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Chapter 1 - The Truth Hurts
It had been five days.
It had been five long days.
It had been five long, horrible days.
It had been five long, horrible days since I had last seen Jacob.
It had been five long, horrible days since I had last seen or talked to Jacob.
I was absolutely going out of my ever loving mind. He wouldn't return my calls. He, nor Billy, was ever home when I came by. It was as if he had dropped off the planet and no longer existed. It was like the time when he avoided me back when he first phased. Except this time it was worse because I was a lot closer to him. Also, Jacob meant a lot more to me now then he did back then. So very much more.
I know I had bigger things to attend to than thinking about Jacob. I mean, what with me getting married soon and what not. But then again, Alice was taking care of all of that. She insisted she handle all the wedding arrangements. Of course, I wasn't going to argue. 'Cause if I'm being completely honest, I wasn't really excited about the whole wedding idea in the first place. So really I guess I didn't have bigger things to attend to, after all.
Therefore, I had all the time in the world to freak out about and lose my mind over not having any contact with Jacob in what felt like an eternity. I was at my wits end and I didn't know how much longer I could go with not seeing or hearing from Jacob. I needed to see or hear or something that had to do with him. I felt like I was a smoker on the patch to stop or a drug addict in rehab going through withdrawals.
I was simply losing it.
I so badly needed to hear his voice.
I so badly needed to see his face.
I so badly needed to feel his warmth.
And it all started after that kiss on the mountain. I just couldn't get him out of my mind since then. Even more so than before the kiss. But the kiss made my need for him grow about one hundred times the size that it had been before the kiss. Something inside me had changed that day on the mountain. What exactly had changed, I didn't know. But I had a feeling that it was the love in my heart for Jacob.
I had spent forever trying to convince myself that I only loved Edward with my whole heart. But I now had an inkling that that was so far from the truth. While Edward was gone, and even after he returned, Jacob was a part of me and continued to become an even bigger part of me. Which brought me to where I am now. Freaking out and going crazy over Jacob's disappearance from my life.
I felt, on the inside, just like I did when Edward left me that one time. Except instead of going into a zombie like state of life and mind, something inside of me was screaming at me to get off my butt and go do something about Jacob's withdrawal from my life. I had the power to do so. And you know what...that's exactly what I was going to go do.
~walkalonetonight~
Half an hour later, I was parking my truck in front of the old, red house and jumping out, running up to the front door, banging on it like a mad woman. I didn't let up until the door swung open and I just about fell face first inside the house. But thankfully, for once, my reflexes were working correctly and I grabbed onto the side of the door frame just in time to pull myself upright and save me from an embarrassing fall.
I looked down to see Billy sitting there. A huge wave of relief washed over me. This was the first time in five days that someone was actually here when I came by.
"Is Jake here?" I asked, skipping the pleasantries.
Billy frowned, shaking his head. "No, Bella, he's not."
"Where is he then?" I questioned, needing to see him to the point where I was so sure I'd jump out of my skin if I didn't.
"I don't know."
My eyes widened. "How do you not know where your own son is?!" I asked anxiously and in a much harsher tone than I meant to. I suddenly felt guilty and immediately apologized, "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that." I bit my lower lip nervously and said, "I just really need to see Jacob."
Billy sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella, but he's not here."
"Well then, do you know when he'll be back?"
Billy shook his head and answered sadly, "No, I don't."
A nervous, sinking feeling suddenly appeared in the pit of my stomach and I just knew that something wasn't right here.
"Billy, what aren't you telling me?" I questioned inquisitively.
Billy didn't answer right away, but he finally gave in after some time. Keeping his gaze lowered to the ground, he said those two dreaded words that almost took all of my breath away from me, "He's gone."
Tears instantly filled my eyes and I felt like my throat had closed up. "Wh-what do y-you mean?" I managed to gasp out. "He...he's...g-gone?"
"He just up and left five days ago," Billy explained, his voice sounding as lost as his facial features showed he was feeling.
Well that explained why I hadn't seen or heard from Jacob in five days.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back tears. "Why?" was all I could manage to ask.
"It was really unfair of you to let Cullen send him an invitation," Billy said, taking me completely off guard.
What did he just say?
"Invitation?" I blinked furiously. "What invitation?" I asked cluelessly.
"To your wedding," Billy clarified. "He got it in the mail the other day."
"What are you talking about? I never sent him an invi..." I didn't even get the rest of the words out before I was suddenly seeing red as Billy's words processed through my head.
Let Edward send him an invitation.
"Edward," I hissed under my breath.
"I know it wasn't you," Billy said.
"How?"
"Cullen sent the invitation with a note," Billy said quietly, and I could hear the evident disgust in his voice.
"A note?" I asked. "Can I see it?"
Billy nodded and went to retrieve it from Jake's room. When he returned, he silently handed it to me and I opened it and read it.
Jacob,
I'm breaking the rules by sending you this.
"You sure are. And you know it. And yet you are still doing it," I thought angrily to myself before reading on.
She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn't want to make you feel obligated in any way.
"Of course, I was. And apparently I was right because now he's gone to God only knows where," I thought, forcing myself not to let the tears that threatened to fall do just that.
But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice.
"Yeah, but they didn't! And plus not everybody thinks like you do, Edward," I seethed out his name in my mind.
I promise I will take care of her, Jacob.
"Oh, god. I could only imagine how Jacob felt reading that when all he wanted to do all along was to be the one to take care of me." I was working even harder not the let those tears fall now.
Thank you - for her - for everything.
Edward.
My jaw dropped as I finished reading the last part.
What the hell?! What was I? Was I just some sort of freaking prize or something? Because that's how that sentence sounded!
I was livid. How dare he?! He had no right! And now Jacob was gone because of it. And no one knew where Jacob was.
Oh how I wished Edward was human right about now. Clumsy or not, I would kick his ass if I could.
Jacob was gone because of Edward's need to always have the last word.
"I have to go," I said to Billy, turning and stomping back to my truck.
That's it! I'm done! I'm so freaking done!
Edward had crossed a line this time that not even I was going to let him get away with.
~walkalonetonight~
I didn't have to drive far too find Edward. By time I made it to the treaty line, I saw his silver Volvo parked there. He was standing outside of it, leaning against the driver's side door. He perked up and turned to... get this... actually have the nerve to smile at me as he heard my truck pulling up. What a pompous ass!
If he was here then obviously he had to have known what I had found out. After all, yes the wolves blocked Alice's vision, but as far as I knew, I wasn't anywhere near any wolves during my visit to La Push.
I parked my truck and got out, leaving it running for a quick escape after I said what I needed to say to Edward.
Edward walked over to me and smiled, leaning forward to kiss me on the forehead. But I wasn't going to let myself get drawn in by him this time. I knew I'd be a lost cause the moment his lips met my forehead. So I pulled away and stepped back away from him quickly.
He frowned.
"Yeah, that's right. You've got another thing coming right about now," I thought to myself.
He apparently didn't take me pulling back so well. His attitude changed right away. He grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him, and what he said next only angered me more, "You shouldn't be there, Bella."
I obviously knew immediately that he meant La Push.
"Never again," he added, and that's what set me off on the outside.
I took him off guard when I yanked my arm out of his grip. "Don't freaking touch me!" I hissed.
Edward was taken back by my actions and the anger behind my words. But I could not care less even if I wanted to.
"How dare you?!" I exclaimed angrily, jabbing my finger into his cold, rock hard chest; I didn't care for even a second if I broke my finger or not.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Bella," he said, obviously deciding to take the "play dumb" route.
"Yes, you do!" I hissed at him. "You had no right, Edward!"
"Bella, calm down."
I was seeing red. So much red.
"Don't tell me to calm down! How dare you send him an invitation! I specifically asked you not to! What is it not enough that I chose you? I mean, really?! Did you really have to rub it in his face like that?!" I was laying it all on the line and holding nothing back. "I mean, goodness gracious! You're rich enough! Why didn't you just hire one of those banner planes and write, "I win. You lose," for all of freaking Forks and La Push to see?!"
Edward sighed an unnecessary sigh. "He had the right to a choice."
"No, no, no! That was not for you to decide! I know him way better than you do. He didn't want that choice. If anything, he would've erased that thought if he could!" I hissed, angry that Edward actually acted like he knew Jacob better than I did. "You crossed a line, Edward! A big line! A line that I am not willing to let go of!"
"Bella, we're getting married soon," he said in a calm tone, a too calm tone.
It was as if he hadn't even been paying any attention to my outburst. Of course, that angered me even more than I already was.
"Let's talk about this and work it out," Edward said in an almost pleading tone, as if he was trying to play the innocent card.
Innocent my ass!
I shook my head frantically and reached down to my left hand with my right, sliding the ring Edward gave me off of my finger. "No, no we're not!" I said as my anger quickly began to turn into sadness. "It's over!" I exclaimed as tears fell down my face.
The tears weren't for Edward. They were for me. But mostly they were for Jacob.
I had realized, and probably too late, what an ass Edward was. He was always sticking his head into other people's businesses. And this time, he'd probably cost both Jacob and I everything. Although, I was to blame for that, too, since I realized more than likely too late what should have really been.
"Bella, love..." Edward pleaded.
I was lost in tears. I shook my head frantically. "I've probably lost him for good now because of you," I cried, letting anger take me over once again at the awful thought.
"Love..." Edward tried again.
As hard as I could, not that it would make a difference, I threw the ring at him. "Screw you, Edward Cullen! I curse the day I first met you!"
With that, I turned back to my truck, getting in and speeding off just as the sadness and tears completely took over. It wasn't long before I had to pull over to the side of the road and cry like a baby until I couldn't cry anymore.
All I wanted right now was Jacob. But it was too late. I would be forced to be by myself for probably the rest of my life. As the saying goes...You never know what you've got until it's gone. 'Cause I now knew that it had been Jacob all along and I was just too blind to realize it before now.
Jacob was it for me. Whether I ever got to tell him that or not...Jacob Black was truly it for me.
How could I have possibly been so blind to that fact for so long?