Chapter Text
“Alright Tobin just a little bit to the left.” We move the couch over and place it down, “There that should be good.”
“Dude I can’t move any more furniture.” She plops down on the couch, “We’ve been doing this all day.”
“We’re almost done.” I wipe the sweat from my forehead. Tobin and I have been moving into the new house since seven this morning. We didn’t want to waste money on movers helping us because we figured the six of us could do it. Sydney and Kristie ended up getting two appointments so they couldn’t make it. Alex and Kelley were supposed to go out and buy some supplies and paint so we can start painting tomorrow.
“Where the hell are the girls?” She groans, “They should be helping us.”
“I know dude but if we want to get everything done then we have to keep going.”
“I don’t even get why we are moving everything in when we’re just going to have to move it all for you guys to paint.”
“That’s why we are only moving in and unpacking the necessity stuff. Kelley wants people to be able to sit and have our bathroom somewhat accessible.”
“What about the bedroom?”
“We have the bed in so we will make do for the night.” Tobin and I spend the next hour getting all of our living room furniture organized in the living room.
The doors open as Tobin and I are finishing up. Kelley and Alex walk in laughing about something. I immediately feel the heat rising in my cheeks when I see the multiple shopping bags in their hands from several clothing stores.
“Where the hell have you been?” I ask so angrily they immediately stop laughing.
“Uh well we went to go get some tools we thought you guys may need but then we may have gotten a little sidetracked.” Alex responds apologetically.
“We have been doing this for hours and you two decided to go shopping?” I shake my head feeling unbelievably annoyed.
“Not cool dudes.” Tobin agrees with my annoyance. “We have been lugging furniture in all morning.”
“We’re sorry.” Alex puts her head down slightly looking up at Tobin for forgiveness.
“Don’t pull that with me” Tobin puts her hands up, “That won’t work this time.”
Kelley puts down the bag, pulling out a smaller one. I can already tell where it’s from and what it’s going to be.
“Babe,” She looks up at me with her signature apologetic puppy dog eyes, “I got you this.”
“Don’t bother.” I move past her ignoring the kind gesture, “I’m going for a longboard cruise.”
“See you later.” Tobin kisses Alex, grabbing her longboard to join me.
“This better be taken care of when I get back.” I look at Kelley and Alex sternly.
“Yes.” They say in unison. Tobin and I take off on our longboards looking to get a break from the house.
“Think they will?” Tobin asks smiling, knowing that Alex and Kelley know they messed up.
“Oh yeah.” I smile knowing that they will be taking care of everything the rest of the night.
*
“Alright Alex can you hurry up.” I push getting annoyed at how slow she’s going.
“Ashlyn have you ever heard of the word patience?” She remarks back as she scans her cards.
“Yes and I think I’ve been patient and I’ve also turned a year older because you’re taking so long.”
“Fine.” She places a diamond two, three, and four down. “Also this five goes with Tobin’s and my sevens goes with yours.”
“Okay discard one.” Alex glances over at Kelley and then places an ace in the discard pile. We have been playing a heated game of rummy all night. Our scores have been varying each round but this is the round where I can take it home for the win. I currently have 475 but on my turn I can get almost fifty points as long as Kelley doesn’t go out.
I currently have three fours down for fifteen and if I put these three tens down and my queen on Alex’s three then I can get out. All I have to do is wait for Kelley’s turn.
Kelley picks up the ace Alex put down and Tobin’s jack and places three jacks down and places four Aces on the table. She discards her last card with a giant smirk.
“Well ladies it looks like I’m out so it’s time to count em’.” I feel deflated when I look down at my hand and realize I have negative forty sitting there. I subtract forty from fifteen and end the round with a negative twenty five.
“I have thirty five.”
“I have fifteen.”
“Negative twenty five.” I mumble.
“And I have plus ninety.” She smiles proudly, “That leaves me with a grand total of 510, looks like I won.” She looks around, “So Tobin ended with a 485, Alex with a 460, and Ashlyn with a 455…looks like you lost babe.”
“That means you guys have to forgive us.” Alex stands up victoriously.
“Yes it does! Let’s go get ready Lex.” Kelley and Alex bound upstairs to their rooms to get ready. When we got home Alex and Kelley had rummy set up with some beer. They said that they one of them won then they were forgiven. If we won then they had to make it up to us. When Tobin and I had gotten back they finished moving the rest of the furniture and cleaned up any messes, so I didn’t feel to mad. I just wanted to win.
Once I let my pride calm down I go upstairs to get ready in Kelley’s room. Kelley and I just moved into our house and we are all going out to celebrate.
I’m in the middle of looping my tie that matches my vest when Kelley walks in from the bathroom.
She’s in a cute black dress that fits her curves perfectly, with her hair wavy and falling to one shoulder. She walks up to me and stands in front of the mirror facing me. She takes over tying my tie and I feel the calmness settle in.
“You look amazing.” She smiles at me after scanning my outfit.
“Nothing compared to you.” I return her smile. She grabs the small bag taking out the watch she had bought me earlier. “This watch is amazing.”
“I knew it was for you the moment I saw it. I’m sorry I had to beat you at rummy tonight.” She teases me but I can’t bring myself to even pretend to be mad. “I just couldn’t have you mad at me.”
“Don’t worry I don’t mind.” I smile nonchalantly, “You’ll just be sleeping outside tonight.”
Kelley slaps me on the butt leaving the room to go greet Sydney and Kristie downstairs. I finish getting ready and head out with everyone knowing tonight is going to be a good night.
*
“Tonight was awful.” I groan as I hold the cold water bottle to my eye.
“Ashlyn I am so sorry I really thought you saw me.” Kelley slurs out apologetically.
“What makes you think that I was going to spontaneously do the dirty dancing move with you in the middle of the club?” My response gets Tobin tearing up with laughter. Alex is laughing right along with her.
“I don’t know I just really felt it in the moment.”
“You mean-” Tobin tries to speak but can’t contain her laughter, “You’re telling me that…that in a crowded club with everyone dancing all up on each other while listening to house music made you really feel that the dirty dancing move was perfect for that moment?”
“And that Ashlyn would be able to read your mind and know that you wanted her to lift you above her head?” Sydney pipes in drunk in the back of the car.
Everyone’s laughter make the migraine I have ten times worse.
“Okay obviously it wasn’t the best idea.” Kelley slurs out. I can tell she’s drunk because her eyes are barely open and she has that aggravating smile on her face.
“Not the best idea?” Alex scoffs out, “You smacked her in the head with your beer bottle.”
“Ash how did you not see her running towards you.” Kristie pops up from laying in the back on Sydney’s lap.
“I was trying to figure out what Tobin was trying to say.” I wince at the pain above my eye, “I didn’t think I was going to be surprise attacked by my own girlfriend.”
“I’ll buy you a new eye okay?”
“Oh wow thanks.” I scoff.
“Don’t be mad at me.” She kisses my cheek but I turn away.
I’m annoyed that I’m in pain and want Kelley to have to swear this out. She grabs my hand and I let her hold it for a couple seconds before pulling it away.
She can sweat it out a little bit until we get home.
We get dropped off at home and I head into the bathroom to wash up and get for bed. I’m mad at Kelley for hitting me in the eye and being a careless drunk. I get into bed and lay there waiting for Kelley to come in with her puppy dog eyes and her pout that gets her out of anything. I toss and turn for about a half an hour before finally giving in to go find Kelley.
I look all through the house and can’t find her anywhere. I start to panic and head into the kitchen, tripping right over her shoe. I catch myself, slamming my elbow into the floor with my knee following behind.
I look up and see her other shoe right by the door. I walk into the back yard that leads to the beach and follow the pathway to find my drunk girlfriend sitting on the beach. She’s sitting on top of a sleeping bag and has our living room pillows with her. There is a tent next to her and by the looks of the tent and Kelley I can tell they had a struggle.
“Kelley.” I look down at her trying not to smile. “What are you doing?”
“Well my dear girlfriend, you told me to sleep outside tonight so that is exactly what I’m doing.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh very serious.” I realize then that she isn’t going to budge so I head back inside to make her a peanut butter sandwich and coffee. I sit down behind her wrapping my arms around her and we sit there in silence.
“Babe do you think we moved too fast? Buying our own house?” Kelley final breaks the silence.
“Are you worried that we did?” I ask concerned.
“No of course not.” She leans into me, “I’m so excited, I just wanted to make sure you were sure.”
“Says the girl who has said no to marrying me twice already.” I scoff teasingly, but I know she hears the underlining seriousness.
“We are going to have our whole lives together.” She kisses my arm, “There is no rush.”
“And how do you know you won’t find some hot babe?” I joke.
“Because you’re my soulmate.” She shrugs so certain that I am, “I’ve never felt so much towards anyone ever before. I’m going to be with you forever, we’re going to have so many adventures together, we are going to watch each other grow old, and we’re going to be amazing parents someday.”
“Sounds like I’m stuck with you.”
“You love me.” She sighs contentedly, “Always.”
“Never.” I tease knowing that she knows I’m not going anywhere.
We spend the rest of the night talking about our future, what we want to do with our lives, and all the adventures we want to go on. We talked so long that the sun started to come up before we realized what time it was.
“Look how beautiful the sun is.” I can hear the smile in her voice.
“Not as beautiful as you.”
“That’s so cheesy.” She laughs.
“I know.” I smile knowing I made her laugh, “I had fun with you tonight. I guess it wasn’t such a bad night after all, but why don’t we head inside and get a few hours of sleep? We have a lot of unpacking to do.”
“I’m so tired will you carry me?” Kelley pouts. I huff out pretending like it’s a nuisance. Over the last couple years we have formed a habit. Kelley will ask me to carry her and no matter where we are or what we are doing, I carry her.
“Of course.”
*
I sit in the same spot where we used to watch the sun rise and set so many times before. The sun is rising and it was around this time last year that Kelley took her final breath. It was the last time I felt her lips against mine and her body pressed against me.
I sit in peaceful silence waiting to open the letter I have in my hand with my closest friends. I know today Kelley will have a celebratory type of plan. She would never want us to be sad and today I don’t want to be sad. I want to spend the day remembering Kelley and embracing the life we shared.
I head inside knowing everyone is already waiting for me.
As soon as I open the back door I smell coffee, bacon, and something cinnamon. When I look into the kitchen all of my friends are busy setting the table and making breakfast.
“Hey good morning.” Alex comes over kissing me on the cheek.
“Hey bud.” Tobin gives me a firm squeeze and as I continue to hug each friend the more and more comforted I feel.
“Alright guy’s breakfast is ready.” Kristie smiles grabbing the last French toast off of the pan and into the pan with the rest.
Tobin grabs the coffee, cream, and sugar while Alex grabs the fruit and Sydney grabs the syrup. We all sit down as a happy family and enjoy Kelley’s favorite breakfast.
“Heather called while you were gone.” Sydney says with a mouthful, “She wishes she could be here with us and said that whatever we do today to know she is right here with us.”
“You know Kelley would through half of the French toast by now.” Alex chuckles, “She loved her breakfast foods. I remember one time she wanted to surprise me with breakfast. This was when we were living together still and she almost caught the entire kitchen on fire. I’ve never seen someone burn something so badly before.” Alex laughs at the memory.
“Yeah and then you guys came to our house, woke us up just to make you two breakfast.” Tobin adds on to the memory.
I remember that day we were just getting to know them but Kelley didn’t care, she came barging over anyways. I remember she came into my room without even knocking first before telling me to get up and make her breakfast. That was around the time I knew she was going to be someone important in my life.
We continue to tell happy stories about Kelley and her antics. We could barely make it through the entire breakfast without someone choking or spitting something up.
We all clean up the kitchen and get ready to sit in the living room. We all squeeze onto the same couch all fitting except for Sydney who sits on Kristie’s lap.
I press play on the dvd.
It shows our bed empty as Kelley fusses with the focus on the camera. She prances to the bed jumping on it like a little kid. She smiles into the camera and I have to remember to breathe. The light is coming in through the window and shining against her face. The light accentuates her eyes and makes her freckles even more prominent than usual. She has a breathtaking elegance to her that I will never be able to put into words.
“Hi friends.” She sighs out happily. “You guys are currently outside arguing about something silly so I decided to come in and make this video quickly. We all know what this video is for by now…and well I guess it’s been a year since we have been together.” She smiles sadly, “It has been a long journey this past year and I just want to say how proud I am of all of you.” She looks out the window for a moment and closes her eyes.
She breathes in deep like she breathing in the sun, like the warmth will give her the strength that she needs to make this video.
“I’m not sure what day it is today…” She pauses and I realize she doesn’t know that date. My stomach thinks realizing how scary that is. “I know that you all have had your challenges with this and I hope that my videos and letters have helped. Today I hope you can all be at the point where we can celebrate today and not mourn.”
She reaches for a piece of paper on the bed and holds it up triumphantly.
“So in order to ensure that you guys are celebrating today I want you to open the note I left for you and complete the first item on my bucket list.”
I pull out the folded piece of paper that has Kelley’s writing on it. The note is labeled Kelley’s Bucket List and has a long list of things she wanted to do in her life.
A pang of sadness releases through me but I push it away quickly. I look at her number one on my bucket list and can’t help but let out a chuckle.
I can remember the day she begged me to do it. We drove for a couple of hours trying to find this place and we ended up getting so lost we had to stay the night at a hotel. We never ended up doing what she wanted but we did have an amazing weekend together.
“Tell us what we are doing.” Tobin is eager to figure out what adventure Kelley has for us.
“Skydiving.” I say it and get some mixed emotions and like it was on cue Kelley starts to laugh.
“Kris and Syd it isn’t a big deal, you will be fine I promise!” Kelley smiles encouragingly, “So you all now know what I want you to do today to celebrate. You should be there by at least 10:00am so you better get going now.” She claps happily, “Now if I could have a moment alone with my wife.” She nods looking from one side of the screen to the other.”
“Alright guys let’s get going.” Tobin stands up to lead the group out of the room.
“Before you guys leave I just want you to all know how much I love and miss you guys.”
“I love you’s” were said throughout the group before they went into the other room to get their stuff ready.
Kelley smiles patiently at the screen and I can feel her warmth surround me. She takes in a deep breath, blowing it out before she starts. I feel the anticipation soaking in.
“Hey beautiful.” She breathes out, “I just want you to know that I am so proud of you. I can’t put in to words how proud I am that you have stayed so strong. I know that it must seem unbearable at times but I know you have pushed past it. I know you have built a successful and beautiful café. I know you have a gorgeous dog that you have fallen in love with.” She winks, “I told you that we needed a dog! They make everything better. I just want you to know that I know you are making steps to moving on and I am so happy for you that you are.You better get going before Sydney starts to back out. Celebrate today for me beautiful because I’ll constantly be by your side. I love you Ashlyn.” Kelley blows me a kiss. “Oh and Ashlyn… carry me.”
The camera shuts off and I let the sound of her voice soak into my skin.
“Ready to go bud?” Tobin asks walking in with my back pack.
“Of course.” I smile letting the video uplift and carry me through today.
*
It’s about a two hour drive to where we are going. It’s a beautiful day out so we all piled into my jeep and are on our way.
“I can’t believe we have to skydive can’t we do anything else?”Kristie moans
“We are doing something else, we are having a bonfire tonight and we are going to donate money to a charity.” Tobin smiles excitingly.
“She has so much on this list.” Alex smiles staring at the paper.
“Well we have forever to get it done.” I smile feeling motivated by Kelley’s video to skydive.
“What charity are we doing?” Sydney asks and it’s been something I have been thinking about.
“Well Ali is involved with a charity and that group for individuals or families dealing with cancer. I think we should split it and donate to both. It would really help out.” I suggest.
“That sounds perfect.” Syd says excitedly, “win you some bonus points with Ali too.” This gets some noise from the car.
“Have you talked to her today?” Alex asks.
“I think she is giving me some space to have today to be with you guys, but she did text me telling me she was thinking of me.” I feel my face flush thinking about how understanding Ali has been leading up to today. We have been so open and able to discuss my feelings. She has helped me in ways I don’t think anyone else would have been able to.
“You guys have been spending a lot of time together Ash.” Kris notes smiling. I know they all love Ali and I think she would be the only girl that they would approve of. “Things getting serious?”
“I think so.” I smile thinking about how close we have gotten.
“Well we are happy for you.” Alex turns to me and I can tell she genuinely means it.
We sit listening to music letting the noise and surroundings put our mind at ease. Sydney starts to sing obnoxiously and we end up all joining her in her twisted version of a Katy Perry song. Tobin ends up laughing so hard she starts to choke and Kristie has to shove her hand against Sydney’s mouth to get her to stop.
“Sydney you’re killing Tobin.” Alex jokingly yells.
“Hold on guys.” Kristie yells, “Ash can you turn the music down. Hope is calling me.”
Hope and Kristie are still together but it’s been a little rocky. Ever since Kristie moved back to our place, Hope and her have been walking on eggshells. Kristie is constantly in paranoia that Hope isn’t happy, mostly because Hope isn’t happy. I see it in Hope’s eyes at work or whenever Kristie leaves. I think Hope knows it isn’t working but she continues to hold on.
“Hello.” Kristie laughs at Sydney who won’t stop tickling Tobin causing Tobin to squirm all over the back seat. “No no sorry I’m here, Sydney is just-” Kristie pauses for a second listening to Hope, “No Hope I told you-”
I look in my rearview mirror and I can tell Hope and Kristie are fighting. Kristie has her eyes closed and Sydney is staring at her sympathetically.
“Hope...no let me just say some-” Kristie tries to cut Hope off, but it isn’t successful, “Don’t pull that shit with me! I told you I wouldn’t be around today because of-“I can’t hear what Hope is saying but I can tell by the look on Kristie, Sydney, and Tobin’s faces that it definitely isn’t good.
“Stop right there…will you just listen-.” Kristie raises her voice into the phone, “I told you today I would be with my friends. It’s Kelley’s one year, you know that…Hope I did tell you…I told you when we hung out the other day…I’m…you’re right I’m sorry I really thought I told you…Hope you know I care…I probably won’t be back at all tonight…I know you wanted me to meet your friends…I forgot…I’m sorry Hope…bye.”
The car goes silent and I can see Sydney grab Kristie’s hand for comfort. Kristie has her head on her hands and Sydney is whispering something to her.
“I can’t keep doing this.” Kristie replies back in a sad voice, “It just isn’t the same anymore.”
“What’s going on?” Alex asks concerned.
“Hope had asked me to meet her friends and I guess I misunderstood her or I wasn’t listening to when she wanted me to. She has been waiting for me to go up to her friend’s lake house.”
“She will understand.”
“I heard the underlying anger in her voice that was just filled with disappointment as well.” Kristie scoffs, “Whatever I’ll deal with it later, for now I just want to spend time with my friends.”
“That’s the spirit!” Sydney tries to lighten the mood, “Now let’s turn that music up!”
We spend the rest of the car ride listening to Sydney’s music and trying to make sure she doesn’t kill anyone with her singing and impromptu dance moves.
*
“Welcome to Bay Area Skydiving.” A man greets us happily as soon as we walk in, “My name is Jeff and I’m the owner and an instructor here. What can I do for you guys today?”
“Well we are here to skydive.” I shrug not really knowing how to go about this.
“So why don’t we get you guys set up…here are some clipboards with some information to fill out.” He passes us paperwork to fill out.”
“Thanks.” I smile at me.
“You know you look really familiar.” He says staring at me for a moment. “Have you been here before?”
“No we’re from San Fran.” I explain.
“I didn’t catch your name.”
“Ashlyn O’Hara.” A realization flickers in his eyes for a moment followed by a brief sadness.
“Kelley’s wife?”
“Kelley O’Hara would be my wife.” I give him a small smile feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
“We’ve been expecting you.” He says sadly, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.” I nod my head, quickly wanting to move on I try to redirect the conversation, “So you were expecting us?”
“Yes you are going to be tandem skydiving today!” He quickly bounces back from his mood, “Kelley has it all set up and it looks like we have everyone who we need here except one? “
“Heather couldn’t join us today.” I reply.
“Alright that’s okay.” He looks at a clipboard then back up at me, “Kelley is was very enthusiastic about this. Why don’t you guys follow me so we can get started?”
I walk into a small office and eye the room. Jeff makes a phone call telling him not to schedule anyone else and that he will be full and needs instructors. I land on a picture of two people with a jumpsuit and harnesses on. I realize with shock that one of them is Kelley. I must’ve made a face because I hear a small chuckle from him when I pick up the picture frame.
“Didn’t know Kelley skydived before?”
“Not at all.” I look up at him, “How long ago was this?”
“It was last March or April. She came in one day with another girl and she wanted-”
“With who?” I ask curiously.
“What was her name…”He thought for a moment. “It’s awful I can’t think of it. Kelley brought her here to do it and I can’t even remember the girl’s name. She hard dark hair…what was it?”
“Didn’t Erin come up around that time?” Alex tries to think of who it could be.
“Yeah she was.” Tobin agreed. “Sound familiar?”’
“You know that actually does sound like a familiar name to me!” He smiles at the recognition. “Anyways she came in and wanted this girl to experience skydiving. During the paperwork she told me about her situation. I could tell she was struggling with it so I suggested that she do it too.”
“Did she love it?” I ask curiously.
“She said it was life altering. You’re freefalling at about 120 miles an hour. I think that say she definitely got she was looking for.” He smiles remembering their experience. “Anyways she came and saw me a couple weeks later. Kelley told us all about you and it is honestly a pleasure to finally meet you. We’ve sadly been waiting quite some time for this day. It is our honor to be able to help you check off Kelley’s number one on her bucket list.”
“Well we’re excited.”
“Except for Kristie and Sydney?” He questions looking at his paperwork that he pulled from a folder from his desk. “It says that they might give me a hard time.”
We all look at Kristie and Syd who have fear written all over their faces.
“Maybe a little.” Sydney grumbles and everyone laughs.
“Well we will take good care of you here today.” He smiles excitedly, “It is one of the most exhilarating experiences. So let’s get you all set up.”
We spend the next half hour filling out forms and meeting our instructors. We each got paired with an instructor who guides us through the process and answered our questions.
Once we all learn the basics of freefall body position and what we need to do to have an easy freefall we board the aircraft.
“Are we going to die?” Kristie asks nervously as we ascend into the air.
“No you won’t die.” Her instructor laughs.
We reach the designated altitude and we are all buzzing with nerves.
“Alright who goes first?” Jeff asks all of us.
“I will.” I raise my hand immediately excited to experience what Kelley already has.
“Alright then.” He smiles. “Ready to make a skydive?”
“Yes.”
The next think I know I hear loud noises from the door opening and I’m sliding on my knees to the edge of the door. All of my thoughts vanish as we are leaning forward over the edge and with that were out of the aircraft.
The experience was euphoric. I feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. Descending to the ground felt like time stood completely still. There is nothing around you that makes you feel like you’re moving. The force of the wind pushing up at me is the strongest thing I have ever felt. I close my eyes relishing in the feeling. In that moment I felt Kelley all around me. I felt her embrace, her warmth, and her power. I was in my own world, time frozen, and Kelley is all around me. I feel never but utter peace and serenity.
Jeff pulls the chute and we drastically slow down. I feel a slight dizziness take over but I hold on to the moment. I look around taking in the surrounding and how gorgeous the view is. We get to the landing as the chute begins to level out and we slide forward into grass.
I’m on the ground. The moment is over and I feel like I’m in complete shock.
“How was it?” Jeff laughs still feeling the adrenaline.
“I don’t even know how to answer that.” I laugh along with him.
It takes a few minutes for all of us to finally meet up and when we do we can’t help but laugh and hug. Along with some very happy tears.
*
It’s been almost six hours since we skydived and we still can’t put into words how extraordinary the experience was.
We came home and immediately got food to make hamburgers and hot dogs. On Kelley’s bucket list it said she wanted us to celebrate her with a bonfire. We came down to the beach and have been pigging out on food and beer since we got here.
We played soccer and Frisbee for a while letting KO join us in the fun. We walked along the beach putting our toes into the sand. Everyone was light from our experience and I could tell that it changed us. There is such clarity and calmness in everyone’s expressions.
“Dude I honestly just cannot get over it.” Tobin smiles, passing me another beer. We finally are resting and enjoying the “It’s just, it puts everything in perspective.”
“It really did.” Sydney agrees as she stares at Kristie.
“All I want right now is to enjoy this food, this beer and this fire with you guys.” Kristie raises her beer.
“Cheers to that.”
“Cheers.”
“Amen!”
“Cheers.” I smile at all of my friends enjoying this moment and today. Kristie’s phone goes off for the third time that night. She looks at her phone and puts it back down.
“Hope?” Tobin questions.
“Yes.” Kristie huffs out taking another drink of her beer. “Third apology text slash wish you were here.”
“You know Kris if you aren’t happy then you shouldn’t stay.”
“I was happy or I thought I was.” I can tell Kristie is struggling with her decision, “It was just so easy with her.”
“Easy doesn’t mean its better.” Sydney voices her opinion, “Love shouldn’t be easy. It should be fun, exciting, a pain in the ass, laughter, and at the end of the day worth it.”
“Like a wise girl once told me, if it doesn’t make you happy then it isn’t worth the trouble.”
“Kelley?”
“Sounds like it.” Tobin smirks.
“Oh god do I miss her.” Alex looks up at the clear sky, “She loved the beach, everything about it. She loved us. “Do you realize how happy and proud Kelley is?” Alex looks at all of us, “We have come such a long way and we have been through so much, and at the end of the day we are all still together.”
“We’re awesome.” Sydney shrugs feeling content.
“I remember the first day I met Kelley. A boy named Travis took my favorite doll and would give it back. Well Kelley came stomping over and pushed him right on the ground. She got right on top of him and pushed his face right in the sand and said if he touched my doll again he would give me a knuckle sandwich.” Alex laughs at the memory, “She was so tough.”
“Well let me tell you about the first time I actually like met her besides at the beach party.” Sydney begins and we all groan at this story. “Guys it’s not that bad!”
“You almost got arrested!”
“Yeah Kristie and Kelley had to talk with police officers just to let you go.”
“It wasn’t my fault that the cop didn’t know I was princess of the Netherlands.”
“You’re an idiot.” Alex groans, laughing at Sydney’s stupid antics.
We tell stories about our time with each other and Kelley. The storied usually involved Kelley embarrassing herself or us, getting us in some crazy situation, pissing us off, or us dying in laughter.
I looked around at my friends, feeling so blessed and lucky to have them in my life. We have been through such a hard and long year but we have made it. We have picked up the pieces and put them back together the best we can.
Kelley helped us pull each other up. Kelley has continued to stay in our lives and help us through losing her.
I feel so blessed to have been the love of her life.
The night slowly comes to an end and everyone starts to say their goodbyes. Alex and Tobin go back to their house. Kristie and Sydney head inside to go to bed and I head to mine and Kelley’s spot.
“Hey boy.” I laugh as KO comes up to me wigging his entire body in excitement. He runs around in circles sniffing the sand and enjoying the cool night air.
I sit here trying to remember this feeling of skydiving but it almost feels impossible. I can see why Kelley encouraged it so much. Jeff told me that skydiving for Kelley somehow brought her courage and strength to tell me about her cancer. It gave her strength and took away her fear.
I feel like it took away my doubt. It’s like the whole way down the wind that wrapped around me wiped away any fear or doubt about not making Kelley happy or following what she would want.
I feel so at peace and I know that is what Kelley wanted for all of us. She knew this would happen.
I don’t know how to thank her enough.
I sit there a little longer throwing a stick for KO until he was tired and ready to go inside. I stand up from our spot inhaling the cool night air.
I think about Ali then and how all night I wished she was there with me. I should text her once I charge my phone.
When I get to the front walk way I stop and smile in amusement as I watch Ali pace back and forth at my front porch. He face is serious and I can tell she is deep in thought.
“You know if you stay here much longer the neighbors are going to call the cops.” Ali jumps at my voice clearly startled.
“Hey Ash.” She smiles embarrassed.
“What are you doing here?”
“Well I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I texted you a couple times just to check in on you and when you didn’t text back I got worried…I just wanted to make sure…honestly I just really missed you and was worried. I know today was important and you needed to be with your friends but I just really wanted to be here in case you needed someone.” Her face is focused and concerned. Her eyes are wondering my face looking for a response and her eyebrows are doing that cute furrow thing she does.
“I missed you.” I smile wrapping my hands around her waist, “I missed you all day.”
“I missed you.” She wraps her arms around my neck, “Are you okay?”
“Honestly, yes.” I say confidently. “Thank you for stopping by to make sure thought, it is really sweet of you.”
“What did you do today?”
“We went skydiving. Kelley gave us this bucket list and her number one thing was skydiving. When we got there I found out she already did it before. I think she just wanted to experience what she did. Alex the experience was just-”
“The most exhilarating thing you have ever experienced.” She smiles.
“You’ve done it before?”
“Yes I did.” She looks at me, “Don’t think you’re the only one who is adventurous.”
“You continue to amaze me.” I hold her tighter, “You know all day all I wanted to do was have you there. Is that weird? I feel like you’re a part of our family now and like you knew Kelley. I’m just really glad you’re here now.”
“I just-” I kiss Ali and it instantly spreads warmth through my body. She moves her lips slightly and I feel the dizziness and excitement ignite my body.
I realize then that the feeling of her lips is a lot like freefalling.