Archive of Our Own ^beta

This had to be the hundredth time.

Sasuke had awoken with a start—forcing his body to stay slack and still, but mentally orienting himself to each of his nearby weapons—feeling an extremely strong presence heading directly towards him—

Only to realize it was just Naruto.

Again.

He had ignored it up until now. He hadn't even blamed Naruto, at first—Sasuke hadn't been back in Konoha for long, and it seemed natural to expect that he would run away again. So Naruto was keeping an eye on him at night—fine. Maybe it stung a little—maybe, somewhere deep and buried and pushed as far away from his consciousness as it would go—that Naruto so clearly didn't trust him, but it was to be expected. No one else trusted him, either. They had good reason not to.

But…

Now it was December. It was windy, it was snowing, and it was the fifth—was it the sixth?—month since Sasuke had come back. He was still adjusting, obviously, but he had gotten through the few months of house arrest—after his release from interrogation, of course—with relative ease. The inside of his house, with everything it held, was a known evil; it was being outside in Konoha that was far more difficult. But he was adjusting—slowly. At least, he had thought so.

Apparently, Naruto didn't.

In his fake-sleep state, Sasuke frowned. Naruto's presence washed over him; he had never been any good at hiding. Not from Sasuke, anyways.

And—yes, there was the slight flicker of shadow that indicated Naruto moving up to look in his window. Checking that he was still here, of course. Well, he was still here. He had been still here every night Naruto had come to check, and the frequency did not seem to be lessening. Exactly what was he doing that had Naruto so convinced he would leave again? Why would he have come back at all if he had just been planning on leaving? He had thought Naruto would understand.

A wave of emotion—it wasn't anger, not quite—rushed through his body, and it moved him to roll over to face the window, eyes open in a tired glare. Almost immediately, he caught Naruto's eyes, and watched as they grew wide and embarrassed. Really, had Naruto not thought that at some point during his nightly escapades that Sasuke would sense him? Was he that overconfident or did he just think that poorly of Sasuke?

Sasuke gave him a look and got out of bed. He didn't stay long enough to see Naruto's reaction, only striding out to the front door and opening it with a glare.

It was fucking freezing.

"Uh, hi," Naruto looked nervous. Well, good.

Sasuke glared at him.

"I wasn't—I didn't mean to—ah," Naruto rubbed at the back of his neck, grimacing a little.

"I'm not going to run away again, Naruto."

Naruto looked up, surprised.

"No, that's not—" Naruto cut himself off, shuffling awkwardly, "it's not that. I know that. Sorry—I didn't mean to—ah…" he swallowed once, and then quickly again, "it's not that."

Sasuke leaned against the doorway, his body still feeling heavy with sleep. Naruto cleared his throat a little, and his eyes flickered up to Sasuke's face several times before he continued talking.

"I just—I come here after I…have a weird dream. Sometimes. And I can't really tell what actually happened or not."

Sasuke's gaze sharpened. He was far too tired to try to read Naruto's mind right now.

"I—when you were—y'know…away," he gestured with his hands, as if 'away' meant Sasuke fluttered off into the trees with the wind, "I used to have a lot of dreams about you being here. Still. Or coming back, or whatever. And now it's the opposite. So I just—I just need to—"

"Naruto," Sasuke interrupted, "you've been here almost every night this week." He had been here almost every night since Sasuke had been back.

"A-ah," Naruto's eyes darted down to his feet, "I didn't kn—yeah, ah, sorry. I'll stop coming—I didn't mean to wake you up."

He shuffled back and turned to walk away. Sasuke scowled at his retreating figure. That idiot—trudging away like a kicked puppy, sad and pitiful and pathetic and—

"Usuratonkachi."

Naruto's movement paused.

"Get inside."

Naruto turned around. He looked tired.

"Come on," Sasuke swung the door open—wide enough so it would stay open—and promptly went back inside.

He got about halfway down the hall before he heard Naruto shut the door behind him. Good.

He heard Naruto padding quietly down the hall—the blonde hadn't said a word, and that was fine with Sasuke. He was far too tired to care about anything but getting back to bed—and that was exactly what he was doing.

Naruto hovered awkwardly in Sasuke's room as Sasuke pulled the covers back up over himself.

"Go to bed, dobe," he muttered, closing his eyes. It was a few moments before he felt a weight on the mattress—really, it wasn't like they had never shared a bed before…although it had been a while...

That was the last thought he had before he fell asleep.

 And that was how it went. Naruto would show up at Sasuke's door in the middle of the night—eyes wide and nervous and a little bit scared—and Sasuke would give him a grumpy glare and let him inside, muttering things about "idiots" and "cold".

About the twelfth time it happened, Sasuke met him with a snarl and threw a key right in his face. Naruto hadn't seemed to mind.

As time went on, they started waking up more and more tangled—Naruto's head on Sasuke chest, Sasuke's arm slipping underneath Naruto and pulling him close, their fingers intertwined—but neither of them commented on it.

Naruto finally stopped giving him that tired, sad look at night—and Sasuke, although he wouldn't admit it, started to sleep with a peace that he hadn't felt in years.

It spoiled him.

Naruto was sent on a mission—supposedly to a few weeks. It wasn't the first one, but it was the longest, so far. Sasuke couldn't go with him, although he came remarkably close to trying—he wasn't allowed out of the village for another few months.

It took four nights without Naruto for Sasuke to wake up tangled in sweaty sheets, eyes wide and heart beating out of his chest.

It took two more for Sasuke's sleep-deprived, masochistic mind to latch onto the idea that one day Naruto might just not come back from a mission.

He didn't sleep much at all after that.

 "Jesus, Sasuke, what happened to you?" Naruto had had the decency to wait until they were relatively alone—but he had been shooting him worried looks ever since he came back, "you look even more tired than I am."

His lopsided grin was betrayed by the worry in his eyes. Sasuke shrugged. Naruto's smile weakened a little.

"You should go take a nap or something," Naruto suggested.

Sasuke eyes flickered up to his, and he stood a little straighter.

"I'm fine, dobe. Worry about yourself."

What was the point of going to bed alone, again?

"Teme," Naruto rolled his eyes, and his hand reached out to press against Sasuke's forearm for just a moment longer than necessary—and then he left to go fill out his mission report, leaving Sasuke frozen in place.

His arm was still tingling where Naruto had touched him.

Oh.

He closed his eyes, looking pained.

Oh, no.

He really ought to have realized this sooner.

 That night, Sasuke stood alone in his room, dressed in his bedclothes, unwilling to get into the bed. He should have been asleep hours ago, but…

He didn't want to go to bed without Naruto.

He sagged onto the bed, putting his head in his hands. Stupid, stupid Sasuke—how had he not seen this coming? Between coming back—his only remotely good moment at the trial had been the look on the blonde's face—to Konoha, seeking Naruto out—almost every day, like they were twelve—for training, and now, the bed, and the nightmares…

He had never, not once, tried to move Naruto's body further away from him when they laid together at night. It hadn't even occurred to him as an option.

But then, neither had Naruto.

Oh, god. Sasuke growled and clutched at his hair.

He couldn't even listen to himself with these pathetic, hopeful thoughts.

He didn't even feel tired. Trying to sleep might pass the time before Naruto came, but, more likely, he would lie awake, growing increasingly frustrated with himself. What if Naruto didn't come at all?

Resigned to his fate, Sasuke slapped his hands on the bed and used the momentum to lift himself up.

"Sasuke!" Naruto swung the door open with a surprised grin. Sasuke scowled at him, surreptitiously holding his overnight bag a little behind him.

Naruto very clearly didn't take it to heart, moving aside to let Sasuke in with a bright smile.

"I was about to go to your place," Naruto laughed.

"…You took too long," Sasuke grumbled, moving past him—and then he paused.

"Wait," he pulled back and looked at Naruto, who wasn't even in his pajamas, "you've been coming even when you haven't had those…dreams?"

Naruto's face turned bright red.

"Ah," he gave a nervous laugh, "well—I…I tend to not have them at all, when you're around."

Sasuke eyed him for a moment, feeling—with some resignation—his heart skip a beat at Naruto's words.

"Hn," he moved away from Naruto without further comment.

"Ah, sorry about the mess," Naruto grinned, not really looking all that sorry. Sasuke just rolled his eyes. Honestly, it was a bit ridiculous that Naruto still lived in the same apartment, just as messily, as he had as a kid. But it let Sasuke find him easily, so he wasn't about to complain…

…or maybe he was. Naruto's mattress was hard and lumpy. No wonder the blonde had had so much trouble sleeping here. Sasuke rolled over just as Naruto entered the room, wearing sleep pants and nothing else.

He shook himself. It was not the first time Naruto had been shirtless around him—or even in bed, shirtless, with him—there was no reason to be—

Naruto got into the bed and nuzzled closer to him, sighing happily.

"I missed you, teme," his voice was so quiet, Sasuke could barely hear it. He wasn't entirely sure he was meant to.

"Dobe," he breathed the word before he could stop himself. He watched as Naruto's eyes opened—the light hit them in a way that made them look like they were glowing—they were so much brighter than the rest of Naruto's face, he felt like he couldn't look away—

He hadn't even lasted 24 hours, he noted, as he pressed his lips to Naruto's. He was probably going to have to run, after this—probably run, or hide, or dodge a few punches. If he had been smart, he would have humiliated himself as soon as he'd walked in, when his things were still packed and he had an easy means of escape, but no—of course—he had to make things incredibly difficult and awful for himself, just like usual—

He pulled away from Naruto—taking in the shocked expression—and bolted. He nearly made it to the front door before Naruto flashed in front of him, pressing his back to the door.

Damn the blonde for being faster than him.

"Stay," Naruto said, eyes still wide.

Sasuke swallowed past the lump in his throat.

He didn't reply.

"Will you stay?" Naruto prompted.

After a long moment, Sasuke finally managed to force himself to nod—a jerky movement that no doubt looked as awkward as he felt. But Naruto only smiled in response—one of those slowly built, brilliant smiles; they were one of Sasuke's favourites—and pulled himself up from where he had been pressing himself up against the door.

He moved closer to Sasuke.

"Teme," he said, still smiling.

Sasuke could only swallow in response—he felt like his throat had completely locked up. Naruto took a handful of his shirt in his fist, and Sasuke wondered if he was going to beat him up now, instead. Sasuke could hold his own, obviously, but he wasn't exactly motivated to defend himself when he had been so…

"Stupid, idiot teme," Naruto yanked on the fabric—Sasuke stumbled forwards—and clashed their lips together.

Sasuke's lips parted in shock, and Naruto took full advantage of it—Sasuke's kiss had been quick, chaste, maybe a little panicked, but Naruto…Naruto was full of life—fire—passion—he demanded that Sasuke respond and meet him in kind.

Sasuke's hands hovered around the blonde, fighting the urge to grab him and pull him as close as he could physically get—his eyes had already fluttered shut without his permission and he was quickly losing the battle, but—

A thought struck Sasuke like lightening, and it gave him the strength to push Naruto away from himself. He immediately felt colder.

"Don't—" he swallowed, forcing himself to look away from Naruto's swollen, wet lips, "don't just—don't do this to make me stay. That's not—I don't—"

Naruto leaned forward and kissed him. Sasuke yanked him away again, angrier.

"I mean it, Naruto. Stop."

"You're an idiot," Naruto responded without missing a beat. It made Sasuke look up at him.

"You're even more clueless than I am," he shook his head. How was it—in these situations—Sasuke always felt like his heart was going to burst, like his throat was swollen and painful, like his nerves were going to erupt and consume him, and yet, Naruto was always as calm as could be? It wasn't fair.

Sasuke scowled at him.

"You are." Naruto insisted. He took a step forwards to close the gap that Sasuke had created, "I chased after you for years. Years, where—" he paused to exhale, eyes flickering away from Sasuke as if he was remembering something, "where all I could think about was you. I lived and breathed it. I could barely do anything else. At some point," he turned back to face Sasuke, "don't you think I had to come to terms with the fact that I was in love with you?"

Sasuke's brain came to a screeching halt.

Naruto shook his head, smiling a little, "and the fact that you haven't figured it out before—I honestly thought you knew already. I really did. Everybody else does."

He paused. Sasuke forced himself to continue breathing.

"Sakura knew before I did, I think," he seemed thoughtful, and then he laughed, "Kakashi probably did too. Kiba's been giving me shit for weeks."

His bright, blue eyes turned back to Sasuke. Sasuke didn't think he could move if he tried.

Naruto gave him a small, hesitant smile. His voice was quiet.

"Can I kiss you now?"

Sasuke swallowed once—twice—three times—trying to move the lump in his throat so he could speak. But his voice didn't want to obey him.

"I've really wanted to," Naruto continued, eyeing flickering back and forth as if scanning his face for something, "for a long time. I didn't think I'd ever get to."

Sasuke was struck by the thought that that wasn't quite right—they had kissed before, more than once, even—

"On purpose, I mean," Naruto's smile perked up into more of a grin, and then it weakened a little as he glanced over Sasuke.

"Sas—"

"Say it again." He felt like…there was no way that this was real. It was some sort of dream—a genjutsu, even—or he must have misheard, surely. There was no way—no possible way that Naruto—

"Say what?"

"That—that you—" he couldn't finish the words. He could barely think them.

"That I'm in love with you?" Naruto smiled, and shrugged helplessly, "I am. There's nothing I could ever do about it. I tried. You tried. I just…I'm in love with you. I love you. I just do."

Sasuke felt like his knees had been taken out from under him. Naruto—earnest and honest as always—seemed to have no idea what kind of impact this was having on him.

"Sasu—?" He didn't care that he cut off whatever Naruto had been about to say. His eyes burned, and he squeezed them shut even tighter as he pressed his lips against Naruto's, clutching onto the blonde like he was some sort of lifeline. He could feel the lump in his throat, and, in the moment he pulled away for air, his breathing was harsh and uneven, but he couldn't bring himself to sort it out—Naruto's words echoed through his mind like small explosions, breaking down any coherent thoughts he managed to muster together.

Sasuke took in a shuddering breath as Naruto pulled him tighter. If Naruto could feel any wetness on his face, he stayed silent about it—either that, or Sasuke's efforts to distract the blonde were managing to work.

Naruto pulled away first, panting for air. His eyes were wide, red-rimmed and damn nearly sparkling.

"Dobe," he muttered. His voice sounded thick, even to his own ears.

"Teme," Naruto responded immediately, not seeming much better off except for the brilliant smile that spread across his face.

Naruto’s hand squeezed his, and Sasuke felt his body relax, all at once, as if a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He leaned forwards until his forehead rested against Naruto’s.

What was it about Naruto that made him feel like this? It was as if nothing else in the world existed.

His eyes fluttered shut. He felt so warm…so content…

“Let’s go to bed, teme,” Naruto’s voice sounded amused, “before you fall asleep standing up.”

Sasuke forced his consciousness to lift just enough to let Naruto push him towards the bedroom. He hadn’t realized he was so tired…

He fell back onto the bed—somehow, it didn’t feel as hard as before—and opened his eyes as he felt a pressure on his hips.

Naruto was straddling him, reaching over to his side table.

“Hey,” Naruto grinned as he noticed Sasuke’s eyes open, “I’ll move in a sec, sorry.”

Sasuke moved his hands up to grip Naruto’s thighs. Naruto paused, and looked at him.

His hands continued to move until they were around Naruto’s neck.

Sleep could wait.

He pulled the blonde down towards him.

Sleep could definitely wait.