Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
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Robert Fucking Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. (born January 17, 1954), also known as Bobby Kennedy Jr. or by his initials RFK Jr., is an environmental and anti-vaccine health activist who is most famous for his unusual and concerning treatment of dead animals. He is also known for his raspy, raaaaaaspy voice and for refusing to eat normal food because of all the chemicals and seed oils they keep shoving in it to make us tired, fat, addicted, and sick.
People keep questioning why Kennedy is so paranoid, but after they took out his uncle, dad, and allegedly his cousin and even his niece, RFK Jr. may have good rationale to be.
Due to the Democrats and Republicans not doing anything about them, and especially because he heard that "Kamala is for they/them", RFK Jr. announced his presidential candidacy to combat them. Sure enough, they sabotaged his campaign, so RFK Jr. hopped on the Trump bandwagon, following Elon Musk's lead, especially as all three men have a suspicion of what they have been doing to America. Trump also gave Kennedy a position in his cabinet, potentially giving him the power to ban all vaccines in the country and mandate tin foil hats by executive order.
Note: RFK Jr. believes they have made learning too hard on the "interwebs" by having too much text. Therefore in that spirit, we will combat their evil methods by making this entire article an illustrated one, courtesy of Baron Trump, and therefore accessible to the American people. Enough typing, more pictures below!
Treatment of dead animals[edit | edit source]
That time he used a chainsaw to cut the head off a beached whale and then strapped it to the roof of his car
That time a parasitic tapeworm entered his brain and then died from malnutrition
That time he dumped the body of a six month old bear cub in Central Park
That time he ate a dog[1] and then texted a picture of himself eating it to a friend
Why he doesn't eat our food[edit | edit source]
That time he tried McDonald's for the first time and got addicted
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That time he kept binge-eating McDonald's to cope with them killing his uncle and dad, and he got too fat
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That time he went vegan to stop being fat, but then it contained bad stuff like soy and he gained man-boobs
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That time he went back to eating supermarket meat and it made him manly again, but it gave his other uncle cancer by proxy
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That time he started eating the dead animals he found or hunted, and it made him manly without the side effects
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That time his new buddy Donnie invited him to eat his favorite food
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ It was probably a goat or a lamb.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Democrat |
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| Republican |
Donald Trump & J. D. Vance • Ron DeSantis • Vivek Ramaswamy • Chris Christie • Nikki Haley • Asa Hutchinson • Mike Pence |
| Independent |
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