Archive of Our Own ^beta

Once, a long time ago, Alec never really thought about what everyone was saying. Camille, Faerie queen, every immortal actually. He didn't care, or tried not to care about it.

But now everything has changed.

Years passed and Alec got older. At the beggining it was nothing. He turned 19, then 20. Suddenly, before he could notice, he turned 25, and then 30, while his boyfriend remained young.

That's why at the day when he turned 35, he met with Camille. Vampire smiled when she heard of Alec, and her smile only grew wider, when he walked to her, looking... Adult. This couldn't be described with any other word. "What do I owe your visit, Alexander?" She asked, tilting her head, drinking red liquid from the glass.

"I was thinking... About what you said to me... Back then" He said walking closer to her.

Vampire smirked, exposing her sharp, snow white teeth. "I see... You got older, Alexander and you noticed that what I've been saying is true..." She said, as if she was proud because of it. Shadowhunter nodded awkwardly. "And why are you here now? Do you expect me to do something about this?" She raised her narrow eyebrow.

Alec shook his head and walked closer. "Not really... As much as I can't believe it, I came here to ask you for an advice" He said, sitting next to her.

Immortal woman put down the glass and looked at him, her head tilted. "Interesting... What kind of advice do you want me to give you?" She asked.

"Should I leave him?" Man asked immediately. "Should I let him go?" He added, looking into vampire's cold eyes. Camille didn't seem to be surprised at all. "Yes." She said shortly. "He'll watch you grow older and finally die and it'll only make him suffer. You don't want him to suffer, do you?" She smiled when Alex sighed and nodded in response. "Then leave. He'll be in pain, but it'll pass, he'll recover from it and eventually move on. You know Magnus" She shrugged.

Alec nodded and bit down on his lower lip with a sigh. "So you were right all along?" He mumbled to himself, standing up. Camille smiled at him with something that was almost sympathy. "So was Faerie queen. You're not always the one that is right, Alexander Lightwood" She said, and stood up, drinking liquid from the glass and then once again glancing at the Shadowhunter, before walking away.

Alec sighed and rubbed his eyes as he opened the doors of his and Magnus's loft. Once he entered it, he saw warlock sitting on the couch, with Chairman on his lap, stroking kitten's fur thoughtfully. When downworlder's cat like eyes noticed him, he jumped up and walked closer, kissing him. "Hey there birthday boy... Where have you been?" He asked.

Lightwood just smiled weakly. "Just... Walking in the park... And out with Izzy... Did you know that Jace and Clary are having a baby?" He asked and walked to the couch. It was surprising how easily he could lie to his boyfriend. After all, he was experienced at this.

Bane just frowned a bit, but shook his head and sat next to Alec on the couch. "I'll have to leave in about an hour, but I'll be back soon, okay?" He asked, kissing Alec's temple. "Sure" The other man answered shortly.

Alec spent this hour, admiring his (for the last few minutes) warlock, trying to remember every detail of his face, body, everything. And when the hour passed and the doors of the loft closed behind the immortal man, he could almost hear his heart breaking to pieces.

He got up and packed his things in less than 30 minutes, then quickly writing a note and putting it on the kitchen table. He looked around the loft again, walking around it and saying his silent goodbye to everything, every furniture there. He picked up Chairman Meow one last time and looked at the cat. "Take care of him" He whispered. Pet let out a small meow, as if it knew what Alec was doing.

He put it down and left the flat with tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

Isabelle never looked at him in such shock and disbelief, as she did that day, when he appeared in the Institute with his eyes red from crying, tears still on his cheeks. She hugged him tight and pulled him inside. She didn't ask a thing, she just gave him some ice cream which was totally normal. Normal thing, that normal people would do after break up.

They sat on the counter of the Institute's kitchen and ate ice cream. Alec was still crying, and his sister just watched him. "You two broke up?" She asked finally, and blue eyes man just shook his head. "I had to let him go... I couldn't do this anymore... I couldn't grow old and die, and watch him suffer because of this..." He choked out between the sobs, not caring that it was unmanly. 

His sister didn't get angry as Alec thought she would. She put the ice cream down and pulled him into the hug, letting him cry into her shirt, not saying a single word.

Alexander didn't realise how much time has passed, until the phone called. It was Magnus obviously. Before he could reject the call, he felt Izzy taking his mobile, and answering. "Hello?" She asked softly.

"Isabelle, is Alec there? What on Earth is going on? What does it mean..." Magnus started, his voice somewhere between anger and sadness.

"Magnus, don't call. He can't talk to you" She said softly. Obviously, she knew, they both knew that if he wanted to, Magnus could be here any second. 

"What do you mean by 'He can't talk to me'?, Isabelle?" Asked the Downworlder, and Izzy glanced at her brother.

"I mean, he can't talk to you. Don't call, just forget about him, okay?" She mumbled bitterly, and hung up, not waiting for an answer.

She looked into her brother's eyes and sighed. "Do you want to go to your room?" She asked. "We didn't change anything in it" Isabelle added.

"I love you" He said and jumped off of the counter walking upstairs and disappearing in his room.

It lasted days. Days turned into weeks, then into months and at the end into years. Alec never looked at his phone. It was full of text messages from Magnus and missed calls from the Warlock. He didn't let go after all the time, he continued calling and texting, and standing in front of the Institute, waiting for Alec to leave and talk to him. Meanwhile Alexander Lightwood turned 40 and then 45.

And that's when his illness started to be more and more dangerous for him and his life. He knew he had leukemia for a quite long time 10 years passed in the day when he turned 45. Doctor was leaving his room, not saying a word to him, but he knew from Isabelle's puffy eyes, from Jace's clenched jaw, from pain in Clary's eyes and little Rosie's hiccuping and asking 'Why is uncle Alec dying?' when she thought he wasn't around.

So one, especially rough day, when he couldn't even get up from the bed, he looked up at Izzy. "Call him... Invite him, if he agrees to talk to you.. Or me" He mumbled, his breath short.

Isabelle nodded and grabbed a phone, walking downstairs.

Magnus Bane was in the middle of the grim afternoon with Tessa who tried to cheer him up a little bit, during afternoon tea when his phone started buzzing. He smiled at his friend apologetically and answered the phone. "Hello?" 

"I honestly don't know why I agreed, but he really needs to see you... But if you want to come, do it right now. He's here. In the Institute. In his old room." Isabelle said and hung up shortly after.

Magnus stared at his phone for a few more minutes and then quickly said his goodbyes to Tessa. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the Institute. He rushed in and upstairs, passing Isabelle, Clary, Jace and little girl, probably their daughter, before knocking at Alec's door and unsurely walking in.

The man in the bed, wasn't the one he remembered. His Alec was strong, and Alec lying in the bed, was weakened because of the illness. "Alexander" He called softly, ducking next to the bed and caressing his ex-boyfriend's cheek. The other man opened his eyes and smiled weakly, leaning into a touch. "I didn't expect you to come here... But I'm glad you did. I didn't say goodbye" He mumbled, smiling weakly. "I'm glad I got to see you, you know?" He added.

Bane smiled sadly, and stroked Shadowhunter's black hair. "I guess, I miserabely failed... I didn't want you to watch me die, but, you are... I'm sorry" He whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. "You're not gonna die, Alexander" He said, looking extremely serious. Alec tried to smile, but failed. "I am. They're saying it to everyone, but me" He mumbled, anger and sadness in his voice.

Magnus froze for a second. He didn't know what to say, because, even though he experienced death of a lot important to him people, he never watched death of someone he loves. Before he could answer, Lightwood just grabbed his hand with a soft smile. "Could you kiss me?" He asked shyly after a second, and Magnus immediately obeyed.

When he pulled away, blue eyed man just smiled, and closed his eyes. "I think I'll get a nap now" He mumbled, yawn escaping his mouth. Downworlder nodded, and just linked their fingers.

He stayed with Alec, still holding man's hand, enjoying warmness and grip of Shadowhunter's hand on his.  He sat like that, before he felt Lightwood's hand suddenly going limp and cold. And he knew.

He lost his beloved Shadowhunter forever...