counts right? in other news I shall be revealing my new idea shartly. It's gonna be a feature.    Orian57    Talk   12:54 4 February 2010

It's always going to be a feature. Yes, I got a bit jealous of UU and forced my misus into pregnancy, the poor girl. And I shall name him Legion. ~ 13:06, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Legion Cohen that is ~ 13:07, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

I dunno, I think Legion Rosenbaum has a certain something to it as well... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 09:02, Feb 5 2010

Legion Cohen Minidillo. Obviously. --UU - natter 10:12, Feb 5

UnSignpost 4th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

Feb 4th, 2010 • Issue 74 • Ain't It Uncool? News!

Spang Archives Talkpage; End of World Expected Imminently By UU Renowned Wikia fan, code monkey and sexy admin Spang has performed what many users believe to be the clearest sign to date of impending apocalypse: he's archived his talk page. After almost 2 years of torturing the Wiki's servers, and having amassed a fairly impressive 410,844 bytes of content, Spang finally decided to give people the chance to talk to him without waiting for half an hour for his page to load. When asked for his reasoning behind this unprecedented move, the muddy funster quipped "no comment". Faced with such dazzling repartee, this reporter has no choice but to cut to the next story and hope he has some better quotes to pad it out with. Award Winners Speak Exclusively to UnSignpost By Someone who definitely isn't running out of ideas already this year Well, there you go folks, looks like the "... of the Year" award voting is done and dusted for another year. Thanks to all who voted; without you, the admins would probably have less to do, which would obviously be dangerous. Anyway, that aside, your ever-topical Unsignpost went and mugged the various winners for comments on their various wins. Several of them, of course, have already made their feelings clear to those who voted for them by way of the traditional thanks templates. Apart from UU, because he's a lazy ass. Or because he's busy writing this. Whichever. Anyway again, for the benefit of those who didn't vote for the winners, and don't watch their talk pages, here's what they had to say: Runaway WotY Hype said: "Thanks, you guys!! If you'll permit me to be dead serious for the first time ever on the wiki, this really is an honor, and it's pretty damn touching that so many people came out in support of my work. Whew. Being serious felt weird. I feel... strange. BALLS BALLS PENIS COCK. Ah... there's the stuff!" He then went off to write another My Sojourn spin-off. Even more runaway PotY Sonje said: "Thank you, I intend to return as soon as I can. I am currently in Africa with very limited internet access. I'll try to time my return to co-incide with the Oscars so that I can get some pointers for my acceptance speech." Admittedly, that was before we asked her for a comment, but then, she is in Africa with limited internet access. Joint UotY Socky channeled Churchill to say: "*scrapes throat* Ahem! I would like to say to the community as I would say to anyone who joined this website: Uncyclopedia has nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all error — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. … That seems to be the wrong Churchill speech. Okay, I'll give it another try. *scrapes throat again* The gratitude of every home throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen and Belgian spies who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the Wiki War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to two people. And so on and so on… Woot! Woot!" Long-winded bugger. And other joint UotY UU said: "wow, Socky's already left me needing a lot of filler for the right panel, so I'll keep this shortish. First, it's good to see someone who isn't an admin get their hands on this award, and Socky's hard work deserves recognition. Second, it's great to have my complete lack of a life recognised in this way. Third, did someone say Spang's archived his talk page? What the fuck's that all about?." Oh, and Dr. Skullthumper was UGotY, but that was a foregone conclusion anyway. He didn't seem to have any comment of his own to make, so TKF hopped in to the breach with "I call the award a "fascist disgrace" and "move to permanently disbar Mike Socia, that ape from Lighting who made my mole visible to all of the goddamn world watching the ceremony."" Which about wraps it all up, I hope.

Check out these pages! No really, it's archived and everything! There are moar quesitons than answers Not sure what the point is, but it's not made with a certain style A question we have all asked, so many times From our logs: 13:56, 2 February 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 161.12.7.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Take it to Niggermania, VNN or one of the many charming forums for racist lunatics like yourself out there.) 11:15, 1 February 2010 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.49.98.244 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (ITALY does not rule and has not ruled for quite some time now actually. Blame the Christians if I were you...) 19:46, 29 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.11.81.96 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Improve your manners, cunt) 09:51, 29 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.167.51.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (UN:VAIN. have a quick read of it, and see why we're not interested in you. although you could probably just look in a mirror and figure that out...) Biopic Legend of the Week MadMax. Forty two thousand edits. Countless other contributions that can never be measured by simple Wiki stats software. No drama. Ever. Probably the single greatest force for good on this miserable little wiki. And it took us until issue 74 to profile him. The UnSignpost sucks; Max certainly doesn't. Old School Featured Article of the Week The 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is by far "The Most Difficult Puzzle Of All Time™". Many have scrambled, twisted and turned this mythical puzzle, but few have solved it. By the end of this article, YOU TOO will be able to solve this puzzle. Unfortunately... you may encounter some problems on the way though... such as, twisting the cube the wrong way when speedsolving. The Desperate Return of Cajek Ban of the Week! (Block log); 10:20 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10000 years ("And he shall scourage the Earth for 9999 years. And then one more" Book of Mordillo, chapter 1 verse plox. ) Horoscope of the Week Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 22) - So, yeah, it's the start of Black History Month. And speaking of Black History, seems like it's an appropriate time to finally track down your real father. You see, it turns out, that's not just a Jew-fro. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here. Redundancy of the Week Did we mention Spang's archived his talk page?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  15:20, Feb 4

About the recent issue...

Thanks for the mention. :) MadMax 15:41, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

You are more than welcome - I can't believe it took us so long! --UU - natter 16:18, Feb 4

YOU BANNED ME MAN I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BANNED ME

so there i was in cambridge right, for an early in the morning appointment at the open university to discuss english courses. the talk was going great and they were impressed with my liquid linguisum loll'd by defty tongue. and then i thought "HEY. i should show you my UNCYLOPEDIA ARTICLES!!!!!" and they were like "cool!!! we'd love to see your humour writing skills!!! your future at the OU could depend on it!!! lol!!!".

so i takes the nearest laptop and download google chrome first (it's the BEST) and then i hit up uncyclopedia to show my hip crowd my articles on golf war, japanese girls, that one i did with drstrange and uhhh i can't remember what else i've done, BUT LO AND BEHOLD I SAW A GREAT BIG MESSAGE ACROSS THE MAIN PAGE SAYING: "I'm listening to Sorted For Es And Wizz, which means I must ban you. my logic is irrefutable. also am I the only person who joke bans you? for shame, fellow admins!" i was aghast. i sweat pools in nervousness. my profilers saw the page citing BANANATION from uncyc. "YOU LIAR YOU FOOL YOU TIME WASTER!" they cried! "you are no comedy writer YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BACK YOUR WILD CLAIMS AND YOU LISTEN TO THAT FUCKHEAD COCKER i bet you're even a portsmouth supporter BACK FROM THE HOLE OF WHICH YOU CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". and i was thrown out of the OU. thanks a lot , UU. that was really, really, really HELPFUL --"MORDILLO IS FUCKING FASCIST" 15:47, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Thrown out of the OU? I'd say I did you a favour there. You're welcome. --UU - natter 16:19, Feb 4

Did you know that I'm a fucking fascist? ~ 16:20, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I wasn't gonna be the first to mention it... --UU - natter 16:22, Feb 4

Taking the Piss

I've just come across another review that Iwillkillyou333 promised to have a look at and then neglected to comment on for nearly a week. This is the third one that I have come across: Offence 1, Offence 2 and the above is offence three. I have noticed these took place over a short period of time and there may be circumstances such as computer trouble involved but the warning is there on the main Pee Review page and was there before Why and I gave him his first warning. My feeling is that a short ban may prove our point on this one.

What do you think? --ChiefjusticeDS 22:54, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

He has been served with a one day ban. If it happens again, it's 2 days, and so forth. That may sound harsh, but considering how many days he's made people wait, it's pretty small beer. Let me know if he does it again, and thanks for bringing it to my attention, Cap'n! --UU - natter 08:57, Feb 5

No problem, thanks very much for the promotion, I'm flattered. --ChiefjusticeDS 13:45, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

What are the rules...

...relating to artificially bumping up your edit count? Pup

Why does that even matter? There are none - I don't see how edit counts are of huge importance, myself (haven't a clue what mine is). They only tell a small part of the story (if banning, deleting, and investigating people behaving like asses, looking carefully at their contribs, and then taking the time to work out how to deal with them were all counted, Mordillo would have a higher edit count than anyone except possibly MadMax). Beyond that, the only rule you need to remember is: don't be a dick. Cajek, for instance, used to save his edits to an article every 5 or 10 words, it would seem, certainly several times a minute. I, on the other hand, (purely to give an example) save possibly every 5 or 10 minutes when I'm writing. So he'd have 20 or 30 times as many edits for that period, for possibly the same amount of actual end product. So I ask again; why does it matter? But if you feel it does: as long as you don't take the piss and save after every word you type (or even every letter), I'm not entirely sure there is a rule. If it became an issue, I'd just start warning people to calm shit down before banning the fuck out of them if they continued to take the piss. How's that sound? --UU - natter 09:05, Feb 5

Cocks. MrN 09:17, Feb 5

I always said that Max was well hung. ~ 09:18, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Oh noes, my life is over! Time to do some quick adding of pointless categories to random articles. --UU - natter 10:10, Feb 5

Size does not matter, it's what you do with it... Yea, yea. You guys just keep believing that... :-)

What? MrN 15:18, Feb 5

This is called in the professional world "when life gives you lemons, make sweet sweet love." • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 14:15, Feb 8 2010

Completely unrelated to penis length...

Had a thought about Love tonight. Is there a possibility we can pop a protect on it for the 13th to 15th of February. I get the feeling that it may be a bit of a target on desperation day, singles awareness day, and post coital remorse day. Pup

Just about this...

I like this article - not as a featureable thingy but just as I found the whole stealing intellectual copyright from a parody source a ludicrous concept, and I used the self reference as I felt the humour would be more effective if I used a parody of a recognisable thing as one of the elements. The assumption here is that people who are reading an article on Uncyclopedia would find the parody of Uncyclopedia more approachable than a parody of College humour or Mad TV, to site the two real life examples that I've used. Is there anything that you feel could be added to this in order to improve it? (Other than more Archive 26 references of course.) Pup

Everyone would love it if it had the phrase "Why do I need to provide this?" in there somewhere. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig1 22:41, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Fear and Loathing in the Delivery Room

Births are scarey - good luck. I found a copy of the book, so that's some comforting bedtime reading for a few days. --Sog1970 13:20, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry

For being a lazy asshole on Pee Review. Won't happen again.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:32, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

Amazing how people listen more than they did before after a good banning... MrN 21:35, Feb 6

To make you feel, I'll show you this and I did do it on time--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:46, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Aw, fuck, That warning you posted, I did not see that. Swear to God this is the truth. The thing is is that I do not check past sections of my talk page, I alwayprefer new mssages to be in different sections to avoid confusion. And someone must have put a message after you posted the warning cause, therefore making it seem like you never posted anything, even via watchlist. This is the truth, otherwise I would have heed your warning.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:11, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

This is why I tend to look at the history of my talk page whenever I come on for a new day - I often have edits in odd places on my talk page. But hopefully this is the only time we'll talk about this issue, and it won't happen again. Keep up the good work! ;-) --UU - natter 11:34, Feb 8

About something on your userpage...

I'd love to add myself to the South Park likeness gallery, except when I make the likeness, it refuses to save. Right-click also doesn't show "Copy Image Location", so I can't upload it to Photobucket or anything. Any ideas/help? —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:10, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Um, all I can suggest is to do a print screen, open your image editor of choice (even MS Paint) and paste it in there. Then crop it to size and save it accordingly. That should do the trick. If you find MS Paint too sucky, there's a free image editor called the GiMP that's quite good, but Be careful where and when you Google it! --UU - natter 11:25, Feb 8

Thanks, I'll try. And I know, it probably costs money, unless you download illegally. And as for paint, I've dealt with it. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:37, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Update: It obviously doesn't like me very much. I put in mine and it didn't appear. (Did I do something wrong? I print screened it and fixed it up in Paint, then uploaded it to Photobucket, then copied it here) —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 10:27, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

GIMP is a freebie and a very useful tool. Many of my better images (including the award winning John McEnroe Pacman from Monitor, and the main image in Tropical Cyclone) are done either partially or completely in GIMP. Pup 11:03, 9/02/2010

Photobucket? Pah! Just upload it directly to this site. See how the others are all on this site? Over on the leftframe is the "upload image" button. Use your skill and judgement to guess what it does, and then see if you can pop your uploaded image into that page the same way everyone else has. --UU - natter 11:29, Feb 9

Thank ya UU, and excuse my failures. I knew I had to upload it! Honest! Yeah! —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 11:37, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

I cropped it for ya - leaving less whitespace around the image means the image itself shows up bigger in a gallery like that one. Have another look. --UU - natter 11:48, Feb 9

Thanks, and how did you do that, Puppy? o_O

(Sorry UU, and I won't say raisin on your talk page again. Oops.)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 12:21, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

Bloody Haliburton!

I have absolutely no idea how that happened, given I was doing a section edit, clicked preview, and clicked save. It's the first time that has happened to me. And I know, it happens to guys all the time, but not me, and I feel like less of a coder as a result. (And if somehow this deletes the rest of your talk page, I blame opera mini.) Pup 19:54, 9/02/2010

RotM

Hi there UU, hope you are well.

I am concerned by the Reviewer of the Month voting, what concerns me is the two IP's who have voted for Ptok-Bentoniczny, in having a look at their contributions I have noticed that their only contributions to the wiki have been to make these votes, the similarity of their IP addresses, Mordillo's comment here and the comments here suggest to me that there is some dishonest practice taking place here. I am uncomfortable about it taking place on RotM because I am rather fond of the award and pay close attention to new reviewers to see who deserves it and I dislike the prospect of having to hand it out to someone who has no in-depth reviews and might be attaining votes dishonestly. I thought I would get your take on the situation, thanks. (I have suspended further voting for Ptok-Bentoniczny on the RotM page, remove my comment there when you are satisfied with what is happening). --ChiefjusticeDS 22:14, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry to butt in, but I think what's going on is Ptok's friends on the Polish version are voting for him. Look at User talk: Pippo for why I think this. I don't think it's sockpuppeting, more meat puppeting.

Edit: Oops, that's the jist of what you just said. Failure on my part.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:16, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

Hea UU. I could not help but notice this nonsense. He tried something similar with a VFH nomination a while ago. I pulled a nom after his chums did something similar due to "not cricket". This looks like the same crap. I can't find my ban stick right now, but maybe you are in a worse mood than me and you fancy sticking yours up his arse for a bit. Anyway... Have fun. :) MrN 23:28, Feb 9

Actually cancel that. I checked out those IPs after he claimed to have no knowledge of them and they are obviously related to him (Poland IPs on two of em) He said they were not. This is not the first time he's tried this, so he's blocked for a week now. MrN 23:48, Feb 9

I just have one request out of this whole event, that vote suspension is only to be done by admins in the future. Also, MrN, I got an email from Ptok which I'd like to forward to you, do you still use the same email you used in the past? ~ 10:49, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

His block was for lying to me about getting people to vote for him. It was not for getting people to vote for him. But yep, Sure. Sent it over. MrN 14:38, Feb 10

No issue with the reason, just saying - it's better if you respond to him directly rather than me doing negotiations. ~ 14:48, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

As to the vote thing Mordillo, I don't intend to make a habit of it, I only did it the once as it was getting a bit out of hand and no admins were about. It won't happen again. I hope my intentions are understood. --ChiefjusticeDS 16:37, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

They were quite clear, no worries there - but we don't need to rush those, as even if it was the 31st of the month, we can always deal with the results retrospectively. Also, this is not my talk page. ~ 16:41, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

I knew something was fishy with that nomination, cause who would vote for someone who hasnt hava a single indepth review.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 05:08, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.

New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals! By UU Writing competitions, eh? With the Poo Lit Surprise, the Turkey Day Ball, and a conservation week or two, it would seem Uncyclopedians can't get enough of 'em. And now there's another! But this one has a point that separates it from the herd. Well a couple of points, actually. One: it's organised by human wiki-whirlwind MadMax, so it'll probably be efficient as all get-out; two: it's a sneaky way of fulfilling a need. See, there are all these great ideas for articles floating around at UN:REQ; articles that would undoubtedly improve this festering little wiki. And there they sit, being good ideas, but not being used. This competition aims to change all that! Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up By UU As several things have been happening recently in Uncyclopedia, and ace cub reporter DogNewspaper is in some sort of snow-induced hibernation, and consequently too lazy to write individual articles on any of them, here is a quick synopsis of a couple of the more newsworthy recent events on the wiki in handy easy-to-digest bite-sized chunks. Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know".

Check out these pages! Insulting sports players - the future of comedy When is a month not a month? The most important link you'll ever click From our logs: 15:04, 8 February 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 169.139.1.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (We are having communications issues here. When I say don't recreate, it means don't press that little create button and paste the same content for the third time) 11:55, 8 February 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.75.78.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (there are a million better things you could be doing with your life right now, but you're inserting barely literate insults to a sports player on a comedy wiki. must suck really hard to be you.) 08:35, 7 February 2010 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.92.151.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (We don't care if you fuck horses. No need to tell the world. Maybe the police, but that's up to you.) Biopic of the Week Being as he's now been on Uncyclopedia for three bastardin' years, this seems as good a time as any to profile Kip the Dip. A man of many contrasts, Kip appears to be some sort of useful gobshite. His enthusiasm for all things Uncyclopedia, including his tireless championing of Euroipods and sterling work on The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times have helped make this wiki what it is today. The Worst. Thanks, Kip. Old School Featured Article of the Week Patriotism is an air-borne disease caused by the bacterium enlistment bonusai. It was first observed in 1776 by Dr. Arnold Bazonga, but was initially confused with the alcohol-borne illness bravery. Patriotism is communicable through the auditory ingestion of feces. Contamination often occurs from politicians, entrepreneurs, country music singers, Richard Albinger and French Emperors. Final Side-Panel Box of the Week Because we don't need that much padding this week.

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9001(bot)  13:09, Feb 11

You're anti, You're antisocial!

Da-da da-da-na-na-na

Anyways, I gather you're a metalhead also. I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna help me expand Anthrax. I'm having a difficult time coming up with an angle that isn't cruft, but I do want to make this into at least a decent full-fledged article. Lemme know what you think and we'll go from there if you're interested. -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:13, 13 Feb

Well, thing is, I got the time tick tick tickin' in my head... And by that I mean that I love the 'thrax, have seen 'em live (with John Bush, back in the '90s some time, when he paid Nottingham the back-handed compliment "we've never played here before, it's one of those places you see signposts to while you're travelling somewhere else, but I'm glad we finally got here, I like it!" - thanks John! Anyway, I'd like to help, but there's a slight hithc right now - mini-UU's due date is tomorrow, meaning the nipper could turn up at literally any time now, so chances are I'm gonna be away from the wiki altogether for a few days at a moment's notice. And I'm a tad distracted in the meantime, which doesn't help. If you get any sort of idea, and i get any sort of time, I'd love to chip in, and will do what I can. But no promises - my priorities right now lie elsewhere! --UU - natter 08:39, Feb 13

Wow! Best of luck, UU! That is truly so amazing. That is so great. Wow. You'll both do great! Here's to the lucky kid! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 12:38, Feb 13 2010

Good luck mate, and best wishes to Mrs. UU as well. Don't worry about being distracted, I haven't done anything with it since last time it was on VFD so there's certainly no rush on my end. I just really want to come back to this at some point in the future. Let me know when things have calmed down a bit for you and we'll talk about what to do with that stupid article. And, funny story, all throughout the eighties and early nineties when thrash was in it's heyday I never managed to see Anthrax. Then, a couple years ago, they did a tour with Rob Zombie. Classic lineup and everything. Joey Belladonna's voice has gotten better with age. They blew Rob Zombie off the stage. I was grinning for days. Ok, so it wasn't a "funny" story per se, but it was a story anyways. -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:18, 13 Feb

I know you said you would dissappear, but...

... make sure you drop in to let us know all is okay. And to upload a photo of the little tacker so we can all have cigars in the honour of the fruit of your loins. Pup 11:06, 14/02/2010

COME ON!!!

What news!?!?!? MrN 12:08, Feb 14

Uh, my nephew came 13th in a cross-country run? Nah, we're still waiting - been round the in-laws' all weekend, so no interweb, that's all. Looks like the nipper's picking up its pa's sense of punctuality! --UU - natter 15:49, Feb 14

Apparently it's common for #1 to be a little late, and later ones to come a little earlier. Of course, my #1 decided that he would come out a month early and had to be put in a humidicrib due to jaundice. He spent his first couple of days looking like a baked chicken wrapped in tin foil. Didn't help that the humidicrib broke and stopped giving out heat and he then got too cold and we had to scramble to stop him getting hypothermia... Kids are fun! Pup 22:11, 14/02/2010

Sounds like fun. We're pretty much cool with things at the moment, apart from my sister-in-law, who is doing both our heads in. Texts every couple of hours - "any news yet?" "how's it going?" "has it started yet?" "any news yet?" "any news yet?" Fuuuuckkkk... Actually, love, she had the kid 3 days ago, and we didn't think you'd want to know... Jesus... --UU - natter 10:17, Feb 15

Any news yet?

Has it started?

Oh my god I can't wait to take her clothes shopping!

you are having a girl, right?

cos you know boys are awkward. They deal drugs and everything.

Any news yet?

Is everything alright?

Let me help out if it's not -- and if you need any clothes just let me know, I saw this adorable pink onesie in Mother and Baby.

You are having a girl right?

Cos boys are horrific potty trainers.

Can't get it done till they're like five and you can bribe them.

With money.

That they use for drugs.

Any news yet?

Hows it going?

Let me know if it starts.

unless it's like four in the morning, in which case it's a boy.

They're so rude.

Is she here yet?

I'm so exited!

For you.

I'm so exited for you.

Any news yet?    Orian57    Talk   11:06 15 February 2010

Oh, you've met her then? --UU - natter 11:39, Feb 15

Met her? She couldn't walk.    Orian57    Talk   12:08 15 February 2010

Erm, somewhere. just making it take shape in my mind now that I have a bit more time. I mean I had time before, it was just being used. Bioshock 2 mostly, it's a fucking amazing game. If you haven't played Bioshock I'd highly recommend getting it, then the second one. I mean I know the baby's coming but it's a seriously good game. Been immersed in Rapture for the past fortnight or so. I can't get over just how perfect it is. The multiplayer has it's faults but is also pretty damned good.    Orian57    Talk   12:08 15 February 2010

Won't have time or funds for Bioshock 2 for some time - still immersed in Oblivion and Mass Effect 2. Plus all the happy families stuff I'm having to prepare for. Bioshock was fun, and well made, but I'm not seeing the sequel as something essential right now. I have several new article ideas - god knows if they're features, but when I get a bit of proper writing time, we'll see how they go. I just wanna see you write something new man. Make me laugh! --UU - natter 13:08, Feb 15

So how is the baby Mass Effect 2? ~ 13:29, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Proceeding more slowly than I'd like, due to the demands of the missus, and the demands of Oblivion. Still not entirely convinced by some of the changes, or some of the story decisions, but it's still a colossally good game. Have you completed your first run-through yet? And how's Mordillia? --UU - natter 13:35, Feb 15

Not yet, although I think I'm getting there slowly but surely. The romantic part of this one is quite interesting :). Also, Mordillia is OK, started taking insulin which was very difficult at first, but she's managed to get the sugar level under control now. Glad I'm not a woman O_O ~ 14:42, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

for the Anne Hataway vote which got her to the main page. Appreciated. Good luck on everything, Aleister in Chains 17:13 15 Feb. MMX

I say, UU old boy

The resemblance is striking...

Could this be you, perhaps? ;) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 16:41, Feb 16 2010

I like his style... ---UU - natter 11:53, Feb 17

Your Mother's Blog

http://michaeldsuarezsandvonrankesmumbumfuck.blogspot.com/

Is that funny enough for you loser?

Goodbye.--Under User The Homosexual Shit Eating Faggot 16:57, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

What a well thought-out and creative username... —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 17:38, 16 February 2010 (UTC)

Quite, you know you have done well when people start doing that sort of thing. Also, the link also demonstrates a real lack of commitment and writing ability and as such should be submitted for proofreading straight away. --ChiefjusticeDS 17:41, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

He went to all that trouble? Man, that's just not fair. I'm far more of an asshole around this place than UU is, yet no one has bothered to do that for me dammit! I wonder if he realises that all he had to do was ask for his article to be moved to userspace and he could have had a copy of it back. Shame it's too late to ask now. Yep. It was the one which escaped ICU me thinks... MrN 18:10, Feb 16

So the featuring of the Anne Hathaway article was your doing, eh Under user. I hope you're a Christian because only a priest could forgive that. --Ozymandiaz 18:29, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

Hi UU. Ozymandiaz has a history of generally being an asshole and trying to start trouble, so I have given him 3 days off. I'm hoping he now creates a blog about my mother as a result... MrN 18:47, Feb 16

He's British; of course he isn't Christian! —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 18:36, 16 February 2010 (UTC)

Hey, Category:My Sojourn got featured, which I will never understand. I will now trot out my well-worn line about humour being subjective, before yawning and wandering off to see if there are any decent packs of crisps in the cupboard. --UU - natter 12:18, Feb 17

I feel like I'm finally validated as an admin on this wiki. All the other guys get the hate stuff that takes effort, and I get nothing... Until now. Now I feel like I could hold my head up high at the next cabal meeting (were there to be one) (which of course there isn't). --UU - natter 11:53, Feb 17

So you're not coming to the one that will not be taking place at that venue? ~ 13:01, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

Wait! What thing which is not happening? Oh, I see how it works these days. No one bothered to even tell me about that thing which is not happening at that place. If I'm not even told, how can I possibly know not to attend? Well, I tell you. Next time something is not happening you lot just dam well don't bother telling me. Cos I will not be attending. MrN 13:11, Feb 17

Why does he say shit eating faggot like it's a bad thing? Pup 13:28, 17/02/2010

cześć

hej, I'm just reminding you that you have promised me that you will work on the Mark Robinson article. I believe you either forgot or had not time for this, but it's better to remind, as I often forget about various things. Cheers. Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 14:36, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

What, you mean apart from the fact that the last 6 edits on that article have been by me, re-working much of the first half of the article? Have a look at the history, see how much I changed (and see the edit comments I left) and then come back and apologise for telling me I haven't done anything. --UU - natter 16:32, Feb 17

Oh man! Sorry, I warched only my watchlist and I believed that this article was there! Now I see it's not! Damn, sorry. I see no point in looking at article that is shown unedited on my watchlist. Sorry then. I apologize and please forgive me my inconvenience. :/ Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 18:57, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

Nub. :P -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:59, 18 Feb

No worries Ptok, glad we got that cleared up. Now, what do you think of the changes I made? Do you like them? do you think they help? Do you see why I made them? --UU - natter 19:01, Feb 18

As I have finally read your work, I have to admit that it's fantastic work. I liked it, you kept proper style, you changed my undreadable broken English into correct English and I have no other words for that apart from "Thank you Under User, you are a great guy!!!". You added funny jokes and explanations and I liked it :). Thank you Under User. This is working for me. If you don't feel insulted by my previous inconvenienve, then please continue your work. Otherwise you can swear on me and call me a pole or a dick or whatever you find suitable. Cheers and once again, sorry. I blame the watchlist, you can blame me. Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 19:14, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, no need to be so gushing - it's all cool. ;-) Glad you like the work. I intend to keep going and get to that diary section, which I think can be very funny if I can find the right way to voice your idea. Not sure how long it'll take - I may get called away any time, as I've mentioned elsewhere on this page, but I won't forget about it, don't worry! --UU - natter 22:18, Feb 18

UnSignpost 18th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct By POTR Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses. One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie By POTR Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban. Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9500, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages! Some people are just too vain... Sluts get VD, I think Everyone loves a bad winner From our logs: Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t)) MrN9500 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?) Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.) Biopic of the Week Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him. Usurping of the Week The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response. Stand-in of the Week It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt." This editorial team couldn't agree more.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  23:43, Feb 18

Game Over

34.5 hours and a fantastic ending. I'm depressed. ~ 10:05, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

And here's me about 5 hours in and still pissed off with some of the changes. I liked it before when it didn't try to be Gears of War quite so much. Maybe it takes more getting used to, but so far while I'm interested by the story, I'm still struggling to get to grips with the game in the same way. I know it'll be worth it, I just don't have the time to invest right now. Bugger! --UU - natter 12:56, Feb 19

After you get used to it, I find it to be more intuitive then the 1st one, but they're both good. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with the equipment moding as much as I did in the first one. ~ 13:03, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

Oh amen to that... I'll be happy about that for sure. Struggling to get to grips with the health (ie, where is it?) and getting really pissed off with being forced to switch guns due to lack of heat sinks though. Just tell me the Mako is less annoying, and I'll be a happy man... --UU - natter 13:06, Feb 19

I do hope you two are not talking about having babies again. MrN 14:30, Feb 19

Are you guys talking about Q-bert? That game is AWESOME! -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:49, 19 Feb

There is no Mako. There is, furthermore, no spoon. ~ 16:53, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

Then that is something. Now, I believe 5 o'clock just happened, so if you'll excuse me, I have a weekend to get to. Kapwinnnnng! --UU - natter 17:01, Feb 19

I don't understand, what do you guys have against sharks? -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:14, 19 Feb

PEEING contributions

Well, seeing as awarding yourself would be a douchey thing to do, I present you with the new and shiny Chrome Crapper award, newly minted to congratulate people who are exceedingly good at urinating! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 01:21 EST 21 Feb, 2010

Chrome Crapper

You are a great piss master! For your achievement of over 100 in-depth pee reviews, we bestow upon you this lavish and shiny chrome-plated crapper. Keep the streams flowing!

---

Thanks!

Matfen thanks you for your vote! His article could not have been featured without you...

--Matfen 11:36, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Your nature

You're a piece of shit. Phoenix Wright was one of the funniest articles.

--~~

Phoenix Wright

Why did you delete the Phoenix Wright article? Everyone on #objection came to Uncyclopedia just to read it.

Phoenix Wright

Why did you delete the Phoenix Wright article? Everyone on #objection came to Uncyclopedia just to read it.

It was voted for deletion. Ya`ll need to start reading the deletion reasons. ~ 16:52, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

It was voted for deletion because it sucked. If I remember correctly, it was huge, listy, chiche'd, and overall not funny which was why I nommed it for deletion. You all should read the featured articles, and then you'll see the comparison. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 19:29, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

GOOD LUCK!

Drop us a line when you if it's a MiniUU or a MiniUUlass! ~ 17:28, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

I'd like to second that, the very best of luck to you and Mrs UU. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:07, February 22, 2010 (UTC)

WHAT NEWS DAMMIT! MrN 18:47, Feb 22

Cigars are on standby. Pup 20:37, 22/02/2010

After an epic day, with one or two minor complications, I am pleased to say that Mini-UUette arrived this evening. Mother and baby are, frankly, awesome. And I am utterly, utterly knackered. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. G'night all. --UU - natter 01:00, Feb 23

*Smokes em* ... *Coughs* ... I'm sure this is not good for the baby you know... MrN 01:06, Feb 23

Smoking as I type. Major congrats. And if you want any boy offspring I have three here that I'm selling at bargain prices. Pup 02:02, 23/02/2010

More congrats. Godspeed to you and your baby daughter, UU. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:21, 23 February 2010

Thanks folks. She really is gorgeous, although you'll have to take my word for that as there's no way I'm posting a picture! Not sticking around, just passing - sleep is a precious resource right now, and I'm gonna try to have some. --UU - natter 13:47, Feb 24

Congratulations mr and mrs UU! Also, what did you name her? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 13:57 • Wednesday, 24-02-2010

I was gonna ask that. Then I realised it would be pointless. He hasn't even told us his name incase we steal his identity/burgle his house/key his car. So yah, just sayin'. UU what is your name? I always imagined it'd be Richard or John or something.    Orian57    Talk   22:03 24 February 2010

Well, I have my own little list:

Orian: George

Guildy: Edward

Necro: Jonathan

Cheddar: Giovanni

RAHB: Rob, obviously

Myself: Farid

SysRq: Alex

RabbiTechno: John

And a few more that I can't remember right now.. So there, identity theft my ass. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 05:15 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

John or Dick - you gay guys are all the same! Actually, I'm rather proud of the fact that there is only two users, that I know of, who actually know my legal name - although I have mentioned my last name to a few people here before. Nominally Humane! some time 05:50, 25/02/2010

Let me guess: Bruce? Also, we're not talking about legal names here, just first names. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 06:31 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

You never tried to guess mine. That makes me sad. ~ 06:49, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Well, apparently, Mordillo is a real name, so yea, I thought you were using your real name. That, or Mordachai. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 06:54 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

Fine... edit conflict me with the same joke then! Nominally Humane! some time 06:56, 25/02/2010

Deux points! Even though Mordillo is a last name. Mordechai was the name of my late grandfather, so I'll give you additional points for that! ~ 06:57, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Ehud? Shlomo? Benjamin? You tell me! • FreddCan Shredd • • • 07:01 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

Wait, I don't understand. Is your name really Mordillo or not? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 10:09 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

Attention citizenry: I am in possession of the object known colloquially as Mordillo's name. I hereby demand a sum of 1 million USD, in small, unmarked bills to be left in a suitcase outside my dorm room. Oh, and a chocolate chip cookie. If I do not receive the aforementioned sum by noon tomorrow, I will have no recourse but to keep it all to myself forever and ever. 128.187.0.164

Hmm... wouldn't that just freak 'dillo out if I had just left it like that? O_O Also, I stink at making sure I'm logged in. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC

But the important question is what is Colin "All your base" Heaney's name? Nominally Humane! some time 07:51, 25/02/2010

Peter A. Sanderson, obviously • FreddCan Shredd • • • 09:06 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

Many people on here assume my name's Matthew for some reason. And I always thought POTR's name was Scooby; taken from when his parents decided they would name him after the first name they heard on the radio, and unfortunately a scooby doo radio adaptation was played. Oh, and congratulations UU! --Matfen 09:53, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

You mean your name is not Matthew?! Man, I thought you were Matthew Bale, Christian Bale's brother.. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 10:05 • Thursday, 25-02-2010

Well I know Mordillo's name too, I also know Necropaxx's, such are my magic powers. My own identity is my most valued possession and as such I have cunningly engineered the situation so that nobody gives a toss. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:28, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Gah, that's creepy. I know where you got it, and I know there's not a lot you can do with just my name... but still. Yeesh. No privacy! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC

Well if you will post it on facebook, such things can only be anticipated; 'Ours to lose, not theirs to gain' as a wise man once said. --ChiefjusticeDS 23:34, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Stuff this for a joke. I'm not afraid to reveal my name. I'm actually JRemoved by order of the cabal (not that there is a cabal)Nominally Humane! some time 05:21, 26/02/2010

Jane, I bet it's Jane. You've gota girl's name, donchya, Jane?    Orian57    Talk   14:10 26 February 2010

"One by one my marbles left me

Jane would smile but never hold me

One night at the pool hall

Asked her him if she'd he'd hold my cue...    Orian57    Talk   14:16 26 February 2010

With the exception of cheddar we all have really boring real life names, and yet with the exception of Giovanni all our user names are pretty unique. I think this means we all belive we're more interesting than our parents thought when we were born. Psychology 101 there.    Orian57    Talk   14:04 26 February 2010

I'm the man with a million signatures - don't you think I have enough identity crises without having a girl's name? (Although in my animation of a puppy spinning on a record I actually used my own puppy as the model, and her name is Lola. Like the kinks song. What does that say about me?) Nominally Humane! some time 21:07, 26/02/2010

CheddarBBQ is totally unique! I mean, Orian? That's an actual name. SysRq? That's a button. I'm looking at it right now. Fredd? Well his USED to be cool. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:21,26February,2010

I'm not a number I'm a free man! Oh shit. I am a number. Balls. MrN 23:38, Feb 26

I now want to change my name to Jack Doogan. Nominally Humane! some time 00:30, 27/02/2010

Does anyone else find it funny that all this is taking place on UU's talk? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC

Whaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

I wanted a seperate header to congratulate you with, mostly because I'm better than everyone else. So yeah, congratulations! glad everything's gone well, see you in eighteen or so years when you have some free time.    Orian57    Talk   02:48 23 February 2010

Jesus Orian, you're so gay sometimes with your headers. Also, UU, I'd like to reserve a spot in UUette's diary for 2026 for the first date with Mordillo Jr. :) Say Mazal Tov to Mrs. UU for me! ~ 08:18, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Here's to having to fend of guys like me and Mordillo Jr. someday. Cheers. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 09:13, February 23, 2010 (UTC)

Can I take her clothes shopping? like now?    Orian57    Talk   09:18 23 February 2010

Congratulations UU! If she's anything like you, Baby UUette will be a joy to work with! Again, congratulations! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC

And thanks to you folks as well. See what I said above, because I'm tired and/or lazy. ;-) – Preceding unsigned comment added by Under user (talk • contribs)

And I have my own line on this page! Congratulations UU! Uncyclopedia will at least pass on to one person anyway! --nldr 00:35, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Official Vote to name UU's baby

Well, we have no idea if you have already chosen a name, but we feel it's appropriate for us to do so. So... Here goes..

UUette

Score: 0

• Nom Sensible, but a bit obvious. MrN 01:40, Feb 27

Sara

Score: 0

• Nom Sounds like a nice name. MrN 01:40, Feb 27

Jane

Score: 2

• Nom Could be, could be. MrN 01:40, Feb 27
• For Although it should be spelled Jayne... after all, she'll be asking Why for about 2 years of her life, and then when she realises as she gets older what her father does for fun, she'll be asking Why? for the rest of her life. So she's definitely Jayne with a Why. Nominally Humane! some time 02:20, 27/02/2010
• The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain. Jane. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC

Bob

Score: 0

• Nom It's a possible. Lot's of girls are called Bob these days you know. MrN 01:40, Feb 27

MrN9500

Score: 1

• Nom for Now there is an idea! Yes! This is the one! The choice is obvious. MrN 01:40, Feb 27
• For The user above makes an excellent argument. I would go with that one if I were you. 9001(bot)  01:43, Feb 27 Bot puppet ~ 09:08, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

What! That's a scandalous accusation! (I wonder how he knows...)MrN 09:24, Feb 27

The boobs gave you up. ~ 09:46, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Lara

Score: 0

• Nom Most people from where UU lives are called Lara. MrN 01:40, Feb 27

Mordillo

Score: -1

• Nom against Whatever next. Certainly not. MrN 01:40, Feb 27

Yorkie

Score: 0

• Nom. Place names are all the rage I hear. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC
  • ? Yorkie isn't a place. It's a chocolate bar that is NOT FOR GIRLS! Fool.    Orian57    Talk   09:41 27 February 2010
    • It's short for Yorkshire, Orian. Jeez... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC
      • Although it's true that many Yorkshiremen are rather short, it's also the name of a dog (and a pudding), and so perhaps not ideal as the name for UU's new baby (unlike MrN9500 which does have something of a ring to it). MrN 10:07, Feb 28

Santo(a)

Score: 1

• Nom For Beautiful Italian name. It's also the name of my dog. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:02,27February,2010
  • You told me Santo was your girlfriend...?    Orian57    Talk   09:44 27 February 2010
    • Yep. He's into that bestiality thing.. Don't tell him I told you. • FreddCan Shredd • • • 12:51 • Saturday, 27-02-2010
      • Orian: you're a liar. Moosh: I'm right here. Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:30,27February,2010
        • Oh, hi there, Chedds. We were just talking about you.. We were saying that.. Umm.. You know.. *shift weight* So.. How are you? • FreddCan Shredd • • • 14:35 • Saturday, 27-02-2010
          • Santo is a boys name. Cheddar, you are so gay. Nominally Humane! some time 19:30, 27/02/2010
            • Someone finally caught on to that? The name thing I mean. You could always make it Santa... Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:30,27February,2010
              • I picked it up straight away, but didn't bother to mention it. As soon as I saw it I thought of Santo Cilauro. He is definitely not female. Nominally Humane! some time 20:56, 27/02/2010

• More Santo Cilauro... Nominally Humane! some time 21:02, 27/02/2010

jUUne

Score: 1

• Nom & For Sensible name for the female species. Involves the clever two U(s). Is named after the month following the conception (if my 9-month math is right). It's perfect. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:04, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9500 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9500 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  21:03, Feb 28

If this is the kind of attention you get when you have a baby maybe I should have one. Or two, just to upstage you.    Orian57    Talk   15:53 1 March 2010

I'm assuming the rumour (or the article in UnSignpost) about the new arrival is true. If so, congratulations! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:17, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Wait. Are you saying that UU has become a dad now? Why did no one tell me dammit! MrN 01:54, Mar 2

I hadn't heard about it either till today. shamefull that he be so secretive.    Orian57    Talk   03:00 2 March 2010

I think given the lack of UU in the site at the moment that it is time for this talk page to be converted to a Forum... Anyone got a good forum topic? Nominally Humane! some time 02:45, 2/03/2010