Work Text:
Morgana was six when the accident happened.
Her best friend Gwen had come over for a Saturday afternoon playdate and they’d had a marvellous time playing family (Morgana was the father, Gwen the mother) before Morgana’s mum told them Gwen had to go home. Morgana pouted, and when her mother left the room to let them get ready to go in the car, she and Gwen hid in the closet amongst Morgana’s clothes. An ill-timed sneeze gave the girls away when Vivienne came back to fetch them.
“I don’t want Gwen to go home,” Morgana whined from the backseat as her mum reversed down the driveway.
Gwen squeezed Morgana’s hand and whispered that she didn’t want to go home either, she wanted to stay the night in Morgana’s room and have pancakes together in the morning.
“You’ll see each other at school on Monday,” Vivienne reminded them.
“But that’s not enough!” Morgana protested. “I want to play with Gwen every day!”
Gwen agreed with this sentiment, causing Vivienne to sigh. “Girls, friends don’t get to see each other every day, that’s just how it is. Only people who live together are lucky enough for that.”
“Well what if we lived together?” suggested Gwen, glancing at Morgana.
“Yeah!” Morgana grinned. “Mum, I’m going to marry Gwen so we can live together and have sleepovers every night!”
Vivienne just smiled. “Whatever you want, sweetheart, as long as Gwen agrees.”
“Of course she does, Mum!” replied Morgana. She turned to Gwen.
“Yeah, let’s do it!” Gwen exclaimed. She and Morgana laughed about it for the next minute.
“Oh, you girls.” Vivienne shook her head.
“Mum, how old do you have to be to get married?”
Vivienne said the first age to pop into her head. “Thirty-five.”
“Oh.” Morgana deflated. “We won’t be that old for ages.”
“But we’ll have heaps of time to plan the wedding,” Gwen saw the positive side.
“Maybe by then it’ll be legal,” Vivienne muttered under her breath. She was happy if her daughter did want to marry Gwen, she just didn’t want the girls getting their hopes up.
“What are you doing tomorrow, Gwen?” Morgana asked.
“Going to the park.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Yeah, Dad says I can feed the ducks as a special treat for doing so well in the test.”
“Cool!”
The conversation about feeding the ducks at the park was aborted by another car slamming into the driver’s side. Vivienne died immediately.
Morgana was 18 when she finished her school exams.
She left the exam room without speaking to her classmates and sat on the brick wall by the gates, swinging her legs and watching the stream of students and staff leaving the school. She reached into her bag for the hipflask, and drank. Everyone could see her, but she didn’t care – it was her last day. With that philosophy, she drank until Gwen walked out the gates.
Gwen gave Morgana a small smile and hopped up on the brick wall beside her. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Morgana replied, putting away the hipflask. “How’d you find the exam?” They’d both had A-Level English, but in different rooms.
“It was okay. Should’ve studied a bit more though. You?”
Morgana took a moment to think. “It wasn’t great, but I’ll pass.”
“Good.”
“Yeah.”
“So we’ve finished school,” said Gwen, leaning forwards with her hands between her knees. “I don’t think it’s set in yet.”
“I know what you mean,” replied Morgana, shuffling to get more comfortable. “I don’t think it’ll set in for a while yet.”
“Yeah. So what are you doing until uni starts?” Gwen asked, biting her lip.
“Uther’s letting me do some work experience for his business.” Morgana rolled her eyes.
“By ‘letting you’ do you mean ‘forcing you’?”
“Yep.” Morgana chuckled a little. “What are your summer plans?”
“Just working in Dad’s shop; you know, the usual.” Gwen got a water bottle out of her bag and gulped it down. “God, it’s hot,” she announced, fanning her face.
“Yeah,” muttered Morgana, staring at a bit of water that had dripped down Gwen’s chin and onto her chest. Morgana was struck with the sudden desire to lick the water droplet from Gwen’s brown skin. She breathed in sharply.
“You okay?” Gwen asked.
“Yeah, of course.” Morgana forced a reassuring smile. “Gwen, do you remember the day of the accident?”
Gwen froze; her eyes widened. They hadn’t talked about the accident since they were kids. She nodded. “Why?” she asked, touching the scar on her cheek. It had healed well, but the impact of the shard of glass that had cut her face would always remain.
“I know I tried to blank that day out of my memory, but I just remembered what we were talking about in the car before the accident,” Morgana explained, avoiding Gwen’s gaze.
Gwen blinked. “What were we talking about?”
“Mum was telling us we couldn’t see each other every day,” said Morgana, a fond smile crossing her lips, “so I wanted to marry you so we could have sleepovers every night.”
“And your mum said you had to be 35 to get married. I remember!” Gwen laughed.
“I still stand by that,” Morgana said, smiling.
“Yeah?” Gwen nudged her.
“Yeah.”
They threw their heads back and laughed.
When they’d stopped laughing, Gwen sobered up and said, “Everything’s going to be different now, isn’t it?”
“Don’t say the D word,” Morgana groaned.
“It is,” Gwen pointed out. “Now that school’s over, things are going to change.”
“Care to elaborate?” Morgana raised an eyebrow.
“Well, we won’t get to see each other as often, and we’ll have to actively make plans to hang out. It’s going to be tough going to different universities,” Gwen explained with sad eyes.
“I don’t see why we can’t go to the same uni,” said Morgana. “We’re both doing a BA, we could’ve flatted together. Then we’d see each other every day!”
“Just like you wanted when we were six.” Gwen grinned.
“Exactly.”
Looking at Gwen and her beautiful, shy smile, Morgana couldn’t help herself. She wrapped her arms around Gwen and kissed her scar. She pulled away. Gwen was watching her with big brown eyes, a cute crease between her eyebrows. Morgana leaned in again and kissed Gwen on the mouth, pulling at Gwen’s lower lip as she withdrew.
The love and wonder that Morgana felt after that kiss was not reflected in Gwen’s face. Instead, Gwen’s mouth was open and she was blinking. Realising her mistake, Morgana jumped off the wall. “I’m sorry; shit, I’m so sorry,” she blurted, and ran home.
Gwen didn’t call out to stop her.
Morgana was 21 when she graduated. University had been the most painful three years of her life, the first time she’d lived without her best friend. She and Gwen hadn’t been as close in their teens as they’d been before the accident, but they’d never gone more than a week without talking. She’d not seen Gwen since the last day of exams; Gwen hadn’t contacted her, and she knew she’d messed up with the kiss. Three years had passed – it was over.
Morgana had made friends and acquaintances at university but hadn’t become close to anyone. After losing her mother, she’d protected herself by not growing close to anyone new, and not loving anyone new. That didn’t prevent the pain of losing Gwen. It also didn’t stop the pain of finding out her adoptive father, Uther, was her biological father.
Morgana graduated at the same time as her half-brother, Arthur. Arthur was hosting a big graduation party that night, so she was obliged to attend. She hung out with Arthur and his mate Merlin, drinking but not really talking to them, until Arthur turned to Merlin and hissed, “She’s here.”
“Who’s here?” asked Morgana.
“Arthur’s crush,” Merlin explained. He scanned the party and pointed at a girl in a lilac dress. “There she is, her name’s—”
Morgana’s heart skipped a beat. “Gwen.”
Arthur and Merlin turned to her. “You know her?” they exclaimed.
She finished her drink in one mouthful. “We were best friends for years,” she said. “We met at preschool.”
“And now?” Arthur prompted, raising an expectant eyebrow.
“I haven’t seen her since the last day of secondary,” she sighed. She noticed the silent “no more questions” exchange between Merlin and Arthur and rolled her eyes.
She watched Gwen for a few minutes as Gwen circled the room, talking to people. With a sad smiled, she admired her ex-best friend’s charm and confidence. When Gwen was a few metres away from her and the boys, Morgana decided to leave.
Morgana was 27 when she started working at the same publishing company as Gwen. She had no idea Gwen worked there, and when she saw her in the staffroom on her first day she almost had a heart attack. Their jobs didn’t require them to interact (Morgana was a web content manager, Gwen a commissioning editor) but they had the same lunch hour and saw each other every day. They had vague conversations about what they’d been doing since they last saw each other nine years ago and about how they’d got their jobs at this particular publishing house.
A month later, Morgana asked Gwen to hang out with her outside of work. They went out to Sunday brunch.
A week after that, Gwen asked Morgana to join her, Arthur, and Merlin at pub quiz night. They came third.
Gwen invited Morgana to her flat for movie night four weeks later. “You can stay over,” said Gwen. “It’ll be like we’re 15 again.”
It was better than when they were 15, Morgana thought – there were no parents telling them what they could or couldn’t do. Morgana brought the wine, Gwen ordered the pizza, and they were sorted. Choosing the movie on Netflix took less than five minutes, a new record for them (they’d never been able to agree on movies when they were younger).
One movie, a pizza, and most of a bottle of wine later, they were sprawled on the sofa, chatting and laughing about the littlest things.
“Morgana?” asked Gwen during a lull in the conversation.
Morgana looked up. “Yeah?”
“Do you remember our last day of school?”
Morgana froze. “Couldn’t forget it,” she said at last, tapping her fingers on her thigh. “Why?”
“It was nice,” Gwen said.
Morgana frowned. “What was?”
“The kiss.”
Morgana’s jaw dropped. “Oh,” she said. “That.”
“Yeah.” Gwen drew her knees up to her chest. “You really confused me with that kiss.”
“I’m sorry.” Morgana ducked her head.
“No I’m sorry,” Gwen argued. “I should’ve said something; I shouldn’t’ve let you go. I loved you and I let you run away.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Morgana admitted with watery eyes.
Gwen smiled with closed lips. “Morgana,” she said, touching Morgana’s knee, “I’m sorry I was too scared to say what I felt, and I’m sorry I let that ruin our friendship. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” Morgana murmured.
Gwen reached for her wineglass and swallowed the last little mouthful. Then she shuffled over to Morgana and pressed their lips together. She sucked Morgana’s top lip, making Morgana moan. When Gwen pulled away, Morgana stroking her scar, they looked at each other with lust-heavy eyes.
“Could we start over?” Gwen asked, biting her lip.
“No,” said Morgana, and Gwen’s face fell before she could rush to continue. “We can’t undo the past, Gwen, but I think we can learn from it and grow from it. I can move forwards if you can.”
Gwen nodded. “Of course,” she whispered.
“Good.”
“Good,” Gwen echoed.
“Good.”
“Good.”
Morgana burst out laughing, and Gwen followed suit. “I’m so drunk right now,” Morgana declared.
Gwen giggled. “I know. You wouldn’t be so sappy, otherwise.”
“Like you can talk, Miss Sap of Sapsville.”
They laughed again.
“Feel like another movie, or is it bedtime?” Gwen asked.
“Definitely sleepy time for me,” Morgana yawned.
“I don’t have a spare room, so it’s either the foldout sofa or we share my bed.”
“If we didn’t share a bed it wouldn’t be one of our sleepovers, would it?” Morgana pointed out.
Gwen answered with a serious nod. “My bed it is.”
Morgana yawned again and sat up. “Lead the way.”
Morgana was 35 when she married her best friend so they could have sleepovers every night.