Chapter Text
The day wore on and somehow without either of them really noticing, they had managed to work up to the beginnings of sunset. This fact was only really brought to Riza's attention when the light coming in through the kitchen window became so dim that she found herself squinting at the page in front of her. Blinking the strain from her eyes, she looked up to the window and was temporarily taken in by the sight of the sun's last dying rays. She was reminded of a poem she'd once read; something about the majesty of living things being most evident at the start of life and at its end. She wasn't sure what that said about her, thinking such things while watching a sunset. But death, or rather the lingering nature of death, had taken up residence in this house for the last year as she tended to her ailing father, so perhaps such thoughts weren't so strange after all. She thinks the author of that poem had spent far too much time looking at sunsets and surely never witnessed an actual death in person. There was certainly nothing about how her father had died that spoke of any kind of majesty.
She turned from her contemplation of the sun and looked to see if Roy had noticed the sudden lack of light. Unsurprisingly, he hadn't. She watched him in amusement for a few seconds as he leaned forward in his chair, squinting at the fine print of the book in front of him, before picking it up with a small sound of aggravation and bringing it up to his face. For all his vast intelligence and analytical mind, the future Flame Alchemist seemed incapable of realizing that his sudden lack of visual clarity was the fault of the dying light, and not in fact the position of his book. Riza chuckled quietly to herself and wondered if she should just wait this out and see how long it took Roy to become aware of his surroundings. But then she realized she didn't want to be here all night. So instead she stood up, wincing as she stretched muscles that had remained in one position for far too long, and made her way to the counter to light the candles she'd placed there earlier.
Her task complete, she carried two candles over to the table and placed them a safe distance away from the various papers scattered about. Roy blinked in confusion at the sudden light, then looked around in surprise at what was to him, the very sudden onset of dusk. Pushing his chair back and standing up, succumbing to the same muscle strain Riza had experienced earlier, he stretched his arms above his head giving way to a distinct popping sound. This seemed to be his goal as he sighed in contentment and lowered his arms afterward. Glancing at her he smiled gratefully.
"I want to thank you Riza, for being willing to stick it out with me all day. I wouldn't have gotten through a fourth of this stuff on my own. I really am grateful."
"I'm happy to help," she said with a soft smile. She thought for a moment then continued, "We're almost done, you know. There's just a few more symbols to find. Do you want to try to finish this tonight?"
Roy scratched his head and gazed at the notes and books scattered across the table with an expression somewhere between hopeful and exhausted. "I guess we probably should," he said with a sigh. "That way we can start fresh tomorrow. Cause ya know, that was only about half of the symbols that need to researched, we're going to have to do this again tomorrow regardless." He smiled at the sour look that crossed her face at his statement, then stepped around the table to her side. "I really mean it, thank you. You've been invaluable today. And you don't really have to help me tomorrow if you don't want to, although I sure would appreciate it."
She smiled a bit shyly at his proximity, or maybe it was the way the candlelight played across his face, before replying. "You're welcome, Roy. Like I said, I'm more than happy to help you any way I can. And that includes subjecting myself to this unfathomable tedium all over again tomorrow." He snorted out a laugh at that, reiterating his thanks.
After a moment they locked eyes, both seemingly on the cusp of saying something but being unable to get it out. In the interim Roy found himself entranced by the dance of shadows and light cast upon her face by the lantern on the nearby counter. He subconsciously wet his lips and swallowed, mouth suddenly feeling dry.
"Are you going to tell me what was bothering you this morning?" He asked, softly.
She lifted one brow slightly in confusion for a second before recognition dawned on her face. "It was nothing, really," she said, one corner of her mouth lifting at his concern. "It's just that-"
She paused, seemingly thinking better of broaching the subject at all. With a sigh she decided to just be honest with him, as she always had before. "When I was younger I attempted to learn alchemy from my father." Roy's brows lifted in surprise at this, but he refrained from comment until she was finished. "When he first decided to take on an apprentice, I told him I wanted to learn. I'd always been curious about his work. But," she stalled briefly mid sentence, staring off at a point over his shoulder for a moment, then turned her eyes back to his face and continued. "But I had difficulty understanding any of it. It didn't take long for him to lose his patience with me. I tried to make him change his mind, but I shouldn't have pushed him, it just made him angry. I guess I was just nervous about working with alchemy texts again." She smiled reassuringly at him. "I appreciate your concern, but it really doesn't matter."
Frowning slightly, Roy took a step toward her eliminating the remaining distance between them and fixed her with a serious look. "It does matter. He hurt you, and seeing as how it still bothers you, I'm inclined to believe he hurt you deeply. I doubt he even took the time to notice, and I know he didn't bother to apologize."
At this she lowered her eyes to the floor unable to hold his gaze. Reaching out, he gently lifted her face with his fingers under her chin. Once she was looking at him again he spoke. "Riza, I want you to listen to me and I want to you believe what I say. All the things your father has done to you, no matter how big or small or how long ago, none of it was okay. He doesn't get a free pass just because he was troubled or sick or because he's now dead. He was not a good father to you. You were always a good daughter, but he failed you as a father. And none of it was your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve such treatment. A child shouldn't feel like they have to earn their parents' love. None of that was okay Riza, and you are well within your rights to feel hurt. Okay?"
She searched his eyes for a moment, finding a familiar tenderness there, a look she liked to believe he reserved only for her. She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat and resisting the feel of oncoming tears. There was no reason for her to cry. Roy removed his hand from her chin and softly brushed her bangs away from her eyes. He cupped her face with his palm and gently ran his thumb under the corner of her left eye, catching the small amount of wetness there before it could fall. She turned her head away from his hand and scrubbed at her eye in shame, mumbling something about getting dinner started. Before she could turn away from him he reached out, grasping both her shoulders gently and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. He kept his hold on her loose, giving her every opportunity to pull away if she wanted. After a few seconds of stunned silence, in which she seemed unsure how to process his actions, she returned his embrace and only then did he hug her tightly.
He was warm and solid and familiar and she instantly felt all tension leave her body. She relaxed in his hold and rested her face against his shoulder, allowing herself this moment of comfort. It occurred to her that this was the first real positive physical contact she'd had since she and Roy had hugged their goodbyes at the train station two years ago.
The next morning Riza woke up feeling better than she had in years. The weight of the world that seemed to have permanently settled itself on her shoulders had lifted, if only slightly, giving way to a lightness in her spirit. The previous night she and Roy had sat down to a modest dinner, that he insisted on helping her cook to repay her for her assistance, equivalent exchange and all that, then finished up the rest of their remaining research. By that time they were both beyond exhausted and retired immediately after cleaning up the kitchen. She'd been so tired in fact, that she had fallen asleep in her clothes from the previous day, face down on top of the covers.
The morning had been a calm and pleasant affair. Over breakfast Roy spoke animatedly about his new friend Hughes that he'd met at the academy and all the various shenanigans they'd gotten up to, as well as all the other things that had been going on in his life lately. He carried most of the conversation, as she would've been hard pressed to speak about anything that had happened in her life in the last few years that wasn't depressing or disturbing, and she didn't wish to ruin either of their good moods. Roy seemed to sense this as he kept his inquiries to a minimum and steered clear of any uncomfortable topics. Riza for her part, was just enjoying listening to him speak. Although she had never considered the quiet to be uncomfortable, there had been far too much of it in this house since he'd left. Funny, how she'd never considered the lack of conversation in her home to be a negative until Roy had come along. After breakfast, and a short stint on the couch as Roy made copies of large parts of the tattoo to be researched, the two of them settled in at the kitchen table amongst stacks of books and papers for another long day.
Thankfully, the atmosphere had improved tremendously since she had first revealed the tattoo to Roy. Any trace of awkwardness had all but faded, the initial lingering tension that spoke of Roy's concealed anger had passed, and the two fell into an easy rhythm as they worked. Conversation came much easier than it had the previous day, with Riza actually providing her fair share thereof. At times throughout the day she almost felt as if she were speaking too much, unused to voicing her thoughts aloud so easily. During the last two years in particular, she found herself retreating further and further into her own solitude; first after the creation of the array, and the emotional fallout that followed, and then while tending to her father's slow physical and mental decline. In the midst of all that, she never really had any opportunity or occasion to speak for herself. She had discovered, to her embarrassment, that she almost didn't remember how to carry on a normal conversation. Thankfully, Roy had always excelled in that area. His uncanny ability to chase away the shadows that clung stubbornly to the corners of this old house, and sometimes followed her outside its confines, had always astounded her. Just like when he'd first come into her life and extended his hand in friendship, his presence now beat back her darker thoughts and made it possible for her to believe in something better, even if only for a short time.
She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or frightened at the way she'd come to rely on him. He wasn't going to stay here forever after all, but regardless of that, one day she would have to learn to deal with her anxieties and apparent depression on her own. She was only now realizing that shutting herself off from the world and focusing entirely on menial tasks did not qualify as dealing with it. The life her father had lead, and the lonely, regretful way he had died, was a painful and frightening example of where this type of thinking would one day lead her, if she allowed it. But that was a contemplation for another time. For now, she had a job to do, and she endeavored to apply her full focus and attention to doing that job, and doing it right.
The comforting atmosphere and easy conversation allowed the day to pass without incident or awkwardness. Lessons learned from the previous day's strain led to a mutual agreement to be more mindful of both physical and mental stress this time around. A break every two hours (standing up and walking around a bit required), and snacks within easy reach on the table at all times were the agreed upon terms. And if they became sidetracked during one of those breaks, ending up sprawled in front of the fireplace deep in conversation, well that too was deemed permissible. Unlike before, when day eventually gave way to night it caught neither of them by surprise, and not feeling nearly as fatigued this time around, they saw no reason to call it quits just yet. The subtle silence that always accompanies the dark brought most of their conversation to a natural halt. The limited reach of candlelight narrowing their focus to the books and pages in front of them and eliminating distractions. Well, most distractions.
While Riza was attending to her work with a diligence that would become legendary during her military career, Roy was finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything other than the young woman sitting across from him. He wanted to blame it on the subtle change in atmosphere brought about by the transition from day to night, but he knew such things only served to enhance his preexisting attraction to Riza Hawkeye. Looking at her in the low candlelight, concentrating intently on a finding a particularly strange symbol in one of her father's books, it was very easy for Roy to imagine marrying her. He'd never thought himself the marrying type in his younger days, or at least, not until he was much further along in his military career. Being a husband or starting a family had just not been very high on his priority list (although according to Hughes, this was a very bad thing that should be rectified immediately). But he could very easily get down on one knee right now, if he didn't think she'd call him out on his stupidity. And she would, it was one of her favorite pastimes. Roy wasn't ignorant of his feelings for her, despite how awkward and muddled they at times were.
Initially the two of them didn't get on very well. Roy thought she was strange and kind of creepy; he never did get used to her uncanny ability to move through the house completely silently, not to mention rude, as she had rebuffed all of his attempts at conversation. Riza for her part, regarded him with the same cool detachment she reserved for all of her father's students. By that time she was used to having strange men of all ages in her home, and found it in her best interest to ignore them. Roy had been surprised to learn that he was far from Master Hawkeye's first apprentice, but couldn't help being a bit smug when Riza informed him that he was the first to last longer than two weeks. Once past that initial hurdle however, they became friends almost over night, and suddenly it was as if they had always known one another. Even the occasionally awkward moments weren't uncomfortable.
During his stay at the Hawkeye home, Roy found himself spending any and all time not devoted to his studies in Riza's company. And sometimes, when Master Hawkeye was so preoccupied with his research that he left Roy to his own devices, he would take his study materials into the main room where Riza liked to read by the fireplace. And while they did spend a fair amount of time indulging in recreational activities, for the most part being a good friend to Riza entailed helping out with her chores. Lucky for the both of them, Madame Christmas had made sure Roy knew a thing or two about keeping up a house. They cleaned together, cooked together, made trips to town together. She watched in barely concealed amusement as he fumbled his way through things like fishing, woodcutting, and picking apples like the clueless city boy he was. She even let him accompany her on a hunting trip once, and only once. You're far too loud and clumsy, Mr. Mustang. I'll never catch anything with you around. She definitely knew how to make him feel like an idiot. But he was always her idiot, so it was alright with him.
In the final years of his apprenticeship, Roy wouldn't deny harboring a bit of a crush on his master's daughter. Although he endeavored not to dwell on such thoughts, convinced that Master Hawkeye could glean them just by looking into his eyes. By that time, Roy was devoting a significant amount of time to studying Riza instead of his alchemy texts. As an alchemist, Roy would always be a scientist at his core, and as such he tended to view everything from the perspective of one. Every situation or person he was presented with was thoroughly observed and analyzed whenever possible. He viewed everything in his life as a puzzle to solve, and Riza Hawkeye was perhaps the biggest puzzle of them all. In retrospect Roy realizes that all his silent observations of Riza might have been just a little on the creepy side, but in his teenaged awkwardness it was all he was capable of. As unbelievable as it may seem, there was a time when Roy Mustang was not so smooth with the ladies. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Regrettably he could never be too sure whether said crush was entirely reciprocated. Although he'd learned to understand Riza's subtle body language and restrained facial expressions over the years, she was still frustratingly difficult to read at times. On the other hand, he was sure his emotions were an open book to her, although certainly not intentionally. Sometimes all she had to do was look at him a certain way and he'd suddenly find himself struck dumb, unable to remember what he'd been saying. If Roy had a cenz for every time he'd done something embarrassing in front of her; dropping something that he'd had a firm grasp on just moments before, banging his knee on a table, overlooking something right in front of his face, tripping up the stairs (always up, never down), he could just buy the entire military and do with it as he pleased.
When he'd made the fatal mistake of accidentally divulging his intention to join the military to Master Hawkeye, he had immediately been all but banished from the Hawkeye home. He'd had to leave quickly, with promises to write to Riza, and that it definitely wouldn't be the last time they saw each other. He'd been beyond depressed and angry. Not only had he destroyed any chance he may have had of learning flame alchemy, but he was losing his best friend too. They'd said their goodbyes under an old shade tree that they had frequently retreated to over the years. He'd kissed her, and somehow managed to do so without bumping her nose or saying something stupid afterwards. She's smiled at him and although it may have just been the sun, he swears her cheeks had filled with color, and in that moment he was content. Even if everything else he'd tried to accomplish here ended up being for nothing, meeting Riza Hawkeye had been worth it. She'd walked him to the train station despite his protests, it was a long walk back after all. He'd leaned out the window and waved to her until he could no longer see her.
Shortly after returning to Central, he'd enrolled in the military academy and from then on his days were filled with intense study and equally intense training, to the point where he often neglected to write Riza as frequently as he should've. He didn't forget about her, on the contrary she was often at the center of his thoughts at night when everything was quiet, but Roy Mustang had a goal to accomplish and it was time to get serious. He finished his training and entered into service as an officer, feeling like he was well on his way, even lacking flame alchemy. With more time to himself, he resumed his letter writing, eagerly checking for her responses in the mail. After only a few months of exchanging letters, he'd laid out an additional plan for his future. He would attempt to pass the State Alchemy exam without flame alchemy, but even if he failed he would work hard to establish his career as a soldier and rise to a respectable rank. He would buy himself a nice apartment, put back some money and establish some stability. Then a few years down the road, he would return to the Hawkeye residence. He would make one last formal plea to Master Hawkeye for the honor of learning flame alchemy, and be very unwilling to take no for an answer this time. Regardless of the outcome, he would then ask Riza to be his wife. He would accomplish his dream with her by his side. He'd come to a place where he couldn't really imagine it any other way. Hughes would be delighted, he was sure.
In the present, he'd come back to his master's house much earlier than he'd planned. He was a soldier yes, but that was about it. He'd yet to make a real name for himself, he hadn't taken the State Alchemy exam, he was still living on base. He was not yet in a position where he felt he could offer her everything she deserved. After the revelations of the last few days, he wasn't sure he ever would be.
The next day passed in a manner much the same until finally, in the wee hours of the morning, three days after they had initially began, Riza found the last archaic symbol in one of her father's ancient, moth-eaten books. At the time she'd been looking for the same symbol for the past four hours, having enlisted Roy's help in her endeavor once he'd finished his own list. The hour had been late even then, but neither of them wanted to stop when they were so close to their goal. When she did finally locate the object of her frustrations, she initially passed right over it assuming that, like all the other hundreds and hundreds of symbols her eyes had skimmed over in the last few hours, this wasn't it. She'd done a proverbial double take in shock at the page before her, not quite believing that this nightmare of tedium might actually be over. After taking a few seconds to process what her eyes were seeing, double and then triple checking to make sure she had indeed found it, she slowly picked up her pen and marked the relevant information next to the symbol in question, as she had done many times in the past few days. Work finished, she sat the pen back in its place, leaned back in her chair and stared at the now finished list in front of her.
Still in a slight state of shock, she looked up to where Roy was sitting hunched over the table across from her, flipping through the pages of three different books simultaneously with tired eyes and a frown of aggravation permanently etched on his face. She grinned widely, perhaps a bit punch drunk from such a long day and the late hour, and opened her mouth to inform Roy of her discovery, only to find her throat far too dry to get the words out. Frowning at the realization that she had neglected to properly hydrate during the night, she took a sip from a glass of water that had been sitting far to her right. Vocal cords now restored to proper working order, she cleared her throat and tried again.
"Roy," she said. When her statement prompted no response from him, she repeated herself louder. "Roy." He looked up at her, a bit startled, seemingly confused for a moment about where he was. Blinking the tiredness from his eyes, he focused the remainder of his dwindling capacity for attention on her. Once he was looking her in the eye, she allowed a silly grin to cross her face again.
"Roy, I… I found it. The last one. I found it." Some part of her addled brain realized she wasn't articulating herself very well, but caught in a state somewhere between exhausted and elated, she found she didn't much care.
Roy blinked slowly at her several times, apparently having as much trouble processing this bit of information as she had. When realization did sink in, his tired, aggravated expression slowly morphed into one of shock, and then finally, sheer joy. The same silly, slightly manic grin Riza sported appearing on his own face, Roy spoke in a voice tinged in slight awe. "You… you found it? You found it. The last symbol. We're… we're done?" She nodded vigorously at him, smile still in place, too happy to care how silly she must look.
A few seconds passed in silence before Roy suddenly leapt from his seat, knocking his chair over onto the floor with a loud clang that shattered the quiet that had permeated the Hawkeye home for the majority of the day. Startling Riza out of her own chair, Roy half ran/half jumped over the table to her side, knocking several books over in the process, and scooped her up in his arms in one swift movement, swinging her around with a cry of elation. With little choice otherwise, Riza clung to him in surprise, but the excitement and relief of the moment was infectious, and at such a late hour she found herself swept up in it, laughing along with him. After a few moments of spinning, Roy crushed her to him in a full body hug, and quite caught up in the moment himself, kissed her fiercely on the side of her mouth. Whether or not his aim was off in his muddled state, was anyone's guess.
Before Riza could properly react to his actions, Roy had already sat her feet back on the floor and turned to snatch up the final finished list of research, running his eyes up and down the page confirming that, yes, every single item had a book name and page number scribbled next to it. Fumbling over the stacks of books on the table, he picked up the other papers Riza had researched, then reached across to retrieve his own. Holding the finished stack of papers in his slightly trembling hands, he let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. Realizing that he was letting sleep deprivation get the best of him, he took a moment to compose himself before turning to Riza with a slightly less deranged smile. She was a right sight, to be honest. Eyes red and slightly puffy from strain, short hair sticking up in odd directions, mussed from running her hands through it in annoyance throughout the night, expression tired but relieved, directing a crooked half smile his way as she leaned her hip against the table. Roy had never seen anyone more beautiful.
"We did it," he said, proudly. "Thank you, Riza. Really. I'll never be able to thank you enough, there is no way I could've done this on my own. At least, not without loosing my mind."
She nodded slightly in agreement with his statement, now fully content in the knowledge that any lingering trace of her childhood curiosity about alchemy had been thoroughly sated. Riza had always considered herself to be a fairly patient person, but even she had her limits. Alchemy, she decided, was definitely not her forte. She could swear her brain was actually throbbing inside her skull from overuse. She certainly didn't envy Roy his upcoming task of deciphering all those ridiculous scribbles they'd spent three days searching for. She felt a great sense of relief that she would be unable to assist him properly in doing so, and therefore free from the responsibility. Relief tainted with only a faint twinge of guilt.
Rubbing her temples in an attempt to alleviate the aforementioned throbbing, she replied, "I'm sure you could've done it without me, although not in such a short amount of time, and definitely not as efficiently." He scoffed sarcastically at that, but found he couldn't refute her statement. "Either way, you're welcome. I can't exactly say it was a pleasure though."
He laughed outright at that, pinching the bridge of his nose to stave off his own pounding headache. A fruitless gesture. "Neither can I. I think we may have pushed it a little too much today. We should've quit hours ago and put this off till tomorrow."
Glancing into the other room, he squinted in the dim light at a clock handing on the wall, frowning when he was able to make out the exact time. "Yeah, definitely should've stopped a long time ago," he muttered to himself. Turning back to her, he continued in a normal tone. "But, I am immensely relieved that all this monotonous searching is over." He heaved a massive sigh, seemingly purging himself of the accumulated stress of the day. "Now I can finally get started on the fun stuff."
Through her exhaustion and now furious headache, she couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. "Well, I leave that in your very capable hands. I think I'll spend all day tomorrow sleeping, thank you."
"That's not a bad idea," Roy replied, rubbing his chin in thought, and was briefly startled at the feel of stubble against his fingers. They really had been at this a long time. "Maybe I'll call and request for an extension of leave time. A few extra days to catch up on my sleep." He was only half joking at this point.
They stood in silence for a few moments. The brief adrenaline burst from their excitement had faded, leaving them both on the verge of an inevitable crash. Roy watched as Riza unsuccessfully attempted to conceal a jaw cracking yawn. She swayed slightly on her feet when she pushed off of the table she'd been leaning against.
"Hey," he started. She looked up at him with tired eyes, and he smiled tenderly at her. "Let's go to bed and worry about cleaning this up later."
The fact that she agreed to let the mess lie for now was testament to just how exhausted she really was.