BIXELS

BACK TO THE INK

Redraw of my Splatoon 3 poster from 2022, with added Hero Mode Side Order characters.

End-of-Splatoon thoughts.

Thinking about how since the very start, Splatoon has had a feature where players can draw and post artwork and spot them as graffiti on walls or billboards. Or how the weapons have always been paint brushes and rollers and ballpoint pens. Since its inception, Splatoon has been dedicated to engaging its players with the act of creation and creative expression, showing them how their art can build communities and (literally) change the world.

Thinking about finding golden human-made music discs buried underground for thousands of years, and a grand finale music festival. About the Voyager Golden Records. About those human handprints etched into concrete in Alterna. Did those human artists know it would end like this? First a fiery death and then, eventually, a worldwide celebration of music to represent our shared past, present, and future. Did they know that their songs, insignificant in the face of extinction, would one day become the solution that will save the next dominant life-form from the same fate?

Thinking about how eerily similar the Octarian domes are to Alterna. About how close Inklings and Octolings were to repeating the same mistakes as humans. But their doomed fates were undone not by some miracle technology or military power or a rocket, but by music.

Thinking about how humans wiped themselves out with war, and our parting gifts were liquid crystals that somehow paired with the DNA of primeval inklings and somehow infused them with our memories and culture and a Song. And 12,000 years in the future, that same Song will end a war.

Thinking about how art and music and punk culture and rock & roll and friendly competition and petty arguments and water guns aren’t uniquely human concepts, but the fundamental qualities of intelligent life. An inheritable spirit that can cross evolutionary bounds.

Thinking about the theme of Splatoon, that art and music and fun will not die with the human race. That every piece of art we create is a seed we sow for future generations to reap. That our legacy is ingrained into the crust of the earth. That long after we’re gone, the oceans will remember, and they’ll pick up where we left off.

Thinking about how Splatoon says that the essence of humanity –– the thing that will outlive us –– isn’t war or prejudice or destruction or greed, it’s a song.

D3DF1SH / Acht.

They’re the same character.

Splatoon 3: Side Order is good, but not great. I still highly recommend it, but if you care about the story, you’re going to be disappointed. Quick review: spoilers ahead.

Side Order was the devs experimenting with Splatoon’s gameplay loop. The campaign is a rogue-like, and it works amazingly well. Super fun, super challenging, building my deck and fighting through challenges with the stakes of resetting really scratched an itch in my brain. They did a great job with it.

Unfortunately, I feel like priority went to game design rather than story. Much of the mysterious artwork we saw in the first teaser trailer was completely unused; turns out, all of that was just concept art that never made it into the final product. Side Order failed to make me care about what was happening. I don’t know why the protagonist had to be Agent 8; it could’ve been anyone else and the story would’ve worked the same.

Octo Expansion was the absolute peak of meshing story and gameplay. The campaign’s hook is insanely strong; we immediately empathize with Agent 8 because we know from previous lore that octolings like her have been trapped underground for all their lives. We care about her fight to the surface because it’s a fundamentally ideological fight for freedom. The plot stuff about Tartar and the Thangs is just nice set dressing; 8’s fight for freedom is the real story.

There’s none of that in Side Order. I don’t particularly care about Marina’s metaverse, even if it’s tied to Octo Expansion’s story. I don’t know why Acht is there other than backstory stuff. It really feels like 8 is just told to do something and she does it because she’s the protagonist; she has zero personal stakes or motivations in the conflict. This is a story blunder the devs did in Splatoon 3’s default campaign––forgetting to give the protagonist a personal reason to fight––that I hoped would be fixed here, but alas.

What makes it worse is that the gameplay and story progression are completely out of sync. I beat the entire game on my third run in 4 hours. With each run, you get up to two keys to potentially unlock bits of story. That means you’ll get about one piece of the story every two runs. There are twelve pieces of the story; I got the first and then beat the whole damn game. Now I have to go back and grind to see the remaining story when I’ve already beaten the final boss and resolved the conflict. I missed the entire story because I never had to reset because I blazed through the gameplay! It’s just a real shame that I experienced everything without knowing… why it’s happening. The final boss had me asking myself what the hell is going on because I don’t know the backstory at all.

Again, I still really recommend. The devs did a great job, but Side Order remains in the shadow of Octo Expansion’s incredible success. Like the default singleplayer campaign, there’s just a lot of lost story potential here that, while not necessary, would have really elevated this DLC into something amazing.

Silly little Splatoon comic to get back into the swing of things.

Caption this.

Quick doodle of Captain 3 in her comfort clothes (hasn’t done laundry in two weeks).

Bad anon.

I actually really love masc Agent 24, and I’m sad they’re not as popular. I say this knowing full well I could just. Draw them. But… I’m lazy…

I guess, Captain is like Amity. 8 is like Luz. Not 1-to-1, though.

She’s got that Minecraft enderman look (WILL steal your blocks).

Probably a bit. But if anything, their Kraken form (which is now canon!) is probably fucking enormous.

This.

I don’t have much to say on this except I think Agent 4 goes to Inkblot as an art student, and that’s why they’ve been gone.