Stefano Di Lollo

“I have no problem with change at all, but I’ll continue doing things my way, as I always have.” 🙉🙈🙊 My coaching approach would start with curiosity. I would focus on understanding the leader’s perceptions of the changes they are experiencing, rather than immediately assessing barriers or questioning resistance. When change is perceived as a threat, individuals often resort to protective behaviors. Therefore, I would begin with an exploratory conversation to gain insights into their viewpoint. If I have any behavioral observations, I would share them to gather the leader’s thoughts and perspectives.

I believe you can’t effectively encourage or persuade an executive to give meaningful feedback if they haven’t experienced the benefits of actively seeking it or felt the impact of receiving it. A more suitable starting point might be a reflection on the purpose of feedback, which could help uncover any blind spots or resistance. A few initial powerful open questions to inspire an executive to self-reflect: 1. “What has been your experience with receiving feedback, and how has it shaped your growth as a leader?” 2. “What do you think holds you back from seeking or giving more feedback within your team?” 3. “How do you believe your team perceives your approach to feedback, and why?”

The irony here is that this situation offers you a chance to refine your own feedback-giving skills by helping a top-level manager improve their communication. But here's the catch—if the feedback comes across as criticism, it could backfire. Human nature tends to kick in, & instead of seeing it as helpful, the manager might instinctively go on the defensive (protective behaviors). That's why it's crucial to first reflect on your intention & approach the conversation as an ally, not an adversary. Before diving into feedback, the manager needs to understand the impact their lack of communication skills is having on you. This awareness alone could spark insights & foster a curiosity to improve. Either way, it's a good conversation starter.

"This isn't about me, it's about you." 👈 I'm not entirely sure of the context, but if this is true coaching, and not a specific coaching approach or blend, then as a coach, it's not about finding a compromise or "mutually beneficial" goals. The coachee sets the goals they need to work on. While the coachee may have received feedback, it's not the coach's place to benefit from these goals. This can be a murky area, so it's crucial for coaches to understand the standards and ethics of coaching. The coach's role is to support the coachee in achieving their objectives.

"Hey Coach, I didn't get promoted yet... this coaching stuff isn't working!" 😞 Perhaps an opportunity for you as a coach to reflect on how you structure and frame your coaching process & sessions? Ask yourself: how did we get here? It’s crucial to give your coachee the space to establish their expectations goals from the beginning, while also regularly checking in to see how those expectations are being met. Additionally, outlining the roles & responsibilities for both the coach & coachee early on ensures that everyone understands how they should be showing up. I’d also be interested in learning more about the client's expectations for the coaching process, as they may have misunderstandings about what coaching can & cannot provide.

"Alright, newbies, gather over here—you'll need extra supervision so nothing catches fire. And millennials, relax, we've got something special planned, so hold off on the complaint tweets!" 📢 The truth is, you'll ALWAYS be in environments with varying leadership experience levels. While recognizing team diversity and tailoring approaches can be helpful, it's also important not to over-label people or pigeonhole people into groups. I genuinely believe that demonstrating effective leadership behaviors can set a powerful example and benefit everyone from the start.