Chapter Text
Ghost McCree looked down regretfully on his dead human body. He thought about all the people that he had betrayed, just as Gabriel had betrayed him. He thought about how he cheated on Torbjorn and Winston, two of his closest friends. He could not bare to consider what they thought of him now. He thought about his BAMF belt, which he had betrayed by shimmying to hard and leaving it behind. He thought about how he could have done so much more for the ones he loved...
"This mcfucking sux," McCree said to himself and other ghosts that may have been eavesdropping (who knows).
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A small bearded dwarf boy leaned in through the order window of a mcdonalds (sue me not) only to find the dead body of his greatest friend and also lover, cowboy. Under the body and also in a very alluring position was the big boy that McCree had called "Gabriel" earlier.
"I'm coming after you next, dwarf," said Gab . Torbjorn realized what had been going on. McCree had........ CHEATED ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this is the angst)
"How d͡aa͞aare ̀y͠ou!̧!!͜!! ͜I̛'҉ll̕ ki̢l̨l ỳou͟, ͘y̶ou̷ e̷dg͝y ̀bo̡y҉!̡!̧!!" However, the small boy did not have the upper body strength to pull himself through the window, and ended up falling back to the ground (which in his perspective was like 5 miles below get rekt).
"I was McCree's boy toy first, you fool... You could never compare to me!" Gabriel "thicc™ thighs" Reyes said. There was nothing Torbjorn could do...
"Ḏ̷̨͙͓̰̫̩̘̼̙ó̗͎͞n̮̝'̪̝̞̰̜̕͜t̲̝̺͙͍͇̝ ̪̹̲̬̲͔͟͡ͅg̵͉̪̼̰͓͍e̠̞̞͎̫ṱ̩̘͓͚͇̺͇ ̜͕̝͈͇̫͙͇̕y̶̧̮ò̪̫͎͙͇̪͇͔̱͡u͏̹͍̠͖͙́͠r̶͇̞ ̧͏̶̲̫̦̥͕͔̰̬b̸̢̻̺̼͔͖͇̬͎è̠̗̦̣̼̥͟ą̵̫̥̳̠̮̹r̠d̴̛̹͉̩̬̙͖͜ ̨͙̭̯̯͖̤̹̕c̛̣̯̺̪͇̦̖ͅa̯̺̯̘u̮̱͝g҉̲͕̠͎h͔̲̦̯̞͞t̢̻͍̮͚ ̙͓̱͈̘͚̗͓́͡͝i͉̝͘͟͠n͍ ̛҉̻͓̖̺̳̹t҉̼̻͉̖ͅh̯̥e̬̙̕ ̻͖͍̟͔l͔͙̞͎̕ę͉͎͝t̴̷͍͚̘̦͔̫̱ţ͍̝̟̠͢e͚͔͚̹̳ͅr̢̦̘̭͚͟͢b̻o̻̯̞̺̮̪x̸͕̘̖̮͖͕̭͞," He whispered to himself. He reached his arm out towards the huge cloud of edge in the distance before passing out completely.
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On the other side, the big cowboy was beginning to accept his place in the world (or lack thereof). Main benefits include: not having to sleep (means more sexes), and also he would get to haunt people. It was just like he always dreamed.
You mcknow what? This is mchonestly great. I can mcfinally get revenge on all of those that mcwronged me, thought the cowb. Though honestly, the only person that had ever wronged him was *air quotes* REAPER *air quotes* (since he literally murdered the cowboy). That edgy boy is gonna get the haunting of his LIFE.
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Torbjorn opened his eyes slowly at first, then quickly ripped them open violently once he remembered how that edgy boy had destroyed his life.
"H̴̯̙̣̻̫̟̻ͧ́ͩͩ̅̅ͨͪ̏͌ͭͥ̌ͬͯ̈́͟͞Ȯ̢̗͎̥̞͙̬̱̤͎̗͖̬̳̣̤͖̀ͬ̃͌̅̊́͂̂͒̌͒̊ͬͦ̍͟͞͡͡W̡̡̞̞̥̟̯̣̖ͯ̂͊͑ͨ̍͊̑̅̏̄̎̄͞ ̩̤̞̬͔̥̯͉̥̘̮͉̆̾̋̄̄̒̆̈̋͌̔͋̅ͨͧ͘͢ͅD̻̞̙͔̙͉͕̝̣ͫ̇ͣ̿͗ͮ̅̀̃̀͗͛ͥ̍̕͞ͅA̲͙̖͙̩̮̞̜͍̝̦̼̗̲͔̿̔̂͌ͦ͂͌̐͊̉͗̾̒͂̂́̚͠R̶̛͍̭̙̣̦ͥ͂̒͂̇ͧͬ͌ͬ̚Ȩ̞̫̲̩̤͉̣̳͖̼͚̞̯̳̙̓̅̋̓̏͌̌̐̉̒ͥ̅̎ͬ͗̊͂̀ ̠͖̺̣͓̜͕̺̤̪̖̦̜̫̳̳̓ͮͨͣ͑̌͌̓̽̀ͅT̶̷̬͉̗̺̱̝͍̼͚̩̞̼ͤͮ͂̓ͥͫ͂̆ͫ̐̎ͪͩͪͤ͋͛Ȟ̷̢̼̫͖̟͚͕̜͖̮͓̗̺͚͔̺̹̓͐̊ͭ͗͗ͯ̔̇́͠A̸̛̼̹̻͙̤̼̮̰̣͍̻̹̍ͭ̒̑ͪ͂̎̃̉ͦͫ̉̌ͨ̑̓̊̊Ț͙̗͇̱͂̎̍͗̋̄́̆̆̂͛̔̅ͨ̑͆̌́̚̕͠ ̡̨̛ͭ̃͆ͪ̐̍̌͗͌̇ͬ͘͏͇̥̥̫͇ͅͅE̟͎͚̱̗͕͈̳̲̓̀̾͆́̌̎̉ͥ̕͘͢͢͝ͅD̷̡̛̞͙̩̺̩ͤ̄̄̐͑̃̄ͦ̔͆̒ͯ͌͌̊G̵̸̞̞̖̟̘̤̯͎͊ͬ̑͐̇̓ͨ̐̊̒ͧ̇ͪ͜͜Y̬̰̥̝̺͙̯̜̰̜͕̖̥̪͊̒̋̅̅͗̎ͥ̍̉̓ͧ̽̂̽͌̓̃͛̀͞ͅ ̿̈́͛ͪ̓̋҉̷̢̼̱͇͖̬̲̺̠́͢B͉̠̠̫̼̩̻̠͍̭͉͈͎̟̝͓̱̮̤̊͗̏͂͗̅ͣͩ̈́̌̾̈̌ͧ͛͞O̸̵̙̳̻̦̍ͮ̆̊ͯͪ̇ͧ͗̐ͬͭ̐̎Y̷͖̦̝̗̭̻̟̞̩̰̱̳̖͖̝͋ͫ̏̂̔͊̿̽̊̿́̕͞͡ͅ ̢̮͇̫̳̐ͣ̈́͐̽ͬ̎͐̆̈́͡S̶̢̩̮̫̞̺̭̠̳ͤ̃̄ͤ̑̆ͤ͒͘͟͟T̛̘̺̖̼̺̲͕̘̥͒̊͑͛͛̄͒͗͐̅͂̍͑́͜Ę̲̠͓͙̅̉̑̆̃́A̸̭̪̳͉̣̳̩̩͓͚̦̙̝̯̰̞̭͖͛̆̎̏̾̓̃̕͘͢͟L̢͎̖̥̙̥͈̝̎ͥ̋ͧ͑͊ͩ͊̉ͮ͟͢ ̓́ͯ͊ͨ͌̔̎̐͒͐́̚͘͜҉҉͖̳͇͔̺̣̩͙̳͈͔̻͓̯̯ͅM̶̲̠͈̙͓͙̻̤͍̬̺̬̪͖̣̺̪̊͋ͯ̽̔ͭ̾̚͠Yͩͦ̈́ͬ̐͐̐͐̔̓ͯ̃̎͒ͥ̑ͬ҉͖̟͔̦̥͇̭̳̣̤͔̘͎ ̧̢̢̫̞̪̻́̋͗̂͑͒͑ͧ̑ͯ̚͝͞B̴ͪ̽̌̅̓̽ͣ͐ͣͮͣ͐̀҉̣̯̰͎͍́͠A̛̤̲̮͔͙̣̳͔ͧ̉̋͑̿͜͢͡B̴̻̮̺̬̩͈͕͙͓͙̮̰͖ͥ͋̽̂̐̓͋̅̀͢Y̴͗ͬͬͩͯ͡҉̥̟̟͍̜̖͈͈̯̬̤͓̹͚̱̤̞ͅ ̴̵͙̗͖͉̦̬̜̱̜͖̯̦̤̲͍͇͎ͫ͒̇ͫ͛̈̊̿̎̍̆ͤ̒̂͗̚̚C̸̢̧̘̭͓̥͉̥̖̘̹̣͎̠͖͓̥͎ͮ͗̿͌ͫͮ͜͞Ö̷̧̮̱̺͎̘̟̙̪́̌̉̓̆̑̾̅̃̚̚͜ͅW̧̖͖͇̩͎͙͓̩̳̻͈̗̩̤̝̹̅ͮ̿ͧ̂͆̽̈́ͮ͗̑ͬͧ͒ͭ̈́ͦ̊͛͡B̶̙̞͓͎̻̩͉̗̿̾ͭͭͫ̿͑̒͊͐̎̎ͬ̚͜͠ͅƠ̧̜͕̼͛̓́͌̉͌̄̾̿̄́̓ͥͧ́̕̕Y̴̛͎̺͔̳͚̺̆̈͐ͦͨ͂̏ͮ̄͘͜ ̶̨͉̤̤͖͕͇̦̦̙̳̣͙̱ͥ͛̐͊̀ͫͮͯ̅͟Ḯ͓̳̙͖̬̞̯̠̖͍͌͌̍̑̋̽̚͘̕͞M̧̳̹̭͎̺̮̯̦̪̗̝̯͍̲͍̘̦̻̐ͨͥͥ̍͜ ̇͐͋͗̿̒̀̉̉̄̾͑͏̡̟̣̹̰͉̝̮͖G̶̢̧̹͕͇͕̱͔̬̺̬̥͓̱͓͉̮͉̟͈̗̋͒͐͑͂ͦ̑ͪͭ͊̔̏́O̸̪͇̝͓̲͔̜̫̖̮̙̒ͭͦͯ̒̔ͅN̸̷̖̻̟̼̟͖̗͈̯̍͐̍̈́̍̿ͨ͋̌̃̀͢͝ͅN̸̸̡̳̮̩̞̺̘͍̩̣͎̜̰̯̩̬͖͎͛ͨͦ͋͊̈̂ͪ̓́̽͊̓͋̂̕ͅÄ̲̠͈̥͖̺̙̹͙̩̳̤̖͕̰̝͚ͤ̐͋̌ͥͬ̄̈ͧ̃͛̑̉̀̚͟͝.͍̮̺̪͒ͦ̐̄̊ͬ̌̅ͤ͊͆̅̈ͤ̀͆͘͟͝ͅ.̙͖͈̫̺̳̝͙̲̽̋ͬ̂͛̈̀͜͟.̶ͪͦ̃ͤͨ͜҉͔̘̳̲̺͉̹̳̞̪ͅ" he said very quietly. He scanned the room. No trace of Big W the Burly Monkey anywhere. Where had he gone...
Torbjorn decided to hold a small funeral for McCree right in his own house.
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Winston observed the peak of the snowy mountain. He still had a long way to go before he reached his destination.
"oo oo a," he said to himself. The thought of McCree was the only thing that kept him from giving up on his quest. Eventually, he reached the peak of the mountain, where the fables told of a witch named Mercy who could bring back the dead lived.
Winston found a small shaq in the middle of the snowy peak. He hit the door so hard that it broke immediately while also shifting into an alternate plane of reality.
"Hola, Mercy," he said.
"Why hello, Winston. It's been a long time since I've seen you last," said the witch.
"donde esta la biblioteca."
"Of course I'll help you bring McCree back from the dead! Let me grab my gear."
Winston smiled a big gorilla smile. He was getting HIS boy toy back.
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Ghost McCree was following the edgy boy down a lonely road. Presumably the only one he had ever known. McCree didn't know where it was going. But he knew, Reaper was going to walk it alone.
In actuality, it was a road to Torbjorn's house (OH NO).
Time to mcget haunting, thought McGhost
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Mercy and Winston arrived at the mcdonalds (you know what, just sue me. I deserve it for this fic). They found the dead body still next to the cash register.
"HEROES NEVER DIE," Mercy yelled really loudly. But McCree did not reanimate...
"hola. como esta usted?" asked Big W.
"You're right, Winston. He's not moving." Mercy took a second to think. "He probably came back to life where is ghost was located in the spirit realm relative to our world. But where could that be..."
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Suddenly, Ghost McCree was no longer Ghost McCree anymore. He was just normal McCree.
"mcdang," he said. Reaper turned around at the sound of his voice.
"wtf how are you still alive." Gabriel chuckled. "No matter, I've got, like, 9 more guns."
"Didn;t you mchave 10"
"Yeah but I used one on you."
"Couldn't you mcjust.. mcreload it."
"What the hell is 'reloading'? Everyone knows once you shoot a gun 8 times it's unusable."
"mcwtf." McCree nearly fainted at how stupid his ex boy toy was. How could he ever have wanted to be with this edgy boy.
Before the cowboy could even react, Gabriel had him pinned between his thighs. Ah yes, this was why he loved this boy so much. But old times have passed, and now was the time for revenge.
A glint of light to his side caught McCree's attention. It was his BAMF belt!! Wow what a coincidence. He used the belt to deck Reaper right in the stupid-looking mask, dealing 3000 points of true damage (that means it's not affected by any damage resistance) to Reapers body but also his heart. The tables were turned this time. For the first and last time in his life, McCree had experienced what it was like to be a power bottom.
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Winston and Mercy decided to check Torbjorns house first (because plot relevance). There they found a bloodied up McCree trapped under the dead body of Gabriel Reyes. In his hand was his prized BAMF belt.
"oo oo a!!!!!" happily screamed the gorilla.
"McCree! You're alive," said the witch.
"Mcyeah I am." McCree looked lovingly at Big W. The pain was finally over. He knew what he wanted now, and it was to get some of that big gorilla dick. But first, he had some questions. "But.. mcwhy am i alive?"
"I used my ult," said Mercy.
"Does that mchave anything to mcdo with the recovery of my mcbelt?"
"Um.." Mercy paused. "Maybe I rezzed the belt too?"
"That mcseems plausible."
They all heard the sound of a door opening. It was Torbjorn, opening the front door to his house. He locked eyes with the cowboy, his one true love. They rushed into each other's arms and squeezed tightly.
"Į mïssêd ÿôū sò müch, cœwböy!" said the no-longer-sad dwarf.
"I mcmissed you too, my mclove!"
"oo oo a!" added Big W, embracing them both in one big hug.
"I'm mcglad to be mcback," said McCree. "How about we mchave a mcbig celebratory party!"
"Wïll thêrê bē sęx?" asked the dwarf, thinking about the many sexy cosplays he could wear.
"mcyes."
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Mercy smiled at the sight of the big happy group they had formed. She looked over at Reaper and sighed.
"You know what? Maybe the huckleberry isnt to find your lost boy toy. Maybe the real Huckleberry was the friends we made along the way."