Chapter Text
-So, where were you?- Kingston was sitting right across from me, his eyes had been glued to me since the second I put a food inside of the house, especially after he showed me his trophy for the under 12 basketball championship.
-I was working buddy, I told you. As soon as I could, I jumped on a plane and asked a friend to bring me here-
-Do you really work in security?- Zuma had grown a little of an obsession with any security related thing, meaning guns movies and even some workouts, I was impressed that he even signed up on karate and boxing.
- I do. Your momma and I were working together to get some bad guys in jail and we did. But, I had to finish what I started and that meant going to Russia-
-We missed you. We thought you weren’t coming back- King looked down as he gave a green and purple dinosaur to Apollo, who was sitting on my lap
-I wouldn’t have been able to be away for long from any of you, any-
-Sister!- Apollo screamed almost in my ear and I flinched but ended smiling the little boy on my lap. I had changed my clothes and was now sitting on the ground with a bunch of toys surrounding me, I had been playing with the boys for two hours now.
-Yeah, you’re gonna have a little sister, Pollo- Apollo looked at me with a bright smile and his hands went to my beard.- I should have shaved, right?- His head shook quickly. I pulled him in and hugged him like I had been doing since I arrived, hugging all of them and dying to hug Gwen, who hadn’t come close since I arrived.
-Where are you gonna live?- Zuma was sitting at my right, resting his body on the couch, socks off, still on their pajamas and his eyes set on me
-I searched for a hotel, a couple of blocks from here, near enough-
-Oh, Okay-
The bell rang and everyone looked at me.
-I didn’t invite anyone. Don’t look at me- I said quickly.
Gwen got up and walked up to the door, I heard voices and Apollo snuggled closer to me as Kingston laid his head on my leg, looking at me with so many questions behind his eyes that I was sure, most of them, I couldn’t answer without hurting him.
-What do you mean he’s…- I heard Dennis’ voice. – Blake…- His eyes were wide, taking the whole picture, Apollo on me, Kingston’s head laying on my leg and Zuma on my side, all of us on the floor.
-Grandpa! Blake is here!!!- Zuma pointed the obvious.
-I can see that son- Dennis took three long steps at us, he stood near us, his eyes on mine –probably looking for something- and Patti walked behind him, followed by Gwen.
-Blake, we didn’t think we would see you here- Patti’s voice was completely surprised. Kingston had gotten up and hugged them
-I came as soon as I fou… as I could- I told her as I got up with Apollo on my arms. Both of them looked at each other and then at Gwen, they knew I didn’t know about the pregnancy.
-It’s good to see you here. It really is- Dennis said and I was surprised at that comment. I had met him a few times before, but not enough for him to have high standards for me considering he hated Rossdale as much as I did and I was working with/for him. So the genuine statement took me off guard, his eyes looked sincere and even, soft.
-It’s good and feels good to be here. It really does-
-Where are you staying?- Patti asked, her eyes on my arms and on Apollo’s hands, that were all over my face but taking their time on my beard
-At Morton’s, two blocks from here. A friend, Adam… he called for my reservations- Apollo was getting his hands on my mouth, laughing at the way my beard tingled his little fingers.
-Good, very good. We were thinking about a family dinner. Blake, do you eat mushrooms? Patti makes a killer mushroom ravioli-
-I do, I eat pretty much anything- I was stunned. Inviting me to eat? Didn’t they know that I played double agent and knocked up Gwen? Did they think Gwen was pregnant with Rossdale's baby? Wait…what is going?
-I bet… I mean, he’s a soldier, probably has eaten disgusting things. Right, Blake?- Zuma was now looking up, his eyes wide and anxious.
-Blakeee- Apollo kept repeating.
They both sat on the couch and I took the boys with me, sat again on the floor but face to the couch, being able to talk to the couple and trying to get Gwen to intervene in the conversation – something that I failed at-
We talked for a few hours, where have I been, what have I been doing, what had happened here, didn’t share much information at all. I I was a bit jumpy and my nerves were still on the edge and I knew it and felt like they could feel it. I felt at ease with the boys, though. Usually, after a mission, it would take me more than a few days or even weeks to get back to my normal self with anyone, I needed time to take the edge of the field off. Not this time. This time I had three boys literally hanging over me and I had a baby on the way, what a change can two months make in a man’s life.
I took deep breaths and kept the talk, Apollo’s nap time was ahead and the other two were about to crash. The excitement and the quick lunch were taking its toll on the boys.
-Boys, how about you go to bed, a nap. I’ll be here when you wake up, I won’t miss those ravioli-
-Promise?-
-I promise!-
The two oldest got up from the floor where they were laying down with their eyes almost completely closed and headed upstairs. Gwen had gotten up and her arms went to the sleeping Apollo in between mine.
-I have him. Don’t want to wake him up-
She gave me a look that I ignored and got up, barely moving my arms, using my legs strength. I stood there, looking at her, waiting for her to tell me where to go. She just stood there but soon snapped and turned around, we walked in silence to the hallway and passed four colorful decorated doors before she stopped in front of one that had dinosaurs and trucks on it, I smiled at that. She opened and got in, I was received by a dozen of colors and designs, bright, lights, dark, everything, it had dinosaurs on the walls. The bed was so small -it looked like it was a crib, but the bars were taken down- that I didn’t think I could have ever been able to fit there
She moved the covers away and I got him in the middle of the pillow, Gwen –momma Gwen- put pillows around him, so he didn’t fell to the floor or smack himself with the wall. She took his shoes off and his pants – he didn’t wake up- it always amazes me how deep a baby can sleep when they are out.
She turned on a light on his bedside table, it was a police truck whose siren turned on –silently- into a pale yellow light. Guess Apollo was still afraid of the dark, he’s still a baby.
We left the room and she stopped me in the hallway. –Blake… what…-
-Do your parents know the baby is mine?- I asked softly, looking straight into her eyes, our eyes locked and I saw her nod. – The boys?- She nodded again.
-They all sort of figured it out- At that, I chuckled
-We are no actors- I said trying to remember the number of times we had been almost caught making out or the times where one of the boys would catch me staring at her with a love-sick look -Gwen, I want to be here, for them and for you, and for her…-
-I know. I get it-
-You do?-
-Yes, whatever happened to us, it’s not the boys’ fault or her fault- I closed the gap between us but she walked back and then turn back to the living room, leaving me disappointed but eager, I had seen the indecision in her eyes. I was known for my stubbornness and my intensity, and Gwen was a challenge that I was more than willing to participate in.
We walked out of the hallway and both Dennis and Patti were looking at us.
-Boys sleep?- I nodded and sat on the couch for the first time in the day, leaving a heavy sight and feeling the emotions of the day crashing on me –So, Blake… tell me. What happened?-
-I work in a security organization, we work with the government but we aren’t government. My goal was getting Gavin Rossdale in jail, we succeeded. Gwen had been playing with my boss for a while, getting them information. In that time, Gwen and I got close and when the time was up, we fled and now she’s pregnant-
-That’s a hell of a summary. Where have you been?-
-Europe. The organization Rossdale created was stronger than you would imagine, I had to finish it all but I didn’t, not completely. I left some people on it while I came here and… be here-
-You coming back?-
-Don’t think so, seems very unlikely-
-I’m glad. I’m sure you’ll want to be with the baby-
-I came back for five people, Dennis. Not just one- That was a hell of a statement and I knew it.
He nodded and a smile took over his face, I could see the change in his eyes. The conversation changed to what to do when the baby is born, Gwen said she has been arranging a room for her but she wasn’t very far in it.
-I can help, you know. I’m here now. We could go with the boys to the store tomorrow, and buy what we need-
-You sure?-
-Yeah, do you have a list? We can all go after breakfast and have lunch out. I always hear something about Shake Shack –
-You’ve never been there?
-No, is it good?-
-Even I can say, it’s good, son- I smiled at Dennis and the conversation went on until steps were heard in the hallway, the rascals were awake now and the food was going to be demanded at any minute.
The day went great, we all had dinner and even though the uncomfortable feeling was there and Gwen avoided me a few times, it was an actually enjoyable dinner. Dennis was right, Patti’s cooking was amazing, the pasta was perfect and after a little begging on the kids’ part, we all had ice cream for dessert. Dennis and Patti went to their home and I called for an Uber promising the kids that I would pick them up at 8:30 am to go to the store and to finish the baby’s room.
The path was gonna be rocky, I knew it. The path was gonna be hard, I knew it… but here we were and I wasn’t giving up anytime soon. The next day as promised I brought the donuts.
-Hey, I’m still getting ready- Gwen said as she opened the door. She was wearing a dress, no shoes on and her hair was wavy around her face, no trace of makeup. Perfect.
-Don’t you worry, I brought food… you have plenty of time- I walked in with the big box and put it on the counter as she got the table ready for the kids. I helped her to get things ready.
-Thanks-
-Are we gonna talk?-
-Blake…-
-Fine, fine…call the kids and get ready, I’ll take care of them-
-Ok…-
Minutes later, three kids came in running towards us, screaming and ready to be fed. I opened the box and we started to eat the doughnuts I had bought and the boys were filling with sugar, probably not a great idea before going shopping but hell, I really wanted them.
The two older had eaten two each and I was finishing my third and Apollo his only one when Gwen came in looking perfect, but like, seriously perfect.
-Doughnuts?- She asked the second she saw the huge box opened.
-I really, really missed the real ones- She looked at me for a second but I just tried my best puppy face, it looked like it worked ‘cause she just rolled her eyes and grabbed one.
She had a couple more with her tea and the boys were bouncing off the wall already, but it looked like the pinnacle of energy wasn’t there yet. I got everyone settled in the SUV I had arranged over the phone with Adam the second I had a little chance the day before and we were on our way to the mall, to buy things for our future daughter… fuck, it seemed unreal.
The store was huge and to say that it was an easy to task to take care of the kids while I was trying to not get in Gwen’s way and trying to pretend that I wasn’t freaking out or shaking like a little boy during a thunderous night, seemed impossible.
We bought pacifiers and some clothes, Gwen got a cowgirl outfit that would look divine on a mini version of Gwen… shit a mini version of Gwen. I was having a baby girl with Gwen… here come the shakes again. I would stop every few minutes to just close my eyes and stop myself from running away from the store and to pretend the last day was a lie. Everything was getting real and even though I was happy, the fear was creeping on me every few minutes.
-Blake… Blake!- I snapped out of it and saw Gwen looking at me, while Kingston and Zuma were laughing at Apollo, who had tried one of the bows Gwen had chosen.
-Sorry, just… everything ready?-
-Yeah…all is done… can’t believe it-
-Me neither…we’re having a baby- I said it and I sounded so terrified even in my own ears.
-Everything is just sinking in…isn’t it- She got closer and got her free hand on my chest, and rubbed it a bit, over my heart.
-A bit… I mean, inside of you , t here’s a human being, who we made and who’s gonna…be alive and breathe and talk…-
-And she will walk, and get hurt and fall in love and have boyfriends and kids and…-
-Gwen. Please, are you trying to freak me out?-
-Sorry… just. I see things differently, I have done it 3 times already and well… almost 6 months to prepare for this little one-
-Yeah…- I couldn’t help myself and put my hand over her pregnant belly. I felt a move and I took my hand off of it quickly.
-She’s kicking-
-Damn, I don’t think I will ever get used to it-
-Imagining feeling it from the inside and feeling her move, your organs move and all… it’s strange and fascinating at the same time-
I got my hand there again and she kicked against it, this time… I didn’t move it away and I felt her move and I know it was impossible but I felt like I could feel her breath.
It was our time to pay and the cashier took it all, pass it on the machine thing and I took out my card to pay. I felt Gwen about to say something but I just looked at her and she smiled and walked right behind me.
-I’m glad it’s a girl… I’m sure four boys would have driven you mad- The cashier, who's name was Amanda, and we knew it because it was taped in very poorly way on her ugly green shirt
-Three boys aren’t easy either…but yes, having a princess it’s gonna be better- I told her with a smile and she just sighed.
We took all of the things and did a quick trip to Shake Shacks - where I found out that Gwen was eating meat again because of the pregnancy- and then home, I was starving and the food smelled amazing. We ate and then took the things out of the car to get everything ready.
The next couple of weeks were similar, I would go to her house and would spend the day there. Todd and Jen had come a few time and so had Dennis with Patti, and to say that I hadn’t had quite a few interesting conversations with them, I’d be lying.
-I don’t know if I should be either, thankful or pissed at you…- Todd and I were hanging in the kitchen while everyone was outside in the backyard, watching the boys play basketball with Dennis and Eric.
-Well, how about we start with the first one so the second one can come and stay- Tried to play it funny, hoping to get on the right track with Todd. He was the closest to Gwen and someone who I had grown to love when I was on the mission. We had clicked from the very beginning and I had felt a real companionship before…hell broke loose.
-You… played us, all of us… for a good reason but still and then knocked up my married sister- His voice was gravely, filled with pain and I felt my heart tightening on my chest. Damn. I knew this was coming but with all the baby fever and the trying to get Gwen to talk to me, I didn’t really had anyone but those four, well…five, on my mind.
-Who I loved and…still do- He was the first person I had said that too, out loud and with so many words. – I know that you probably prefer some guy without baggage who can claim to be clean of shame and mistakes, and I can’t. I most definitely can’t. I have way too many flaws, I have death and hurt and pain over my shoulders of a lot of people, I even have a crazy ex-wife and two divorces… no kids and haven’t fully committed since I was 22 when I married my high school sweetheart … I have never been around babies but my sister’s… I’m not what Gwen’s used to, or the kids or you guys… but I care about her… a lot. And I care about all of you. When I met you and your family reminded me how close my family was once, before my brother died, and even then…when he did… It was good, I had great parents and stepparents and... shit happens, life happens, and it takes the good things in life. Leaving you with memories but then... with you, it could feel real again. Even if you didn’t know me, the real me…-
-I shouldn’t like you and if I ignore the way you got into our lives, you seem a perfect fit for the Stefani household, which is crazy, loud and … which likes you-
-Thanks. I mean, can’t be easy for anyone of you to see me come back like nothing happened-
-Everyone is happy that you’re back…my mom called me so happy that I thought she might cry. She said that the boys took you in as if you had never left and … that you looked so committed that she was ready to leave Gwen alone for a few days before you came around, we all got turns to help her. And no, it hasn’t been easy for us, for them… but for some reason, I believe it wasn’t easy for you either-
-I’m gonna do all it takes so Gwen can feel supported…by me. I left her on her own before, but fuck… I have only one mission now and it’s on her, it's us-
In that moment Todd looked at me, took a swing of his beer and walked passed me, not before giving me a pat on the back which made me grab him and hugged him hard like I used to do all the time.
-Fuck off- He said and I kissed his cheek
-Don’t be a bitch and love me back-
With the kids, Patti was right. It was like I never left, we got the hook a the routine rather easy and thanks to the morning routine, I was able to stretch the days a bit longer and stayed until their bedtime, reading Apollo a story and having the two oldest talk until their eyes were begging for rest. It felt so easy and natural that scared me every single night, when those words left their lips “Love you, Blake… See you tomorrow”
I left King’s room with a soft click and went to the living room where Gwen was sitting on the big comfy chair in the back. She had her head snapped back, hand on her belly and her teeth had caught her lower lip in between, she looked beautiful.
I walked up to her and when my boot reached that step on the stairs that cracked every time you step on it, she opened her eyes and looked at me… and smile
-Are they sleep?-
-Yeah, Zuma wasn’t in the mood but grabbed a comic and promised me he would sleep soon-
-He never gets to read over five pages, always passes out-
-I do too… Sleep just hits me and I’m done- I sat in front of her chair and looked at her
-I’ glad you’re here-
-I’m glad to be here-
-They missed you quite a lot- Only the boys?
-I missed them too…all of you-
-How are you holding up?-
-Me? You’re the pregnant lady-
-But you have had two weeks to understand that in any minute a human being is gonna be between your arms-
-I’m terrified of squishing her-
-You won’t-
-What if I drop her?-
-You won’t-
-What if…-
-Blake! You will be a great dad. You’re a natural…-
-I don’t know… I already screw up things before-
-Blake… it’s different you know that. I can’t even blame you completely for…well…it-
-You don’t?-
-I… I have thought things through… there are things that are… unstoppable or…-
-Yeah, me falling completely in love with you is one of them… and then fucking it up too-
-In love…? Blake…-
-I told you that I loved you. You might not believe it right now…but I meant it and …still do-
-Blake…-
-Listen, I’m not asking you to say it back… I’m not asking you to even believe it…but I needed to say it. I love you, my feelings haven't changed and never will and that has nothing to do with the fact that you’re having my baby, but has everything to do with the fact that… you’re perfect, you’re loving and sweet, witty but nice, caring and God damn it, Gwen, you make my heart run faster than ever ... and I have been in the center of a war in the Middle East, so in, that you aren’t even sure in which country you are or even who are you shooting at, an enemy or an ally or even a innocent… You make my head go crazy and spin around and not completely sure… -
-Blake!-
-What?!-
-My water broke…- A minute of dead silence and then
-What water? I was about to bring you a glass but you seem to be resting so I didn't want to intrude and…-
-My water… the baby is coming-
-Baby? Now? What?- I looked at the couch where she was sitting and I felt my heart stop and then raise. – Holy Shit… we have to go-
-Call my parents and wake up the kids…I’ll grab the bag-
-Right-It took me a second to move but I did. Not exactly to do what she asked but rather something she might not want.
I went up to her and pressed my lips to hers, I put enough pressure to make her open her mouth and I felt her hands on my neck, pressing herself back to me. Our breaths mixed, our tongue touched and I felt alive once again. No more haunting dreams about how it was before, not more needy dreams…I was gonna lock this moment right here in a vault inside my brain to remember forever.
I finished the kiss and after a new peck, I ran upstairs while I called Dennis. The boys got up quickly and in less than ten minutes we were on our way to the hospital, right after we dropped the boys at Gwen’s parents.
The way to the hospital was filled with Gwen’s breathing exercises and my questions, the contractions were less than five minutes in between and apparently that meant, it was almost time so I hit the gas very hard and we reached the emergency room when for the first time Gwen groaned in pain and I felt my knees weakening.
They took us to a room where they prepped us both to the delivery room, she was almost here and I felt the need to cry. I held Gwen’s hand when the doctors got her legs up and I just looked at her.
-Ok…everything looks great and seems like this lady is ready to get out to the world and destroy daddy’s sanity-
-She already did and hasn’t come out yet- I told the doctor and everyone but Gwen laughed. She was holding her breath and my hand in a really hard grip that had me clenching my teeth a couple of times.
-Ok, mom. Let’s push when I tell you…. Now- Gwen groaned and after what felt like an eternity the doctor talked again. – Very good, a few more and it’ll be it… having already three makes it easier- Few?! Easier?! She was in so much pain- Push when you’re ready… there it is… that's good…very good-
As the doctor said, it took around five more hard pushes until I heard a loud cry shake the room and claiming my heart. She was here. I looked back and the doctor was finishing off, I ignored the blood, the water and it all...fuck I didn’t even care the fact that it smelled weird. I needed to see her.
-There it is…a beautiful baby girl- He got up and put her in my arms. She was so little. I could totally squish her with one hand, but I didn’t, her face was tight and her head was completely bald, her hands tight in a fist and she was a little red and purple…she was perfect. I moved up to Gwen who was looking at me, and I looked at her with tears in my eyes, I couldn’t hold them, I didn’t want to either.
-Thank you- that’s all I could say. My throat was tight and my voice gravelly. Gwen just shook her head and held our brand new baby in her arms. She looked at me and just simply said.
-Thank you- She moved and touch my lips with hers and I close my eyes. Stood still for a second but after it, I moved and return the kiss. It was sweet, it was soft, full of love and full of hope.
The path was still a bit rocky and filled with things to say, with the past that had to be discussed but we were going to have thousands of nights if not millions to talk about it. And we did…
Blue Alessandra Shelton Stefani took the world by storm and nobody was completely prepared for it, the way she clung into everyone’s hearts with her hair full of dirty blond curls and those deep blue eyes, those dimples that looked better on her than on me, the sweetness of her momma and the country in me.
At 23 headlined her first country concert and she cried at least half of it – and us with her, it was our anniversary, but tonight it was all about her. Gwen and I rocked back and forth to “That’s how I feel for you” and cried with “Safe Home”, all while we all - kids, wives, and grandkids included- rocked our Blue Shelton shirts.
And like that… with the last cords of “The best darkest story” and in my baby’s honeyed voice “The most beautiful stories are written over pain” took over the speakers of the sold out stadium in Nashville, making me tear up, once more.