Chapter Text
He was possibly catching up on years worth of sleep.
That was what Rodney had enjoyed best with Kolya, having time after missions to wind down, to pull himself off the rails for a little while, to rest and breathe and get his blood pressure down again. It was good to have that again, just companionship and going back to the mountain for more 'interviewing' yes, but a lot of resting. A lot of enjoying life with Carson and John, and a lot of being amazed at how good it could all be.
After all, he was in the middle of the bed, stuck between the two of them, and maybe he was a little overheated, but it was heaven.
John, it seemed, was revealing even more of a sense of humor than Carson had given him credit for and he was starting to get used to his low rough chuckle, usually after he did something to make Rodney yelp. What was even better was the way Carson and John were warming to each other rather than tolerating each other for his sake. He wished he had the visor so he could see what he was sure would be a bloom of protectiveness in John's colors and a fading of that filigree of exhaustion in Carson's.
He could check for sure when they made it back home, but until then he was starting to see more clearly. It was easier to navigate, and each day brought another level of visualization back to him. Carson had been right – it was like nothing had ever happened. It was like, well. He didn't want to think about what it implied about Kolya, but eventually he'd have to consider it. It wasn't that he was defending the man in his head, either – more like, defending three years of decisions he'd made in light of a relationship that hadn’t been real.
It didn't help to experience how different this relationship was, even in its infancy here and now. He wasn't controlled in the same way, but John and Carson seemed to recognize his need for security now and provided it in different ways. Carson's delight when he came up with some idea of something he wanted to do encouraged him to do that even more. Okay, it drew on his past experience with Kolya and Jadon, but that was all to the good and so far the sex was incredible. John seemed pretty much willing to do anything and Carson would go along with most things.
He hadn't opened his eyes yet today, and he could hear John shift a little next to him.
Rodney turned a little towards him, cracking his eyes open slowly. There was a delight in being able to see again, in not having to trust those around him to direct him and help him navigate the world. Carson wanted to just sit with him and watch a sunset with him, he'd said, except Carson didn't realize that he looked like one, himself.
All fire in the sky and sun blazing to a burnished midnight blue with the flicker of early stars.
After a cautious moment Rodney realized he could actually see. There was no blurring, as through hazy fog that smeared features into a blobby mass. He was looking at John's hand and seeing every detail.
It was hard to not give in, reaching for John's fingers to really study them, when he realized he could finally look at John's face, see him outside and inside -- and that made him tilt his head up to see.
Carson hadn't been wrong. Even now, with his hair wild and mussed and eyes closed he could see the fine muscles and defined shape of his features. His mouth he knew so well by touch, he could see in every detail.
The lines of it, the lines at the corners of John's eyes, the edges of his mouth, the shape of his nose. He could see everything, and John as breathtaking up close and in the skin as he looked in the Visor, stunning. Not male model stunning, but real, solid person stunning.
When John opened his eyes, obviously sensing someone staring at him, his eyes nearly took his breath away.
"Hey Rodney," he said and this time he could see the slight smile he had been hearing in his voice for so long.
"Hey." He could barely stop grinning at John, feeling a little stupid because he was there, had been there all along, but there was something about seeing him as more than colors or energy forms. Not that the physical body wasn't another energy form, but.
"You seem to be focusing a little more this morning," John said looking up at him and no one had the right to look that good this early in the morning. "Either that or you're seeing something really weird?"
"Your face. I can – you're handsome. Morning." Not being able to see faces had made things easier with Acastus, if Rodney thought about it, easier to separate the man he lived and worked with from the one who'd cut his arm open. But instead of separation, this was like putting pieces together.
"You're calling me handsome after how you ran us ragged last night?" John asked a little incredulous. "No wait... that means you can see right? You can actually see?"
"Really see. I can see your pores, your eyelashes, your eyes, it's..." Details, down to the last details, he could see it all, and he wanted to see more, just keep looking at John. And when he was done staring at John, he could soak Carson in.
"You know, you have really nice eyes as well," John replied. "I've had Carson describing how nice they are enough times. He wasn't kidding around. But that's not exactly manly morning talk. I thought I heard you claiming you knew every inch of me already?"
"Knowing and seeing are different things." He blinked, still fixated on John's face. He'd felt his scars, too, but he wanted to see them sometime. "If you want manly morning talk, we could get up and get breakfast going before Carson wakes up."
"We could yeah. And bring it back to bed for him. He needs more rest. Doctors make worse patients than...well, me I guess." John grinned then at him. "But seriously, there are better looking people out there. I thought I was going to be a let down after Ancient view."
"Ancient view was pretty enticing." Rodney leaned over him slightly, just to lay a kiss against his mouth, just to take a taste. "But seeing you, you seem more real. It's..."
"Mmm..." John half smiled. "Doesn't get more real than rumpled morning after.” His arms were suddenly around him, playfully tugging him closer. "You need a shower McKay... hate to tell you this."
"Are you suggesting we share a shower?" Because if it was, then he could get the up close and personal look at all of John.
"Yeah, why the hell not?" John replied. "Conserve water – gotta be a good thing right?" He started to sit up, even as Carson gave a little snore next to them both. "If Carson wakes up he can join in. If not we'll both get him tomorrow?"
"I could get used to having free time like this." Rodney shifted back, carefully squirming out from beneath the blankets.
"It won't last forever. Unless we all get taken off the project," John glanced at him. "I didn't think you wanted that?"
"No." He managed to get up and standing, barely shifting the sheets from the bed. "No, I don't."
"I don't either," John replied. "I miss Atlantis." He shrugged a little as he stood up but he was already walking towards the bathroom so it was difficult to get more than a glimpse of his scars.
Rodney contented himself to follow, keeping his voice low and mellow. "I miss Pegasus. I never thought I would."
John reached in, turned on their shower and then unselfconsciously turned to face him. "You're probably meant to develop a phobia about it or something. They thought I would over Afghanistan. There were still parts of it that were... beautiful I guess. "
"The Genii cities were amazing, and their devotion to their people was enviable." Rodney shrugged his shoulders loosely, reaching for John like he would have before.
"I didn't like what Kolya did, but in his own way he was doing what he could to save everyone. I guess I can relate to that," John replied. There were marks all over him. Ones that stood out more now they were entering the shower. The images of the video flashed to mind.
He wanted to soothe those scars away, even though he knew that no amount of touching could fix any of it. "We all can. Desperate times..."
"It didn't make it right Rodney," John said in a low voice tugging him in. "Not at all." John’s hands were on him again and he wondered how long this tactile communication would keep up with John no doubt being called back to active duty no matter where he was posted and having to keep up the front required by the military.
There were always locked doors, at least. He had that going for him, and as long as John ended up back in Pegasus with them, they'd have a lot more leeway. If he looked at it optimistically, because Pegasus had brought them space-vampires.
"No, just... It's still something I’m having trouble with." Rodney shut his mouth for a moment, tipping his head back into the shower's head.
"You know Carson's the one who knows about feelings," John murmured and a finger trailed over one of his longer scars. "But you know I understand. As much as anyone can I guess. I thought I was okay with everything. I'm not."
"Wait, okay with everything ever, in general, or okay with me and Carson and the SGC?" Because if he was having problems with that, and Rodney hadn't noticed, and of course he wouldn't notice because he didn't have the visor.
John chuckled a little. "I'm okay with you guys. Pretty amazing but true. I meant from getting over stuff. Leonard. The issues on my issues. You know, I think that's the most I've spoken about it ever."
"Hey, Leonard is... That guy's screwed up." If he could still feel and war about his feelings towards Kolya, with the inklings of all that he'd done, that Leonard guy damn well had no reason to be twisted up and cold to John.
Rodney wrapped one hand around John's arm, fishing for the soap off to the side.
"I reminded him of what happened, all of the bad shit that he went through, " John said mildly. "That was the long and short of it. Guess I remind a lot of people about the worst time in their lives."
He was looking at him as if he was asking him some sort of implicit question along with that statement, even as he helped him with the soap.
"Hey, and for some people you remind them of the best times of their lives. I can see. I'm alive. I'm back on Earth, at least for a little while. You helped us defeat the Wraith. You, you are in no way the worst thing to happen to any of us." He rubbed the bar of soap against his own hip to start to froth it up, before he fell into the easy motions of cleaning someone else, starting with John's chest. He'd done that for Carson, too, and there was a certain amount of comfort in the ritual of the movements.
He could see John smile at that, a genuine smile as if he'd been waiting to hear him say something very different. "You guys are pretty much the best thing to happen to me. And Atlantis of course. She might get jealous if I'm not careful."
"She always liked Carson and me by proxy. I think the city knew my gene was induced, but I spent so much time fixing her up after 10,000 years of neglect... And think what I can do with a ZPM in the city? She's going to be one happy, spoiled city when we get back." Following after the suds, he stroked John's chest with his free hand, half-massaging him.
"I want to spend some more time in the Chair. It...well, it was draining but I wanted you to stay longer, so I kinda ignored that. " John sounded a bit sheepish as he scooped some of the lathered soap and began the same on his chest and body.
That was nice, the mutual touching. It was nice to see, too, every motion, every rise and fall of John's chest, the water that was hitting them both and washing the suds away as Rodney worked. "I figured. It helped. Time away from Kolya... helped give me perspective."
"I wanted to take you away from him the day we found you, bur I couldn't. You weren't ready to go," John said. "He really had a thing going on there. I got the impression that he had some pretty extreme ideas about me right from the word go."
"I'm pretty sure he wanted to sleep with you." Which was crude, but also probably very true, because Kolya had probably wanted to do the same to Rodney from the word go, and as good looking at John was, well. Rodney almost couldn't blame Acastus for it. He was good looking and his skin felt amazing under Rodney's hands, muscles flexing and shifting with every breath, otherwise loose beneath his fingers.
"Oh I got that much. We had a few conversations when he was high on the enzyme. He had plans for the both of us," John replied wryly. "I wasn’t interested in him, though the bits with you had a certain appeal."
"If I ever go crazy, I'll remember that you can be stalled with dirty talk." Rodney leaned in, lightly bumping his hips and his half-hard cock against John's body. Soap and hot water. Life didn't get much better.
Well, up to the point where John decided that he needed soaping up around his cock and that kissing at the same time would be a good idea. He could see it clearly now, the conversation had been a ruse to lure him into his clutches.
Rodney was pretty okay with that. Fingers around his cock, yeah, and he could slide a hand around behind John, pressing their bodies closer and letting him slide fingers down the crack of John's ass. "So can I."
John half laughed again against his mouth and unhurriedly started to stroke as he started kissing him again. John wasn't like Kolya although there were some similarities that made him familiar - mainly feelings of security and protection. But it surprised him how willing John was to do what he suggested - Kolya had been very much a case of requiring him to do things, not unpleasant things, but there was no doubt he was in control.
That was just how Kolya was – he was about control, and the sex had been good, but there was good sex, and then there was great sex, there was comfortable, easy sex, there was sleeping with Carson and John and then getting up to shower and jerk off. It was the difference between seeing with the visor and seeing. "Fuck, yeah, just like that."
He liked the way it wasn't a big deal for John to jerk him off, and he certainly knew what he was doing. He was already drifting to ideas of things he had done with Kolya that he had liked but he did like to occasionally be less passive, more the one controlling things and there were some pretty hot fantasy inducing scenarios he had queuing up for the time he had chance to sound out Carson and John and see if they were up for it. Carson had always been surprisingly uninhibited and if he had a kink for anything it was sometimes the way he would talk during sex, describing lurid versions of what they might do and could do. John had yet to experience that side of Carson.
So far, Rodney was pretty sure John had only experienced the odd moment of disconnection, when the casual snuck its way into the sexual.
Rodney closed his eyes, and ducked his head down, butting his forehead against John's shoulder while he slid his hand down a little more, teasing when he wrapped his fingers around John, too. He wasn't going to last long, and that was okay.
This wasn't epic sex, this was just casual morning sex and all the sweeter that it had been unplanned. John was hard and he could just about hear his quiet strained breathing over the flow of water as he tried to stop himself from getting noisy even has he inexorably picked up his pace, stroking him to climax.
John's fingers stuttered over the length of his cock, squeezed, paused, stroked hard, and Rodney rocked into his hand, against it, desperately close himself and trying to not stop before John was done.
In the end it was difficult to say if it was him or John who came first; it was difficult to separate the two orgasms as if they were a wave and a particle of the same phenomena. He ended up with John kissing his neck gently by way of a thank you.
It felt good, the easy shiver of sensation that was seeping through his body. He pulled his fingers back from John's ass, letting them linger on the curve of his hip. "That was..."
"A great way to get up in the morning," John murmured, cleaning them both off carefully. "I could get used to that."
"I could, too. You think when we get back to the city..." Rodney tilted his head slightly, trying to convey the question that he was asking without really saying it.
"I think we can find a way," John replied. "Especially if we sweet talk Atlantis some more. Come on, let’s get Carson some breakfast in bed, and tomorrow, he gets the wake up treatment."
"I think he'd like both of those." Rodney straightened his back, and ducked his head under the spray one more time. Yeah, he could get used to that. He could get used to being that close, that easy, a lot.
"I'd do it now, but I think he needs sleep more right now," John replied. "It's not been long since he was in a coma. He worries too much about everyone else."
"He's a medical doctor. I think it's part of the job." And worrying about how things were back in Pegasus. Rodney pushed the shower door open, stepping out into the cold. "Quick, and we can get breakfast going."
John stepped out first and tossed him a towel. "I could probably remember how to make pancakes," he offered and without waiting for an answer wandered off still half damp, in search of a robe to cook breakfast in.
Rodney just hoped all their plans were not going to be screwed up by the SGC.
So here it was. After a few days of rest and recuperation (or hot threesome sex in all combinations, in actual fact) they had been called into the SGC for their 'verdicts'. Virtually all of the others got Landry, but lucky him, he got to see General O'Neill. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad news but he was there on time, dressed in uniform just in case it was the last time he got to wear it and trying not to show his nerves as he knocked on O'Neill's door.
He hadn't been at the SGC when they'd been recalled and he really hoped that Cam's assessment that he was going to be 'helluva pissed' was accurate. He wasn't sure if he could deal with being taken away from Rodney and Carson now.
"Come in! That had better be Sheppard and not you again, Woolsey!" Oh, great, that didn't sound like a good mood to catch the General in.
He pushed the door open. "I can always go away if this is a bad time," he offered before he set foot over the threshold.
"No, you're the one I was waiting for." He stood up from behind his desk, in that aggravated posture that John was used to when someone had been making him jump through too many hoops. "Close the door behind you and uh, turn on that switch near the wall, that one there."
He did so, and flicked the switch before giving O'Neill a full salute. He was one of the people he respected enough to deserve it. The switch had to be some sort of security function, he guessed.
"Thanks. Sit down, Sheppard. Rested up much?" O'Neill sat back down, gesturing to him to sit, too.
"Some sir," he answered cautiously, trying to gauge the way the conversation was going to go and failing. It was really difficult with Jack, he was difficult to read like that. "Enough, at least."
"Good. I can't imagine it's been easy to sleep much with the two civilians, uh... How's that working out, by the way? We tried to contact you to see if you wanted to be roomed elsewhere, you know, with a bit more space, but Doctor McKay said you were fine and hung up." That was the best leading question John had possibly ever faced.
"It's working out fine sir," he said and struggled really really hard not to smirk when he said it. He might just’ve let a little bit slip before he managed to get poker faced. "We've got a lot in common."
"And I'm sure the sex is great." O'Neill leaned forwards in his chair, reaching for a folder. "That has to help. I know it's the only way I'd personally be able to put up with McKay, which is probably why Carter can't stand him. Now, I'm sure you're eager to hear about your expedition..."
John blinked a moment. "Whoa, whoa did you just say what I thought you said?" he asked, his heart sinking a bit. If O’Neill was actually coming out and saying it, then the odds were he was out.
He was out -- of the closet, and out of the military and out of Pegasus and Rodney would kill him except he might have to kill Rodney first. "I did. Are you surprised? You don't have anyone else controlling your body right now, do you? Because I swore we screened for that, now.”
"The last person to control my body was you... sir," John replied. "And yeah, I'm pretty surprised. Considering the whole Don't Ask, Don't Tell big unwritten rule. Which I kept unwritten."
And now he was wondering why he'd done that for O’Neill and Jackson when it looked like he was going to get screwed over.
It just figured that he'd be wrong about O'Neill, and Jackson, and expect them to do the same for him if it ever came to it, seeing as what had happened was tantamount to rape, but he hadn't thought it'd ever go that way. And if he couldn't fly, couldn't fight, then there wasn't much else that John Sheppard could do. "I didn't really have to ask, and" -- he gestured vaguely towards the switch John had hit -- "I definitely haven't told."
Oh. John glanced at the switch and back again. "So you're bringing it up because... it's the real reason I'm out or...?"
"Because you're now the military commander at the SGC's Atlantis Outpost. And it cuts down on the paranoia when one of your superiors has an inkling what you're up to in your free time. Personal experience speaking, here." Jack slid the folder across the table to him. "Just in case something happens."
John automatically reached to pick up the folder. "So... wait, you're saying that you know and you're okay with it? And still giving me a promotion?"
Things like this didn't happen to him. Nothing like this happened to him unless he counted accidentally lighting up a command chair.
And that had been an accident, with an emphasis on the part where it never happened to people like him. "Well, it's not fraternization. They're not your men. But they are senior staff members of the expedition – Doctor Beckett will be second in command diplomatically if something should happen to Doctor Weir, and Doctor McKay will be co-heading the Science division with Doctor Zelenka. So they're officially on a rank with you."
"I'd say that would by over-looking Dr. Beckett's accomplishments if it weren't for the fact he'd probably shoot me if he was made leader of the expedition," John replied. The more he discovered about what Carson had been doing personally during that time period, the more he was astonished he was as together as he was. He'd seen a lot of his people through the worst times personally and he had an almost fanatical following. "So... military commander huh? You sure about that? Major Lorne did well out there."
"Major Lorne wants to work with SG-1 for a few months to get his bearings on earth before he returns to Atlantis, where I'm sure you'll be able to use his help. He was very paranoid about possibly having gone native, so..." O'Neill shrugged. He probably missed his family like hell, but over vigilance to duty was a much more acceptable reason than something like that.
John didn't have the family ties thing going on so that wasn't an issue. "He's the least likely out of everyone to have gone that way. I hope he comes back to Pegasus. I know Carson relied on him a great deal." He grinned a bit. Military commander. Who'd've thought it? "Do I have any sort of military based priorities?"
"Just to protect the people on the base and help facilitate the scientific endeavors. The civilians have first say and run the expedition. Hopefully you'll be able to yield a lot of information that could be useful back here." He tapped the folder. "That is a personnel file on your senior staff, and if you check your internal mailbox, we want you to look over a few things. You'll be going back with the Daedalus in four weeks -- two weeks leave, two weeks of pre-mission prep. Fair enough?"
He smiled again. Long enough to see Rodney's sister, long enough to visit Carson's mother. Long enough to work out those first tricky stages of a relationship. "Definitely fair enough sir," he replied. "And thank you for the opportunity."
"You can show me thanks by doing a stellar job of it when you get back from leave. Just remember that your main goal is the safety of everyone on the base, and I think you'll do fine." It did feel like a mission that was up his alley. O’Neill was smiling at him when he said it, and shifted, standing again, a hand stuck out.
He stood as well and shook the general's hand, the grin he'd been trying to poker face into submission escaping suddenly. "You know me and missions to do with safety. We get on just fine."
Just never ask him for directions. East, west, it was a tossup and he was bound to pick the wrong -- or maybe the right -- one.
O'Neill's hand enclosed John’s fingers, squeezed tight. "I noticed. Good to have you back, Sheppard."
He looked up at O'Neill and for a brief moment saw in his eyes a very complete understanding of what he was going to be doing and facing, not just in terms of alien cities and danger, but the sort of relationship he was going to dive headlong into. Right then he was pretty sure O'Neill had picked him for all the reasons the debriefers had wanted him out; for his slightly obsessive concern with his teammates, for that willingness to put everything on the line if it needed to be done because that was exactly what he had done and still did for the original SG-1.
He shook his hand, let go and saluted him again, surprised to receive a regulation perfect snap of a salute in response and then, taking his folders and wanting to go find Rodney and Carson and tell them the 'real' good news, he guessed he would have to make do with telling Cam, at least until the other's had finished their interviews.
Carson knew he was pacing but really he wasn't sure that it hadn't been too soon for John and Rodney to take a team on their first off-world mission together. Even if that team involved Ronon and Teyla. They hadn't been back even more than a week, but Teyla had talked about a powerful new alliance and a couple of living legends might just swing the balance in their favor.
He still didn't like it though, even with Rodney sounding like a kid and John giving him that grin that told him he knew exactly what he was thinking.
He felt a bit superfluous, right up to the point that Teyla had informed him she was holding him in reserve as a means to lure dignitaries to Atlantis.
Which was a wee bit scary, come to think of it.
He wasn’t the kind of person that anyone held out to see. Carson had never been that kind of person, and god knew what they thought would happen if they met him instead of John and Rodney – except that their chances of feeling terribly insulted would be less, with Rodney no longer deferring to Kolya in silence at meetings, which John had told him about. He wasn't deferring to anyone, now.
Half the time it filled him with amazement, and the rest of the time with a sort of horror because only Rodney could say those things and not think they were outrageous. He went off with visor clipped on and a smile on his face.
And what had he done since he'd come back? Really really annoyed Elizabeth as far as he could tell. But she had been wrong about how she was dealing with the Rthamen, and she hadn't wanted to listen and in the end he'd had to get forceful and he hated that.
He hated challenging her like that, because he was just, as she'd told him once, the head of the medical department, and she didn't tell him how to do surgery.
Except, if she felt she had any inkling of what to do, Carson suspected that she would. There was going to be an uncomfortable grind there for a good while, and he didn't want to have that, so it was probably best to just... avoid her for a while. Teyla kept him abreast of what he might need to intervene on, when Elizabeth was ignoring Teyla's tempered judgments.
He just felt a little… disappointed, or maybe just a little hurt that the easy friendship as well as professional respect they had had before had not returned so easily as his relationship with Rodney.
And his new one with John. If not for that, he would've felt pretty isolated, in a strange way. But he had to admit, good though things were with Rodney and him alone, with John they stepped up another level. It was like they needed that third one for balance. For when one of them was overstretching, they would be reined in. John was incredibly easy to fall for and in some ways that meant he was twice as worried with the two of them out there.
Were they overdue? Not quite. He made his way to the gate room, where Elizabeth and Radek were watching the Stargate.
"Any word?"
"Not a." Radek shrugged his shoulders loosely, and went back to leaning over the console. "Sometimes no news is good news."
"They should be contacting or coming back in fifteen minutes," Elizabeth told him a little firmly. There wasn't much reason for a Doctor to be up in the control room, but half the expedition looked for him to be there, and what was he supposed to do?
"Mind if I hang around?" Carson asked. "It might be one way of making sure they get their post-mission checks."
It was a bit weak but it sufficed as a reason. Zelenka glanced at him and said, "Yes, the Colonel was always being hunted by Dr. Biro for checks. Some specific memory disorder he would say."
Elizabeth's mouth fell into a tight line, almost a smile, and she tilted her head down slightly. "All right, Doctor Beckett. I'm sure they'll be right through."
"Evan would say that a lot, and then come back painted blue and purple or something," Carson replied with a mock sigh. He wanted Elizabeth to unthaw a little towards him. He didn’t want her job but maybe the rumors had reached her or something.
It wasn't as it Atlantis was a quiet place, and a lot of rumors flew fast and furious, all of the speculation that had cropped up in their absence thick enough to make Carson wonder if it had been worth it. Except, he'd gotten to see his mother again, alive and stunned to see him, and that was worth coming back to any level of innuendo about whether or not he wanted Elizabeth’s' job.
He never wanted it. He hadn't wanted it when he had it! It had just been an extension of how he ran the infirmary. Look after them, keep them safe and whole and happy...
The gate was dialing and he watched the shield come up as the wormhole formed. "Incoming transmission," Radek said glancing at Elizabeth.
"Put it through." She shifted, coming to attention almost, looking out to the gate.
"Atlantis, this is Colonel John Sheppard. IDC is coming through -- mission was a success."
"That's good to hear John," Elizabeth said warmly and Carson noticed her relax a little. "Come on home."
Radek took the shield down as the IDC was transmitted and Carson wondered if he should stay or go. He didn't move quick enough to go, so stay it was.
Rodney came through the gate shoulder first, as if he'd been looking behind him as he stepped through. "See, we're all in one piece this time! I think this counts as a victory among gate missions, what do you think, Sheppard?"
"It's a good start," he replied, even though on second glance all of the team were garlanded with flamboyant flowers. Ronon looked particularly fetching as his circlet of rainbow blooms had hooked up on his hair. John was wearing some sort of circlet of rose-like flowers that looked a little like some sort of bridal hair piece, and Rodney had some red hibiscus like blooms around his neck.
Carson was trying very hard not to laugh.
"Man, that was a hell of a welcome." Ford was grinning, and it was hard to not see why. There were flowers wrapped around his P-90. "Doctor Beckett! We're heroes!"
"Slightly exaggerated heroes," Rodney scoffed, wandering away from the gate. Medical, yes, he was supposed to be there to get them to medical clearance.
"No kidding," John replied. "Did you know that I apparently attacked the Wraith fleet with my bare-hands? On my own?" He had a wry smile on his face. "And Rodney is apparently a Cyclops with a Glare of Doom."
"Well, the glare of doom I'd agree with," Carson said with a smile as he headed down to intercept them. "How about the rest of you?"
"Yeah, but a Cyclops? I'm okay with the blind man, fine, but a Cyclops is a new layer of unacceptably exaggerated..." Rodney tipped his head up, and waved towards Elizabeth. "We'll be up for debriefing soon."
"After your medical checks, " Carson stressed to all of them. "And I'm sure our botanists will be delighted to see those flowers. At least Rodney isn't allergic to them."
"That's a miracle," Ronon rumbled off to one side even as Teyla tried to disentangle the flowers with little success.
"They're just Wevsel flowers." Rodney pulled them up over his head, careful of the flowers. He almost missed Rodney's raging hypochondria. Almost. "They're edible, too. If you consider something that tastes like avocados edible."
"Presumably people who eat avocados would feel they were," Carson pointed out. "All of you to the Infirmary. I need to do the checks. So what happened?"
"Oh just an equivalent of a parade or something," John said with a shrug, but he was still smiling.
A parade?
"You should have seen the villagers trying to lift Ronon onto their shoulders." Rodney was half-way leading he way for the gate team to head to the nearest transporter, even as Carson joined them.
"Yes, they were... somewhat over-enthusiastic," Teyla said with a smile. "Ronon persuaded them that such an honor was not necessary, not even for the vanquisher's of the Wraith."
"They kept trying to give us things," John said sounding a little confused by that. "Which was weird, since we had to keep telling them that we didn't want payment or anything, though an alliance would be nice."
"News of what we did has spread like wildfire. The Genii have been singing our praises as they try to re-feel out their old alliances. There's a few interesting trade alliances starting, actually, like trading blocks." Rodney waved a hand slightly, offering the flowers out to John. "I'm sure Elizabeth will be delighted."
Carson noticed that John just automatically took the flowers and then looked at them as if he wondered why he had just ended up with them in his hand.
"I'm sure she will," Carson said diplomatically even as they headed down a level to the Infirmary.
"Are you kidding doc?" Ford said fairly bouncing with pride. "You know the most stable group? It's our alliance, the core group. The one thing that disappointed them was that you weren't there. They would've heaped a greenhouse of flowers on you."
"Yeah," John said brightly. "Wouldn't want you to miss out on the experience. Here..."
He carefully and deftly put the two garlands over Carson’s head. "Much better."
They did smell a little funny, vaguely unfamiliar to Carson, but he couldn't help but feel a flush of pride. "They decided that you were back in the City, 'Communing with the Ancestors'," Rodney declared, grinning a little crookedly.
"Aye, well the only communing I did this morning was with an unfortunate marine who inadvertently ate about half a pot of tava-paste," Carson replied with a shrug.
He had managed to stop most of the group in their tracks with that announcement except for John who was obviously wondering what the looks of horror were about.
"Half a pot -- what was he, crazy and stupid?" Rodney's eyes probably were wide under the visor. "Jesus, that's insane."
"What’s the deal with half a pot of tava-paste?" John asked as they entered the Infirmary. "Isn't that the stuff that smells a little like creosote?"
"Tava-paste," Teyla explained to John patiently as they entered the infirmary, "is reduced, concentrated tava-beans, ground and roasted. It's mixed with spices, and is--"
"And is usually dissolved into hot water for what passes as coffee in this Galaxy. It's very nutritious coffee -- you've tasted it, Sheppard. I always carried it in my canteen," Rodney cut in.
"It tastes like creosote, too, then," John said with a smirk as they all automatically hopped up onto the examination beds.
"Aye, we'll it's an acquired taste. I understand that this marine though it was something along the lines of Bovril or...vegemite I think he called it, that you spread on bread. Apparently it was very 'more-ish'...up to the point that it started having predictable effects on his digestive system."
"We had a few problems with it when we first had it," Ford said glancing at Carson who shrugged.
"We were pretty hungry that day lad, we'd not had much more than power-bars for best part of a week," Carson pointed out.
"Ugh." Rodney's mouth pulled down as he leaned back on his hands. "I can't imagine that. I just can't. It's -- what kind of warped, mutated taste buds do you have to have to sit down and just start eating it."
"Australian-born, apparently," Carson replied as he moved to Teyla and automatically started taking her vital statistics. "Any way, he's ... recovered. Sort of."
"Now that his asshole has probably exploded, yes, I suppose he’s recovered." It would have been funnier if he hadn't experienced it for himself once in his life.
"Do not mock the afflicted, Rodney," Carson cautioned even as he took the obligatory blood sample although he had found it secretly a little amusing as well. "Healthy as a horse my dear, as ever," he said patting Teyla’s arm and moved on to Ronon.
The amount of time it had taken to get Ronon to agree to the mission-checks had given him a lot of headaches, but after the time when he had picked up a dangerous virus, that could've infected the whole Tower, Ronon had been very diligent about coming to him even if he hadn't quite apologized for being a pain in the neck.
"So, we have the alliance we wanted yes?" he asked much as he would've combined the post mission check and debriefing in one before they had returned to Atlantis.
"In principle," John replied. "Yeah – they like associating their names with genuine legends. Apparently we're everyone's cool friend."
"It only goes to show that they have good taste. It's a nice change from when we first got here and all we met were hostile natives, hostile natives, more hostile natives." Rodney tilted his head, watching Carson while he moved.
"I was not overly hostile," Teyla pointed out.
"No, but the big guy here was hostile enough for you both," Ford said. "Did the doc tell you about that? How Ronon had him doing surgery at gun point, without anesthetic on him, holding Major Lorne and Teyla hostage. And by the end of it, he'd persuaded Ronon to come back with us."
"Well, more like he passed out," Carson felt he should clarify that.
"And you sent everyone else home, and stayed there until he woke up for a 'wee chat'," Ford said.
Carson looked at Ronon and gave a half smile. They'd promised to never share exactly what'd happened in that time. But Ronon had come back with him and found somewhere to belong even if Carson hadn’t been exactly sure what he had said that convinced him.
Rodney gave a quiet laugh. "No, no, you guys aren't hostile. Hostile is spear wielding, dart gun firing..."
"Oh, you met the Ithi as well?" Carson asked. "I must admit that their knockout darts were very effective."
"You know, sometimes, you guys worry me," John replied. "All these stories you have inexplicably forgotten to put in reports or tell me..."
Carson nodded to Ronon. "You're clear,” and moved on to Ford who he usually had to give a look at to get him to settle down. Three years in an alien galaxy and he was half convinced Aiden was still a kid somewhere. It was refreshing in a lot of ways.
"Well, let's face it, do we really want them to know the story about when we accidentally mislabeled the ceremonial wine for the everyday version and ended up with pretty much everyone completely off their faces, and woke up the following morning in compromising positions?"
"No," Rodney said agreeably. "It's not that we're trying to obscure information. It's just that most of my adventures were with the Genii if it wasn't in a mission report. Do you really want to hear 'We were on another scouting mission, armed with intimidating weapons'..."
"I'm always up for hearing about intimidating weapons," John countered.
"Aye, well three years is a lot of time for anything but edited highlights," Carson said, knowing John probably wouldn't drop it. "You're clear as well, lad."
"I still think you like to take the blood samples just to screw with us. What do you do with it, anyway?" Rodney leaned forwards a little, attention fixed on Carson now as he came towards him. He could still feel it through the visor, even if he couldn't see Rodney’s eyes.
Apparently Rodney could flick through normal view and Ancient at will, now. "Well, right now I'm planning to sell it as holy relic's on the Pegasus black market," Carson said wryly. "I could get early retirement."
"For that cause, we'll contribute," John put in, as Carson put his fingers on Rodney's wrist to feel for a pulse, fighting the memory that he had kissed that pulse point a few hours earlier and felt the evidence of Rodney still being alive fluttering against his lips.
He liked that, liked being able to make the most of the free time they had in Pegasus to spend with Rodney. He'd filled his free waking hours with work, before, and now he didn't quite have to. There was a little downtime, and he could steal it with Rodney or John or both of them. And he worried about both of them when they went out through the gate -- something he was probably going to have to get used to. "Hey, if my blood's selling as a holy relic, I'd like a cut."
"I could get a scalpel instead of a hypodermic," he deadpanned. A twitch fast, but Rodney generally was. He automatically moved to do the blood pressure.
"Though it's nice being recognized, I don't think it is a good idea for things to get a little too out there," John said.
"You were responsible for ridding the Galaxy of the Wraith. This is something even the Ancients could not do," Teyla said calmly.
Carson looked down. Because they wouldn't commit Xenocide even to save themselves, and he would. What did that make him? Human, he supposed. Rodney toed Carson’s knee with one dusty boot. "And we did. I think that says something about us."
It did. It said that he was a killer because a fair fight was one thing but sabotaging their genetics was something else. John was looking at him and he knew he was going to wasn’t going to escape his attention later on. For someone who hated talking about feelings, John was surprisingly observant.
"It means in the end we made sacrifices for the greater good, and didn't hesitate," John said. "Particularly Carson.”
"See, this is why you need to come down planetside with us," Rodney coaxed quietly. "Those people are no longer living in fear of their lives. The... shift of lifestyles is amazing."
“I’m not the one saying no to missions," Carson said. "That would be Dr. Weir trying to protect Atlantis."
Which he could understand but in some ways he would prefer to be out there with Rodney and John because sometimes the pair of them could get carried away.
"There's a need for medical expertise out there, and Biro hates going through the gate." That was John who drawled that. Maybe he'd say something to Elizabeth, resolve a little of the tension there because Carson really didn't want her job.
"Aye well, I certainly wouldn't say no. I had to do it often enough before. Hold still Rodney,” he said as he took the blood. "How's the visor working out? The input is not giving you problems?"
"Not any. I'm getting used to swapping views again, and there's no pain involved. If you need to do any readings on it..."
“I'll do them later. I don't want to keep you from Elizabeth too long." Carson said. He had an experiment involving wraith tissue that looked like it might produce something that would reverse tissue degeneration to check on. A side project that might potentially provide a cure for all degenerative genetic conditions. This galaxy was like that.
"Well, doc. I'm going to go wash up before I see the boss," Ford said. "Maybe catch a cuppa coffee or something. Call me if I'm likely to grow an extra head or something."
Which was also what the Galaxy was like. It was all or nothing, heaven or hell. You just had to make the most of it, and most of them were willing to do that.
"I guess we'll head up there right away," Rodney murmured, glancing at John while Carson moved to check over him.
"When I'm finished with you," Carson said as he did the same for John. This time the memories were of his hair and the kiss of him on the back of his neck to wake him in the morning. He'd never believed John would not just share but seem to value him in his own right. But when Rodney was not there, he was still the same irrepressible John, pushing at his boundaries.
It still worried him, but at least he had someone to worry about rather than the alternative.
As long as John was tangled up with his life, there were two people watching out for John and visa versa.
"Hmn. It's nice to have a relatively quiet mission," Rodney mused, going back to leaning on his hands. His head was tipped, probably to watch the two of them.
"I must admit I was half expecting dramatic last minute returns," Carson said absently, aware of John looking at him intensely.
"Us? Do that? When would we do, uh, okay, I won't go into that." John replied. He seemed to study Carson a moment. "You know, I think Elizabeth and I need a little chat."
"Maybe." That Rodney was agreeing at all... Perhaps he and John had already talked about it.
"What about?" Carson asked. "About going off world? I appreciate it but it's not necessary."
"Oh, not just about that," John replied. "I think we need a few issues cleared up here. Misunderstandings."
"Tensions. We'll find a real threat soon enough, and we don't need..." Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "Misunderstandings when something important is going on."
"Look, guys I don't think this is a good idea," Carson said getting worried. Rodney and John colluding were no better than his and John’s attempts. "I'm perfectly happy staying here in the lab."
John gave him a look that said 'Yeah right.'
"It is not that," Teyla said. "Some of the Trinarians feel that you have been badly treated. There is resentment. You were our leader for a long time and now what they see is your deeds and accomplishments ignored and there is anger. I do not feel that your leaders have appreciated how the people you looked after feel about things. Those who were Genii feel superior, for they have a lot of representation. Carson, my friend, it is not just about what you are willing to give up."
"What she said," John added.
"The group you helped form..." Rodney cleared his throat. "Don't want to be sidelined. You were heading the other most powerful union in the Galaxy, Carson."
"Aye well, the group was more than just one person. I was nothing but a figurehead anyway," Carson said and he believed it. It wasn't anything special that had happened. A patchwork stitching together from fragments of people’s torn apart by Wraith cullings.
"Sometimes Doc, you are really stupid for a smart man," Ronon said. "Sheppard, like I said, you get a shot at this, but after that, we're not putting up with it forever."
"Now wait a minute!" Carson said, stepping back and looking at them all. "I don't want to be in charge, I never bloody well wanted to be in charge and Elizabeth is the best person for the job, I've always known that and you will, too, when you get to know her. This is exactly the sort of thing that seems to have cost me her friendship when all I want to do is help. I want you to leave it. Please. She doesn't need to start worrying that there will be some sort of revolt!"
Rodney cleared his throat slightly, a fairly unsubtle gesture, and John lifted his chin slightly. It made Carson not want to turn around at all, because he could hear Elizabeth's voice say, "Gentlemen, could I have a word with Doctor Beckett alone?"
"Oh, crap..." Carson felt the nerves clench in the pit of his stomach.
"We can stay if you want us to," John murmured as he sat up.
"No... no, just go. We do need to talk," he said, where before he knew he would've put himself anywhere but here and now and avoided the situation.
But he needed to get it cleared up, even if it meant that his friends were slowly filtering out of the infirmary, Rodney and John lingering.
"If this is something I'm gunna need to hear..." John let that hang in the air, lingering in the doorway.
"Then I'm sure that we'll find a way to tell you," Elizabeth said giving him a brief nod to act as a dismissal and waiting until they had finally left.
Carson looked around -- the place had emptied out. "So I guess you're wanting to ... uh." He didn't know how to go on. He couldn't leave Rodney and John. He wasn't sure he knew how to live with out them. He couldn't go back to Earth, not without them. But he didn't know how they could live without Pegasus Galaxy, without the city.
"Talk," Elizabeth finished. "The senior staff went on their first mission, and I get the feeling that they debriefed you while getting their checkups."
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth, it's just... habit I guess. Talk while I’m doing the checks," Carson replied spreading his hands. "It wasn't a conscious debriefing.”
How could he get through to her?
"And then I come down here to see how everyone is, and Ronon is talking about a revolt." She said it so calmly, as if he could be expected to come up with a reasonable answer to that.
"Elizabeth..." Why was he even trying? "Elizabeth, I think we need to deal with this properly. I've tried very hard to fade into the background because that seems to be what you want. But it seems that no matter what I try and do, you are treating me with some suspicion."
"Because I don’t know what to do with you, Carson. You're the head of our medical team, but all of these people look to you for guidance. If I let you take on more of that role, you won't be able to properly fulfill your medical duties."
"Elizabeth..." Carson looked at her. "I had to do all the medical work, and the leading thing as well for a considerably larger group than we have now. What they’re saying is... if you push me out completely they feel insulted. Frankly I don't care. I never asked to be in charge of anything except the infirmary and you are welcome to it, but it seems I underestimated how others might feel about it."
"The international oversight committee put me in charge because they felt I was best suited to lead. But I..." Elizabeth walked closer to him, and Carson realized that she looked like she was at a loss. "I have no idea what to do in relation to the people you led, Carson. They refuse to work with me. And that includes half the current mission."
"I hate to say it Elizabeth, but it's possibly because you've been treating me like the enemy rather than a friend," he said softly. "And they did become rather protective over me. I know you are only trying to do things right and keep everything from getting out of hand, but that's not how this place works. Things get out of hand for a pastime. We have Colonel Sheppard with us, for a start." He smiled slightly at that. "I'm not trying to work against you Elizabeth. I miss my friend. I grieved for you, too, you know when we thought you were dead."
She tilted her head slightly, mouth a thin line as she looked down to the ground. "I... I don't think I've transitioned as smoothly as Rodney has. And I'm sorry for that, Carson. I'm still feeling my way through this situation. The IOC wants me firmly in control of the expedition, but..." Clearly, it wasn't working.
"Elizabeth, you are, you really are firmly in control," he said, patting her hand. "Honestly, do you really believe that I want your job? Or that I didn't come after you because I wanted it?"
"I... sometimes wondered. I think Rodney only didn't wonder because of his unerring faith in you, Carson." Or the very honest fact that if he were to not believe in Carson that fiercely, he had very little to hang onto at all. And what did Elizabeth have to hang onto?
"Well that will be the source of our problems right there," Carson said relaxing a little. "I assumed you knew I didn't want it. I never had. Personally I think you're crazy wanting to do it. It nearly killed me – I think I mean that literally come to think of it. Elizabeth, I don't want your job. The only reason I stepped in the other day was because I knew there would be a huge problem if we approached the Rthamen that way. It wasn't for any other reason, but...you weren't listening to me, so I had to, to protect the team we had going out there. They would've ceremonially broken a limb on each one and sent them back through the gate for insulting them."
"And you learned this the hard way, I expect...?"
"Aye, we did," Carson replied. "I learned to listen to Teyla and Ronon a lot. I suppose I had the luxury of everyone knowing I had been landed with being in command. Not that I didn't have mutiny issues of my own to contend with so I do know how you are feeling. Kavanagh was a constant thorn in my side and more than once I just wanted to hand the whole thing over to him if he could do so much of a better job."
"I think we all would have been dead by now." Elizabeth tipped her head back up, looking at him again. "I need help. We're no longer seen as an impartial group. We're the Genii alliance and the Trinarians, and neither were particularly impartial."
"You know I will help you Elizabeth. I always wished I could do more to help you before, and now I'm in a position to actually do that. Apparently we all have our own individual ...mythos growing up around us. We might as well use it." Carson met her eyes. "Neither of us could afford to be impartial then, but now...now we could use the mythos to explain why we are not interested in running Pegasus. It would be what legends would do. John said the people they visited explained my absence by independently deciding I was 'communing with the ancients'. A mysterious non-political explanation."
She almost laughed. "If you're willing to use it. I'll have to hear all of the mythos. If we could become an impartial helping group..." Like the Trinarians had been, Carson supposed.
"I think that wouldn't be hard. The medicines worked well as good will and trade items. I think you could do a lot with that Elizabeth," he said earnestly. "I used to do some clinics off-world as part of our trade. To be honest all we had to start with was knowledge. It seemed to work."
He just wanted to help her, to make her understand. That was all.
And it had to work, because he couldn't leave John and Rodney, and he had a feeling they'd never really leave Pegasus, so it just... Just had to work. "All right. Then we'll... I'll need a more formal outline so if and when we're audited, I can account for supplies and man-hours. But I want to do that."
"Elizabeth, if you are not regarding me as someone who is after your job and treat me like someone who wants to help you, then everything will be fine," Carson said. "Trust me, if I am overloaded, I will tell you and so will Rodney, be sure of that. I want to do more of the medicine, it's true, but we have to establish out position first."
"Re-establish," she murmured, mouth twitching up towards a smile. "All right. But if you're going to keep doing these debriefings, I might have to go over the official ones with you to make sure no-one omitted anything."
"It's nothing more than they always used to do. The teams tend to sound off when they are in the Infirmary," Carson said. "Sometimes the embarrassing parts get left out of official reports, it is true." He smiled at her again and then said hesitantly, "We are okay, now, aren't we Elizabeth? I hate to think of us being... in conflict."
She nodded. "I think we're okay. I need to work out some personal things, I think, but you haven't done anything wrong. I never asked you how your time earthside was."
"It went very well," he admitted. "But I am reading between the lines here that yours did not?" Traitorously, Rodney's comment about the live-in Doctor replacing Elizabeth sprang to mind, and he could understand if that was what was making her so uptight about things if that had actually happened.
"Going home again is a double-edged sword. I want to apologize if I've been..." She shifted her shoulders slightly. "Abrupt with you, Carson."
"Just a wee bit Elizabeth – which is something I'm used to from Rodney, so no harm done," Carson replied meaning every word. "You belong here. We need someone to make sure we are under control. There were times when I brought danger to those of us at the Tower because I was too trusting or forgiving. That's who I am. And we need someone to keep Rodney from blowing the place up, and John from running into danger."
"Someone to play bad cop," Elizabeth suggested, which made him good cop, but at least it implied that they were on the same side this time. "I think I can keep doing that."
"They don't always listen to me. And don't worry about Ronon and Teyla. They’re just concerned for their people," Carson replied. "John was wanting to ask if I could go on some of the missions...I'll leave that as your decision though."
"I think there are missions where that would be appropriate." So that was a yes and a no, but at least it would mean a little more activity for him. And when it was a no, he could go off and commune with the ancients. "All right. I'm going to go speak to our two rabble rousers."
"I think you should. And I think we should have a coffee together later just to have a wee bit more of a chat. Just catch up on a few things." Elizabeth was disconnected and feeling isolated and he really knew how that felt – and for once he could do something about it. Besides, being seen in public having a convivial conversation would do a great deal to assuage rumors. He hadn't forgotten everything he'd learned in the past three years.
And from the looks of it, Elizabeth knew exactly what he was suggesting and why.
"That sounds fine." She paused, and then reached out to catch and squeeze his hand gently before Elizabeth twisted to let herself out. "Thank you for listening, Carson."
"Same to you Elizabeth," he said as she left. She could've just lost it and ordered him out of there. But she hadn't and that left him alone and a little shaken as he exhaled and sat down. Finally an end to all this uncertainty and tension.
It was a relief, to not have to wonder any more, to not have that hanging over his head. They'd probably still clash, but if he could just get to be friends with her again, it'd make life a lot smoother.
"Hey... Elizabeth gone?"
He looked up to see John and Rodney peering around the door, looking at him.
"You two are meant to be at a debriefing," he said as he smoothed back his hair.
"I wasn't really in the mood to debrief myself. It's hard to debrief on a mission when there's no-one to tell what happened to. I just thought we'd, uh..." Rodney tipped his head a little, and over the edge of the visor, his eyebrows tipped, too.
“Eavesdrop," Carson filled in for him.
"That makes it sound so premeditated," John said as they moved a bit closer. "Besides the possibility we might all be going back to Earth was a bit important to us."
"Not all of us John.” Carson pointed out. "I would've only been me..."
John just raised his eyebrows at him as well.
"No, we would have all been going back to Earth. But, look, she seemed happier when she left than when she came in, so can we assume that everything is okay right now?"
"Aye, we reached an accommodation," Carson replied, still stuck on that last bit. "I'm sorry, did you just say if I was sent to Earth, you would be going too? The both of you."
"You know, I thought I was the idiot in this relationship," John said. "That's the size of it."
"But you couldn't wait to be back on Atlantis.” Carson said unable to shake a feeling of shock.
"Yeah well, we kinda..." John looked as if he was having great difficulty saying the words. "...love you, okay?"
Rodney crossed his arms over his chest. "Or, we could go native again. But – look, we'll talk later, okay? But remember that you're not allowed to get yourself fired without me. Or John."
"And the same goes for you both," Carson said. "Which will happen if you don't make it to the debriefing in the next few minutes."
He was trying very hard not to let the surge of emotion get the better of him. It was pointless really as he knew Rodney would be seeing it with the Visor, something a little like that noonday sun in his colors blazing again. But he didn't care. He meant that much to not just one person but two and in the end that was more than a bonus.
It amplified and fed off of itself – happiness was such a bizarre creature in that way. "Going, going – we'll leave you to do vampire experiments on our blood."
John gave him a lazy wave and dragged Rodney out of there to placate Elizabeth, leaving him alone and not alone for the first time in his life.
He could feel Atlantis around him, singing that melody of happiness that there were people in her walls again that was always louder when John was near. He knew that she rejoiced when Rodney brought another part of her systems to life and she recognized him as a defender and protector, which was strange because he always thought of John that way. In the end they all were and Carson knew that if there was a hope of defeating the Ori and the other great threats that faced them, they would find it here.
But right now all that he could think of were two sets of eyes who looked at him and didn't want him to solve their problems, but instead wanted to solve his.
As a definition of love it went a long way. Even as far as another galaxy.