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“What time did you tell Jess you’d be home by?” Spencer rested his hand on Aaron’s chest. He loved feeling the rise and fall of his lover’s breathing as he tried to catch his breath, loved knowing that he was the reason for the breathlessness.
“11. What time is it now?” Aaron pulled him closer
He raised his head enough to look at the clock on his nightstand. “10:15. Want to shower together?”
Aaron snorted. “I’ll just shower at home. The last time we showered together I was late getting home. I do not want to repeat that experience. Jess’ stare should be listed as a weapon of mass destruction.”
“I promise I will keep my hands to myself this time.” Spencer held them up, laughing. He had made Aaron late getting home every time they’d gone out in the last month by coercing him into a shared shower. It was an easy accomplishment. It hadn’t even required any profiling skills to know that the other man was reluctant to end their dates. Aaron didn’t want to impose on Jessica’s willingness to take care of Jack by asking for more than one babysitting session per week when they were in town. Between that, the amount of travel that had been required of them, and the fact that Spencer wasn’t ready to have sex just a bedroom away from Jack yet, their alone time was severely limited. “Actually, no, I won’t. But I will promise to only assist in getting you scrubbed up and ready to go home and not for the purpose of bringing you pleasure.”
The older man laughed and caught the hands waving in front of his face. “Fine, we can shower together. But if I’m late getting home, you get to call Jess and tell her why before I even leave.” He placed a kiss to each of Spencer’s palms before releasing him. He sighed and pushed himself to a sitting position.
“Deal.” Spencer’s hands trailed up his back and over his shoulders as the genius sat up behind him. He draped himself over the older man and held onto him for several moments. “Okay, let’s get you showered.” The pair went into the bathroom, staying silent as Aaron started the water while Spencer retrieved some fluffy towels for after.
Spencer waited until he was running a soapy cloth across Aaron’s back before he broke the comfortable silence. “Tell me one of your fantasies.”
“What?” Aaron frowned at him over his shoulder.
“Tell me one of your fantasies.” He repeated and leaned over to swipe the cloth down the back of his boyfriend’s legs. He knew that he’d never get an answer if Aaron could make eye contact with him. For someone who normally was so self-confident and in control, the man became shy and clammed up when it came to discussing sex. Spencer wondered if he had always been that way or if it had come about after Foyet. When he didn’t get a response, he straightened up and wrapped his arms around Aaron’s waist, resting his chin on the man’s shoulder. “Please? What do you think about when you masturbate? You do masturbate, don’t you?”
A faint blush crept into Aaron’s cheeks, and he looked down at the floor. “Yes, but I’m not as adventurous as you are. I don’t really fantasize like that. I just think about you.”
“You mean you think about my hands. You’re just dating me because you like my hands and what I can do with them.” Spencer laughed and stepped away. “Okay, return the favor and wash my back now.” He turned his back towards the other man. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the cloth across his back.
Aaron cleared his throat before speaking softly. “It’s not a fantasy. Not really. It’s complicated.” Spencer nodded to show he had heard but knew not to interrupt his lover’s admission. “I want, no I need … Haley and I never … Since Fo …” He trailed off and sighed.
Spencer reached behind him and caught Aaron’s hands, pulling his arms so the man was pressed against his back. “If you’re not ready to tell me, you don’t have to,” he whispered.
He heard Aaron take a deep breath. “Have you ever done any bondage or anything?”
“Very casually. I did it a few times, and it was fun. Something different. But after Hankel, it lost all appeal for me. I tried it again, just once after I got clean, and it nearly broke me again. I can’t do it.” He grimaced.
“Oh, never mind then.” Aaron pulled away. Spencer knew he was trying to reel his emotions back in. “I think we’re clean. If we stay in here any longer, you are going to make me late.”
Spencer shut off the water and stepped out. He wrapped a towel around his hips. He watched Aaron grab a towel for himself. “I think we should have whatever conversation you were trying to start in there. It needs to be finished or it will fester.”
Aaron nodded. “I want to get dressed first.”
“Okay.” Spencer led him into the bedroom and dug out some sweats to put on. He kept his back to Aaron while they dressed. He glanced at the clock and decided to send Jessica a text message warning her that Aaron might be late. He felt a hand on his back. His boyfriend was ready to talk. “I texted Jess so you shouldn’t be in trouble when you get home.”
“Thanks.” Aaron ran a hand through his hair before sitting on the edge of the bed. He waited while Spencer sat down cross-legged near the pillows. “Haley was even less sexually adventurous than I am.”
Spencer bit his tongue to keep from responding with the sarcastic comment that crossed his mind. It was definitely not the time to make smart-ass comments about the woman. The look in Aaron’s eyes told him that the other man knew exactly what he was thinking before he continued speaking. “Bondage, even a light bondage, has never been in my sexual repertoire. Neither side of it ever appealed to me. But after Foyet, I’ve thought about it.”
“Thought about it how?” Spencer reached out and gently touched his boyfriend’s hand, wanting to feel him. They laced their fingers together.
“It’s not a sexual thing so much, just …” He frowned, and Spencer knew he was trying to organize his thoughts. “A control thing.”
Spencer licked his lips. “Understandable. I wish I could do that for you, but I can’t. All the progress I’ve made on my sobriety would be gone.” He squeezed Aaron’s hand.
Aaron looked at him. “I don’t want to tie you up,” he whispered.
“Oh!” Spencer stared at him. They lapsed into silence while the genius thought over what Aaron had said. He knew that the list of people the other man allowed himself to be vulnerable around was very short, just the team, Jessica, and very rarely Jack. But even then, the man never completely surrendered control to anyone. Spencer came close, though. He had first recognized the surrender when he realized that he was the only person that could make Aaron blush. No matter how raunchy Derek, Emily, or Penelope got with their jokes, the only reaction they got was a slightly amused expression. Spencer, on the other hand, was able to elicit a blush from Aaron with the slightest sexual comment. Now Aaron was telling him that he needed to surrender control completely and that he wanted to surrender to Spencer. “I understand what you want and need. I don’t know if I can do it. But I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Spencer, I don’t want you to do it if you think it will be risking your sobriety.” Aaron shook his head.
Spencer moved closer and wrapped his arms around his lover. “I know. I will seriously consider it, though.”
“Meaning you’ll do some research.” Aaron’s lips twitched upwards as he leaned into the embrace.
“Of course I will. Would you expect anything less from me?” Spencer kissed him.
Aaron shook his head. “Thank you. Just for considering it. That makes me feel better.”
Spencer smiled. “I’ll see if I can figure it out. You’d better get home. Jess knows we were talking so she shouldn’t get mad at you for traipsing in after curfew.” He walked the older man to the door and gave him a lingering kiss. “Text me when you get home.”
Aaron nodded. “I know you’re going to stay up way too late researching now. I’ll make sure you have coffee waiting for you at your desk.”
“You’re a good boyfriend.” Spencer laughed and kissed him again. He locked the door and set the alarm after Aaron had slipped out before going to stand at the window to make sure he got out of the parking lot without incidence. He waved when the older man spotted him then turned away to find every book he owned that mentioned bondage.