User talk:RabbiTechnoArchive12

This can't be allowed to continue

Purity? There is no place for such things on this wiki. You'll thank me, in the long run. --UU - natter 12:22, Jul 21

A virginal page....and I missed it...suppose its sloppy seconds.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

open things

not sure what to do with this I reached my limit on it I was going to put it out in hopes people would add to it. To me the concept of the page was to add a people thought of more things to open. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Lordarcadian (talk • contribs)

Hmm. Good idea, though I wonder if it'll work because HowTo is a lifeless backwater when compared to the rest of the wiki these days (though positively thriving in comparison to Why - serious pain in the arse finding anything to feature each week on there). However, you could just put it back into mainspace with a {{stuck}} tag and a brief explanation on the discussion page (I won't huff it now I know what you're doing, but it's worth explaining for the benefit of any other admins) and wait to see what happens, or you could keep it in your userspace for as long as you needto be worked on by you and by other users who you ask for help. I'd probably go for the first option, personally. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 05:38, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

A different conversation begins, without indication before I added this header

what the heck man, I haddn't even finnished with that page yet! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Job3220 (talk • contribs)

Firstly, sign your posts. Use four tildes (~~~~) to leave a signature and datestamp, otherwise we have to faff about finding out who you are. Many people won't bother and will simply ignore you. Secondly, try to explain what you're actually saying - again, most people won't bother and will ignore you if you leave a vague statement. Thirdly, your article had been added to QVFD, making it a candidate for deletion as it failed to meet Uncyclopedia's standards (yeah, I know - I was pretty amazed when I heard Uncyclopedia had standards too). Finally, since I did make the effort to find out who you are, what you were trying to say to me and the name of your article, I've restored it so you can continue working on it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 06:23, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

thanks! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Job3220 (talk • contribs)

Four tildes, remember? ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 06:29, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

The previous conversation continues, again without indication before I added this header

thank you for the advice I just decided to huff them all. I wanted to tidy up the loose ends. Too politicle around here. I could care less about imaginary awards or what not just wanted to share a few ideas make a couple luaghs. But i do think that happy monkey should be reconsidered for the NOTM. laryntha or what ever is a sock of a 2009 account. and another ip account. from the same year. it is right in the talk page. Lordarcadian 09:15, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

That's not such a bad thing to do once in a while - I tend to leave articles unfinished for ages so once in a while I have to go through them and huff anything over a certain age which I'm unlikely to finish.

Uncyc is not necessarily overly political, it's just that with several thousand users and only a few admins there needs to be a few rules in place otherwise the whole site would rapidly be filled with sub-par articles and shite. Like you, I'm not worried about the awards (though I'm not about to refuse whenever I win one), but they do act as a way of encouraging people to write. OK, so they don't really mean anything, but people do like to win stuff even if it's just a bit of code on their userpage and since nobody here gets paid that's what keeps some writers going. For that reason, it's not worth worrying about NotM too much, but if you're right and Lyrithya is a sock, s/he'll soon be made ineligible for the award. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:18, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thats true, by any account it is a cool site overall. keep up the good work guys. and stay funny. 71.51.120.60 16:12, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Stay funny? Surely we need to start being funny first? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:16, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Now that was funny........lordA 71.51.120.60 16:18, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

I just proofread HowTo:Drown and made a few small adjustments. Unless someone writes something spectacular between now and Saturday, it'll be the featured article on [[HowTo:]] next week. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:31, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

nice 71.51.120.60 17:00, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

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Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9500 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--Chiefjustice3DS 14:00, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

VFD template

Do you think it would be a good idea to add # to the VFD template? I ask because we always use it anyways, and it might save us some time. Saberwolf116 18:15, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Can't see any reason not to. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:16, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Dear Rabbi

how many times articles a day are deleted?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 19:11, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

If you mean how many articles are deleted each day, a fair few, a number which, naturally, varies. --Chiefjustice3DS 19:14, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Or, if you mean how many times each day, it also depends - if there are no admins about all day, then possibly not at all (thought that's unlikely). Otherwise, whenever an admin decides to check. There's no set times so also no particular times you should check to see if there's any archiving or suchlike. Just do it when you think of it and when you can be bothered; it's a pretty easy job really! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:20, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

I see. Now lets say something much bigger, like, a month--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 17:33, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Say Rabbi

Are the changes that I've made on the main page are visible? Did you catch them? ~ 13:09, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Nope - nothign different so far as I can see. Or so I thought, but then SUDDENLY...! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:23, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

No, seriously, do you see it or not? ~ 13:51, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

I can see what you've done when I look at the edit history but can't see anything different on the actual page. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:57, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Damn chose option! ~ 13:58, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Yep - that's working! Glad you liked it, by the way - I didn't really plan on actually making that and just sort of knocked it together in a few seconds :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:02, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

I can see, I can see perfectly. --The Forger from The Great Escape

Incidentally, what do you chaps think of ☼? Can't see a lot of point in keeping it, personally, but some people seem to like that sort of thing. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:07, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

My delete finger twitched involuntarily, but then I went to lunch. We already have snowman and, I think, others. I don't see much point in it, and it probably won't get linked to from anything. But on the other hand, it's kinda harmless and some people seem to like that sort of thing. But on the other other hand, Kip isn't actually here right now. --UU - natter 14:16, Jul 23

"If it ain't broke..." Might as well leave it I suppose - as you say, it's harmless. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:18, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Although I do usually prefer the alternative motto "If it ain't broke, take it apart and make it go faster." Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:19, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

My version is: "if it ain't broke, and it's electrical, my daughter hasn't dribbled on it yet". --UU - natter 14:22, Jul 23

"If it ain't broke, break it." Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:23, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

VFD & Nav

HELPME suggested that we put Votes for Deltion along side VFH & VFP in the community navigation links on the left side of the page. Thoughts? Saberwolf116 19:49, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

It's there anyway (in the links section), so there's no reason it shouldn't be shifted along a bit so all three are together. Ask someone who isn't as crap at coding as I am and see if they'll sort it out for you. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:13, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

It would be really simple to add, but there is a reason that it isn't there. Basically, it'd be the equivalent of a court system bragging that it executes people. Not really a good image for us to portray to the average Uncyclopedia reader. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 10:28, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

I imagine the average regular knows it exists anyway, and others shouldn't be too shocked to discover we have quality control. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:32, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Well, we really don't want the average user coming on to VFD. Trust me. They have poor quality control senses. There is no real reason to put VFD on the sidebar anyway. It won't increase activity on it (just like it didn't increase the activity of VFH and VFP). Those who are going to vote on it already are. No way to change that. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 10:36, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm. I think Dexter's got me convinced with his argument - we don't really need to attract inexperienced/casual users to VFD. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:44, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Looking at it that way, I think he's got me too. Barring any arguments from HELPME, I think we're decided on this one. Saberwolf116 12:53, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Arguments? Nah. It was just an idea I had.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Sunday, 03:19, July 25 2010 UTC

Much thanks from Romartus and I

The Yardbirds, by whom god has been blessed, are well pleased with thee, Rabbi. הרב, אתה קצין וג 'נטלמן! Cheers!--Funnybony    19:28, Jul 24

'Twas a deserved feature. I'll never forget the time they really did dedicate a song to me, back in 1967. Amazing, really - especially because I wasn't born for another seven years after that. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:35, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Heh, Google translate is becoming better, there's only one grammatical mistake in that phrase that can easily ignored were I not so anal about Hebrew grammar. ~ 17:22, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

נכון מאוד! יארדבירדס עשו להקדיש שיר לך. זה נקרא, "אדון אתה אדם טוב ממני" - לראות!? הגדת עתידות היתה המומחיות שלהם. לחיים!--Funnybony    21:32, Jul 25

That reads as - very true! Yardbirds did devote song you. It's called, Sir you are a better man than me. To see?! Fortune telling was their specialty. ~ 23:13, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Pages for deletion/Votes for deletion

I'm rather bored and looking for something to do, so I was wondering if you would object to me redirect all of the archives to their "Votes for" equivalent (Example: "Uncyclopedia:Votes for Deletion/archive182"). Would this mess up some sort of this we have going on with the archives, or should is just not be done? If it can be, can I do it? Saberwolf116 06:33, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Damn. you are bored! Go for it - it can always be reverted if it screws anything up. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:37, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

I'm trying to do it at the moment, but I keep getting stopped every few minutes with a page that says "action throttled". Saberwolf116 16:28, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, that's just an anti-spam measure. You apparently don't have the right clearance to not be affected by it. Hahahaha! Anyway, what is the point of you doing this? I'm seeing no real reason. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:39, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

It's something that's always bothered me, for some reason. All of the other archives have the same names as the main one. Plus, I'm really bored. Saberwolf116 16:47, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Lies. You're on notice. Understand? If you don't, then go watch some Stephen Colbert. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:53, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Crap. Am I more or less on notice then Conservapedia? Saberwolf116 17:01, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Conservapedia isn't on notice again till they take aim at the aim I taketh to them. Rabbi knows what I'm talking about. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:06, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

BTW Rabbi, archives 40 and 42 are protected. Could you unlock them so I can move it? Saberwolf116 18:23, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

You have just committed what could well be the last mistake you'll ever make

Deleting Mossad? That can't be good to your health. Hold on, is there someone at the door?! ~ 17:28, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Mossad. Sounds stupid. I support its deletion because its name is silly--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 19:20, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

Rabbi, maybe you'll like this if you like the fortunetellers Yardbirds

THIS. Hope you do.. Cheers!--Funnybony    21:42, Jul 29

Give me a Five minute ban

And I'll let you live--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 17:51, July 31, 2010 (UTC)

Re:HowTo:AvoidGrues

Yeah, only the top part was really funny. I think I might try and turn that into an article or something. --Asdfftxdn 15:05, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Your wish is my command, sahib. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:07, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

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Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least 5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:59, 5 August 2010

Always nice to be acknowledged

I was thrilled to discover that I was drowned this year. Keep up the good work! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:26, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

A letter from Filmmakers for Lens Flare

Thanks for supporting Lens flare! Sir MacMania GUN—[19:56 11 Aug 2010]

Stick this somewhere

Nominated Potatochopper of the Month

This user has been nominated for Potatochopper of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Potatochopper of the month.

Thank You

Thanks for the encouraging words - I have added some images (though I may try and find an alternate one for the "protesters") - the only problem is trying to beef-up the article without messing with the joke (it seems rather short compared to some of the things on this site): then again I guess it is still new so can grow.. Thanks again --Inferno-Mouse 16:44, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the spellchecking - I really need to renew my grammar classes (the curse of years of online gaming) - hopefully didn't misspell too many things --Inferno-Mouse 17:48, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Only a couple - nothing to worry about. The article's good, by the way, but it'd be better with some more links as there's none in the second half. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:54, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

you're right - added some, still not sure about the protest photo - it's either my laptop or my eyes but it seems to be messing with the page's layout - ah well --Inferno-Mouse 18:05, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

What do you think? Better with some changes to the images or not? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:14, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

It looks fine to me - I think its a good enough little article now, appreciate the help on tweaking it --Inferno-Mouse 19:46, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Glad to hear it! That's definitely one of the best first articles I've seen in a while. No need to say thanks, that's what admins are for. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:48, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

this is Inferno-Mouse - although I'm sure it's bad practice to talk on userpages after being apparently banned I just wanted to ask that my userpage and contributions be removed from the site, that's all I really need to say as anything else would just be too much like stirring up drama (or whatever) - I don't know if admins can delete userpages or not but I'd settle for the articles I put on the main-site. at any rate I'll leave it be and apologise for cluttering the talkpage with what's probably a futile request.

When Did You Last See Your Trousers?

Now that I have your attention. Just a question Rabbi Techno. I don't see your name on the EMC New fag list. When did you join this esteemed establishment? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:54, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

As Rabbi Techno on January the 21st, 2007. Prior to that, as an IP, on February the 9th 2006. What a waste of four and a half years! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:00, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

I haz a technicality

It appears that NIGGERS STOLE MY PAGE was created on Aug 10th, [I can't check the log, but that was the only day User:Black-People-Suck was active according to his non-deleted edits) and nominated for deletion on the 15th. However, unless I'm mistaken, any VFD noms of an article under 7 days old are invalid. --Mn-z 21:48, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

5 days=7 days. I just beat you with math.--HM (T) 01:55, August 17, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

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Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

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--Chiefjustice3DS 12:03, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Your FAME precedes you

I didn't thank you for Payola feature because that could be taken as Payola. So I was in a tight spot. But never late than ever. You rock! Cheers!--Funnybony    16:49, Aug 30

Look

I'm going to be as respectful as possible here since you have the power to ban my ass into orbit but WHY did you steal my sandwich?

Not guilty. I was walking past it and thought to myself, "Blimey - who'd leave a totally delicious-looking hummus, carrot and pine nut sandwich unguarded like that?" when all of a sudden a passing poltergeist grabbed it and bore it aloft directly into my mouth. It then proceeded to manipulate my jaw with its unseen hands before stroking my throat rather as one might do when attempting to get a cat to take a pill, forcing me to swallow it. So don't blame me, call Ghostbusters. PS - remember to sign your posts with four tildes (~~~~). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:38, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

You're winner!

Michael Winner? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:52, January 3, 2011 (UTC)

	Potatochopper of the Month August 2010

Don't use it all in one place! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:30, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

Well bugger me. Still can't believe I was even nominated for this, never mind that I won it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 01:31, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thank you for the great belated birthday present! (Yes, August is my IRL birthday, I just hit the big 4-0.) Here, have some cake.

-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 05:15, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

I only know 1 Rabbi, and among them all, you're the best!

Thought:

“ If you explode an atomic bomb inside a printing press will that produce the complete works of William Shakespeare? ”

“ Certainly not! But it will produce the complete works of Uncyclopedia ”

--Funnybony    22:15, Sep 2

“ If you exploded an atomic bomb inside Uncyclopedia, would it produce a printing press? ”

“ Almost certainly not. However, that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a good thing to do. ”

Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:55, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

Fuck off you pig dog NAZI scum !!!

Hey you pushy ass wad, I was working on that cheap dirt weed from Mexico page and it was a work in progress. I didn't even get the formatting done and you deleted it. Why don't you go fuck another bagel and feed it to your fat ugly sister which would give me the minute needed to finish? Better yet, I do it myself.

Just for that, I am now going to deny the holocaust and kick a jew every day for the rest of my life in retaliation.

Rabbi fucks bagels? Shit just got real. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 00:43, Thursday 09 September 2010 -

Perhaps you should have put a work in progress tag on it, then? Secondly, I gave you more than a minute - it had been unedited for five minutes, which is the period I allow any article. Thirdly, it had been added to QVFD. Fourthly, sign your posts or we'll have no idea who you are or what you're talking about. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:33, September 10, 2010 (UTC)

About Why?:Should you get a new couch?

Just popping by. I just found out that my article, Why?:Should you get a new couch?, was featured, and I thought I'd come by and ask you, since you put the template on the page, how it got featured. I haven't been able to find a VFH entry anywhere for the article. Don't think that I'm complaining! I'm not, this is fantastic! Just curious. Anyway, hello. Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 00:30 Thursday, September 9, 2010

It's a featured Why? - on the Why? portal page. Not a main page feature. Yet. Why? features don't get voted on, hence you won't find a page. They do tend to be good articles thought - the Rabbi knows his stuff. So you should still be pleased! --UU - natter 08:22, Sep 9

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:53, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

cokie

{{Cookie|name=Trar%7D%7D

Thanks for BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERING IN COLD BLOOD that redirect for me. Here, have an LP: http://www.gamespite.net/talkingtime/showthread.php?t=7378 --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) 19:06, September 11, 2010 (UTC) Note that it was halachically despatched, too, and therefore the corpse is kosher. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:16, September 11, 2010 (UTC)

If

I was given a ban and I bribed you with 2000 pics of busty hot girls would you unban me?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 19:19, September 11, 2010 (UTC)

I'd be tempted. However, Mrs. Rabbi also uses this computer and upon discovering the pics would cut off my bollocks, so I'll have to say no. But I would, otherwise. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:22, September 11, 2010 (UTC)

To be - or not to be - that is the Rabbi

I’m speechless! Respectfully

--Funnybony    09:53, Sep 12

He only wears a skullcap because he wants to look like me. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:33, September 13, 2010 (UTC)

Please delete my article

Can you please delete this article? Also, your comment generator is ineffective and I ended up creating an article, please delete it. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 11:16, September 15, 2010 (UTC)

Done. Comment generator...? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:21, September 15, 2010 (UTC)

In chat...

...right now if you want to bit a chat. -- Style  Guide 11:31, September 15, 2010 (UTC)

Yes

Yes there actually was. Uncyclopedia is trying to remove the Axis of Evil Doers joke, as they belive it is old. I really wish they did not, but oh well. So, we are all tyring to remove it.

Ah, I see. However, you need to ask an admin to delete a page - deleting the contents will just result in a non-functioning template tag. Your best bet is to add anything you believe should be deleted to QVFD, where either myself or another admin will - sooner or later - find it and delete it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:31, September 16, 2010 (UTC)

n00b Lilly here :)

Just wondered if i have got my Mary Bale entry correct? now edited and pictures added :) Many thanks.

Only found this site today, ive had a laugh looking through it :D You liked my peter mandelson sex face curse :D

The Mary Bale article (and incidentally, I bet that cat's going to kick her head in one of these days) looks pretty good to me. Take note of the ICU - which is intended as an aid, despite the reaction many people have when one appears on their articles - and it'll be a decent article in no time. You can remove it once you'ce carried out the recommended changes, but remember to explain that you've made those changes in the edit summary. By the way, if you finish off your posts on talkpages with four tildes (~~~~) then it'll create a signature and time stamp, so you won't need to explain who you are. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:10, September 17, 2010 (UTC)

Dawg! I hope you watch all dis mothafuckin’ vdo

I am devoted to only one Rabbi, and you’ll do!"

:-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 21:59, September 18, 2010 (UTC)

Aye Aye Capn'

Hello it's Maniac Mcpee. I just want to say that it would be funnier if Krusty was Christian because orginally in the Simpsons hes Jewish. Ken the Clown.

That was what I was suggesting - goyische means, literally, not Jewish but can usually be taken to mean a Christian. Ought to be an easy theme to follow, too, because you can just take any Simpsons joke based around Krusty's Jewishness and reverse it to be about Christianity instead. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:41, September 28, 2010 (UTC)

Quack.

quack quack quack quack quack. Quack.

User:Mrthejazz/sig 04:35, September 30, 2010 (UTC)

Question

Your Hi-ness. HERE is a short how to. I'm not sure if its good enough for HowTo main-space, or, if its even any good for HowNotTo main-void. Would you be so kind as to tell me what to do with this bit of lunacy? Hail! Cheers!--Funnybony    16:53, Oct 1

Looks perfectly acceptable to me - even a potential feature for the HowTo page in a quiet week (ie; most weeks). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:52, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

Greetings

Greetings, Your Majestic Adminship RabbiTechno, my name is DivinexUltima and I would like to give Haruhi Suzumiya some love around here by putting her on the US Presidents template. If she is the 45th president, why did you remove her?

Sincerely,

DivinexUltima 18:53, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

Because, so far as I can see (and a quick Google search seems to confirm this), she is a fictional character in some Japanese stories about s girl with some sort of power to alter reality - not the 45th president of the USA. While truth takes a back seat on Uncyclopedia, that particular template acts as a navigational aid to those trying to find funny articles about American presidents (to do that, it should probably link to another website altogether) and having her name on there really doesn't help it to serve that purpose. If you add links to pages such as the one on Manga, not only will they fit in with the page better but people likely to want to read the article on Haruhi are more likely to find them. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:08, October 3, 2010 (UTC)

Alright, I understand, but can you do me a favor and lock her page? There's been some rabble over some new edits, and I've been trying to negotiate on its final shape. DivinexUltima 23:02, October 5, 2010 (UTC)

Rather than locking it - which will prevent good edits too - I suggest you create a copy as a userspace article and keep what seems good. Then, move it back into mainspace when you're done. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:10, October 6, 2010 (UTC)

Can you up that block?

Pretty much he just walked around typing "Fuck you Jew-Biscuit" for 10 minutes before getting bored and adding stupid pages. He's a wanker. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:28, October 5, 2010 (UTC)

Bah, see you got to it already. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:29, October 5, 2010 (UTC)

I was lenient because the term Jew-Biscuit made me laugh, but then I saw he'd been fucking about with userpages. Anyway, now to get rid of his second sock account. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:31, October 5, 2010 (UTC)

hey

i was gonna finish that project, i was too busy right now, it was a good concept wasnt it? the finger that flames 20:48, October 7, 2010 (UTC)

That's why we have the {{construction}} tag - adding it to an unfinished article will ensure it remains unhuffed and - theoretically at least - unmolested for seven days so you can return to it. However, if you tell me which article it is you're talking about, I'll be more than happy to restore a copy to a userspace page where you can take as long as you like over it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:35, October 8, 2010 (UTC)

Bar Bet Winner

Is RabbiTechno cool?

יהי הר של אושר עבור המבורך הרב טכנו! --Funnybony    21:16, Oct 9

WTF is that weird squiggly writing? Has a drunken spider paddled in ink before staggering across my talkpage? (Also, may there be mountains of joy for you also :-) ) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:01, October 11, 2010 (UTC)

*Walks around admiringly*

I don't think I've ever been here before. *leaves a hug and sneaks back out* -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 14:06, 11 Oct

Really? As you can see, it's humble but I call it home. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:07, October 11, 2010 (UTC)

*stares confusedly at tail sticking out from a microwave* I didn't know ferrets like napping there... O_o Ah well... to each their own. I started a call centre job today. Decided I like it, despite the pay being low... Since it's a place where 95% of customers don't call with the intention of yelling at me! :D -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 14:14, 11 Oct

UnNews:Toyota recalls cars unable to steer left

Help! I moved "recall" to "recalls" and asked via QVFD for the redirect to be deleted. You have deleted the page and left the redirect, which redirects to nothing! Are you asserting the superiority of British grammar, or did you make a mistake? Spıke ¬ 16:51 21-Oct-10 Whoops, back to normal now. Thanks. Spıke ¬ 16:53 21-Oct-10

Yes, it was a mistake - I'd been up since 3.30am and worked a ten hour shift. I did realise at the time, but then I forgot. Ah well. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:53, October 22, 2010 (UTC)

Ban request

Please ban User:92.0.131.18 as keeps on vandalising my userpage. --Handy Smurf 00:27, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

Would have been a pleasure - but the Chief was awake and I was not. Let me know if you have any problems with anyone you suspect to be the same person with a different IP. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:00, November 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - The UnSignpost Rides Again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

Nov 11th, 2010 • Issue 94 • The Newspaper that shaves you closer!

The UnSignpost Rides Again! By Chief A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Rebels attained victory over the Imperial Empire and the last UnSignpost flopped onto talk pages. The drought came as Under user announced that he had a life to be getting on with, and at that point the UnSignpost simply stopped writing itself. Some people have suggested that these two events may be linked somehow, but until we see proof, we have resolved to live in ignorance. However as we hurtle towards the end of the year it would seem the magic has returned and the newspaper that confusingly contains neither news or paper will once again be arriving on talk pages weekly monthly annually whenever we can manage it. Newer recipients of the UnSignpost are urged to suggest ideas for stories in the press room; this helps as it means we don't need to pay attention to anything you people do every day. For now, please welcome the UnSignpost back into your homes and hearts... please? Speak up! By Chief For those of you who may be unfamiliar with The Article Whisperer, permit me to clear the waters somewhat with this bit of text I have, at great personal risk, copied off the competition page. It is: "An annual writing competition held by Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles", which I think we can all agree is absolutely splendid. Unfortunately, all our intrepid journalists were saving Kittens from trees and generally performing heroic deeds when the competition took place, but that won't stop us from talking about it. Lyrithya and Matfen were the biggest winners, or losers depending on how you look at it, each being Grand Champion of two categories. Competition founder MadMax was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, so we have made something up instead: "The competition was a great success and I would like to thank everyone who took part; especially ChiefjusticeDS who is absolutely fantastic and whom I owe many drinks", he might have said. The Article Whisperer is expected to take place again next year, and MadMax might have said "Take part or die", but probably not. The Aristocrat's By Chief & Mhaille Few competitions stir the loins more than The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, self described as Uncyclopedia's festival of frivolity and bad taste. The competition has three categories: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball Best Bad Taste Article The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery If you aren't a writer (we are led to believe some people are not), then 3 Judges are needed for each of the above categories (see here). Seriously, this will be so much fun you will wish we did it twice a year... maybe. The competition opens on November 19th, so put on a stout pair of writing trousers and get going!

Check out these pages! Bed Never on Sunday Anything interesting happening? Zombiebaron That's so 2005 From our logs: 16:29, November 10, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 seconds ‎ (You're reviving the Signpost? Good luck! Now to think of a witty ban reason to get me in the "From Our Logs" section. Penis. That ought to do it. It would if I was editing it.) 04:27, November 10, 2010 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.181.83.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Normally you'd probably be reading a witty message from an admin. Obviously, I'm not one of those admins. Gotta tell you, you're missing out.) 10:36, November 9, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.42.244.217 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (List 350 reasons why I should care about your birthday, and I'll reverse the ban.) 08:10, November 10, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked EatPoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Alas, dear sir, you are afflicted with the stupid) 16:31, November 10, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 435 years ‎ (Stop being supposedly here and BE HERE. YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART) Biopic of the Week Do you hear that? Thought not, because this week we are taking a closer look at one of Uncyclopedia's true unsung heroes, Black flamingo. He has a whopping 12.5 feature credits; that's more than 5 feature credits and 6 feature credits put together! Not only that, but Black flamingo has been instrumental in keeping Pee Review afloat while you weren't. Respect this man immediately or I will punch a Zebra, that's how committed I am to getting him recognised. Head over to his talk page right now and doff your helm. Now, dammit! Don't make me fetch the Zebra. Old-school featured article of the week The term "Paul is dead" (PID) refers to an urban legend or a hoax perpetrated either on the musical group The Beatles by their fans or vice-versa. According to the legend, bass guitarist and singer Paul McCartney was replaced by a lookalike after his alleged death in an auto accident in the mid-60s. Proponents of this hoax cite obscure clues embedded within the Beatles' lyrics, symbolism in their album covers, and Wings as evidence that the "real" Paul didn't survive into the 1970s. This manuscript reveals the full chilling truth. I've read it, and it will blow your tiny mind.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Regarding your message.

Was the bit about you going to ban yourself a joke. Also where should I report them then? Kiko4564 16:34, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

There'd be very little point in me banning myself anyway, as it's impossible to ban an admin permanently anyway (except in very special cases, when an admin is also permanently stripped of admin rights, something that has never happened here). Ban patrol is the right place to report people who you believe would benefit from a ban, but the rule about keeping chatter to a minimum is one of the very rules of the wiki that is enforced. However, as Mhaille is one of our oldest and most respected admins, I don't think we'll see him getting banned any time soon. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:38, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

He is evil, though. The stuff about whippets, pigeons and Chorley Cakes is true, too - I'd offer video proof, but the FBI would come and take away my hard drive if they thought I'd been looking at that sort of stuff. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:41, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

Mhaille also owes me a pint and some good company if I ever see him within a walking distance from a pub. So he must be evil! -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 16:48, 13 Nov

He lives Oop North - where any point is within walking distance (and often considerably less) of a pub. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:50, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

Which is why when Luvvies are in Oopper North, they might come by before flying back home... A risk of visiting other sites in Britain will be included, however that trip isn't planned for until 2011 at earliest... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 17:17, 13 Nov

Well, do let us know if you should happen to be passing Cambridge. We have what is possibly the best pub in the country here. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:19, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

We also have the biggest pub in the country, but it's a long way off being the best. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:20, November 13, 2010 (UTC)

Well I do need to pop by eventually, don't want my accent to get too Americanised. That would be so wrong. I quite enjoy sounding like I could blend in around your parts. Makes people think I am this "smart" thing some individuals keep referring to. -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 18:13, 13 Nov

YOU WON A SWARM OF AFRICANIZED KILLER JESUS!

He was a good Jewish boy who got some funny ideas in his kopf (probably as a result of taking too much ecstasy, looking at the way he dances). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:53, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

Read All About It!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Nov 18th, 2010 • Issue 95 • The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way she/he did!

Wanna cyb3r? By Chief Hailed by some as the final solution to the Uncyclopedia problem and others as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the Uncyclopedia IRC channel has chugged along for almost the same amount of time Uncyclopedia itself has. We here at the UnSignpost have literally hundreds of stories to sort through every week and we have picked IRC for a reason, and not just because it is easy to spell. We chose it because the Uncyclopedia IRC is a community and often contains users who are never on the site (because they are lazy and idle), equally many users who frequent the site do not enter IRC (because they are idle and lazy), and those who do often prefer to do so in disguise. This is a disgrace, don't ask why, it just is. Our intrepid reporters have spent literally minutes on IRC this week in order to bring news of it to you, the uneducated and unwashed masses and to try and encourage you to make use of it. Whatever you want to use it for: reporting vandals, penis jokes, collaboration, penis jokes and incoherent babbling; IRC is there for you. It is also a way to get to know the dull uninteresting personalities behind the exciting usernames, but don't let that put you off. When our intrepid reporter delved into the IRC community and asked the first person breathing in and out for a quote about IRC they told us "..." which should certainly give you food for thought. If you have some time on your hands then why not learn how to windsurf? But if you are too idle and lazy then why not head on over to IRC and see the magic happening for yourself? I would and if I would it must be a good idea. Balls up! By Chief The stage is seated, the judges are set and the competitors are questionable in number, yes The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is almost upon us. The competition opens this Friday and entries will be accepted until December the 3rd which is... a little while after that. Our hard-hitting journalists will be present at the competition and will be speaking to entrants and judges alike over the next few weeks. Just think; if you take part your name could be in italic font in the UnSignpost! Think about how envious your friends and family will be! Remember, it begins on the 19th of November and we want to see blood! We need you! Shameless pleading by: ChiefjusticeDS The UnSignpost is like an office printer, in that it constantly breaks down, sometimes doesn't work for months at a time and occasionally spews out some slightly smudged pages. If you think you have something to bring to the UnSignpost be it your journalistic talent, ideas for stories or even just a warm and reassuring slap in the face, feel free to drop us a line in the press room. Also Meganew wanted us to mention the Grue Army in the UnSignpost, so we have.

Check out these pages! We're the worst in another way! Why?:Not Vote now! It's not as bad as you think! From our logs: 05:54, November 14, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked POPEYE FUCK U UP (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1) You suck. 2) Stop sucking.) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 17:01, November 12, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.109.64.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'll have some gay porn if you're going to the shop) 3:32, November 14, 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.147.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'M HAVING A FRIENDSHIP ANEURYSM) Biopic of the Week Know who it is yet? Know what time they were last here? No? Then you should probably be able to guess that this week we are looking at Aleister in Chains. Al has been hanging around Uncyclopedia for just under a year now, and in that time has picked up 25 feature credits and has earned the eternal hatred of many for his enduring good humour and incredibly annoying signature timestamps. If Aleister hasn't been responsible for a single one of your chuckles over the last year then you need to start reading some of his articles, that or cancel your afternoon appointments as you have died and failed to notice. I wouldn't recommend you post on his talk page or look at his user page as they are both just plain weird, offer respect, but don't doff your helm, you never know what might end up in it. Overlooked Page of the Week Things to do. Easing the pain in your pants since 2007. Newsroom UnTune of the week The Uncyclopedian's song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Chiefjustice3DS 14:29, November 18, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations!

You're a duck! Or something. On Illogicopedia, that's a good thing... sort of. Actually, we have this whole pile of really weird politics, with a bunch of ducks and a bunch of anti-ducks... it's rather strange. I wonder if that wasn't just a typo, and there was some relation?

Somehow, I doubt it... but still, congratulations on being a duck. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101120 - 18:01 (UTC)

I'm rather proud of my recent transformation and hope nobody turns me back into a human. Always liked ducks. Quack! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:14, November 22, 2010 (UTC)

Mmm, ducks are scary, though. Please don't hurt anyone... too much. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101122 - 18:11 (UTC)

Run for your lives! It's another UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

Nov 25th, 2010 • Issue 96 • Putting the period in periodical!

Jimbo, Whales & The Worst 100 By Him again Those of you who regularly sit and stare at recent changes may well have seen a lot of tomfoolery with the site notice this week (that banner at the top which you dismissed two seconds after logging in). The reason for this is that somebody noticed that we are supposed to be a parody of Wikipedia and suggested we come up with something to parody Jimbo Wales' appeal. Zombiebaron duly obliged, then Lyrithya obliged too, then Olipro edited some code and the site notice you see today, or don't see, as the case may be, was created. Well done, them. Honestly, we have nothing bad to say about it. Except that I hate it as I do most things that come about through a process of honest endeavour. For those of you who didn't know, Jimbo does have an account on Uncyclopedia, an account he never uses, in rather the same way that I have a membership to a gym; I need one to be cool and so I have somewhere to hide when the black helicopters inevitably come for me. Jimbo is of course the co-founder of Wikia, which is rather like having helped build the Death Star except with less space and more super-lasers capable of destroying planets. Unfortunately, we haven't written a parody of the appeal yet. Well, we have, it just isn't very good. The team at the UnSignpost read both and after the laughter had died down we had a look at the Uncyclopedia one.... yeah.... but have our assurance, Uncyclopedia is working on improving it, and how could you doubt the people who brought you classics like Fisher Price and AAAAAAAAA!? The other item of news we have this week is that the reflections on this year are woefully lacking. Hurtling as we are towards the new year and the annual Cabal broadcast, you may want to consider adding an entry to the list in order that the administrators can sleep soundly at night. We refuse to believe that nothing of note has happened over the last couple of months because we've been here and can attest that something has happened every day. So get over there and do the editing, we'll be right behind you. Voting heats up By Chief The "of the Month" awards are in something of a state of flux at the moment as voters and nominators become increasingly unwilling to vote (or care) in some cases and more willing in others. "It's a sad indictment of the way we live," lamented Socky when our reporter spoke to him, though he did say some other things once we asked him some questions. This month on the Uncyclopedian of the Month award, Lyrithya has stormed ahead of competition, running up 16 votes at the time of going to press; we would say she was miles ahead of her opposition, but since she nominated both of them and voted for one of them we don't think she deserves it. When asked to comment, Lyrithya had this to say: "I hate you all". Meanwhile over on Writer of the Month, Romartus leads SPIKE by 7 votes. Neither of them were available to provide us with a quote, probably because we forgot to ask, but we took some of the things they said on the award page and through creative journalism summed up their thoughts: "This... is... my... award" is what Romartus said, though he may have said those words in a different order... and as part of different sentences. SPIKE just said "Yay," which was lovely. Things are far more exciting over on Noob of the Month where mega-noob rcmurphy and regular noob Putthatknifedown are neck and neck with 5 votes each. Things are of course far less exciting in the land of the other awards: Author of the Month is a gripping contest as gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Under user trudges towards the finish line arm in arm with gentile Uncyclopedian and former UnSignpost editor Mhaille (he wrote a couple of lines for us once and they were amazing). Potatochopper of the month is also a rather subdued affair with nobody getting any votes, despite two people being nominated. Finally Reviewer of the Month has no nominations and thus, surprisingly, no votes so far this month. Why is this? We at the UnSignpost asked Uncyclopedia's dictator in-chief Mordillo what he thought; he agreed to consider the question after a stiff drink. We can only assume it was a strong one as we didn't hear back from him for 3 days. When he came back, he declared, "Uncyclopedia - UNITE! GO OUT TO THE STREETS AND DEMAND MORE BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE WELL SHAPED BLONDES FOR ALL! MORE THREESOMES WITH JEWS! and vote for NotM and RotM right? Trust us, we are the cabal, we know best". As Mordillo was being sedated, Socky bravely stepped in to fill his trousers and surprised everyone by saying "My thoughts on awards are that we should have a lot more of them and we should be a lot less serious about them. We could be having fun instead of worrying about drama. Voting will only lead to good results when not subjugated to logic." Socky went on to lay down his plans for ruling Uncyclopedia and restoring Germany to a dominant position in Europe; he left our interview early to annex Czechoslovakia, so thankfully we cannot bring you anything else from him this week. There is a point here, does Uncyclopedia need more awards? Or does it just need more contributors? All we know for sure is that you need to start voting NOW! Or tomorrow if you're a bit busy at the moment. Chief learns Latin; talks about lorums By Socky See {{lorum}} for a full transcript of his Latin writings.

Check out these pages! Mail Order Lobster When's your birthday? A surveillance camera!? From our logs: 13:58, November 21, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.112.195.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Enough time for you to go and have a bit pot of warm penises, just like you love them) 15:52, November 19, 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.126.123.197 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck at vandalism. You should probably try your hand at cooking or painting or something instead.) 14:40, November 18, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.120.230.138 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (I dunno - you expose a paedo, then it's you who gets in toruble. Fuckin' liberals, eh?) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of UnNews and VFD, SPIKE has earned the respect of his peers through a combination of three things: Hard work, immaculate record keeping and... hard work. SPIKE is often to be found speaking into a microphone for UnNews, saving condemned articles on VFD and generally trying to make the site a better place. While he may not have as many features as some people, he makes up for it through a huge amount of work; his userpage is a comprehensive list of achievements, good deeds and a lot of other information that you probably don't need but he is prepared to give at no extra charge. I need all of it, of course, as I am building a database which I plan to flog to a corporation at some stage. If you contributed anything to UnNews or nominated an article for VFD this year then this man likely got involved at some stage. Respect him and get back to work. Old-school featured article of the week Are you tired of being a small cog in the giant machine of what is, for all intents and purposes, an infinite and uncaring universe? Of course, we all are! "But how do I, a mere newborn babe/small child/university student/accountant/elderly person just steps away from death's door, whose gaping maw is opened wide in anticipation of my ethereal etherealness, the insignificant mote of dust that is me, passing through its opening en route to what will surely be a depressing and disappointing eternity, attain oneness with the universe today?" you ask. How? Here's how. Newsroom UnTune of the week Stalker An UnSignpost apology As you know, we at the UnSignpost make few mistakes, but it has been brought to our attention that we misquoted Mordillo and made him look like a bit of a weirdo in the story to the left; this is highly regrettable and we enclose his full quote here by way of apology. "the ongoing voting trend that is directed at obvious targets such as WotM and UotM are a cardinal warning sign that Uncyclopedia is not only the worst, it keeps deteriorating. How else would you define a community that is centered on awarding its writers and goody two shoes? What about young new fresh people that are hopefully insatiable redheads with abnormal fondness of threesomes with Jews and MORE blondes? What about the people who take the substandard manure that the above said writers produce and fit them into shape?! Are we all doomed to be old shapeless writers? Will Uncyclopedia become like Europe - ageing, overweight and smug? Where are all the young willing blondes amongst the population?!" Editors note: Mordillo then went on to say the bit our journalist was awake for in the interview. The UnSignpost bitterly regrets having him sedated against his will due to this misunderstanding. We will be sending a fruit basket round to him as soon as his screams of anguish as the doctor inserted the needle stop being quite so funny.

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~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101125 - 01:03 (UTC)

Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!

UFFL Week 12 Update By CheddarBBQ Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update By ChiefjusticeDS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army By Meganew For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!!

Check out these pages! Fap fap fap!! Celebrate Mediocrity!!!!!!!!! Ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? From our logs: 05:45, 25 Novemver, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked ISLAM WILL DESTROY YOU IMPERIALIST SWINE LIKE DUNG (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ZOMBIEBARON WILL DESTROY YOU ISLAMIST FANATICS LIKE DUNG) 06:27, 24 November, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank a userpage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) 07:42, November 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.35.10.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Such spirited hi-jinks and individuality.... I MUST DESTROY) 17:33, November 30, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.77.131.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here's yet another reason for you to hate Jews) 21:01, November 30, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Avianion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (cyberbullying. also, coming from Halifax, which should have some kind of law against it.) Biopic of the Week It seems only proper that this week as we pass the 5th anniversary of its featuring, the UnSignpost should take a look at perhaps the biggest in-joke Uncyclopedia has ever seen: Euroipods. For those who don't know, Euroipods was intended to parody the marketing campaign for www.euroipods.com, which ran from mid to late 2005. However, despite the effort, detail and effort that went into creating the article, some users couldn't understand what all the laughter was about. Stories of the clashes on the talk page of Euroipods are still told whenever veteran Uncyclopedians gather round a modem to compete in tales of blood-chilling terror. The article spawned several spin-off articles, since creativity is next to regular bathing on the list of things Uncyclopedians will avoid if at all possible. All hail Euroipods, may it stand forever as proof of our commitment to being the worst. Old-school featured article of the week Mozilla Firefox is a famous magical girl of the 21st century, seen by many Europeans (even though she's technically a United Statesian) as the Western answer to Japan's infamous "Project Sailor Moon". She is a direct descendant of the legendary Maozilla and a daughter of now-deceased Mozilla Suite. Mozilla is therefore a last name, but is written first to make fun of the Japanese. Firefox's goal is to reclaim a vital artifact lost for humanity a hundred generations ago in Browser Wars: the Interweb, a huge web embedded in the surface and atmosphere of the planet Earth. Her arch enemy is the Interweb Exploder, a giant monster that repeatedly tries to blow up the Interweb, without much success, and zombifies people that connect their computers to it. Both Firefox and the Exploder are web browsers: their duty is to patrol controlled areas of the Interweb and fight minor saboteurs and wreckers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Playing with myself

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-- 04:40, December 2, 2010 (UTC)

Greetings By A Uncyclopedian tsar

Hello! :) --PeterITheGreat 01:43, December 4, 2010 (UTC)PeterITheGreat Well hello. Want some help with sorting out your signature? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:12, December 4, 2010 (UTC)

Mudrippers deserve a place on the map

Mudrippers dominate the town i come from, and while they truly are all morons, they have quirks funny enough that can be made fun of and everyone can laugh at. please remove the tag, or give me permission to do so, and not have another tag placed on the mudripper page. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Naruhina00 (talk • contribs)

Since you've made significant improvements to the page, I'm happy to do so. Two points, however: 1; don't forget to sign your posts on talkpages by adding ~~~~ after your comment, and 2; adding comments directly to an article, such as the one in the Side Notes section, isn't going to do you any favours whatsoever when you're asking an admin to remove an ICU tag. In fact, it'll be more likely to get you banned from the site. Last of all - the article's considerably better now, so well done for taking the points in the ICU onboard and carrying out the improvements (since you'd done this, you'd have been justified in removing the tag yourself but I've done so). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:44, December 7, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, not only for the tag removal, but the edit on the title section. 64.33.161.42 15:35, December 7, 2010 (UTC)NaruHina00

No problem - that's what we're here for. You'll need to be signed in for your signature to work, by the way. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:43, December 7, 2010 (UTC)

I'll get it right eventually. Naruhina00 15:59, December 7, 2010 (UTC)Naruhina00

The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?

The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH By Chief If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured. As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality. Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week!

Check out these pages! Muppets go back to the future Reskinapedia? A forum from 3 years ago The Aristocrats judging! From our logs: 04:46, December 7, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked AngieCrosby (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam spam eggs spam spam spam sausage spam spam and spam) 15:42, December 5, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked SAMUDESU (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (na-na-na-nanana CUNTFACE!) 15:05, December 4, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (oh, the long winter hours must just fly past at your house.) 03:29, December 7, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.245.74.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours (lol k c(-; (that's supposed to be a guy winking, smiling and sticking his tongue out FUCK YOU!!!!) Biopic of the Week Imagine, if you will, a drug fuelled after-party in a Special Needs home, then stop because it's time for biopic of the week! This week we have a splendid fellow, as we inevitably do; it's Count of Monkey Crisco! Heard of him? No? That's because he is busy working and not spending time coming up with new and inventive ways of wasting time in the Village Dump, like you. It may surprise you to learn that the Count (yes I must refer to him this way) is a former UotM, has four featured images and was the first man to scale Everest in a kayak... ok, we are exaggerating here; he only has two featured images. Nonetheless this man is the example of a good Uncyclopedian, hard working, quiet and modest. At least we assume he is modest; he hasn't ever done anything as awesome as I have, so we can't confirm it. So go on - investigate Uncyclopedia's very own man in black for yourself; he's er... Monkalicious. Old-school featured article of the week To Whom it May Concern On the 6th September 2006, I wrote this article, and I am yet to receive any feedback. I believe I expressed a number of real concerns which you have not yet addressed. In case my previous article was lost in the post, I will repeat my concerns here, and I trust that this article will reach you in good time. Source: Uncyclopedia complaints department, archive 4,978 Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Be Blamed (For My Shitty Music)

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--Chiefjustice3DS 16:12, December 9, 2010 (UTC)

Hello

Rabbi, I would rather keep the Kettering (no England nor england) page. The article doesn't show up on a search - how do I fix this? Thanks for your help. 'Tis done - you simply need an admin to wave his or her magic huffing wand. Kettering is definitely a better title, as people from Kettering are more likely to enter "Kettering" as a search request than "Kettering, England." Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:41, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

Murc O' Garage - Kettering Article

Would rather keep Kettering. Thanks

Like I say, it's done. By the way, to sign posts on talkpages, forums etc., just add ~~~~ after whatever it is you want to say and it'll automatically insert your name and a timestamp. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:51, December 11, 2010 (UTC)

Seeking reviewers.

I am seeking pee reviewers for my Fisher-Price (company) article and no has contributed yet. I'm not trying to be impatient. I just need some reviewers. Would you kindly ask the reviewers to reviews my article? On that note, I've seen a lot vandalism from random IP's on the Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fisher-Price (company). I have a suggestion; should the admins lock the article so that only registered users can only edit? Tell me what you think. Thanks so much! DJ Mixerr 18:46, December 11, 2010 (UTC) User:DJ Mixerr/sig

I'm not sure it needs to be locked just yet as it hasn't suffered much vandalism - one of them an IP who in all likelihood will never be seen again and one by an idiot who I banned yesterday. I don't usually do pee reviews because they're so mind-numbingly tedious, but Sunday afternoons are more tedious still and the prospect of doing one actually seemed quite exciting for a while. So, just this once, I've reviewed it for you. It really wouldn't take many improvements at all and I'd be giving much higher scores. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:57, December 12, 2010 (UTC)

Murc O' Garage UKIP Manifesto

Ironically, the UKIP manifesto was put together to practice formatting. The article is a collection of my suggestions to the Govt's Spending Challenge website - I was eventually blocked from that site. Thanks for the feedback - will tidy up.

Good man! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:01, December 12, 2010 (UTC)

Reading messages

I've just read the 'Murc O' Garage 17:40, December 12, 2010 (UTC)' message. Murc O' Garage 17:40, December 12, 2010 (UTC)

Murc

On the subject of User:Murc O' Garage, he's very good. Why not suggest to some kind soul that they should adopt him briefly, not that it looks like he needs much help. But this guy is clearly worh encouraging to stay around. --Sog1970 21:24, December 12, 2010 (UTC)

UKIP Manifesto

Rabbi,

Done all I'm capable of with regards formatting with some help from others.

Nomination would do my ego the world of good.

Murc O' Garage 23:37, December 12, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thanks for HowTo featuring HowTo:Go into the light. That was unexpected and nice. Give my best to the gang down at that last place we drank them all under the table, I hear some of them still haven't gotten up /a way to make Garage think you and I are fast buds, drinking people under the table together and then beating up those two hobo children in the back alley. Aleister 23:55 12 12

Perhaps we do do that, but we get so drunk when we do it that neither of us have any recollection of it whatsoever. We might do all sorts of things - speaking of which, it wasn't you that gave me this itchy rash, was it? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:05, December 13, 2010 (UTC)

Oh shit! It's another unsignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!

Turkey Ball Anyone? By Chief As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story. Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming? By Chief The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump.

Check out these pages! Poo! Top my ten! From our logs: 10:13, December 14, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hellraiser123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dr UU's diagnosis: you appear to be suffering from being a twat syndrome. the cure for this is to ask someone to punch you in the face repeatedly, go try it, let me know how you get on.) 19:26, December 8, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked DILLO LOVES TO SUCK CHIEFS DICK!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite‎ (If only..... Oh no, I meant to think that!) 16:40, December 8, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked OmarTheGay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Recent surveys suggest you fall a long way short of even our standards) 05:28, December 13, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked I'm Going To Spit In Mordillo's Anus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Congratulations!) Biopic of the Week This week we have selected someone we seem to have written about far too much in the last month or so: Funnybony. For those who don't know, Funnybony has penned more articles than you could possibly count, unless you can count up to 295. However, we have decided to try and talk about something else besides the massive number of articles he has written (several of which became featured). We also won't be mentioning his ability at potatochopping or his victory in Playwright of the Month in October, nor will we mention his general lack of anger and his fondness for sending people pictures instead of words. In fact this biopic will have very little to do with Funnybony at all; the UnSignpost apologises for this and promises that Biopic of the Week will return next week as normal. So everyone: be impressed with Funnybony, despite the fact you know almost nothing about him. Birthday of the Week UU, this very Thursday. (This in no way counts as vanity). Old-school FA; Orian57 return special! UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden UnScripts:Trapped at Sea LazyTown Snow White HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle Why?:Is There a Moose On This Plane? Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? Why?:Don't You Get a Job? Sort-of-festive thing of the Week It's Uncle UU's second annual festive Mince Pie eating competition and ban patro-ho-ho-ho-l! Fun for all the family! Watch for updates over the next week or so.

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1234 ~ 05:22, 16 December 2010

The Simpsteins

I am interested in reviving the Simpsteins article and making it funnier. Can you restore it? --MANIAC MCPEE 20:13, December 21, 2010 (UTC)

'Twould be a pleasure. I'll restore it as a userspace article so you can take as long as you require over it. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:42, December 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you. Now I can add some pictures and maybe episodes.

This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!

The UnSignpost hits 100 By Chief So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair. The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful music love UnSignposts together and even considered making the UnSignpost a twice weekly paper... yeah. However such a partnership could not last forever, as nothing does except jam, and eventually Dr. Skullthumper departed the UnSignpost. Last time someone asked him about the UnSignpost, he said, among other things: "We had no idea what we were doing" which reassures us that nothing has changed in the interim. Cajek pushed the UnSignpost onward and it was good, until it wasn't any more, at which point DJ Irreverent took the wheel. Nobody has seen Cajek for years now, so being rational people, we can only assume he is sailing round the world in a boat powered entirely by Mars Bars, though we can tell you that he once said "You know, those shoes you see on telephone wires?" which should give you some food for thought. However the DJ was unable to maintain the UnSignpost for long, and he was obliged to leave; after all, in accepting the responsibility, he opened up a can of worms. Then how could he let sleeping dogs lie after he let the cat out of the bag? After all, if you change horses in the middle of the stream, next thing you know you're up the creek without a paddle. Which explains why he left; the balloon went up. After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page. Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200! The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know. By PuppyOnTheRadio Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication. And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is.

Check out these pages! Still need more! It's coming! But How? But Why? Christmas Songs From our logs, best of Modusoperandi: 23:25, January 24, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.14.255.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (2 days for blanking, 1 day for not being pretty like me) 20:09, September 7, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Consistent and focussed approach to awesomeness) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 4:01, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Not A Good Username360 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (He asked me a question. Outrage!) 14:47, July 26, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 11:01, July 18, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.187.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You fill me with rage. Also, lust. *Blush*) 06:10, November 17, 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Frozen Korpse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Yes, Mordillo is the worst. That's no reason to be rude.) 18:26, October 1, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 205.144.32.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Excessive vanity. That's my gig, bucko! I'm devastating!) 19:45, August 11, 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) Biopic of the Week Rather than come up with another user to biopic, the UnSignpost has decided to biopic itself once again, making it the first... thing to have been biopiced twice! (Except {{USERNAME}}, but that doesn't count, don't ask why, it just doesn't) We here at the UnSignpost were absolutely flabbergasted when the news became known and an editor exclaimed "My gast is truly flabbered". We would like to thank the academy, you the readers, us the writers, the people who put the fillings into Mince Pies and the person who invented the Jelly Baby. However, The UnSignpost rarely votes on VFD, never contributes to the site except to spam talk pages and generally has been writing essentially the same thing for almost 3 years, which is exactly what it should be doing. If you regularly read the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time and stop being so limber and stress free; if you regularly write for the UnSignpost, get a job so you have less free time. Well done, UnSignpost, and may you persist in all the poor practices that have made you what you are today. Anniversary UnSignpost of the week Believe it or not the UnSignpost had a birthday, only the one, but here is the last time we devoted an entire issue to talking about ourselves and how awesome we are when you sit back and think about it. Mince Pie update It's all go over on Under user's page as the festive mince pie race gets into full swing. UU himself has consumed 39 festive treats at the time of going to press, lagging behind Roman Dog Bird who has guzzled a whopping 52 mince pies at the time of going to press. Meanwhile, ChiefjusticeDS has only managed 25 and is just happy to be involved in something that involves other people for once.

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1234 ~ 06:52, 23 December 2010

Forum:Some very hostile remarks.

As I see you're on duty: Please consider deleting Section 1 of this. It will do nothing except convert this situation to one filled with drama, to one filled with more drama. Spıke ¬ 16:55 26-Dec-10

It looks relatively safe to me, but I've been up since 4am (you seriously don't want ever want to be a newsagent) so it's a case of tl;dr,just flicked my eyes over it. Tell me the exact bits you think are likely to lead to trouble and I'll have another look. :-)Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:00, December 26, 2010 (UTC)

It seeks to showcase a hilarious satire John Lydon has written about the 13 (awful) edits Riker made before declaring that we didn't sufficiently love him. As I say on that article's talk page, it was and is cyber-bullying. Normally I wouldn't care, as it is in userspace, but pointing to it will propel the blood-feud forward for the sole purpose of showing that we can write snappier insults than Riker can.

Separately, I think that Meganew and Iwillkillyou333 are looking for drama and their activist defense of Uncyclopedia against this guy, other vandals, admins, and anyone else, actually serves none of the site's purposes. The best way to get Riker to stand down is for everyone to stop baiting him. Spıke ¬ 17:20 26-Dec-10

OK. 'tis gone. I'm sorely tempted to delete the whole lot of it, but it looks rather like the sort of thing that'd just flare up elsewhere on the site, so it might be best to let it burn itself out. Hopefully, people will get bored of it soon and go and do something a little more productive. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:44, December 26, 2010 (UTC)

A Request

Could you Autoconfirm Protect my userpage to where only users can edit it? That would certainly hinder the YLT's attempt to mess it up... --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 19:08, December 26, 2010 (UTC)

Excuse me

I'm SunnyChow. I am using a proxy to make contact with you as I'm banned, with reason "nobody cares". I know I have deleted some content in article Hong Kong. In my opinion, what I delete is about some unoffial anthropomorphism cosplay of Hong Kong railways. This content is inserted for advertising themselves, not for fun. If the culture in en-uncyclopedia didn't approve me to delete content without discussion, I apologize and promise I won't do it again. May you unban me please?--User:SunnyChow17:14, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Sounds a reasonable enough plea to me. We admins can be a little trigger-happy sometimes, and when I saw your edit summary I assumed you'd removed something that you found critical of either Hong Kong or its residents - so, my apologies. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:22, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Hong Kong

SunnyChow was right. Most of the section he deleted, and several other sections, were written by someone who did not realize this was a humor wiki. Instead, I rewrote the Transportation section. This deletes the same text he deleted but retains and recaptions the photos. Spıke ¬ 17:46 27-Dec-10

Yes, realised that after he (she?) left me the message above. Must remember to actually have a look at what someone's deleted in future. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:49, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

I don't think the previous material was cosplay but promotional material for the train system and its merger. The old photo caption was also promotional. Again, the photos remain, but their new captions hardly promote either a business or cosplay! (In fact, one of them now links to a page on Japanese anime that I just saved from VFD.) What Sunny tried to delete was a very mechanical listing of the exact rail routes and engines. As he said originally--it wasn't funny. Spıke ¬ 17:53 27-Dec-10

Bloody admins, eh? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:56, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

I didn't say a thing. Have contacted Sunny on his talk page--where he once apologized for his grammar, something I can help him with, whereas he can help me on not having been to the place I'm writing about in 20 years. Spıke ¬ 18:10 27-Dec-10

Good good. Always a joy to see a collaboration being born! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:15, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, screw this goodness and reasonableness; there's something here that must be said! Bloody admins! *shakes fist* *runs away* 1234 ~ 18:16, 27 December 2010

High time you proles mutinied, if you ask me. Viva la revolution! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:21, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, mutiny? You people are just annoying. Horribly annoying. Well, some aren't so annoying, though, which makes them even more annoying... I'm not telling you what category you fall under, though, nuh-uh. 1234 ~ 18:29, 27 December 2010

I hope to be among the "so annoying they make me want to bite people." Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:36, December 27, 2010 (UTC)

*bites JT* Hmm... nope, sorry. You're not that annoying. 1234 ~ 18:44, 27 December 2010

Oh hai

When searching "Uncyclopedia" on Twitter, I saw this, clicked it, and then read your deletion message. Fucking hilarious. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 18:31, December 29, 2010 (UTC)

Gingerbiscuit

You deleted it. Damn. But i think that you have these rare "adminsuperpowers" (or "rabbisuperpowers"), so i think that can you move that thing into mine userspace? Can you? Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone...

UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.

Awards of the year By Chief As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated. So prepare for the excitement, bribery and boredom fun. Vote, vote and vote. In all seriousness, there are some really deserving users around here and if you can't think of anything, then you need to get involved. Now to balance that out: Bing boing whoopsie knickers. Lolpoo By Chief Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do. The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops. The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple.

Check out these pages! It is complete! Got a problem? Moar votes plzzz From our logs: 16:41, December 26, 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.118.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (What's that under the tree? Why - it's a gift you overlooked! Whatever could it be? Well, how about that - it's a ban!) 21:08, December 28, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.116.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Sets off my arsehole detector. Don't ask why I have one.) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 22:15, December 24, 2010 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.2.208.36 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Did I just accidentally start a gang war between myself and some kids from Scotland? Cool beans.) 18:20, December 28, 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.32.12.212 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Simon IS a naughty boy but it's not for you to tell) Biopic of the Week Bananas, bats and beach balls, what do these things have in common? The answer of course is Lyrithya, who, let’s face it, is just plain weird. Obsessed with everything from masturbation to mastication and from coding to cunnilingus... OK I made some of that up, but the thing about Lyrithya is that you don't know what I made up and what is the whole gruesome truth. That aside, Lyrithya seems to successfully spend more than 24 hours on Uncyclopedia every day and seems to be attracting the attention of the majority of the user base, like a lone woman in a room full of sexually frustrated quasi-rapists, which she is. But why not go and say hello if you haven't already? The response will baffle you, but that's half the appeal.... isn't it? Newsroom UnTune of the week Won't Get Banned Again

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1234 ~ 21:34, 30 December 2010

UnSurvey: Genies

Copy back please and thank you--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 21:08, December 31, 2010 (UTC)

Eh? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:22, January 2, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry, let me rephrase that: Can you put this article that you deleted on my userspace? Please and thank you.(User:Iwillkillyou333/UnSurvey:Genies)--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:05, January 3, 2011 (UTC)

About Didier Drogba Page

Hi I have recently added new content to this page and i think its ready to be put back on Uncyclopedia as it has more content than most pages. <insert name here>

I'll have a look. By the way, sign with ~~~~ rather than the {{USERNAME}} template and it'll automatically add your name, the time and date. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:46, January 6, 2011 (UTC)

OK, I've tidied it up a bit more and shifted it back into mainspace for you. It might be a good idea to spend a bit more time on it, though - it's quite repetitive in places. Perhaps focus on some specific incidents in Drogba's real life career too, as this will give it a more topical and satircal tone (I'd help you with that, only what I know about football could be written on the back of a postage stamp in big letters and without using any ink). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:17, January 6, 2011 (UTC)

Hey thanks for the help !!

UnSignpost Delivery!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Jan 6th, 2011 • Issue 102 • Just add Milk!

Wiki Update By Chief So it would seem, considering Uncyclopedia has successfully staggered its way into a new year (and its 6th birthday on Janurary 5), that everything is working as it should; this raises the question, why? Well, we at the UnSignpost love a challenge, so we have investigated the salt mines of Uncyclopedia to see the inmates users who are currently labouring in them to produce the site we all know and love. VFD is working splendidly and has recently held a minor games purge. If you missed out, shame on you. Watched over by Sycamore, it is edited continuously by a few others who have been hitting the random page button in search of crap to rewrite for months, if not years now. Over on UnNews, SPIKE is also labouring in the place of UnNews grandmaster, the right honourable Zim ulator. Meanwhile on pee review, Lyrithya and Black flamingo11 have been shouldering more responsibility than they know what to do with, reviewing and checking the infernal tables and generally filling the void left by somebody trying in vain to get a life. Now for a quick moment on the forums.... that's that over with. Recent changes is also empty because Socky has stopped categorising absolutely everything and everyone else is.... writing. Romartus is still shattering hopes and dreams on VFH and we hope to be able to bring you this exact same piece of news next year. The admins are of course splitting their time between overseeing the whole process and abusing their powers for giggles. If you work like a dog for Uncyclopedia and you haven't been mentioned here, it's nothing personal; it's just you aren't good enough our journalists are easily distracted by loud noises and flashing lights, so perhaps you live too near a lighthouse.... or a level crossing. From the desk of the Cabal:Compliance recommended for 2011 By Nobody It has not escaped the notice of the non-existent Cabal that Uncyclopedia has successfully survived another year, and the Cabal, of which there is none, orders all subjects to have a happy new year, or else. It would seem that you ignored our ruling of last year where we instructed you to comply at every opportunity and issued a decree banning drama. In 2010 we saw range blocks and epic ban sprees (to purge the ballot boxes and thus purify democracy), we witnessed mass deletions (necessary losses), we observed hundreds of forum topics declaring Wikia to be the worst (Wikia are to be obeyed despite this), we watched as you persecuted the weak, stubborn and female (to build the master race) and took note of your single success, that of closing the worst 100 reflections on 2010 before midnight on December 31st. This took you two years; it does not count. In short you have failed us again. So as 2010 fades into distant memory, we turn our eyes to 2011. We have the following advice: question nothing; you are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend; remain indoors; do not attempt to remove the cameras from your dwelling they are for the protection of the community; drive safely; stay in school/work; shut the fuck up and go write an article; provide your bank details and PIN when asked. That is all citizens, you may now move freely about the complex.

Check out these pages! Writer of the Year Uncyclopedian of the Year Potatochopper of the Year It's here, but we're still confused! From our logs: 09:56, January 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Famine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (by blocking Famine, do I end world hunger? No need to thank me, just bring me a pork pie.) 12:35, January 5, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1.673 hours ‎ (For helping me with my email - smart arse.) 17:06, January 4, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (reverting admins and other experienced users for no good reason, also for annoying me on a tuesday, the worst day of the week to annoy me.) 23:05, January 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.32.193.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Stop that, on the path of the righteous edit warring is not, Swindon that way lies) 07:42, January 4, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.131.23.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (His habit of replacing words with "COCK," "JESUS" and "CHRIST" is so funny my hand slipped and accidentally hit the "BAN" button) Biopic of the Week This week, the UnSignpost has once again put off actually having to find out something about a user - going to their talk page, reading their articles; this is the same as work. Instead we have decided to biopic last year because that means we can make lots of generalisations and you all get to be included in the biopic, unless you joined in the last 6 days, in which case, where the fuck were you? In 2010, all sorts of fun things happened. We appointed new administrators, we reviewed lots, then we didn't review at all, we all left because of drama in summer, then we all came back again, then the FBI phoned An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and all the administrators started drinking even more, except Zombiebaron who came back and we all welcomed him, what a splendid fellow. We fought in the street, we fought on talk pages and we fought in the village dump, then we went to Wikipedia and fought there, then the servers broke so we all came back here and fought with Wikia. Then we sulked. Happy New Year! Mince Pie of the year UU ate more mince pies than anyone else over Christmas. Well done him, he wins at heart disease. We look forward to hearing of his premature death unloved and miserable thousands of miles from home.

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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 09:55, Jan 6 2011 UTC

IP Address

Hi, I just made a couple of edits to my User:Mysterynonymous/Iggy page but forgot to sign in. Would you replace my IP string with Mysterynonymous? I am concerned about my privacy.

The rebbe's part of the world is largely asleep. Anyone, including you, can edit that page. No one, including him, can undo from the history what existed at one point. It is the nature of this place. Spıke ¬ 02:21 7-Jan-11

Weell... revisions can be hidden. But IPs float around, and if it happened once, it'd happen again. Only thing really to do is just be careful, really, or enlist the services of a proxy if you're paranoid. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Sir Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 • GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 05:47, 7 January, 2011 (UTC)

UN:BP

Hope so, but he was a determined little firecracker looking at his edit summaries. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 15:05, Jan 9 2011 UTC

I was actually halfway through banning him when I saw you reasoning with him, and I do like to give people a chance when possible. He seems to be leaving it alone since then, so it looks like you managed to get through. I'll ban if he does it again, though. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:11, January 9, 2011 (UTC)

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Jan 13th, 2011 • Issue 103 • Leave to stand for 5 minutes before consuming

Voting Frenzy By Chief It's that month again, the famous voting month when Uncyclopedians gather to air their opinions on the year that has been, user contributions or lack thereof and lots of other things. The difference between this and the continuous monthly evaluation normally going on is that now we have Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year to accompany our small selection of monthly awards/voting pages: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Of course it is the duty of every Uncyclopedian worth his/her salt to vote and have an opinion on each and every one of the above. Having no opinion is not an option; we can't afford such luxuries, not when the very fabric of our society hangs by a thread made entirely of voting pages. The UnSignpost has spoken to experts in voting patterns and strategies and they have instructed us to encourage each and every one of you to vote for whichever candidate you wouldn't like to not unwin again! It's that simple! A quick round up on our yearly awards: over on WotY Mhaille, Sog1970 and Aleister in Chains are slugging it out blow by blow for pole position. On UotY, some Spunk bubble has stormed ahead with Lyrithya in second place and all the other deserving candidates scrapping on the floor for... er scraps. On PotY Zombiebaron has taken a convincing lead. Since we failed to ask him to comment he might have said: "Braaaains, I shall consume all brains," which leads this reporter to comment that Zombiebaron may well be on the wrong website. The best articles of 2010 voting opens on the 15th of this month and will give the hardcore voters among you a chance to get stuck in again, but this time into people's articles rather than the people themselves. Regrettable, we know, but you can always nominate them for something next month. As the voting frenzy continues, the UnSignpost will continue to watch from a safe distance and will be on hand to comfort all the winners when they realise the best years of their lives have been spent essentially bailing out the Titanic with a small mug. The very worst of luck to everyone, and indeed everything, competing. Uncyclopedia is 6! By Chief It's true, it is. Six years of crawling around the back streets of the internet begging to anyone for cash/servers/food, regardless of how useful they may or may not be. That's right, everyone, you are aboard the good ship Uncyclopedia, the only wiki that has sails and a rudder and that's a fact. The UnSignpost won't be doing anything like making up poems or getting emotional and tender about Uncyclopedia growing a year older, since some people have already shown off what big girls they are by doing just that. A quick review of said poetry: Olipro thinks it's cool and manly to swear (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), Mimo&maxus thinks it's cool to be like Olipro (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), and neither of them are very good at poetry (this is true and their poetry sucks because of it). Happy birthday Uncyclopedia! At least we here at the UnSignpost did the manly thing of putting on a pink apron and baking you a cake.

Check out these pages! PLS Q&A Stuff you could be doing! Another voting page! How does it happen? From our logs: 21:30, January 10, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.210.176.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (OMG! THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WITH A DYNAMIC IP! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!) 02:50, January 10, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Posting a comment on a locked forum topic. You monster!) 16:23, January 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked FuuuD: (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nobody cares about you, your school chums and/or their love of anal (except Olipro, he's probably taking notes)) 00:23, January 12, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.112.44.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Lovely, perhaps next time you are on the wiki we could have crumpets and discuss your crippling stupidity) 03:40, January 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.130.126.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is probably the sort of thing you'll find funny: YOU'RE REALLY SMART... (pause) NOT!!!!) Biopic of the Week Instead of trying to give you clues, this week the UnSignpost is just going to come straight out and tell you whom we are using for the biopic. We won't mention that he was adopted by ChiefjusticeDS but overcame this disadvantage to actually be quite useful. We won't mention the fact that he can sing, read and play music. We won't mention his featured articles, his Pee Reviews, his userboxes, his permanently broken user page or how annoyed it makes him if you spell the second part of his user name wrong. We won't dance around the issue any further; we owe it to those of you who have busy lives and those of you who are reading the UnSignpost while your home burns around you not to mince words, so we won't, we are through mincing words; our words are so unminced they are still going "Moo" and eating grass. So now we have dispensed with all that time wasting nonsense we can tell you immediately and without delay that this week the biopic is about John Lydon. Newsroom UnTune of the week Are We Human Or Are We Cancer?

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Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 03:14, Jan 13 2011 UTC

Excuse me, Mr. Admin fella...

Why did you hack up 770 revisions of a deleted page of which you had just deleted only three revisions? There may have been reasons why some of them were deleted, but for that matter, do people really need to see the main bulk of the thing? *shifty eyes* 1234 ~ 15:52, 15 January 2011

Ah, good to see that someone was paying attention and spotted my deliberate mistake. You may leave the class one minute before the other boys and girls. (Actually, I had a few beers last night and screwed it up due to being hungover). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:11, January 15, 2011 (UTC)

Oh...

On a completely unrelated note, since you're an admin and stuff, could I get you to unprotect this and this? Zombiebaron protected them because we thought they were ready for the mainpage, but apparently they weren't... bugs, and stuff. And he went to bed before I remembered to get him to unprotect them and now I can't fix it.

Plus some stuff is in the cascading that oughtn't be, really... apparently neither of us are any good with this cascading thing. It's all weird and complimacated! *flails* 1234 ~ 16:42, 15 January 2011

You should be able to edit the second one now - however, due to the fact that I'm crap at this sort of thing, I have no idea how to change the protection settings on the first one without my handy admintabs appearing at the top of the page, so can't help you there. I also know absolutely nothing about cascading, so I'll have to leave that to you as well. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:00, January 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you, Olipro :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:03, January 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, mon. And you saw Olipro did the other one, and the cascading is gone, so it's all good, man. We, and by we, I mean mostly Zombiebaron, can worry about putting things back properly later. If we can even figure out what 'properly' would even be... *whistles* 1234 ~ 17:06, 15 January 2011