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You changed my life and I don't know if to love you or hate you for it.

Chapter 10

Notes:

Finally some Clexa interaction! Don't expect anything serious though. I should warn you that this fic will be very, very slow burn. I can say they won't get together until after the timejump. So bare with me please!

Chapter Text

Chapter 10

Lexa's POV

We are all tired after all the shopping, so when Abby suggests a coffee break I nod so vigorously.
We only just sit at the table with our drinks when Abby's phone starts ringing. I suppose it's Clarke because she said she will call after school and now it's about time her shool is finished. Yep, it is Clarke. I only hear Abby's side, so I don't know what Clarke said that it made Abby so upset, I only look up when she says my name. Why would be Clarke upset I'm having a coffee? Not that I am, because I tried it once and it's disgusting, I don't understand how somebody can drink it!
Anyway, why would be Clarke asking if I drink coffee and Abby would be so upset about it?
When Abby finishes the call she doesn't say anything so I don't ask.
We stay there about a hour, talk about today, if we got everything and how we will set it up when we get home, so I can feel like home finally. It is so nice of Abby and Jake, doing everything to make me feel like home, but I haven't had a home for a very long time, so when they say feel like at home, I don't know how that feels anymore. I just hope I will be able to feel it. And I really want to. The Griffins are so nice to me, well apart from Clarke, but to be honest, we haven't spent so much time together, so she might not be like this all the time. I pray she isn't. I hope buying her the canavas won't make her think that I want to bribe her to be nice to me or something.
Honestly, I don't even know why I bought it for her, and when I say I, I mean Jake and Abby, because right now, I kinda don't have any of my own money. Dante's lawyer made sure of that, I will get the money when I 18. I don't know why Dante was so determined to not to give me any money, not even pocket money back then. He said that I'm too little to understand money and the foster families will always buy things for me. How wrong he was...all the families I've at just gave me the necessities to live and not much extra. If they bought a toy or magazine for their own kids, they didn't buy on for me. That's how is was. When I got into the group home, we were all treated the same way, which was nice for a change, but as well as in the foster families we didn't have any pocket money, so buying extra stuff was taboo. So actually I have never bought anything for myself.
I mean, I don't count the times when my mom gave me money to go buy an icecream, she was always in close distance, so I wasn't on my own, or let me pay for the grocery shopping...Thinking about my mom bring back all the memories again and my eyes start to tear up, so I'm grateful when Abby squeezes my arm a little, it makes me jump a little but I forget everything I was thinking about and back to reality.
''Are you okay hon? You were just staring in front of you and not answering...''
''Oh, I'm really sorry, I was just thinking, what were you asking?'' I say qickly
''I was asking, if you are ready to go home?'' Abby says kindly
''Oh yeah, yeah I am.'' I look around and I can't see Jake anywhere ''where is Jake?'' I ask confused.
''He just went to get the car, he will meet us in front of the entrace.''
''Cool.''
We get in the car and start driving home. The ride takes about 20minutes, long enough for me to fall asleep. How shopping can be so tiring...
I'm awaken by Abby tapping on my knee ''we are home sweetheart.''
Indeed we are, I can see almost all the shopping is gone, they must have let me sleep and carried it by themselves.
''You should have woken me up sooner, I should have helped, it's mostly for me afterall.''
''Oh don't be silly Lexa. It's alright.'' Jake reassures me. ''And we are still new to this, you wanting to help...Clarke never offers, in fact if I wake her up to come and help us, she is so cranky...she will do it, but with loads of silent complains.'' He says laughing as we go to the house. When we entre, I'm shocked, there are boxes everywhere, you can barely see the floor. Back at the mall, it didn't seem like we bought so many stuff.
''Let's get to it then.'' Abby announces as we bring the last things from the car.
And we start. When Abby says she is going to start making dinner, I'm confused a bit, why whould she start dinner so soon, but then I look at the clock and see it's already after 5 o'clock. Wow, I don't think we can get this done by today. Since I said I'm fine with the single but I have now, we didn't buy one, so we started with the closet. Even though I don't have many clothes to put in there...
We listen to the music while building the furniture, so I jump when I hear her voice ''Dad!''
''Oh, hi honey.'' Jake hugs Clarke and then turns off the music.
''Hi Lexa.'' Clarke quickly looks at me and then back to Jake ''mom wants your help in the kitchen...''
''Okay then, I better go and help her, Lexa, I will build the desk tomorrow while you are at school, is that okay?''
''Sure!''
Jake leaves and I expect Clarke to go with him, but when I look up she is just standing there, looking at her feet.
I don't know if to let her start talking or should I say something?
After what seems like eternity I decide to start first ''so, um...how was school?''
She looks up, straight at me and oh my...her eyes are so amazingly blue...it's like the sky. I'm so lost in her eyes I almost miss her answer ''boring...'' It's all she says but then mix of emotions flashes in her eyes and it looks like she wants to say more but doesn't.
''May I sit down?'' She points at the chair I put together while ago ''Sure, but uhm, I build it, so be careful, it might break.'' I joke and she does something I would not expect, she smiles! Only a little bit, but she does and it makes me smile as well.
I get back to building the little night stand, which means I'm facing away from her. I don't like that, so I go on the other side. She spins in my chair, one spin, two spins, then she stops looking at me. I'm looking down, to see what I'm doing but I can feel her gaze on me.
''And how was your day?'' She finally says something
''Um, it was good. Very tiring. I've never been shopping for furniture so...'' ''Never?!'' First she looks shocked but then realization flasher through her face ''oh, I'm sorry. I keep forgeting.''
I smile ''it's okay Clarke, as I was saying, very tiring, but I enjoyed it. And actually I bought you something'' when I say this, her eyes light up but then she narrowed her eyes at me ''what is it?''
''Well, technically, your parents paied for it.'' I get up and go to my bed, but the chair Clarke is sitting on is too close so I push her away slowly and she just raises her eyebrows at me. I crouch down, but I hesitate ''turn around''
''What??''
''Turn around Clarke.''
''That's silly Lexa.''
I look up at her ''please.'' She looks back at me for a moment and then truns around, rolling her eyes but smiling slightly.
I pull out the canavas from under my bed and stand up ''okay, you can turn back'' I say but I start to get really nervous, what if she thinks it's stupid. She has load of blank canavas downstairs. But her expressions when she turns slowly is priceless, I would do anything to see her like this again. She jumps out of the chair ''oh my gosh Lexa! Thank you.'' She throws her hands around me and hugs me tightly. I wasn't expecting that so I freeze, she must have notice because she pulls away looking worried, ''I'm sorry, I...I wasn't thinking...um, you okay?''
The thing is, yes I froze because I just can't stand when somebody touches me, especially hugs me when I'm not expecting that, so I was waiting for the panic to come, to start shaking lika I usually do, but that feeling never came, Clarke's hug almost made me feel safe, almost like...no that's not possible. I'm just probably getting used to being touched, it's a long time ago when it happend anyway, so yeah, that must be it.
I realize Clarke is still waiting for an answer, the worry in her face rising, ''yeah, I'm fine.'' I pick up the canavas I'm still holding ''here you go.''
''Oh yeah, thanks again Lexa! Really!!''
I just smile at her
''So, are you ready for school tomorrow?'' Clarke asks me and laughs when my eyes widen ''don't worry, it's not that bad.''
I shake my head ''no, it's not that, I just...Abby said we have to fill up some papers before I go to school and we never did so...''
''Oh, well then let's go downstairs. I bet dinner is gonna be ready soon.''
Okay...this is whole new Clarke, she haven't snap at me once since she got home, she is being so nice to me, I'm afraid when the bomb is gonna explode. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy she is being like this, but I can't shake the feeling it's not gonna last for long.
''Amazing timing girls!!'' Abby calls from the kitchen as we get down, ''can you set up the table, please?''
''Sure mom. Oh, and Lexa said something about papers from shcool?''
''Oh god!'' She smacked herself on her forehead, ''I completely forogt about that!! We have to fill them up after dinner, Lexa, remind me okay?''
''Okay''
Me and Clarke set up the table and Abby serves dinner.
''So how was school honey?''
''Mom, you've already asked me that on the phone, remember?''
''Yes I do! But you just said it was boring, that's not enough.''
''Ugh...I don't want to talk about school!"
''Well then, tell us what you were doing after school?''
When Abby asks that, there is the mix of emotions in Clarke's face, the same one when I asked about her day before. Abby notices something is wrong, ''what happend Clarke? You know you can tell us everything right?''
''Jeez mom, I know. It's just...'' And then she tells us what happend with some girl named Costia and that this girl and her friedns were wating for them in front of the cafe and then something about Costia's brother, how nobody knew she has a brother and the story goes for another 10minutes, the rest of us are quiet, Abby makes a surprised or shocked noise couple of times and I'm just really confused because I have no idea who these people are. I just know couple of Clarke's friends but that's it.
''So you better stay away from her, Lexa.''
''Don't worry, I have no intentions being a friend with some...ehm...somebody like Costia.''
''Good. Somebody should do something with these kids, it's verbal bullying. I think I will have to have a word with principal Jaha.'' Jake shakes his head upsetly.
''No dad, please. Stay out of it! It's nothing we can't handle ouselves!'' Clarke pleads
''But you shouldn't have to Clarke!'' Abby points out
''Yeah, but you will only make it worse, please mom! Let it go, Lincoln said Costia will leave us alone now.''
''And you believe that??''
Clarke doesn't answer, she just looks on her plate, playing with food.
''I'm sorry Clarke, we shouldn't discuss such topic right now, and I'm sorry Lexa, we don't usually argue at dinner.''
''Oh don't worry, this is nothing.''
When everybody is finished, Clarke and Jake do the dishes and Abby and I go to the living room, do the papework needed for my school.
It takes us good half an hour to fill everything. It's kidna hard since there are questions about my parents and about my previous school, why am I switching school etc...but we get it done eventually.
''Well, that should be all. I hope they won't give you hard time because of some answers, if they do, just tell them to call me okay?''
''Okay.''
''Oh and I almost forgot! This,'' she starts pulling out a little white box out of the handbag '' is your phone. I sent Jake to buy it because we forgot this afternoon, it's just basic white iPhone 7? I think? I don't really understand electronics. Will that work for you?''
''Of course! Thank you Abby!'' Will that work for me? The last phone I had was some old Nokia, just for calling and texting! This one is just wow...
''I've already put mine and Jake's numbers in and it's all set up. Of course you can set it up differently if you want, it is yours so...''
I nod smiling almost grinning ''I think I'm gonna go to bed now, I want to be ready for the first day at school!''
''Alright hon. Good night.''
''Good night.'' I say to Abby and Jake but I don't see Clarke anywhere. I guess she went upstairs when me and Abby were doing all the paperwork.
I'm in my room not even for 5minutes when I hear light knock, I think it must be Abby, probably fortgot to tell me something ''come in''
The doors open slowly and blond locks poke in ''hey...I'm just checking if you have everything for school tomorrow? Like backpack and all the stuff?''
''Oh, that's...very kind of you.'' I'm really taken aback by this. Clarke is being extra nice today, ''uhm...yeah, I think I have everything I'll need tomorrow.'' I point at my bed where I've got all the stuff we bought earlier. New, simple black Vans backpack, some notebooks and pens and a black pencilcase with wolf on it. The wolf is white and it has splashes like colors on it, blue, green, purble and pink. Clarke picks it up, ''I love this one!
''Thanks, so uhm...is there anyone else I should stay away from? Apark from Costia?''
''Well, as long as you stay way from Costia and her group you will be fine. I'll show you tomorrow who they are, okay?''
''Yeah, cool.''
''Oh and I almost forgot, about painting your ceiling, I have an idea, I already draw it on paper so I just have to wait till my dad buys me the paint I need and I can get started.
''Great! I suppose I can't see what you draw?''
''Nope, you'll see when it's finished.'' She smiles mischievously and I roll my eyes at her, ''alright then'' I laugh...then I look up at her and she is looking down on her hands.
''Clarke?''
''Hm??'' She looks up, looking like she's been lost in her thoughts.
''Is there anything else?''
It's quiet for a moment, like she is thinking about saying something or not
''Uhm...so, my friends are coming for a sleepover on Saturday night, and I was wondering...do you want to join us? I mean you don't have to, I totally get why you wouldn't want to, you don't know them and I just...she keeps rambling so I stop her ''hey'' I put my hand on her shoulder and she stops and looks at me. ''I would love to, if your friends are okay with it.'' I add
''Pff...I wouldn't worry about that.'' She says, I don't understand but I don't say anything
''Okay then, I think I need a shower, after the whole day shopping.''
She smiles ''yeah, good night Lexa.''
''Good night, Clarke.''