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Edit request 25-FEB-2018
editThis edit request by an editor with a conflict of interest was declined. Portions of text from this request were insufficiently paraphrased from their source materials. Please see WP:CLOSEPARAPHRASE for more information about this requirement. |
I am following up on this email: Dear Hollis Taylor, Thank you for your e-mail. We are not able to approve proposed article content by e-mail, as content is ultimately determined by consensus amongst volunteer editors. The best approach is for you to propose the text on the article's talk page, by following the instructions here: <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Simple_COI_request>. You should then monitor the talk page for responses. Yours sincerely, Lawrence Devereaux
14/02/2018 00:04 - Hollis Taylor wrote: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Rose <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Rose> We have concerns over the above page, which indicates that it is written from a fan’s point of view. This has been like this for maybe several years. Jon Rose is embarrassed by it. No one has come along to fix it/improve it.
I have now spent a month preparing a neutral, scholarly, well-researched replacement. I am a musicologist. I know Jon Rose, the subject of this page. I am not trying to hide this. I have studied many pages of his friends and colleagues like John Zorn and Frances-Marie Uitti and Derek Bailey. And I have consulted with a number of people who have Wikipedia pages or have worked on them.
Before I do this, I wanted to get your guidance/approval. If there is anything you think is not neutral or that you object to in some other way, I will change it.
I attach a file of what I would suggest doing with the page to improve the page and address the issues raised.
I also attach a jpeg that I would like to use to replace the one that is there.
Thank you for your assistance.
Kind regards,
Here it is since I cannot attach it:
Extended content
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Lede section Early career Improvising musician Rose became a figure in the development of the genre of free improvisation in Australia, performing either solo, with fellow improvisers such as Jim Denley, Louis Burdett, Dave Ellis, Simone de Haan, and Rik Rue, or with an international pool of improvising performers called The Relative Band.[10] In 1977, he established Australia's first musician-run collective for the promotion and recording of improvised music, Fringe Benefits.[11] In the 1980s, Rose performed a series of marathon improvised solos (12 hours continuous solo as part of Sound Barriers at the Alexander Mackie Gallery, Sydney 1982).[12] Rose's other key improvising projects include his exploration of different violin tunings (or scordatura) and musical temperament, often with pianist Veryan Weston; his use of electronics (both analog and interactive digital) in order to extend the sound possibilities of the violin; and his instrument building.[2][13] In 2006, John Oswald (composer) invited Rose to improvise a solo part for the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto with the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra.[2] Another violin concerto, Elastic Band (2014), was Rose’s collaboration with composer Elena Kats-Chernin, conductor Ilan Volkov, and The Adelaide Symphony Orchestra.[14] Rose’s solo part was completely improvised over a written structure that he co-composed with Kats-Chernin.[15] Elastic Band saw repeat performances with the Orchestra del Teatro Comunale di Bologna and with the Iceland Symphony Orchestra.[16][17][18] Rose’s international appearances include new music festivals in Europe, the USA, and Australia. Instrument inventor and builder From 1985, Rose worked in conjunction with engineers at the Studio for Electro-Instrumental Music (STEIM) in Amsterdam to develop a series of interactive MIDI bows (and amplified bows) under the title Hyperstring Project.[22]: 208 He used various controllers in his MIDI bows. One measured bow pressure and another measured bow arm movement and speed, while foot pedals could be played by both feet independently.[25] He was able to simultaneously play multiple lines of melody (or counterpoint) and polyrhythms by means of the different controllers that measured the physicality of high speed improvisation.[26] Many of his homemade instruments can be seen in The Rosenberg Museum, a travelling exhibition that also displays Rose’s collection of 800 violins and violin iconography.[27] Among its holdings are instruments and images, violin stamp books, toy violins, violin pornography, and violin-shaped clocks and liquor bottles.[28] A recent addition is The Data Violin, which Rose designed in collaboration with Martin Riches and Sukandar Kartadinata. This robotic musical instrument converts live statistics from the Wall Street stock exchange into sound ranging from sustained tones to frantic activity.[29] The Rosenberg Museum's installations have been featured in Berlin, Rotterdam, Paris, Brno, Budapest, Nove Zamky, Prague, Krakow, Violin (in Slovakia), and Sydney.[30] The Relative Violin project In 1986, Rose moved to Berlin to more fully develop "The Relative Violin" project.[32] While there, he published books, developed extended string techniques, produced multimedia performances, and founded a violin museum (The Rosenberg Museum).[22]: 175–177 He made use of various media, including radio, live-performance film, video, and television, often as a critique of the violin as an icon of Western music.[24] Rose performed with Super 8 films that he shot in the Australian outback, consisting of "rapid jump-cut editing and sped-up footage” that Stephen Holden described as “the most audacious music of the evening.”[33] Multimedia artist Rose is known for creating moments of theatre (McFadyen, 2005).[38] For instance, underpinned by a series of multimedia pieces by Rose, the live show Pannikin (2005) featured a selection of soloists from Australia Ad Lib.[39] Pannikin showcased a singing dingo, virtuosic whip techniques, a simultaneous hum and whistler, an auctioneer, a chainsaw orchestra, and a bowed saw orchestra.[21] Pursuit (2004-2013) was a surround sound, mobile bicycle-powered orchestra of regular and homemade instruments. With 100 bicycle-powered instruments, Pursuit performances took place in Sydney, in Hobart, and at the Canberra Centenary celebrations.[40] Tennis racquets, ping pong balls, buckets, wine bottles, and even a kitchen sink were used in a community project to transform old bicycles into unique music machines.[41] Rose credits his interest with how sound moves through a space as a driving motivation for this project.[42] Rose’s large interactive Sonic Ball project was invited to the 2015 opening celebrations of National Sawdust, New York.[43] For this project, a huge white ball is pushed, thrown, and rolled around in a large crowd.[44][21] Rose uses the ten-foot interactive electronic ball as a game of chance, with a thin box of sensors that measure the movement, speed of movement, and the roundness state of the ball. This data is transmitted to computer and drives sampled sounds recorded from nature.[45] Environmental works The Great Fences of Australia expanded into an investigation by Rose of other fences and borders, including in Bosnia, Belfast, the Golan Heights, Mexico-USA, and Finland.[52] He was apprehended by the Israeli Defence Forces while playing the Separation Fence near Ramallah in the Occupied Territories.[53][54] Other environmental projects by Rose that explore culturally significant objects include: • Kayak (2008), a paddle powered harpsichord performance at the docks in San Francisco with Bob Ostertag in his kayak sending accelerometer signals to composer and computer operator Jon Rose.[55] • Kite Music (2008), in which transmitting kites are fitted with radio video cameras and accelerometers.[41] • Digger Music (2008), which is a duet for violin and mechanical excavator.[8] • Wreck (2013-2017), which converts rusting car wrecks into functional musical instruments.[56][57][58] • Hills Hoist (2014), which converts a classic Australian clothesline into a propeller-powered wind installation.[59] • Canto cracticus (2016 ), which is a collaboration with ornithologist Hollis Taylor celebrating the vocalizations of the pied butcherbird.[60] Performances include Singing Up Tyalgum at the 2016 Tyalgum Music Festival and Absolute Bird with recorder virtuoso Genevieve Lacey and the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra.[61][62] Rose’s projects where sports activity meets the environment, or where the rules and physical activity of sport were used for interactive sonic composition, include Squash (1983), Cricket (1985), Badminton (Perks 1995-1998), Netball (Team Music 2008, 2010, 2014), and Skateboard Music (2010).[2] Radiophonic composer/writer His radio documentaries based on historical music figures include:
Major Works Violin Music in the Age of Shopping Violin Music in the Age of Shopping (1994-1996) involved the recomposition of a myriad of genres for choir, string orchestra, band, soloists, and sampling (usually by Otomo Yoshihide).[2] The project had outcomes in Europe, Canada, China, and Australia, and Rose co-authored a book of the same title.[72] Violin Factory In Violin Factory (1999), an orchestra plays generic string music in the context of mechanical production and reproduction.[24][73] The satire was the result of Rose's experiences at two violin factories in China.[74] Charlie's Whiskers Charlie's Whiskers (2004) for string orchestra, piano, saw, and live sampling pays tribute to Charles Ives, champion of the individual independent musical line.[75] Internal Combustion Internal Combustion (2008) is a concerto for amplified orchestra, solo improvised violin, and video. The video quotes Rose's previous work, such as him riding his homemade bicycle-powered violin and a violin being played with ping pong balls. It was performed at The Berlin Philharmonic by ensemble unitedberlin with a commission from Maerzmusik.[76] The Auctioneer Says The Auctioneer Says (2012) is orchestrated for cello, viola, alto saxophone, electric bass, percussion, and video, with Rose as the auctioneer. It was commissioned by Decibel New Music in Perth.[77][78] Ghan Tracks Ghan Tracks (2014) combines multimedia performance, installation, live radio, and documentary. Commissioned by Ensemble Offspring, it was performed by them, Speak Percussion, and actors collaborating with the Creative Audio Unit of Radio National at the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.[79] Picnic at Broken Hill Picnic at Broken Hill (2015) was commissioned by Soundstream. It is a musical transcription of the 1915 suicide texts left by two former cameleers who fired upon a train of picnickers as a protest against Australia’s invasion of the Ottoman Empire. Using a pitch to MIDI program, each hand performs one of the suicide texts.[80] Reception Rose values the homegrown.[83] Richard Toop observed how Rose’s projects are often "directed towards musical (and social) ‘outsiders’," rather than to the cultural elite.[84] Awards
References
Author
References
References |
Hollis TaylorHollist (talk) 00:04, 26 February 2018 (UTC)
Reply 25-FEB-2018
editRequested text proposed by Hollis Taylor |
Text as it appears in the Source Material |
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"Picnic at Broken Hill (2015) was commissioned by Soundstream. It is a musical transcription of the 1915 suicide texts left by two former cameleers who fired upon a train of picnickers as a protest against Australia’s invasion of the Ottoman Empire. Using a pitch to MIDI program, each hand performs one of the suicide texts." | "Picnic at Broken Hill is a musical transcription of the suicide texts left by two former cameleers who fired upon a train of miners and their families on New Year's Day 1915 in Broken Hill, as a protest against the invasion by Australia of the Ottoman Empire. The pianist speaks Urdu on colonial piano: using a pitch to MIDI program, each hand performs one of the suicide texts."[1] |
"Tennis racquets, ping pong balls, buckets, wine bottles, and even a kitchen sink were used in a community project to transform old bicycles into unique music machines." | "Buckets, tennis racquets, ping pong balls, pegs, wine bottles, drums and even a kitchen sink have been used to transform old bicycles into unique music machines in a community project that's part of the Canberra Centenary celebrations."[2] |
"Throughout the 1970s, first in England and then in Australia, Rose studied, played, composed in a variety of genres: from sitar playing to country & western, from new music composition to commercial studio session work, from bebop to Italian club bands, and from big band serial composition to sound installations." | "Throughout the 1970s, first in England and then in Australia, he played, composed and studied in a large variety of music genres -from sitar playing to country & western; from 'new music' composition to commercial studio session work; from bebop to Italian club bands; from big band serial composition to sound installations."[3] |
References
- ^ "Of Broken Trees and Elephant Ivories : Blog Article : Australian Music Centre". www.australianmusiccentre.com.au.
- ^ "The Canberra Pursuit - Recycled bikes make new music". www.abc.net.au. 17 October 2013.
- ^ "Jon Rose : Represented Artist Profile : Australian Music Centre". www.australianmusiccentre.com.au.
Declined Portions of text from your request were found to be insufficiently paraphrased from the source material. A small sampling of this text is shown above. Text which you desire to have added to the article must be placed in your own words. Kindly see WP:CLOSEPARAPHRASE for more information about this requirement. Please feel free at your earliest convenience to open a new edit request when these issues have been addressed. Regards, Spintendo 01:17, 26 February 2018 (UTC)
Redo: Picnic at Broken Hill (2015) was commissioned by Soundstream. It is based on the 1915 Battle of Broken Hill, when two former cameleers attacked a train of picnickers. Both attackers wrote a letter describing their motives, which Rose turned into a musical transcription via a pitch to MIDI program. Each hand of the pianist is assigned a one of the letters.
Redo: The community project modified used bicycles into musical instruments, with the help of recycled junk, including rakes, tennis racquets, buckets, saucepans, a kitchen sink, and much more.
Redo: Beginning in the 1970s in England, and later in Australia, Rose performed and composed in a wide range of musical genres. He put in time with country and western groups and Italian club bands. He had a stint playing sitar. He also honed his skills in bebop and big band serial composition, and was active in commercial studio session work.
HollistHollist (talk) 01:10, 5 March 2018 (UTC)
Jon Rose draft
editI looked over the text you paraphrased and everything looks ok. All we need to do now is to have you modify the draft text so that it includes the references using Wiki markup. I went ahead and did this for you in the first paragraph, which is labeled "the lede". This can be found under "extended content". If you're able to finish the rest of the draft's paragraphs, making sure to include the references just how they're included in the first paragraph, then we can work on moving it into the article. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask here or on my talk page. Thank you! Spintendo 11:32, 26 March 2018 (UTC)
Reply
editQuestion, please, Spintendo. Thank you so much for your assistance, so appreciated. It should be simple to change the numbers I have into footnote numbers, but I cannot figure out how. I see that yours are in blue and raised, but I assume you are doing it in some special way. I have looked at Help/Footnotes - Wikipedia, and I just don't get it. I am working on a Mac. Sorry to bother you. hollisHollist (talk) 22:44, 27 March 2018 (UTC)
- At the top of the Talk:Jon Rose page you will see a link that says "Edit this page". Clicking that link should open up the text editor. When you have the text editor open, scroll down to where it says in grey font all caps "DRAFT TEXT BELOW". This is the beginning of the text you will want to start editing. You should see on the far right the word Cite and a triangle next to it. Click on Cite until the triangle points downward and you will see a drop down box appear on the left side that says Templates. Next, making sure that your cursor is in the exact spot where you want a reference note number to be placed in the text, click the Template drop down box and choose one of four choices, book, web, journal or news. A new box will open with blank fields where you can enter the citation information. If you have a URL, you can place the URL in the box and then click the magnifying glass. The box will attempt to populate the different fields. Any boxes it leaves blank are ok to be left blank. Having every box filled out is not necessary. Then click insert, and the reference will be placed wherever you previously had the cursor. For looking up books, you can visit WorldCat and search for each book there. When the book is located, click Permalink found under each individual book's page at the top right-hand corner of the screen. Copy the permalink URL, and when you're in the citation box on Wikipedia populating the empty fields, paste the URL into the URL field and click the magnifying glass. The software will then populate many of the needed fields for you. Then click insert. If you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask. Spintendo 13:10, 8 April 2018 (UTC)
Thanks for your assistance, Spintendo. Very clear and helpful. hollistHollist (talk) 06:25, 25 April 2018 (UTC) hollistHollist (talk) 00:57, 31 July 2018 (UTC) hollistHollist (talk) 23:06, 31 July 2018 (UTC) Spintendo, Again thanks for the edit. I have now incorporated all of your suggestions, with the following questions/issues:
I hope the references will renumber automatically.
In this bit, you asked me to define “improvisation,” a vast subject: “the development of free improvisation in Australia.” Can it be Wiki-linked to this? I don’t know how. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_improvisation
Ditto with this link that could be added to “noise rock band from this time.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noise_rock
You asked me to list “Releases”, which I am titling “Major Works” under the Compositions heading, but I have no idea how to format this, so please check.
I added a citation to Violin Factory—is it correctly done?
Wiki links again to add to: “bowed much like a hurdy-gurdy.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurdy-gurdy
Sonic Ball project: you said it needs to be wiki-linked but again no idea how.
Do I have to add all recordings or can it just be Selected Releases?
Thanks, hollistHollist (talk) 23:43, 31 July 2018 (UTC)
hollistHollist (talk) 00:22, 3 August 2018 (UTC)
Is “hurdy-gurdy” ok as a Wikilink now, or does it need still more explanation? Ditto for “improvising musician.” You suggested a possible hat note, and I found some templates online but wasn’t sure which one to use or what I needed to say.
I removed the Rosenberg Museum section and put it in the Instrument Building section, but I left in the sentence about the rest of the collection that is not his own instruments. Otherwise, it would be a major omission, and there’s no other place to put it now.
I am sure you will check the Discography Table. I’m wondering if when copying the template if I got any extra text beginning or end. Also, you asked me to remove the LP label, but the template seems to have “LABEL”. But there is no apparent year, which I do want to add. Could you please check—I’ve pasted in the template. If it’s the wrong template, I don’t want to do it twice. Thanks.
Also, is this what you are thinking for a photo of the bow? He took this photo himself. OK--i cannot paste it in for you. Don't know how to show it.
Jon Rose with the interactive K-Bow: a bow fitted with seven controllers that measure movement, speed, angle, and distance. Again, thanks. hollistHollist (talk) 04:43, 3 August 2018 (UTC) hollistHollist (talk) 06:29, 7 September 2018 (UTC) Completion of Spintendo edit suggestions and thanks! hollistHollist (talk) 09:39, 7 September 2018 (UTC)
GA Review
editThe following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
- This review is transcluded from Talk:Jon Rose/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Hiya111 (talk · contribs) 14:17, 30 October 2019 (UTC)
I'll be having a read of this today! (talk • contribs) 14:17, 30 October 2019 (UTC)
Sounds great, glad to be working with you! Spintendo 22:10, 30 October 2019 (UTC)
@Spintendo: Very interesting - his music is quite different to what I'm used to! Here are my initial thoughts on the article.. :)
Lead section
edit- It's slightly on the short side, but nonetheless provides a sufficient overview - is there something he is best known for, that you could put here? Perhaps his title(s) of work.
- Might be worth mentioning/linking to Extended technique for his non-standard use of the violin. This is his technique for free improvisation.
- I've added extended technique to the Free improvisation section's hatnote. Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)
- Tony Mitchell is another musician so link to his Wiki page.
- WL added. Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)
Early career
edit- Will the title "Early life" or perhaps "Biography" be more appropriate?
- Changed to Early life. Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)
- I looked at the source [2] and couldn't find that he studied on a scholarship (just says he "studied the violin")
- Scholarship source added. Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)
- "Rose was active in the UK.." - active doing what? Performing, composing? Might want to expand.
- Expanded. Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)
- This section is a bit thin - is there a bit more about his early work that could be added?
Improvising musician
edit- The first paragraph is kind of an intro to the Free improvisation article. Fine - but careful not to diverge too far from the person in question, Jon Rose.
- This section is also a bit thin - is there more info on his improvisation ability/music?
Compositions
edit- This part is probably best written in prose without bullet points. Bullets are fine for short titles/one line sentences but I don't think it works here.
- Changed to prose. Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)
- Since his orchestral compositions are in date order, we could do a chronological account of his works in prose (eg. Rose's first composition was [..], a variety of genres [..] Several years later, his next work was different [..] influenced by this technique). You get the idea.
- Same goes for radio compositions. I think it's worth expanding his style, technique, arrangement etc. See John Cage for an example.
- Consider doing a section at the end, listing just the titles and years of the orchestral compositions/radio compositions.
Environmental works
edit- The list of works are shorter but again, it's better presented in prose without bullet points.
- Some of these works are unusually interesting.. it's possible we can expand and describe their compositions more. What do you think?
Live performances
edit- "Rose's live performances have included multimedia content, including text.." - What does this mean? "Multimedia" is quite a broad term - might need to narrow it down and include examples used in his performances.
- As before, his multimedia work should be presented in prose.
Instrument builder / Reception / Author / Discography
edit- This section is fine - could do with a little beefing up
- Images of his instruments might be nice
- More internal Wiki links
- Reception could be renamed "Recognition" and that can includes awards and residencies
- "Author" section should be renamed to "Bibliography" and perhaps mention the book titles earlier in the article?
- Why isn't much of the discography mentioned earlier? I know there's probably not a lot to be said of them but we shouldn't ignore it.
References
edit- The number of in-line citations were sufficient.
- Some of the references in the list are missing their website titles and retrieval dates. Titles, at least, should be provided.
- I haven't checked each source, but 82 doesn't work and 87 goes to an irrelevant essay.
That's all for a first pass! I hope you find this useful but sorry to say, it looks like a lot more is needed to bring this to GA-level. Glad to hear your thoughts though. Lizzy (talk 22:53, 31 October 2019 (UTC)
- Thank you for the input, it's much appreciated! I'll pass these recommendations on to the editor who helped me to craft the article. We'll try again for GA in the future after these changes have been implemented. Please feel free to close the review. Thanks again for your time! Regards, Spintendo 08:03, 2 November 2019 (UTC)