Wikipedia:Peer review/Alan Wiggins/archive1

Alan Wiggins

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I've listed this article for peer review because I am interested in taking it to FA status. I don't have much experience with FA, so any feedback is appreciated. I had a great GA review two years ago and I'm interested in anything else that will improve it. This is a baseball player who had significant off-the-field issues during his playing career, so I am curious as to whether the article structure works well enough for FA. I am also interested in any feedback on the use of sports jargon.

Thanks, EricEnfermero (Talk) 04:35, 15 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Mike Christie

This looks in pretty good shape. One question: "His contentious behavior had alienated many of his teammates": what behavior? Drug use? Laziness? The drug use was not current at that time, or at least not well-known if it was; and the laziness is only described as "perceived". I'd also suggest cutting the "See also" link; it's not that specific to Wiggins, and I think "See also" is best reserved for things a reader is really likely to want to follow up on, otherwise it becomes a grab-bag of generally related links.

I think the prose style is a little choppy: lots of short sentences, with not much variation in rhythm. I've copyedited a little but doing a pass through with that in mind wouldn't hurt.

With a copyedit pass, I think this would pass FAC. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:34, 15 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your feedback, Mike. I tried to vary the sentence length in several places, took out the See Also, and tried to tighten up the parts that referred to Wiggins having difficulties with teammates or coaches. EricEnfermero (Talk) 10:28, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I think your edits are an improvement. I see footnote 44 is now showing an error; looks like you deleted the original reference? And I don't recall where I saw it, but I think FindAGrave is regarded as an unreliable source because it's user-submitted data. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:46, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]